Chapter 8- The chapter everyone has been waiting for!
Nick stirred in his bed, enjoying the comfortable mattress and pillows, after two weeks at the line shack. The work had been hard, but fulfilling in so many ways, giving Nick the chance to enjoy his ranch and livestock. His days had been structured, with detailed to-do lists that the hands had to abide by, to achieve his benchmarks. Coming home though was always a wonderful experience. He had taken care of Coco, before going up to the house, where Silas greeted him happily.
After being told that he couldn't be late for dinner, because Jarrod was bringing his lady friend – a proper southern woman with great beauty- Nick had gone upstairs and poured himself a hot bath. Once the dirt and dust was gone, he'd shaved, and then lay down on his bed, for a quick nap before dinner. Being out on the range had given him peace with his life as it was.
Turning over, Nick realized that he needed to get down stairs and forced himself out of bed. In truth Nick would have been happy to have gone back to sleep, and found something to eat in the kitchen, later that night. However, he didn't want to disappoint Jarrod, so he dragged his sore, tired body out of bed. At the back of his mind, he wished he had a wife who would snuggle with him, before they snuck down the backstairs in the middle of the night, to get something to eat.
Nick, after getting dressed, strode down the stairs, but paused at the landing, looking into the front parlor. He saw his mother on the sofa, with Melissa and Heath next to her. Audra was off in New York City, and Newport, enjoying the social season on the east coast, but she and Nick exchanged regular letters.
Putting his sister out of his mind, he did another scan of the room, wanting to get a preview of Jarrod's lady. He saw his brother standing next to the sofa, talking to Heath and Melissa about something, looking very happy. Looking slightly off to Jarrod's left he saw the backside of a feminine figure, clad in a sober dark blue outfit with a discrete bustle.
He admired the very trim figure, before he noticed hair that was a glorious shade of gold, in spite of it being simply put up. Nick looked closer and saw some pearl drop earrings hanging from her lobes, which gently brushed against a white swan like neck. The blue dress didn't have a high collar, leaving a great deal of creamy skin exposed.
Nick knew he should not be looking at her the way he was, but put it down to being a man. He squared his shoulders, took a deep breath, and headed into the front parlor. His brothers had both found true love and he needed to be happy for them, because that is what a brother did.
"Nick – or should we say Rip Van Wrinkle! How nice of you to join us!" Jarrod greeted his brother happily, giving him a hug. It had been several months since they'd spent any time together, and he had missed the companionship. In so many ways Nick was his opposite, but in their differences they had always found closeness. Now that he was in love again, he could hardly wait to share it with Nick, wanting him to stand by him.
He hugged Jarrod back, and acknowledged his family, before Jarrod gestured in the gold haired woman's direction. Nick watched with interest as the woman broke off her conversation with Melissa, when Jarrod put his hand on her shoulder. She turned to look at him, and right then and there Nick lost the peace he'd found out on the range.
Edwina had been aware, out of the corner of her eye, of the tall man in the black leather vest that came into the room. His voice boomed around the room, as Jarrod hugged him, and she assumed this was Nick that she'd heard about. She didn't want to interrupt Melissa though, who was talking, but when she felt Jarrod's hand on her shoulder, Edwina turned around.
She went very still, while her heart raced so fast, Edwina wondered if she was going to faint. Nate Billings was standing in front of her, older and without his Confederate uniform, but it was him. Edwina had never thought she would see him again, but his face and words had haunted her life for the last thirteen years.
The memory of their night together came rushing back, and she could see them on the terrace of Boone Hall, young and falling in love under the moonlight. The love could never be though, because of the war – a war between brothers. Edwina's thought about brothers hit her, and she started to feel sick to her stomach, as she realized that Nate Billings was Nick Barkley, brother to Jarrod, the man she had been letting court her.
Nick could count on one hand, and not need all his fingers, the number of times that he'd been rendered speechless. Now though, with Teddy standing in front of him he was in that state. It was her, he knew, by the eyes if nothing else. However, her face had burned into his memory better than any picture and Nick recognized her, even if she was older and not wearing a fluffy pink dress.
She was even more beautiful, but there was watchfulness about her now, and somberness too he saw. Nick remembered telling her, all those years ago, that she needed champagne and laughter in life, and it was clear that she hadn't had any. The thought of her life reminded him of who she was, and why she was in his living room. Edwina was Teddy, but she was also the woman his brother was in love with. Jarrod's feelings were very apparent on his face, as he was introducing her.
"Edwina, this is my brother Nick. He's rather loud, but you'll never meet a better man." Jarrod exclaimed, and then noticed the shocked look on his brother's face. "Just so you know, Edwina, a beautiful woman always has this effect on him. Enjoy the quiet while it lasts." He laughed, as he slapped his brother on the back.
"It is a pleasure to meet you, Edwina." Nick collected his thoughts, as he said hello to her. So much of him wanted to call her Teddy and take her in his arms, as he had the night they'd been together. However, if he did that, at the least she would be embarrassed, and at the worst it would break his brother's heart.
"Nick, it is nice to meet you too. Jarrod has told me a great deal about you." Edwina drew on all of her social skills, as she greeted Nate – no, wait Nick. She would have to be careful about that, especially since he didn't want to acknowledge their previous relationship. Wondering if maybe he didn't have feelings for her anymore, she extended her hand to him. The question was answered as a bolt of lightning hit her when he took her hand.
For his part Nick had, up until that moment been willing to set aside his feelings, putting them down to a war romance. He understood how fast attraction and passion could happen, when you were living day to day. They had both been very young when they met, in circumstances that had nothing to do with daily life.
Jarrod loved this woman, Nick saw clearly, and it was apparent that Edwina understood his life. Her father had been a lawyer and a successful politician on the national stage. Nick had also heard, from his mother, about how much help Edwina was to Jarrod with his practice. He knew that the correct thing – the proper thing- was to step back and let the romance progress.
Those had been the thoughts in his brain, because he loved his brother, and wanted to see him happy. The moment he reached out and took Edwina's hand though, feeling the softness and warmth, he was back at that moonlit night. Her reaction to his kiss was suddenly fresh in his mind, and he could have sworn he smelled pink roses.
His eyes locked with hers, and suddenly they were the only two people in the room. Both of them felt the tug of attraction and desire that coursed through their bodies. Nick realized that the feelings from thirteen years ago were still fresh and strong. He had wanted to take her home to his ranch back then, but had been prevented from doing so.
Now, Teddy – his Teddy, not the formal Edwina - was here in his house, and there were no longer any impediments to keep Nick from doing what he wanted. Yes, Jarrod loved her, but they weren't engaged yet and Nick had no intention of losing Teddy again. As he held her hand, slightly longer than necessary, he decided that as hard as it would be to hurt Jarrod, he loved Teddy too much to let her go.
However, as quickly as he felt that emotion, he saw his beloved older brother looking at her with love and happiness. Nick felt physically sick, at what his relationship with Teddy would do to the man. There was also the fact that they were all much older, and Teddy had been working for Jarrod for several months, as well as being courted by him. His older brother could offer her so much, including the Governor's house; all Nick had to offer was his love, but he wasn't sure if it was enough by now.
The warmth and strength of Nick's hand awoke the feelings that had been dormant, since he'd kissed her all those years ago. Teddy had to be honest and admit that while Jarrod's kisses had been nice, they had not produced the hot desire that Nick's kisses had. Just the feel of his hand caused her body to feel like melting wax in a candle flame. She took a deep breath, to steady herself, before she carefully withdrew her hand from his.
They had to get through this evening, Edwina saw, without letting anything slip. Jarrod would be devastated if he knew about the attraction she was feeling for his brother. Hopefully tomorrow she and Nick could find somewhere private to talk. She knew exactly what her feelings were, and could only hope that his feelings were the same. However, Jarrod was his brother and Edwina knew that Nick was the most honorable man she'd ever met. The thought of having to hurt either of these good men caused her stomach to churn even worse than it had been.
Silas soon came in, and announced that dinner was ready, providing a welcome distraction for Edwina. By now she had eaten several meals at the big house, as well as having gone riding with Jarrod. She and Eliza were staying in a townhome that overlooked the river. The owners, a shipping magnate and his wife, were off doing the grand tour of Europe. They were good friends with Victoria, and had been glad to have someone staying in their house.
It was clear that Silas had gone all out on dinner, fixing thick beef steaks, mashed potatoes, and biscuits that the cook at Boone Hall would have envied. Edwina's stomach had already been churning, before she sat down to dinner, because of the situation with Jarrod and Nick. When she found herself seated next to Nick, opposite Heath and Melissa, she suddenly wanted a shot of the whiskey Nick had been almost gulping in the parlor.
Victoria was at one end of the table, and Jarrod at the other end, in his role as 'Pappy'. Edwina had heard all about how that had come about, because of Tom Barkley's death. Sitting next to Nick was hard, because he was so large and masculine; she remembered how he had towered over her at Boone Hall. Being in close proximity with him again was playing havoc with her emotions, and as the main course was served, Edwina didn't know how she was going to be able to swallow anything.
Dinner seemed to go on forever, as she pushed food around on her plate. Nick seemed too close to her, almost touching her but not quite. It aroused her more than if he had actually held her hand under the table or something. Edwina was also struggling with Jarrod, who seemed to feel the need to pat her hand, arm, or shoulder, as if in reassurance.
By the time Silas was clearing the table, Edwina knew she couldn't take anymore, and needed to leave. That opened up a whole other avenue of problems. Normally, when she took dinner with the family, she would ride back into town with Heath and Melissa. They would drop her off at her house first, before they went to Reverend Stacey's, where Melissa was staying. Since both properties backed up to the river, it was very easy.
Nick couldn't believe that he wasn't enjoying the dinner that Silas had prepared for him. It was all of his favorites, including the beef that he liked to see at every meal. It was a family joke that Nick was going to be unhappy if chicken was served. Venison didn't bother him, because it had come from Barkley land, just like fish was fine, because it was caught in a local stream.
Pheasant and duck were also appropriate entrees, because they had been shot by one of the Barkley guns. Even with those other choices, he still expected beef in some form to show up on the table. Tonight though, it could have been sawdust as far as he was concerned, being in emotional turmoil about Teddy.
Having her next to him at the table took him back to that night at Boone Hall, where they'd sat side by side. Her obnoxious, drunk fiancé had been down the table, not paying her any attention, being too busy talking to his best friend and fellow naval officer. Nick could admit that as far as tonight, Jarrod was head and shoulders above Charles, but he still wanted Teddy for himself.
The other difference was Teddy herself; instead of being the laughing girl who had brightened his evening, she was guarded and formal. Nick was smart enough to know that she was still in shock at seeing him, but it was more than that. She had turned into this person who weighed everything that was said.
It made him sad, because it was such a contrast to the girl that she'd been. Nick was sure that some of it was what she'd been through with her father; he had followed that closely after the war. He also remembered hearing from his mother that her mother had died in a fever epidemic the summer following the surrender at Appomattox, while her husband had died before the surrender
Even with all that, by now, being courted by Jarrod, Teddy should have been displaying the happiness of love. Nick wasn't seeing that at all, and it made him wonder about their relationship. That made him recollect Heath's observations of the couple, and that Jarrod was more interested in her, than she was with him. If that was the case, why was she letting his brother court her, he pondered, as he chewed a piece of steak that might as well been tasteless.
If she was in love with Jarrod, fine, he could handle that – if it made Teddy happy. However, if she was doing this for other reasons he was not going to let her go without a fight. Nick had been forced to walk away thirteen years ago when she sacrificed herself, but he wasn't going to this time. Jarrod was his brother that he loved, and hated the thought of hurting; Teddy though had been through enough and deserved to be happy.
"Edwina, you haven't eaten any of your food!" Jarrod looked over at her plate, as Silas reached to clear it away. Jarrod reached over to pat her hand, getting even more concerned about her. She had been quiet all evening, and rather withdrawn, which he had not understood. He was usually not so demonstrative in public, but for some reason he had felt the need to touch Edwina, either her hand, arm, or shoulder.
"I'm sorry, it's just that – I've had a headache coming on, and it makes it hard to eat." Edwina's throat felt so tight that it was hard to get the words out. She knew that everyone was looking at her, as Jarrod was for the umpteenth time that night petting her hand like she was a dog. At the back of her mind she knew that his touches would not have bothered her before, but now, because of Nick sitting next to her, they did.
"Please don't let me spoil the evening." Edwina withdrew her hand, as she moved it to rub her temple. "Jarrod, could one of the ranch hands take me back into town? Please?" She knew it was an imposition, but by now she could have cared less. The important thing was to get out of the house, away from Jarrod and Nick.
"Actually Edwina, Heath and I need to be leaving anyway." Melissa gave her a sympathetic smile, before she turned to look around the table. "I have some papers to finish grading before tomorrow, and I would prefer to get them done to right. Heath, you remember me telling you that?" She gave him a wide eyed look, and he nodded his head.
Heath in fact was hearing about the papers for the first time, but knew that there must be a good reason Melissa was doing what she was. He had been observing Edwina during dinner, and watching her just play with her food, he'd wondered if her stomach was bothering her. She had seemed fine in the parlor, Heath thought, replaying the scene in his mind. His brain stopped when he thought about her meeting Nick.
His middle brother had certainly been shocked, but at the time Heath put it down to Edwina's beauty. Heath felt handicapped, because Edwina had been standing with her back to him, so he was only able to see Nick's reactions. As he visualized his middle brother's face, Heath started to suspect that it was more than her beauty that had shocked his brother. That fed into his suspicions, which he'd been working really hard to put to rest, that Edwina was hiding something. Heath was filled with dread, as he realized that Nick might know what it was.
Victoria was very solicitous, and felt bad for Edwina, who was very clearly in distress. It struck her as interesting, because up until now the pretty widow had always been very formal. That her attempt at helping Jarrod's relationship along had gone so well cheered her at first. Victoria had kept abreast of the couple's social life in the city, and heard glowing comments about Edwina.
When Victoria found out that Edwina was coming to Stockton with Jarrod, she had been overjoyed. She had understood why the woman didn't want to live at the house, and was pleased to help her find a house in town. Edwina had been in Stockton for two weeks now, and Victoria had spent time with the couple, as well as a lunch alone with the woman. She wished she could say that she felt close to Edwina, but in her heart she knew she couldn't. Victoria had also started to be concerned about the relationship the woman was having with her son.
Jarrod was clearly in love with Edwina, and she certainly accepted his attentions towards her. What was bothering Victoria was that she didn't see the same level of attraction coming from Edwina towards her son. Most of the time she put it down to the woman's formality, but it still struck Victoria as odd. The couple had been going out for over a month, in addition to working together before that.
There should be, by now, a close connection between the two, but Victoria just wasn't seeing it. Of course, she reminded herself, she only saw the public side of the relationship. It was possible that when they were alone, Edwina was very affectionate towards Jarrod. Victoria could tell that her son was very happy with how things were, and she had decided to finally take the advice that Heath had given her all those months ago, to stay out of Jarrod's private life. She let Edwina hug her good night, hoping that she would feel better tomorrow.
Nick made it a point to stand back, while Edwina said her goodbyes, and inclined his head in response to her good night to him. He was pretty sure he was the cause of her wanting to leave suddenly, and didn't blame her one bit. The dinner had been uncomfortable enough for him, and he was sure it was twice as bad for her. They needed to talk, and sooner rather than later, he sighed as he lit a cigar after she was gone. It didn't give him any more pleasure than the steak had.