Well, I never thought I'd write so fast
Enjoy
Unlike most people, I love the day after a new year.
Whereas half of the population are nursing hangovers, I try to mentally map how I'm going to spend the next 12 months.
I can fill my time with Jane, Bass and possibly my new camera.
I told my Father just before the Sunday before Christmas day, I wanted a camera. A camera that took photos with film rather than digitally.
Father nodded, it was the most disinterested look I have ever received, that had me convinced he had gotten me something else.
Alas, on Christmas day, sat at the foot of my bed, amongst other presents sat one particular present. The most hideously wrapped present I have ever witnessed. I knew it was from my Father, he can't wrap things.
I opened it first, with Bass at my side to share my delight.
I still like to laugh over my initial shock at witnessing
It's by far the oddest looking camera I have ever seen. Diana F+ is the camera my Father bought, he even went to the extent of buying the 'valentines day' edition for me.
At first I was puzzled of why he had bought me a camera with Adam and Eve upon it, then why he had bought the 'valentines edition'.
When I asked him after the family meal, being forced to take pictures of Aunt Clare, who at some point after eating her pudding carried Bass around the house singing to him.
Father peered over his news paper and smiled, the most brilliant display of affection I have ever seen from the man.
He was practically beaming. Through his half moon glasses, his eyes danced with pride.
"I thought you'd like to photograph that lovely girlfriend of yours" he whispered and winked at me.
I spent the rest of the day blushing.
I carry the camera at my waist now, spring is arriving as I skip down to the metro. The camera film has 15 photos left out of 35.
I took twenty over the course of Christmas and the weeks after.
On the 5th of January, Aunt Clare invited my Father, Jane and I to a day out, Mother was invited but she declined saying she had work.
We went to the beach, typical really. Aunt Clare chose the dampest day to go to a beach, she said it was her favourite time to go and Father owed her.
I'm yet to find out what Father made Aunt Clare do.
Jane agreed to come along and we spent the best part of two hours in the back of Aunt Clare's Chevrolet.
The old truck was something my Father had always wanted.
My Father actually voiced that my Mother hates them to Aunt Clare as we drove across country.
Huddled in our coats, Jane tried to hide from almost every photo I tired to take of her.
I took three in total, one of them is Jane pulling a ridiculous duck face, another one is her hand trying to block the lens, then there is one where she is looking out of the window, her eyes are fixed upon the rain trickling down the windowpane.
I like to catch her off guard, it's the easiest moment to see her being herself.
Jane snatched the camera and took a photo of me, she demanded she have it after it was developed.
I took one of my Father and Jane talking on the bay, the beach was deserted so I was pleased to take so many without random people appearing in the background, if you don't count Aunt Clare that is.
She kept leaping on Father's back and demanding piggy backs.
Despite the wet sand, Jane still managed to make a sand castle, even if it did look like a pile of dung by the end.
Aunt Clare stole my camera and took one of my Father stuck in a hole she'd dug.
I still like to giggle at that.
I have to say, that was the only time I'd seen my Father actually enjoy himself in a long time, he'd also managed to keep the stubble since the following day, Mother hates him with a facial hair. I happen to think he looks charming with a beard.
Father and Aunt Clare didn't mind when I kissed Jane either, although that did make us the target for three photos, all in different places upon the beach.
There is one where we are stood under the dock, I'm pressed against a wooden beam and Jane has her hands on my hips, my hands are in her hair.
I still get tingles when I think back to how she kissed me.
I can't even remember how they found us, after we'd distracted them and ran.
The second photo is Jane pecking me on the cheek, I have one eye closed and my nose scrunched up.
The third is when I stole Jane's jacket and ran around with it. The photo is a freeze frame of Jane leaping on me.
Now, Pigeons flutter onto the railings of the subway.
As I flatten the pleats in my dress to set them in place, my gaze gravitates towards my left.
Jane is waiting for me by the newspaper stand.
I feel a heat flush my cheeks.
I stand for moment to take her in, it's a habit I can't kick.
Her hair has grown and is as unruly as ever, it seems to be creating havoc as her parting causes half of her hair to hang over her right eye.
Clad in a black baggy v-neck tee and dark crimson jeans, Jane looks brilliant.
"Hi" she waves me over and I practically leap into her arms. I've not seen her in weeks.
I wrap my arms around the back of her neck and I bury my face into the side of her neck to kiss the skin.
"I missed you" I sigh and Jane plants a kiss in my hair.
"I've missed you too Maur" he response is somewhat stern, like it's be rehearsed. I pull back and look closer at her.
The purple crescents under her eyes and her paled skin indicate she's not sleeping.
It doesn't take a genius to figure out that something is gnawing at her.
"Are you okay?" I take a step back and look her up and down.
Jane shrugs.
"Nothing to really talk about- where do you want to go?"
"I was thinking the park" I don't press the matter, I don't want to demand answers from her, I'll collect them in strands, in tiny words in some aimless conversation.
As we walk Jane holds my hand tightly, her are fixed a head, she looks haunted.
It's like I'll float away,as if I am made of paper.
"Is your Dad still trying to grow that beard?" she smirks, her eyes still ahead.
"No, Mother caught him, she actually shaved it from his face" I smile weakly in attempt to get Jane to look at me, but she doesn't.
"How's Frankie?" Jane told me about how her Brother had broken his arm, I had offered to go and see him but Jane refused.
"He's better, Ma is letting him stay off school"
"Lucky" I feel my camera hit my upper thigh with the speed we are walking at. I slink it off my shoulder and let go of Jane's hand, only then does Jane turn. I raise my camera and look through the eye piece, then snap the small shutter lever, I'm quick to take the photo before Jane can protest.
"Do you have to always take photos of me?"
"Your too pretty not to" I grin, but Jane doesn't respond she just tucks her hands into her pockets and walks on.
I feel my heart sink.
She's bored with me, she's finally turned into any other girl.
I can't take it.
"Jane" I snap, I stand my ground. A few people turn to look at me, to wonder why I have snapped so loudly at a girl they have only seen for a second.
"What?" Jane spins around, her lips are thin.
"Tell me, now"
"It's nothing"
"Tell that to your attitude" I glare at her, I'm proud that I've used one of her own come backs at her. Jane sets her jaw and walks back to me.
"Why won't you just let it go Maur?"
"Because you're not letting me let it go" I hiss and begin to walk again. I don't want to shout at her while I'm standing in the middle of a busy high street.
"What?" Jane follows.
"You know what. Jane, why won't you tell me-" I stand dead in the street. My body grows ridged. "Unless, you're breaking up with me" I have to force the words up my throat and through my parted lips.
Jane stays silent.
I close my eyes.
"What have I done?" I sigh. I'm numb, nothing is around me, it's just us. Just us in the universe.
"No, I'm not breaking up with you" Jane hisses and takes my arm, she leads me down an alley and faces me, her eyes are red around the edges.
Those eyes know. They know far more than academics and logic, they show that Jane knows about strength and fragility, she knows we are everything and it's opposite.
Jane knows how hard it is to grow up, to mature and leave.
"Then wha-"
I feel my stomach drop.
"I have to leave Maura" Jane tenses.
"Leave?" I try not to sound desperate. I try not to let ideas invade my head and manipulate my behaviour to make me lash out without a trace of rationality. I see everything that could happen, the best and worst in Jane's reddened eyes.
"My Ma and Pop divorced just before Christmas, I'm moving with my Ma, so is Frankie and Tommy"
"Where?" I try not to loose focus, if I let my emotions take over the 60% of rational thinking I have left, it'll surely be the end.
"Brookline"
"I can-" I'm cut off.
"I can't make the trips to see you Maura and I don't want you to travel to just to see me" Jane looks at the ground and lets out a sob.
My own eyes are rich with tears.
I'm down to 40% as the first tear falls.
"Jane" I press my hand to her cheek. "I'd travel the God damn globe just to see you" I whisper against her lips.
Jane presses her lips to mine.
"Do you still want to go to the park?" Jane pulls away and extends a shaky hand to me.
"I don't really want to go anywhere" I mutter, I have to bite my lip to stop myself from crying and loosing everything I have worked to keep.
"Please Maura" Jane's voice thick.
A minuets silence is shared between us until I take her hand.
I try hard not to think that this is the last day Jane can put her arms around me and make me feel secure about the world.
I'm floating away and she's not going to be here to weigh me down.