Heading down through the hole in the ground and walking over to the left, Quote managed to locate yet another house. "Well, might as well see if there's anything to steal in there..." he decided.
Inside, he found Balrog attacking a presumably innocent, bespectacled old woman. "HEY, RESPECT YOUR FUCKING ELDERS, BLOCKHEAD!" he yelled at him, shaking his fist at him.
"Who're you calling a blockhead?" Balrog asked him dimly, leaping up through the ceiling and disappearing.
"What happened to you?" Quote asked her.
"Oh, nothing, my dear, aside from the fact that I was attacked by some kind of weird-ass toaster thing." she replied. "My name is Jenka. Pleased to meet you."
"Ooh, can I play Jenga with you?" Quote asked her.
"Sweet heavens, doesn't this story have enough name puns in it already?" Jenka groaned. "Anyway, I once had a brother named-"
"WHOA! Spoilers..." Quote warned her.
"Whoops, I mean...what I wanted to tell you is that my five puppies are gone, and you have to go and find them and bring them back, one at a time. They're almost as cute as Mimigas, so even if there are other dogs around, which there definitely aren't, you will still be able to identify which ones are mine. They're actually quintuplets just like the Colon Brothers, so they all look identical to each other. Oh dear, what is it with this game and fetch quests?" Jenka explained.
"Dunno, but I really gotta go! See ya!" Quote replied hastily, running out of the house and embarking on his latest and possibly his weakest adventure. To spare you the boredom, we're going to skip ahead in time to keep you interested while Quote grinds his way through this part.
But first, one more classic line from Quote: "Alright, time to kill all the enemies first...oh shit-sticks! DINOSAUR SKELETONS AND BIRDS, OH MY!"
FIFTEEN MINUTES LATER...
"Okay, here's the last puppy you requested." Quote panted, sweating like a dog. "OH, COME ON!"
Sure enough, just as Quote expected, Balrog had attacked Jenka for the second time. "GO SUCK ON AN INHALER, AUNTIE!" Balrog yelled as he jumped out through the ceiling.
"Are you okay?" Quote asked her.
"Yes, but the Mimigas aren't." Jenka explained. "You see, what happened with the Mimigas is that-"
"Yes, yes, I know already, save your dying breath." Quote groaned. "What is this, Exposition Express?"
"Look, because of this story that you apparently already know, about the Mimigas and the red flowers, I really didn't want to give you the key to the red flower storehouse in the bottom-right corner of this area, because it would allow the same shit that happened before to repeat itself, like when Jack wore a princess costume in his high-school yearbook photos twice."
"Um, okay, I REALLY didn't need to hear about that..." Quote replied.
"Anyway, here's a Life Pot." Jenka explained. "Doesn't look like a pot to me..." Quote replied.
"Well, due to Japanese-to-English translation issues, it's really more like a jar, but either way, its purpose is the same; it will completely restore your health to its maximum capacity."
"GROOVY!" Quote replied excitedly. "What's in it?"
TWELVE SECONDS LATER...
"AAAAAA!" Quote ran out of the house screaming. "Wait, come back in here!" Jenka begged him.
"Look, I know that the ingredients are...best left undiscussed, but trust me, this formula will work, regardless of how much dung and shower slime is in it. It's never failed me once! I promise!" Jenka explained.
"Well, if it's really that good for you, then I guess I have to take it..." Quote sighed, taking the Life Jar and heading off to the storehouse.
Arriving at the storehouse, Quote realized, to his extreme dismay, that it was too late. "Going somewhere?" the Doctor asked him, smirking diabolically.
"I've brought you the flowers of Robert Mapplethorpe, as you requested." Misery cackled.
"Dammit, I wanted normal red flowers, not gay ones!" the Doctor groaned. "Still...they seem to be in rather fabulous condition...why not test them out on a...LIVE SUBJECT? What do you say to that, huh?"
"Oh my god, that sounds like the absolute greatest fucking thing I've ever heard!" Misery squealed joyously. "Hold on a second, let me just work my magic here, if you know what I mean..."
Yup, you guessed it, she teleported...TOROKO into the room?! "Mwahahahaha..." the Doctor laughed. "I don't even care how heart-meltingly adorable she is, she's my bitch now!"
"Keep your hands off of her, pedophile!" Quote yelled at him.
"Don't make me laugh." the Doctor warned him. "That is not in the LEAST bit what I intend to do!"
"WAAH! HELP ME! SOMEBODY! PLEASE! ANYONE!" Toroko cried, running to the other side of the room, flailing her arms up and down like a human hummingbird yet again. "QUOTE, I THOUGHT YOU WERE MY BEST FRIEND IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD! HELP ME! PLEASE, IN THE NAME OF LOLLIPOPS, RAINBOWS, PUPPIES, KITTENS, FLOWERS, BUTTERFLIES, SPARKLES AND SUNSHINE, PLEASE HELP ME!"
"I'm not helping you until you tone down your cutesy-wutesy attitude." Quote informed her.
"QUOTE, NOOOOOO!" she screamed as Balrog tackled her over onto the ground.
"Hey there, cutie, want some CANDY?!" Balrog asked her.
"You're not gonna RAPE me, are you, Mr. Toaster?" she asked him.
"Oh, no..." Balrog laughed psychotically, "MUCH worse! You see this flower here?! Eat it! EAT IT! EAT IT, EAT IT, EAT IT, EAT IT, EAT IT, EAT IT, EAT IT!" He forced it down Toroko's throat harder than your average Internet video game reviewer tries to be funny.
Suddenly, the sound of Toroko gulping became the worst sound in the entire universe and all of the distant cosmos related to it. Yes, even worse than the sound of Satan scraping his armpit hair against a chalkboard.
"Oh no, I've got the ouchie-wouchies in my chubby-wubby-tubby little tummy!" Toroko wailed.
"STOP RIGHT THERE, CRIMINAL SCUM!' King yelled at the top of his lungs, charging directly into Balrog and hitting him with his sword harder than the stock market crashed when a bunch of drunk-ass terrorists from the Middle East decided to crash an airplane into the Twin Towers.
"You know what, you guys are too tough for me! I'm outta here!" Balrog screamed.
"That rectangular coward's pay is going to be significantly decreased from now on." Misery informed the Doctor.
"YOOOOOU..." King growled incredibly loudly at both Misery and the Doctor. "BOTH of YOOOOOU..."
"What is it, young wannabe poser?" Misery asked him. "BRAT got your tongue? POSER, POSER, I SMELL A POSER!"
"What do YOU plan to do that will even HURT me with that stupid, pathetic, dinky little sword that I could have made myself for a cheaper price than you probably bought it for?" the Doctor mocked him.
"I AM GOING TO FUCKING END YOU!" King screamed at the top of his lungs, leaping all the way across the room with his sword, being struck by Misery's lightning spell in midair, which sent him flying all the way back across the room, and hitting a wall. "...FUCK."
Suddenly, Toroko began to speak. "You...you bad man...look at what you've done! My...all this time, my adorableness was actually nothing but a mere facade to hide my true inner feelings. Now, there's no longer any way to hide them. You're the one who let me, the sweetest and most innocent girl on the entire island, die. And you know what? For some reason, it makes me feel...HAPPY...hee hee hee...the Little Miss Cuty McCupcake you once knew is know long gone, pal...tell me...how does that make you feel?"
"Oh, I don't know, I just wanna know how this is supposed to be funny...OH, WHO AM I KIDDING?! WHAT, ARE YOU FRICKING STUPID!? OF COURSE I FEEL LIKE JUMPING OFF THE TOP OF THE EMPIRE STATE BUILDING INTO A FUCKING SHARK TANK!" Quote screamed at her, bawling his eyes out.
"Oh, BOO-HOO-HOO-HOO-HOO. Cry me a fucking river, faggot. Drink it in, pal, that's a FAILURE taste!" Misery mocked him.
"Looks like they'll have to make a new name for you...Mr. Too-Scared-To-Save-His-Best-Friend-From-Certain-Death! And now you shall die as you lived...THE WORST HERO EVER!" the Doctor concluded. "Toroko, would you kindly dispose of this sick bastard and eat him for lunch?"
"Y-yes, sir..." Toroko could feel the power of the Doctor's red gem brainwashing her.
At that moment, Misery and the Doctor both teleported out of the room. It was just Quote and Toroko now. The best of friends, turned into the worst of enemies. "Y-yippee K-ki-A, M-mother F-fuck...DOHOHOHOHO, IT'S JUST NOT THE SAME!" Quote sobbed as he reluctantly raised his Polar Star.
"Actually, you know what? The voices in my head are all telling me to kill you, so you know what? LET'S DANCE!" Quote concluded.
"THIS! IS WHAT! YOU GET! FOR BEING! AN ASSHOLE!" Toroko yelled with rage, tossing five equally enormous bricks directly at Quote, who narrowly bobbed, weaved, dived, and lunged out of the way.
"YOU WANT SYMPATHY? I'LL SHOW YOU FUCKING SYMPATHY!" Toroko screamed, slamming her fist into him so hard that when he hit the wall, it left a Quote-shaped crater in it.
"STOP IT!" King screamed, getting up, leaping into the air, and driving his sword into Toroko's skull, effectively killing her...but not before Toroko bit him on the arm, causing King's eyes to suddenly turn blood-red.
"Well, that's about enough life for today, let me see if I can just...OH GOD, THERE'S LITERALLY NO WAY TO SHOOT MYSELF IN THIS GAME!" Quote realized. "Oh, the horror...THE INHUMANITY!"
"Hey, look behind you!" Quote commanded King. As King turned around, Quote tripped him over with his leg, then snatched the sword out of his hand, cut all four of his limbs off with it, and finally chopped his head off with it, sticking King's head on the tip of the blade.
"Sniff...it's like a giant adorable lollipop...except...it's sad..." And with that, Quote collapsed onto the floor; he just couldn't take it anymore.
"WHY COULDN'T I SAVE THEM?" Quote cried. "WHY COULDN'T I SAVE THEM? WHY COULDN'T I FUCKING SAVE THEM?! WHYYYYYY?! FUCK! FUCK! FUCKING FUCK! FUCKITY FUCKING FUCK! ARRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHH!" he screamed in agony, writhing on the floor like a madman.
"Now, do you realize the error of your ways?" King's spirit asked Quote as King's body disappeared.
"I've been fucking torn apart." Quote replied. "I don't even know if I can go on. All this is now is a quest for me to kill the fucking Doctor...and bring home bacon while I'm at it. Come on, King...let's go."
Upon exiting the storehouse, they were immediately ambushed by Misery and Balrog. "Of fucking course!" Quote groaned. "Just when I was starting to wonder what else could POSSIBLY go wrong!"
"Fuck you, toaster-boy!" Misery yelled at Balrog, banishing him into the Labyrinth. "Now, as for YOU, Quote...YOU TOO! BWAHAHAHAHA!" she laughed sadistically, banishing Quote into the labyrinth as well. "Oh, man, that felt so good..."