I'm very sorry for my absence but I was having a hard time to find the motivation to write. But I have a chapter now. :) Thanks for reading!

Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi.

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Chapter 9.

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Grateful Discoveries.

Tomorrow was the first day of school and my nerves were already kicking in. I don't know why exactly - I had all my things ready. Maybe because I'd meet new people. Maybe I was intimidated by the gifted program I was selected in. Who am I kidding? Those were the things I am most excited for. I'm just making up excuses for what's really bothering me. But I promised myself I wouldn't think of it.

So to kill some time on the dreary Monday afternoon I took out my notebook and began to write. Words stained the page effortlessly and I didn't have time to realize what I was writing. The inspiration just came like a speed of lightning, making me lose my focus on anything except for the words I was scribbling incoherently on the page.

It might've been minutes or hours after I finished, exiting myself from my writing bubble I skimmed through the page and grimaced at the words. I threw the book on my bed and left downstairs.

Knock! Knock!

"I'll get it!" I yelled, before opening the door to reveal a pair of striking green eyes. "What are you doing here?"

His lips parted to speak but nothing came out. My brain started to function just minutes after and realized he must've been here for Darcy. I guess having not speaking to him for awhile made me forget some things about him. But I didn't forget my last exchange with him. Him telling me he's dating Darcy and me telling him I loved him. I wished I could erase that memory from my mind. I mean, as a kid I erased his whole existence, why can't I do that now?

"Wait," he said when I tried to leave to get Darcy. I raised an eyebrow at him, confused at what he was trying to do. He took in a deep breath and stuck his hands in his pockets. "I came here to talk to you."

The words didn't really reach my mind since all I could respond to that was a loud laugh. He looked alarmed by my sudden outburst but I didn't stop until tears were almost in my eyes.

"Was that supposed to be funny?" I asked harshly once I was finished, narrowing my eyes at him. "I'm done with these games, Eli. I thought we were just going to forget about each other and move on with our lives."

He looked hurt for some strange reason, but a slight ache went through me at the sight of him. I don't know why. I should feel happy that he was pain, to revel in it. But instead I felt like crap.

"I know we haven't spoken to each other in a few weeks but I really think we should talk about this," he pleaded. "I just took off before we could fully discuss what happened."

"I already know what happened," I said sharply. "I don't need another reminder."

"Just come outside for a few minutes," he bargained, his eyes glistening. "I'll leave you alone after that, I promise."

I crossed my arms in contemplation, and mentally kicking myself for even considering to talk to him. I was feeling better for a bit. I've been spending my days with Alli and even got know a little more about KC. And from what I've known so far, I really liked KC. He seemed like a good friend. I didn't need Eli ruining my semi-happy parade for his benefit.

"Why now?" I asked. "You could've contacted me a few weeks ago. I don't understand why you're doing this. Can't you just leave me alone?"

"Damnit, Clare!" he muttered gruffly, pulling his hair in frustration. "I'm trying to make things right. I can't let this happen again. Not with you."

"What are you talking about?" I was confused beyond belief by now and it didn't seem like I was going to be getting any answers from him. What was he hiding? What did it have to do with me? "Eli, what is going on?"

He was pulling onto his hair crazily and it was starting to scare me how out of control he was being. I closed the door behind me and took him off the steps, and pulling onto his arms to stop what he was doing to himself.

"Eli. Calm down," I said softly. "Let go. Come on, stop doing this."

In a blur, our positions switched and his hands locked around my arms, his crazed green eyes staring into mine. I let out a small scream at the spontaneous movement, my insides burning with fear.

"You don't understand," he rasped, tightening his hold on me. "I can't be…"

The grip was bruising and I wanted to howl in pain but his words kept me frozen without a fight. I tried to egg him on to continue, to tell me what he was trying to say.

"It's okay," I soothed. "Just let go of me. Then we can talk."

I should've been calling for mom or dad at the moment, but I just couldn't leave him just yet. There was something happening to him and it's stupid of me to not get him some help but I was still firmly under his grip. Part of me wanted to stay but the other part of me was too scared to.

"Clare, I'm sorry," he shook his head, his voice cracking. "I didn't mean to hurt you. I still… I…"

I waited patiently for him to continue but he only released my arms, his head bowed and his fists clenching tightly up to his chest. I took a tentative step back, watching him carefully so I could prepare for his next move.

"I should probably get my mom or dad to come," I said cautiously, taking more steps back.

He whipped up his head, tears running down his cheeks in a heap and I felt my heart break. I reached out to him but he only swivelled away.

"Don't tell your parents," he demanded, his eyes looking at the ground. "Don't tell anyone. Just believe that I'm sorry. That's all I wanted to say."

"I'm not buying that!" I yelled. "You wanted to talk about everything and now you're hiding something from me. Tell me what it is, Eli!"

"I can't! Now that you know…" His eyes closed, and his breathing turned heavy. "I just can't."

He walked away again and I almost ran after him, but I was too overwhelmed by what happened. I was scared, pained and confused. I just want this to be over. I wanted to forget about him and just move on. But I couldn't forget this. Not when he was hiding something from me. And I didn't want to admit it, but my feelings weren't leaving anytime soon. I'll have to deal with them for now.

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"Here we are," dad announced, stopping the car in front of the school.

I unbuckled my seatbelt and grabbed my bag, opening the door. "Bye dad. I'll see you after school," I muttered, hurriedly escaping the car so I wouldn't be stuck with Darcy.

I stopped in front of the steps and saw many kids walk in the school. An arm suddenly looped through mine and Alli smiled widely at me, easing my nerves quickly.

"Thought maybe you'd need an escort to class," Alli winked, giving me a hug.

"I'm so glad you came early," I sighed, releasing from the hug.

"Like I'm going to let you face the sharks on your own," she said in an obvious tone, shaking her head disapprovingly. "So… you ready?"

My eyes strayed again over the students and my stomach lurched when I saw Eli walking up the stairs with Darcy. How could things be normal for him after yesterday? I know he didn't forget. And I know he didn't tell anyone. For some strange reason, I didn't either. I just made up an excuse when mom and dad questioned me. Even Darcy had her suspicions, but it seems what Eli is hiding has nothing to do with Darcy. I felt like it was only something he wanted to tell me. I'll get it out from him sooner or later. We just have to be alone when I do.

"Let's go," Alli urged, gently squeezing my arm. "You don't have to see this."

My heavy thoughts dissolved in time when Alli started to lug me up the stairs.

"Clare! Alli!" a familiar voice behind us.

KC came running up the stairs towards us and I was surprised he wasn't holding his skateboard.

"Hi KC," I smiled. "Did you run here? You look out of breath?"

"Nah, skated." He pointed to the back of his bag when someone pushed him forward and into me by accident.

"Stupid freshmen," the elder boy muttered, rolling his eyes before walking into the school.

KC pulled away from me, scratching the back of his head as I flushed a bright red. This was not the way I thought I'd be starting my first day. My eyes gazed elsewhere and landed on bright green ones. He was expressionless but that didn't control the small tremor go though me. I looked away, flustered.

"We better go inside before we get trampled," I suggested, nodding my head for KC to follow.

We gathered our schedules, checked out our lockers and resided in the media immersion room for first period. Surprisingly, KC was in the gifted program as well and the class seemed to be pretty straight-forward so I wasn't too worried. KC and I had the next period together while Alli had Math. Lunch was around the corner and the three of us decided to eat together.

"Meat loaf with mustard," I announced, holding the sandwich in distaste.

"About that…" Alli began, looking up at me. "Since we're in high school now don't you think we should let go of this juvenile lunch-swap?"

I was stunned by here request. We've been doing the lunch-swap since 6th grade. Now she wants too end it because it's too kiddie?

"Are you serious?" I asked in shock.

She opened her paper bag and took out a roast beef sandwich. She loathed roast beef ever since Daniel Berwyn threw a piece at her when we were 10. I watched her eye it in slight disgust and she abruptly threw at me.

"Never mind." She snatched the meat loaf from my hand and took out the rest of her lunch.

I smiled in satisfaction and took the sandwich out of the wrapper when I felt a gaze burning a hole on the side of my face. I tilted my head and saw KC staring amusedly at me.

"Can I help you?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Are you two always like this?" he asked, taking out his own paper bag.

"And what exactly do you mean by that?" I asked defensively, staring intently at him.

"Entertaining," he chuckled.

"It depends on the day," Alli interjected, taking a bite out of the meat loaf.

I rolled my eyes playfully. "So, what do you think of school so far?"

KC had gave a thoughtful look. "Okay, a little different then middle school but the classes are decent. You?"

"I agree, it is different but I like my classes so far," I smiled, before taking a sip from my juice box.

I was particularly excited for last period because it was an opened writer's craft course. I've always loved writing and being to able to have a course that strictly regards the essence of it makes me love it even more.

"Ewwww, "Alli's voice cut through my thoughts, and I looked at the mustard stain splattered on her top. "Ugh, why me? I'll be right back."

Alli scurried away from the table and I laughed slightly at her trying to remain calm, because I knew underneath she was going insane. Even if it was over a little stain.

"Look, I know it's none of my business but are you okay?" KC quietly asked, his voice soft. He looked hesitant but his expression was genuine.

I didn't know how to respond to this. It was nice that he cared but I didn't really want to talk about this with anyone, especially with someone I barely knew.

"Yeah, just a rough summer, but all better now!" I tried to shrug off with enthusiasm but even I could hear the discomfort in my own voice.

"You don't have to talk about it," KC assured, eating his lunch nonchalantly as if to dissolve the intensity the conversation was steering towards.

I looked at him in bewilderment. He was able to make things less uncomfortable for me just like that. I was slightly taken aback by the kind gesture but also very grateful for it.

"Thank you for understanding, but I'm starting to feel okay again," I sighed apathetically. "And I have no idea why I'm telling you this."

"Maybe you just need to make sure that people think you're okay when you really aren't," he offered. "I know what that's like."

I looked at him, and in that moment a silent understanding was formed. I've always been a little suspicious of KC ever since he became evasive over bringing up his parents but maybe it was because things weren't that great for him at home. I know what I went through this summer wouldn't be considered the end of the world but the understanding KC has makes me feel safe that I'm not the only one that puts up a charade sometime.

He smiled at me and I gladly smiled in return.