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Thank you all for the reviews and alerts! Those last few chapters were kinda heavy, so this one will be a little lighter. Hope you enjoy! I would love to hear from you!

My Heart Burns

Chapter IX: Welcome to the Family

SsSsS

Laughter kills fear, and without fear there can be no faith. For without fear of the devil there is no need for God.

SsSsS

The lie was done. It was time to return to the cold, harsh truth of reality. It was time for Harry to return to Hogwarts.

He was already irritated because of it.

Harry had wanted to beg and plead with Voldemort to let him stay, to never have to come back to the castle, but the Dark Lord had a need for Harry to come back. Harry had mission this year.

The other Death Eaters were not happy about it, either. How could a skinny little boy get the best treatment? How did Harry Potter get so high up on their Lord's favorite list that the kid gets the first shot at Dumbledore? It was a simple answer.

Voldemort had a plan in motion, and sacrificing Harry Potter was crucial to it. The boy could not possibly hope to defeat Albus Dumbledore. He was silly to think he could.

Perhaps, Harry knew their Lord didn't expect him to actually succeed?

It didn't make any difference whether he knew or not. Harry was dead this year, one way or the other.

sSsSs

Dumbledore was shocked at the man who stood before him, stalking the length of his office. Not for many years had Sirius Black stepped foot in Hogwarts, but here he was, screaming at the headmaster.

"I can't believe this! You let Malfoy have James' son! What the hell is wrong with you! I was in prison-wrongly accused, mind you!- and you've done nothing but sit here! You even stood by when Remus died! What the fuck is wrong with you?"

Sirius had been on this same tirade for the past two hours. He'd blamed Dumbledore, proclaimed his own innocence, and then Dumbledore some more. The Headmaster had a headache the size of Europe and just wanted to take his tea, without it being poured over his head.

Ah, youth.

Eventually, the two wizards came to an agreement. Sirius would leave the school, quietly, and Dumbledore would not haul him back to Azkaban in a teapot. It worked out for the both of them.

That was, until Harry met Sirius.

sSsSs

Harry was in an especially foul mood. Poor Goyle could now attest to that. All the Slytherins were trying to do was go to Charms. Unfortunately for Gregory, he was caught laughing too loudly while trudging he way up the staircase. He got hit from behind with the Jellylegs Jinx, and down he rolled. It would have been funny, had Harry not threatened anyone who dared laugh with something worse.

No one laughed for the rest of the day.

Harry sat fidgeting in every class now, bored with the work. He was prone to studying ahead, most of his reading far more advanced than fourth-year material.

The brat's attitude was really starting to irk Mad-Eye Moody.

The black dog that Harry could see out of the window in the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom wasn't doing anything interesting, so Harry decided to listen in to the lesson after all. He debated whether the dog was actually a guilty vision of a wolf- which he figured was likely, knowing his mind- or if it was the Grimm. He secretly hoped it was the omen of death. Harry would only have to see it one more time, then he'd be free of this place.

To Hell with everyone.

Even your precious Voldemort?

…Yes.

Good. Now you're learning.

sSsSs

Harry's Journal Entry 9:

Reality has set in once again, and the fuzzy feeling of happiness has been replaced by Hogwarts.

In other words, I'm pissed off.

At least this journal has become legible, instead of the rubbish I scribbled before. Seriously, that stuff is creepy. What the bloody hell was wrong with me? I really sounded like a freak. I thought that was exactly want I didn't want to be, and yet that's what I am when I'm with him.

I'm glad I'm angry. It's got me thinking clearly again. Questioning myself again. Having logical thoughts.

I've decided not to go anywhere near him again. But, I may not have a choice. Just as long as this isn't found, I should live another year. Maybe.

Also, that damn dog must not be the Grimm. I've watched it a total of 12 times now, and it's doing nothing. My mind may be trying to cope with its new insanity after the wolf incident, and has formed some kind of vision, out of guilt.

Or, it's just a stray. But really, this is Hogwarts. The simple answers are always wrong.

Oh well, at least I know I'm bound to have perfect marks again this year. There's that.

And if I happen to die before I get to take my O.W.L.S. or N.E.W.T.S., I think I may have to haunt whoever kills me. I've worked too hard to not get to take those tests damn it.

sSsSs

The big black dog was, in fact, not a big black dog. It was a man who had a bad habit of kidnapping fourteen-year olds, apparently.

Harry had his wand aimed straight at the stranger's head, ready to blow it off his shoulders if he even breathed too hard. The man, Sirius Black, had his hands up in surrender, but wore an amused smirk.

The bastard.

"I won't ask you again, Mr. Black, what do you want with me?"

A laugh echoed off the dusty walls.

"You really are his son."

"What?"

Black lowered his arms, causing Harry to nearly curse him. Harry was jumpy today.

"James Potter. You know, your dad? He used to be a nervous dueler too. I always used to trip him up when we practiced by suddenly yelling out something stupid, like "Hey look, its Lily!" and he would fall for it every time."

The man chuckled, remembering his story fondly. Black seemed so easy going, so nonchalant about this. It was really annoying.

Harry wanted to just hit him square in the eye with something particularly painful, but something stopped him. Something Black had said.

"Lily was my mother's name, correct?"

Black looked at Harry like he'd just grown an extra head.

"You didn't know your parents' names, did you? Shit, I'm such an idiot."

Harry sighed. This was going to be a long Saturday.

"You're going to have to elaborate, Mr. Black, otherwise I still won't know what the hell you're talking about.""What's with this "Mr. Black"? My name's Sirius, remember?"

"Alright, Sirius. What. Do. You. Want?"

"Your attention. And now that I have it, I'm going to threaten you."

"Wha-"

"If you even think of going back to the Malfoys, I will kick you ass."

Harry was speechless. What kind of potion was this man on?

"Ok, look. It's a long story, Harry. But if you'd just sit down, and stop pointing your wand at me, maybe I could explain. Think you can do that?"

Harry wanted to, he really did. This strange man was a different breed of human. He wasn't afraid to joke, even with a weapon in his face. He seemed like a nice guy, somewhat, and Harry found himself wanting to know what Sirius had to say. Strangely, the voice that usually always had something to say had been quiet this entire time.

It all had Harry very curious. So, he pocketed his wand and settled in.

sSsSs

Harry's Journal Entry 10:

The first few meetings with one Sirius Black were… eye-opening. He's had quite the story to tell, most of it just as insane as he is. The man must suffer from all sorts of delusions. He's definitely paranoid, but then again, he is an escaped convict. He may even have dementia, but I really can't afford trying to analyze him. For my own sake, as my own mind is unstable enough.

He was in Gryffindor. I'll just leave it at that.

Sirius turning up now could work out for me. He was a little late, as in 13 years late, but hey, at least he's here now. Better late than never, I guess. He's actually offered me a way out. He seems to think a teenager going on the run with a criminal would be preferable to living with Malfoys. He's right. It would be. If I were to take off with Sirius, I wouldn't have to go back to him, meaning I would get to keep my mind in tact this summer. Which is good.

The fact that I'd be hunted down until the day I die isn't too bad. It's actually sort of exciting.

Oh Merlin, the dog's already starting to rub off on me.

I have made up mind though. I'm done with tragedy. Sirius is funny. He's good at making fun of people- always a plus- and he knows how to lighten a bad mood. I think I like him…

He explained something important to me.

He said that life isn't about finding answers to all the questions we might have. He said that everyone has some emptiness inside, that everyone feels, no matter how much some of us might wish we didn't. It actually made sense, like he really knew what he was talking about. Like he's been there too.

I guess I can't rationalize everything. I can't win that fight.

I just know if I have another summer like the last, I may not make it out of there. I don't want to be that. I thought I did, but something changed. I think he was right about one thing: anger is power. He just didn't mean for me to use it against him.

He thinks he's God, but he's wrong. He's a king, and king's can be dethroned.

Sirius told me something else that really stuck: fighting a war, whether against a bad guy and his army, or against yourself, isn't about winning. It's all about standing up for what you believe in, even if you die. At least, you would have died for a good reason.

I wonder, does that pertain to Remus Lupin? Did he die a hero? Or did he die as nothing more than a dog?

I think, in time, I'll ask Sirius. Or maybe sooner rather than later. His answer will tell me if fighting him would really be worth the trouble.

Sirius has really made me stop and think, though. I wonder, what do I believe in? What would be worth dying for?

I don't know. But I do know that I now consider myself an atheist.