Disclaimer: See Chapter One

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Erin laughed silently as she straddled Brandon. "I know. Sometimes he just…" She stopped when she heard someone passing. "Shit." She whispered. The two of them stay perfectly quiet until they heard the master bedroom door shut again. Erin looked down at Brandon. "Now, where were we?"

Brandon ran his hands up and down her back. "When are you going to do it?"

Erin shrugged. "Don't really know. We'll think of something, I'm sure, but for now I have to think about what to do about the pregnancy."

"Haven't told him?"

"No. If I tell him, he'll know it's not his."

"How can you be sure?"

Erin sat up straight. "What are you saying?"

"I'm saying you should have been more careful when you threw the test out. It was right on top of the garbage and he saw it."

Erin leaned down and placed her face in Brandon's chest. "Great. How do I do this, Brand?"

"Do like Faith did on Third Watch. Abort the baby and say you lost it or something like that. He wouldn't be able to handle it and we'll get what we want."

Erin looked up briefly and smiled and Brandon. "Now I know why I love you."

"Do you, now?" Brand smiled back as he rolled Erin on her back. "You'll just have to show me."

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Katey looked at Neela. They had been sitting in Ike's half the night pondering what to do. Katey sipped her coffee. "There's something you should know. If we're going to be in this together, than you need to know this."

Neela looked up at Katey. "What?"

"You know how I confronted Erin?"

"Right. You said something about what would happen if Ray found out." Neela sipped her now cool coffee and spit it out.

"Yeah." Katey sighed. "We're going to have to keep a close tab on Ray's physical demeanor. Watch for pallor changes. Slurred speech. Anything of that nature."

"You don't suggest that Erin wants to kill him, do you?" Neela nearly choked on the words.

Katey sighed. "Do you know anything about Ray's family?" When Neela shook her head, Katey continued. "Until I went down to visit, I didn't realise how wealthy his family was."

"She married him for money?"

"Yeah. I think she planned it from the moment they were little. She's not too bad off herself, which is what's perplexing." Katey sighed a little heavier this time. "But it's not just that. She and her boyfriend never really broke up. Brandon Eisenger has hated Ray from the time they were ten."

"Why?"

"You've seen Ray." Katey smiled. "He's charming. He's funny and he's quite hot."

Neela rolled her eyes. "I know. I think you told me that one time."

"But you already know that. What you don't know is what closed Ray off to life and love." Katey beckoned the waitress over and had their coffees refilled.

"What?"

"I was the closest he ever had to a long term relationship, which is why him marrying Erin is absurd to me."

"How do you know all this and I don't?" Neela blew on her coffee. She and Ray had talked about many things and opened up about things, but what Katey was saying was news to Neela.

"You never really asked." Katey put her coffee down. "Look, Neela, I want to put aside differences so we can help Ray, but I must tell you that you were rather narcissistic. It felt like you thought the world revolved around you and Ray, despite his love for you, felt that he couldn't tell you certain things because you might not really care to hear them."

"That's the fourth time I've been called narcissistic." Neela mumbled. "But if Ray had just…"

"He didn't feel he could." Katey leaned back. "But enough on that. Ray's our priority right now. Not who is or isn't narcissistic." She sighed, a little heavier than her previous sighs. "Ray watched his parents marriage fall apart and he watched as his mother had boyfriend after boyfriend after boyfriend. He watched his father go through women as though they were toilet paper." Seeing Neela's face, Katey smiled. "Ray's words, not mine."

"Oh, okay." Neela smiled back.

"He never thought love was forever. It really all culminated with your marriage to Michael."

"WHAT?" Neela nearly shouted. "How could he have thought…"

"Because if you love someone, you don't volunteer to go to another country to fight a war and leave them alone was his reasoning." Katey sat back. "I hated you because you were the one who finally showed Ray that love could be forever and then when you pushed him away and never made anything clear to him, I hated you even more. Even blamed you."

"I blamed myself." Neela mumbled.

"What?"

"For Ray. The accident. Everything." Neela felt the tears rise. "If I had only told him, you know, maybe all this would have been avoided."

Katey didn't know how to respond. She had never known that Neela had blamed herself for Ray's accident and she was sure Ray didn't either.

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Ray poured himself a cup of coffee and looked as the sun rose over the Sears Tower. Erin was still sleeping. He glanced at his watch. 3:30 am. He couldn't sleep very well when he got up and discovered that Erin was not sleeping on the couch. She hadn't come into bed until an hour and a half ago. He began to wonder what was going on. The past few days, Brandon had no luck finding an apartment and suddenly his wife wasn't showing much interest in him. Still, he couldn't make himself believe what common sense was telling him.

He slowly walked to the hospital, pondering everything from Brandon's arrival to Katey's accusations. He laughed as the soft warm rains came pouring down Like something in a movie. He thought as he adjusted his pack. He walked through the doors of County ER. Everyone greeted him the way they had greeted him for the past three months. It was no longer a shock and a surprise to see Ray Barnett back in the ER. In fact, Ray thought as he hung his coat in his locker and put his lab coat on, It's like I never left. He was now used to working twelve to fourteen hour shifts in his 'legs' and they no longer hurt like they had when he first started. He poured himself another cup of coffee before his shift.

"Will you look at this?" Morris' voice echoed in the empty lounge. "Ray Barnett on time. Turned over a new leaf?"

"Couldn't sleep." Ray sipped his coffee.

"Wanna talk about it?" Morris poured himself a cup of coffee.

"When did you become concerned with someone else's life, Morris?" Ray smiled.

"When you were hit." Morris sipped his coffee. "ECH! How can you drink this stuff?" He threw his down the sink.

"I spent many years drinking the coffee you made." Ray laughed. "Means I can handle this shit like I handled your shit."

"My coffee wasn't shit." Morris protested.

"Your stuff was shit." Abby laughed as she entered the Lounge. She looked at Ray. "How's things going?"

Ray looked at her. "Things are okay."

"Talk to Neela yet?"

Ray leaned against the counter. "Now why would I want to talk to her, Abby?"

"Oh, I don't know, Ray. To talk?" She poured a cup of coffee. "Since you've come back, you've only talked to her in medical terms."

"If you don't mind, Abby, that's how I'd like to keep it." Ray put his still full mug in the sink and left, leaving Abby and Morris perplexed.

Abby put her mug down and chased Ray. "Come on, Ray. What happened?" She caught up with him and grabbed his arm.

Ray snatched his arm away. "Things, Abby."

"You and Neela used to be able to talk to each oth…"

"That was before, Abby. Now, if you'll excuse me." Ray headed out of the ED. There was only one place in the entire hospital he could clear his head and think. He made his way up to the roof. As he opened the door, he stopped. Neela apparently had the same idea. He sighed and made his way out.

Neela turned around when she heard the footsteps. "Hey, Ray."

"Neela." His voice was biting and cold.

"I think we need to talk, Ray."

"I don't think so, Neela." Ray turned and looked at the city.

"I'm sorry, Ray, for everything."

Ray turned and faced her. "You're sorry? That's all you can say?"

"What can I say?"

"You can tell me…"

"I don't know how and I…"

"That really is your baseline, isn't it, Neela? Never knowing what to do with anything. You had my heart, but you didn't know what to do with it, but you sure as hell knew…"

"Why are you so angry?" Neela crossed her arms and looked at him.

"You hurt me and your little apology two years ago and now doesn't change that. You said you'd visit. You never did. You said you call. You never did. You said you write. You never did. Sensing a pattern here, Neela?"

"You always were a stubborn bastard, you know that, Ray?" Neela wiped a tear and turned towards the door. She stopped in her tracks and faced him. "What could I have said or done, Ray, to take away the guilt?"

Ray, who had since turned to the early lights of Chicago, turned and faced her. "What do you have to be guilty about?"

"I couldn't visit or write or call…"

"I know. Work." Ray turned back to Chicago's lights.

"No. Dubenko knew and that's why he never approved my leave." Neela looked to the sky. "After I saw you in hospital, I blamed myself, Ray. You would have never been there if I had just told Tony earlier or sought you out or something. You're where you're at now because of me." Neela felt a few stray tears fall.

Ray didn't move. He didn't say anything. He stood there stunned that Neela would blame herself. All this time I've been pitying myself and she feels she's to blame. Ray thought as he ran his fingers through his hair.

Neela watched Ray for some reaction, but failing to see any, she turned back towards the door. "Dubenko knew what, Neela?" Ray's voice didn't seem so cold and she turned back towards him.

She could see that his face had softened in just the past couple of moments and she smiled a tear-filled smile. "He knew I blamed myself. We talked a lot after you left and he promised me that he'd protect me. As odd as it came across, I think he disapproved my leave in his attempt to protect me."

"Protect you from?"

"Me." Neela sighed. "There were moments, Ray, that he'd come in the Surgeon's Lounge and find me curled in a ball, crying. When Michael died, I thought I'd lost everything. I hadn't. Not even close. I cried all the tears I had for him the first two days after he died and then like that…" she snapped her fingers. "I was over it. When Pratt and I got into the ER after the shooting, I could only hope and pray you were okay." She wiped some tears. "I know I never made it very clear to you, but every night since I saw you in hospital, I cried myself to sleep. I tried bargaining with every higher power I could think of to give me one more chance with you. That CD you gave me hasn't left my CD player for the past two years. It's the first thing I listen to in the morning and the last thing I listen to at night." She wiped away some more tears and shoved a stray piece of hair behind her ear. "I hadn't lost everything when Michael died. I lost everything when you did."

Ray looked at her perplexed. "I didn't die, Neela."

"The Ray I knew and loved did, Ray. I don't blame you for being hurt and angry at me or the world. I just don't have to like it." Neela turned back towards the door. As she put her hand on the handle, she heard Ray softly call her name. She faced him again. "What?"

"I blamed you, you know?" He leaned against the railing. "It was somehow your fault. When you chose Gates, it devastated me beyond belief. I loved you more than I can ever remember loving anyone." He sighed and softly laughed. "I'm not as good at this as you are."

"It's okay." Neela laughed back. "I'm not that good at it, either."

"When I heard nothing from you, I then justified blaming you. After all, you would have visited or something if you felt you were to blame. After all, when you needed me, I was there, but where were you?" He crossed his arms. "I had no idea you blamed yourself, Neela. I'm sorry."

"It's okay, Ray. Remember how I pushed you away after Michael's death? I figured you owed me one." She smiled and laughed.