Chapter Nine
Gongaga is quiet.
It's a small town, not much larger than Nibelhiem. I don't know why that's the first town that comes to my head. I never lived in Nibelhiem but there's something about it, especially since visiting it with Tifa, that sticks with the back of my mind. It makes me think of something I haven't thought of in years: who was my father? Where is my father? Will I ever see him again? Was he already dead by the time my mother told me about him? She was always so secretive about it. The only thing I know about my past is that she was from Nibelhiem.
Like Tifa.
I think of the cold, the biting snow; it didn't effect me much but I had watched TIfa shiver uncontrollably. I start to wonder how different I would have been if I had grown up there...with her...
Cid lands a few miles outside of Gongaga and we sneak into the city boundaries. There were a few guards taken out with ease by Rude, Reno and Vincent, and I hold in the urge to tell them their Turk is showing. The Turks, or ex-Turks rush ahead of us, clearing guards with an uncanny ease. I follow behind in the shadows. These guards still don't know about me, so keeping my presence quiet is still advantageous, even if for a night. Still, I keep one hand loosely gripped on the hilt of my sword.
Aeris follows along behind us at a distance, Barrett and Cid guarding her. Even though Reno and I both agreed that she should stay behind she refused. I wonder how much longer she can get away with that. I wonder how much longer it will be before her condition becomes obvious and she can no longer do as she pleases.
We slip up the quiet streets, only a few lights here and there visible in windows. Zack was from here. Zack's parents are here somewhere.
Part of me wants to find them and tell them about how brave and wonderful their son was. Part of me never wants to see them and face the guilt there. I know why Tifa didn't tell me how Zack would die, I understand that...but I feel guilty. I feel like if she had told me there would have been a chance I could've saved him. I don't know if that's true but I feel like I should've had the opportunity, or the chance to try. I might not have been able to change anything, and if I hadn't been able to change anything I don't know if I would feel any better or worse. The guilt is overwhelming sometimes regardless, and adding Tifa's death on top of it doesn't help.
Sometimes I dream only of flowers.
Yellow.
White.
Red, like her eyes.
They scatter a field and I know she is there, just behind me, but when I turn all I see are flowers and mountains, and crashing waves, and piano keys.
It blurs.
There are so many things I think of when I think of Tifa, not just the piano and the music she created or the mountains we visited coated in snow, or the sand that coated our skin after diving into ice cold waves... it's her eyes glinting in the dark, her smile so understanding, her voice clear and soft, her hair as dark as the sea at night.
I want to capture those things, and hold them in my heart forever but I don't know how.
I think about after my mother died; I swore I would keep her in my heart but really the only thing I kept were her books. In a lot of ways I pushed her out of my mind and out of my heart; the idea of her scared me.
And my childhood, sometimes...I wonder how much of it was normal, random, or planned.
Hojo was no stranger to me as a child, and the thought of him getting his hands on Tifa, or even on Aeris was one of the reasons I fought so hard for them both, one of the reasons I listened to Zack without question. Zack didn't tell me everything but I certainly knew his hesitations about sharing his relationship with Aeris with anyone in the company. At first I just thought there was some conflict of interest which in hindsight is exactly what it was just not quite in the form I was expecting.
Zack protected Aeris till his dying death, but I couldn't do the same for Tifa.
My hand clenches around the hilt of my sword involuntarily.
Reno, Rude, and Vincent disappear into the doorway of the power plant silently.
I stop at the entry, Barrett and Cid halt Aeris, along with a few others. I see Biggs amongst the crowd; he isn't as eager to join the front lines this time.
There's a soft scuffle, a muffled cry, and then I hear Reno's whistle for all clear. I dart through the door way, quickly catching up with them down a long catwalk much like the Gold Saucer. I glance over my shoulder to see if anyone has followed, and to my relief, no one has.
We slip inside the doors, the Turks- ex-Turks- leading the way.
Reno and Rude know the technical side to this. I know the brute force side to this.
Who knows what Vincent does or doesn't know.
There's a solid, glowing green tube in the center of the room. It reminds me of the Gold Saucer's catwalk room, except the mako fuel is right here, not on lower levels.
I stare at the green, pulsing light.
Tifa sits beside of me.
Her skin is pale but beautiful, reflecting the different colors of the fireworks above. Costa del Sol is having some kind of holiday celebration. Tifa was teaching Priscilla a song earlier that had to do with it. I was repairing boat engines so it's all the same to me.
Her hand is in mine, loosely grasped.
I glance at her sideways.
She catches me, and smiles softly. "What?"
I shake my head silently.
"You don't know what they're celebrating, do you?" she asks softly.
I shrug, unwilling to commit to a yes or no answer.
"They're celebrating their ancestors," she says softly. "They are sending messages to them," she says as another round of fireworks lights up the sky.
"Do you think they hear?"
Her lips twist, somewhat amused, somewhat annoyed, "Whose to say? Have you celebrated your ancestors?"
I smirk, "I don't know my ancestors, so how am I supposed to celebrate them?"
She nods her head thoughtfully. "Very true. You never know whether or not you have sulky ancestors who don't appreciate bright, flashy, noisy lights."
I stare at her, and she rolls her eyes. "I'm just teasing. I don't know my ancestors, either. I just think it's admirable. It's a way to stay tied to the past. It's a way to remember."
"What do you remember about your past?"
She swallows and shifts, "I remember my mother fighting with my father...I remember how much he loved her, but sometimes I think he only loved the idea of her. I think that's why he couldn't get over her death. I didn't know my grandparents. My mother moved into Nibelhiem, my father had always been there, but his parents had long passed when I was born...what about you?" she asks tentatively.
"My mother passed when I was around eight. I grew up in foster homes." That's all I tell her even though there's more I could tell. The tests, the mako. The questions. Hojo.
She looks at me as if she knows but doesn't say anything.
"What aren't you telling me, Cloud?"
Her voice is in my ear; I'm not hearing it, not hearing it from an outside source. It's right there, right in my ear, in my brain.
Her lips aren't moving.
Don't go upstairs.
"You can't keep doing this," I state firmly. "I know...you're...beyond what...a normal person is. I can't keep doing this," I say. It sounds reasonable, as reasonable as speaking with a ghost.
Don't go upstairs.
I haven't gone upstairs, not here, nor at the Gold Saucer. What is she trying to tell me?
She's in the white dress again, modestly cut but a snug fit, revealing her figure. Her hair is shorter than I remember, her eyes paler. She looks at me. Her chest is bloody.
Don't go upstairs.
Where am I going to go?
"Where? Why? Why would I go upstairs?!" I shout suddenly, not realizing how frustrated I am.
He calls me PET.
Reno grasps my arm. "Chill the fuck out," he spits.
I blink, my grasp on my hilt shaking.
I want to ask what happened but my lips won't move.
"You were shouting," he hisses. "I don't know what is going on with you but you're lucky I'm here." He swallows, glances around. No one is in sight in the hallway. "I convinced Vincent to let me talk you out of it. If he sees you like that again he'll probably kill you." He says it matter of fact. I glance around.
There's still the green, pulsing mako in the tube in the center of the room. Other doors branch off around it from different catwalks; I assume that's where Vincent and Rude disappeared to, the ones who would've killed me.
I take a step towards the tube.
I feel a hand on my chest.
Reno's red hair is shocking against his skin. "Vincent told me to keep you away from that," he states bluntly.
I open my mouth to reply but someone beats me to it.
"Smart decision," the voice is low, steady, and even.
I swallow. Reno backs away from me, bumping into the tube.
I turn.
"What are you doing here?" I ask softly.
Sephiroth steps out of the shadows, his long, silver hair gleaming green in the light of the mako tube.
"I had a feeling I'd see you here."
Reno swallows, stumbling down a catwalk. "C-Cloud.." his breath is short.
"He won't hurt you," I say. I don't know why I'm certain of this. I just know.
"That's right," he replies softly. "I'm here for you."
"Who sent you?" I ask, grateful my hand is still on the hilt of my sword.
Sephiroth draws his long, unending sword. "You did. She did."
"Don't," I start to say.
The first strike is expected but still rocking. My back flies into the railing, my sword drawn just in time to deflect his blow. He strikes again from above and I block. There's something wrong, it's too slow.
I push back, knocking him off the catwalk and into the wall behind him. He lands in an indent in the metal wall.
I think of the craters Genesis created when he landed in buildings during our fight.
Sephiroth emerges quietly and unscathed from the hole.
"I turned in my papers," I spit at him viciously. "I haven't had an injection in months. I don't owe the company anything."
"Your blood does," he charges again, more sure of himself.
He collides with me, ripping the bolts from the end of the catwalk lose. Half of it slides, and begins to tilt. Reno scrambles up on end towards the door way. I charge back at Sephiroth, my blade raised. He parries and strikes. I deflect the blow. He lashes back at me, his thin blade carving through the air. I push back but my feet can't find purchase in the ground. I jump backwards, my feet finding nooks in the wall behind me. I balance precariously, staring Sephiroth down. Something isn't right.
He lunges towards me and I push off the wall. We collide in midair and for a moment I glance down. All I see are the giant, vast, vats of mako waste swirling in green bellow us.
My strength is enough, though, this time. I push him into the wall opposite. He lands, his feet making dents in the metal walls. He pushes back, slashing forward. I deflect, trying to attack but I'm not fast enough. He slashes again and I parry the blow, my feet hitting the catwalk once again. He follows, landing solidly on the catwalk, between myself and where Barrett, Aeris, and Cid await. If I die I at least need to last long enough so they can get away. I slash out at him but he meets the blow and forces me back.
We're too close to the mako tube, though.
I fight him away from it. I don't think he'd use mako as an untapped source. That would be suicide. If his physical body survived it his mind wouldn't. Even still, there's something about the way he's fighting that makes me think his mind isn't all the way there. It's hard saying what Hojo might have done to him in the short amount of time I've been gone.
I lash out again and he slips between my defenses, cutting me across the ribs. I stumble momentarily and catch myself on the railing. Sephiroth keeps coming. I hook one foot on to the railing and launch myself backwards towards another catwalk. Sephiroth follows, easily closing the gap. He lunges forward, and our swords cross with each other as we close the gap. I land, my back against the mako tube. Sephiroth strikes, strikes again. I keep trying to stay in the moment but I keep getting reminded of when Zack told me about his first sparing lesson with Sephiroth.
Keep your blade up.
Never loose your blade.
My hands are numb.
Sephiroth's blade collides with mine again. This is different. I've fought Sephiroth before, and I've fought Genesis. This is something new.
It's harder, and faster than I remember, but at the same time slower. He's always been precise, been perfect in battle...but this is beyond that. It almost feels staged, it almost feels planned.
Our blades spark as they collide, again, and again. His blade is thinner than mine but I'm waiting for my sword to snap first.
Part of me is focused on this fight. All of me knows I need to focus on this fight.
But I think of Tifa.
And then Aeris, and Zack...and their baby.
What if I fail? What if I am leading them all to doom? What if I fail them all?
His blade is like ice.
It cuts through me, impaling my left shoulder and into the mako tube behind me.
I hear the glass crack.
Sephiroth's laugh is low and maniacal. I've never heard him laugh before.
Out of the corner of my eye I see Reno, standing on the far end of the catwalk where Sephiroth forgot him. His eyes are wide, searching. He is looking for a way to save me. There is no way to save me. He knows it. If he were smart he would disappear through the door before Sephiroth noticed, or before Sephiroth cared. Without a doubt he's already noticed Sephiroth.
My shoulder is wet with blood and mako.
Who knew Reno would be the admirable one, the reliable one? The savior?
His eyes still searching and they find mine.
It's like a punch.
My shoulder sears like a steak on a grill. I feel it burn and I scream.
Sephiroth lurches back, dislodging his sword.
Mako is pouring into my wound, I can feel it spreading, seeping into my blood and muscles. How did I not notice before?
My shoulder is on fire, my muscles stretch and flex and burn. How to do I get rid of it? The energy?
Sephiroth stand before me, backing away. I scream again.
What am I screaming?
Why am I screaming?
My feet leave the ground and I collide with him. He launches away from me, leaving a dent as deep as he is tall in the metal wall behind me. He springs back out of it shaking his head, crossing swords with me immediately. I slash, and push him backwards. We land on a catwalk again, our blades singing as they bounce off once another. My hands are alive. I am alive. I see Tifa over his shoulder, pointing where to strike before I do.
I push, slashing hard again and again. He deflects, stumbling backwards. When has Sephiroth ever stumbled?
I push again, the catwalk getting shorter.
He pushes back, slashing towards my chest. I jump backwards, back towards the leaking mako tube. Sephiroth twists his sword up, and then down, bringing it towards me, aimed at my neck. I slide beneath it, my knees grazing the ground, and lift up slightly. I feel my sword connect with tissue.
His head comes sliding off, arcing back and over the railing of the catwalk. It's half a second, then his knees hit the catwalk, and the rest of his body tumbles forwards.
Mako is still pulsing in my veins.
My eyes are not my own.
I hear Reno speak, whispering, "No way...no...way...no..."
I turn, my eyes meeting him on the other platform.
I feel a burn, a green burn, to kill. How dare he question my abilities? How dare he think I couldn't do it?
Another door opens. I see familiar faces, a dark one, brown and boxy. A pale one surrounded by a brown waterfall. Another pale one with smoke clouding its face.
People.
Kill.
My grip tightens on my sword again. Green is bleeding.
Cloud...
A whisper on my skin, hands at my elbow.
"Cloud," the red man's voice is shaky. "I know...I know that was intense, but we're your...allies...your friends."
No, a voice inside me says. There is only green.
"He's right, you know," a low, steady, even voice. "I really don't want to have to fight you again."
I turn.
He's there, the silver man.
"Especially with all that unfiltered mako in your veins."
My shoulder burns.