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Nathan's P.O.V

"I was wondering if you could make some sense of this for me," Nathan said heatedly into his phone, displeased by the silence that met him on the other end. "I don't want to meddle in things that have nothing to do with me, but frankly I'm a bit concerned. She's been with this bloke what, a month?"

Peyton sighed heavily. "Nate, I don't know what to tell you. He asked her and she said yes. That's all I know."

"Bullshit," Nathan retorted hotly, his face burning. "You're her best mate, Peyton! Surely you can talk some sense into that thick head of hers!"

"Are we talking about the same Hayley James?" she replied, a hint of amusement in her voice. "You should know by now that once Hayley's got something in her head, there's no talking to her."

"If I didn't know any better, I'd say she's doing this out of spite," he said, careful to keep his voice low; he did not want Natalie to overhear his conversation. "Or...jealousy, even."

Peyton remained silent for several moments. "Nathan, I really shouldn't be having this conversation with you."

"Why not?" he asked, affronted. "Peyton, it's like I told you. I'm genuinely concerned about her. I think she's rushing into things without giving them any kind of proper thought."

"People could say the same about you," she replied calmly. "You seem to be in a terrible rush to get a wedding ring on Natalie's finger."

"There's a difference, Peyton. We've been together longer than a bloody month!" He could feel his patience dwindling rapidly.

"So have they," she said in the same calm, matter-of-fact tone. "They were together for nearly two years before she moved to North Carolina."

"You know, I thought you'd be on my side on this," he said, defeated.

She sighed heavily. "I agree with you, all right? She is rushing into this far too quickly. But I've got no control over her, and neither do you. And, honestly, I don't see why you're so interested in her life. Shouldn't you be more concerned with your own? After all, you've got a wedding to plan."

"What are you implying, Peyton?" His hands were shaking slightly from the hot anger that was coursing through his veins.

She hesitated. "Nathan, have you ever considered the possibility that perhaps you're still in love with Hayley?"

Her question stunned him into silence. He had been thinking of Hayley more than he ever had since she returned to Tree Hill, but that didn't mean he was in love with her. He was engaged to Natalie; that was whom he loved. Still, whenever he thought of love he pictured Hayley's face. Whenever he saw her his heart quickened, his hands shook and he felt lightheaded; while she had been away in New York, the thought of her warmed him. He had never quite acknowledged it before, but confronted with Peyton's question he was forced to think about it. And that was when he knew that he was still utterly, totally and completely in love with Hayley James.

Peyton took his long, heavy silence as his answer. "I thought so."

"Peyton..." he began, but found he did not quite know what to say to her.

"It's all right," she said quickly. "I won't tell her, or anyone for that matter. But...maybe you should."

"And ruin my entire life?" he replied hotly. "Ruin hers? And Natalie's, and Ethan's?"

"I think you'll be ruining both of your lives if you don't tell her," Peyton said simply. "You'll be making a huge mistake by marrying Natalie if you're still in love with Hayley."

Nathan considered this, but knew he could never admit his feelings to Hayley, especially not after reading that article. Their fates were sealed now, and there was no time left for them; their time had long since passed. He had to focus on moving on from her; she had made it very clear that she had moved on from him.

"No," he said flatly, shaking his head as he did so. "No, I can't do that. I couldn't possibly tell her."

Peyton sighed heavily. "Fine, then make the biggest mistake of your life. But one day when you're sitting in your flat wondering what went wrong with your life, don't come crying to me."

"That was a bit harsh," he said, slightly offended.

"It was, but it was also true, too," she shot back. "But if you want this to be our little secret, then it will be."

"Yeah, I think it's going to have to be," he said, slightly relieved. "Listen, I've got to go. Thanks for...well, everything."

"You're welcome," Peyton replied. "Goodbye, Nathan."

"Bye." He shut his mobile closed and set it upon the table, leaning back into the couch and covering his face with his hands. He could not quite believe what he had just admitted to Peyton. He had not even fully admitted it to himself. He wanted nothing more than to punch himself for being so incredibly stupid.

If word got back to Hayley, it would ruin everything. His wedding would surely be called off, Hayley's relationship with Ethan would suffer, and all of the plans he had made for himself would become null and void. Rationally, he knew that Hayley finding out the truth would be catastrophic. But if he truly thought about it, he almost wanted her to know. He almost wanted to ruin his relationship and his plans; he almost wanted to live life unpredictably and unplanned.

But as he sat there, he knew that he would never tell her. He knew his secret would never be told.

Hayley's P.O.V

Something I always wished I could control was time. It either moved too fast or too slow, never at a pace I was totally comfortable with. The past month served as a perfect example of my somewhat unhealthy desire to control time; at first it had dragged on, never-ending, and then it had sped up, moving at rapid speed. I felt like my head was going to explode.

This time, time was moving too fast.

Ethan was on bended knee before me, holding a small black box in his hand. Inside the box was a dazzling diamond engagement ring. He opened his mouth to speak. "Hayley, will you make me the happiest man in the world and marry me?"

My mind was completely blank and at the most inopportune moment of my life; Ethan was smiling expectantly at me, waiting for me to give him an answer. I couldn't say no, not in front of the entire restaurant full of onlookers. I couldn't say yes, either; all of this felt rushed, hurried, too soon. But as I stood there, looking into his hopeful, expectant eyes, I already knew what my answer would be. For a small, fleeting moment, Nathan flashed through my mind, giving me a moment's hesitation. But I knew that our time was over, and he had made it clear that he had moved on; perhaps now it was time for me to do the same.

Ethan was a good man, and he would be a good husband. He treated me as an equal, and I knew he would never try to control or take care of me in the traditional sense of the word. We had been happy together before, and it wasn't fair of me to discount the possibility that we could be happy together once again.

He was still looking at me, and my heart fluttered a bit as I smiled and nodded. I could not quite bring myself to say the word, but he knew that I had accepted; slowly, he slipped the ring onto my finger and stood, his hands on my face as he pressed his lips to mine. Behind us, I heard the congratulatory applause of the other diners in the restaurant.

"You have made me the happiest man in the world," he said, his face wet with tears. "I love you so much, Hayley." He kissed me again, and I felt myself smile. I had never pictured this moment playing out the way it had, but I wasn't disappointed. I felt as we stood there together that my life was just beginning, and for once I wasn't looking back.

"Yeah, Dad, it's really great news," I said into my phone, a smile spread across my face.

"Hayley, I cannot tell you how ecstatic I am about your engagement," my father replied, and I knew from the sound of his voice that he was smiling. "You must have Ethan round to dinner tonight. I'd say its about time Olivia and I met him."

"Right," I said, glancing over in Ethan's direction. He was lounged across my couch, flipping through the morning newspaper. "Tonight is fine. What time would you like us over?"

"How about you come by around seven? That gives me enough time to have the cook whip up something fabulous."

"Okay, Dad. We'll see you then." I hung up and turned towards Ethan. "I guess we're going to my father's tonight for dinner. He really wants to meet you."

"That sounds good," he said without looking up from the paper. "Look at this, Hayley. There's an article about our engagement in the paper."

"What?" I said; rushing over to him and grabbed the newspaper out of his hands. "How could they even know?" "I did propose to you in front of an entire restaurant of people," he pointed out. "I'm sure someone knew exactly who you were and tipped off the papers."

"Great," I said, throwing the paper onto the table. "That's exactly what I need."

"What's the big deal?" he said, eyeing me quizzically. "So people know we're engaged. Is that such a terrible thing?"

"No," I said, shaking my head. "I just don't like my personal life being intruded upon. I don't want my family and friends to read about my engagement before I even have a chance to tell them about it."

"I know," he said, taking my hand and pulling me down to lie next to him. "I suppose it comes with the territory, though. You have to remember who your father is, and..." He hesitated for a moment, then continued. "And, you did date Nathan Scott, which still makes your love life a point of interest to the general public."

"I guess so," I said, sighing. I felt my phone vibrate, and the screen flashed Peyton's name. "It's Peyton. I'm sure she read the paper and is just furious with me."

"Go on and answer it," he urged, giving me a reassuring smile.

I flipped open my phone and said, "Hey, Peyton."

"What is wrong with you?" she screeched into my ear. "You get engaged and can't even find the time to ring me? I have to find out from a bloody newspaper?"

"I'm sorry!" I replied. "Really, I am. I just called my dad and I was just about to call you, I swear."

There was silence for a few moments, and then, "Oh, who cares! You're engaged!"

I laughed. "I know! I almost can't believe it."

"I almost can't believe it myself," she said, half-laughing. "Who would have thought that Hayley James, commitment-phoebe, would be engaged before me?"

"Shut up," I retorted.

"Honestly, your news has made me a bit angry with Jake. We've been together a full four years and I doubt the thought of marriage has even crossed his mind. And here you are, engaged!"

I laughed. "It's slightly insane. I always thought Jake would pop the question long before I got engaged to someone."

"Well, I'll be dropping some anvil-sized hints later on, believe me," she said, laughter in her voice. "So. How are you feeling about all of this?"

I glanced at Ethan; he was still absorbed in the newspaper. "Great," I replied, and up until that moment I had felt great about it. As soon as the word left my lips, however, a knot began to form in my stomach.

"It's a rather large step, isn't it?" Peyton said, and I knew that she could tell how apprehensive I had just become.

"Yeah, but...it's great, you know?" I said, somewhat unconvincingly. "I feel really good about this. I do."

"Who are you trying to convince?" she said jokingly, but I knew that there was some meaning in her words.

"Funny," I replied, nervously biting my lip. "Well...yeah. We're supposed to go to my dad's tonight for dinner. Should be entertaining."

"I'd imagine so," she said. "Especially if Olivia's going to be there. She's bound to say a couple dozen stupid remarks."

"True." I laughed, but it felt forced, awkward.

The conversation continued for a few more minutes, ending with a suggestion from Peyton that she, Jake, Ethan and I go out on a double-date later that week. I placed my phone back onto the table and sighed, wringing my hands.

Ethan was oblivious to my discomfort, and I was glad of it; I didn't want him to know how anxious I had suddenly become. It seemed as though the commitment I had made was only just hitting me. Visions of a big house in the suburbs with a white-picket fence, the lawn overrun with too many children, suddenly flashed through my mind, and I knew that I never wanted my future to be that way. I felt control slowly slipping away from me, and I had never felt more panicked in my life.

Ethan turned and smiled at me, and I felt empty in the pit of my stomach. Oh, God, I thought to myself, what have I gotten myself into?

"So, before, when I told you how great getting married was going to be...well, let's just say I wasn't being entirely truthful." I averted my eyes away from Peyton's knowing gaze, staring at a spot behind her on the wall.

"You always second guess any major decision you make," she said matter-of-factly. "And this is probably the biggest one you'll ever make. It's normal to be nervous."

"It's more than just nerves, I think," I said, sighing. "I really don't know if Ethan and I are meant to get married."

She stared at me for a few moments, searching my face. "Hayley, you know that I'll support any decision you make. But I can't help you make the decision. That's something you have to do on your own."

I nodded, biting my lip. "I know that. I just...it was so sudden, you know? It came out of nowhere. I wasn't expecting a proposal. But he backed me into a corner, and I couldn't bring myself to say no."

"Do you think you should have said no?" she asked, staring at me intently.

"I don't know," I replied truthfully. "It's not that I don't care about Ethan, because I do. I really do. But looking at this ring on my finger is scaring the shit out of me."

"Is it just the commitment that's scaring you?" she asked, something hidden in her voice. "Or is it something more?"

I stared at her, unsure of how to answer. The commitment itself was certainly terrifying, but I knew I'd be lying if I said that was all it was. I couldn't help but think that something better was out there, patiently waiting for me to find it. If I married Ethan, I felt as though I'd be throwing that possibility away.

"Maybe...maybe there's something better out there," I said quietly. "Maybe this just isn't it for me."

"If that's how you truly feel," Peyton began, her voice even and serious, "then don't marry him."

I recoiled slightly; I had not expected that from her. I had expected her to reassure me excessively, telling me I was just being the same old insufferable, indecisive Hayley I had always been; hearing those words come from her mouth shocked me.

"It's like I told you, Hayley," she said, noticing the surprised look splashed across my face, "I will support any decision you make. But if you feel like this isn't right for you, I don't think you should go through with it."

"But that's just the thing," I said hurriedly, a hint of panic in my voice, "I don't know if this is right for me!"

"Then you're going to have to figure it out," she said firmly. "It won't be fair to you, to Ethan, or to anyone else until you do."

I had a sinking suspicion of who the "anyone else" she referred to was, but I kept silent. Instead I nodded, taking a deep breath to calm my nerves.

"I think I'll be all right," I said, offering her a small smile. "I think I'm just being ridiculous. Let me settle into this a bit more, and I'm sure I'll be fine."

She smiled, but it didn't seem genuine. "It seems like everyone's second-guessing themselves when it comes to marriage lately," she said with a small chuckle. "I wonder how I'm going to be when my turn comes."

I narrowed my eyes slightly. "What, has Ethan talked to you about his doubts as well?"

She shook her head. "I talked to Nathan earlier. Seems as though he's been having some doubts of his own."

My stomach dropped. "Really," I said, trying to sound disinterested.

"Yes," she continued. "I suppose that's to be expected, though, right? The magnitude of it all would naturally be a bit overwhelming."

"Right," I agreed, nervously biting my lip. So many thoughts were racing through my mind; if Nathan was having second thoughts, and I was having second thoughts...

"I think he'll be fine, though," she said airily. "Just like you'll be fine. Right?"

"Right," I said, smiling and dropping my gaze, forcing all thoughts of Nathan out of my mind.

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