*For this chapter, we shall all be Naoki, Pepperony, and BlackHawk shippers… Naomi Carson/Loki Laufeyson, Pepper Potts/Tony Stark, and Natasha Romanoff (Black Widow)/Clint Barton (Hawk Eye). Just helps this chapter to be funny if you're shipping those. ;)
HeliKaraoke
Thor
All the ladies of SHIELD were having a girls' night, for some reason that half of them couldn't even fathom…
"Remind me again why we're here," a middle-aged agent whispered to Agent Hill.
Hill sighed. "Because Naomi Carson and Pepper Potts convinced Fury that female agents of SHIELD need to relax for once. I think Tony Stark is supposed to be leading the guys' night, but I'm not sure if that's actually going on, or if…"
"Alright, ladies!" Pepper Potts called from the front of the slightly crowded living room in Stark Tower. "So… nice to see that you all showed up."
"Fury told us this was a mission!" a woman called accusatorily from the back of the room.
"Nah, that was Tony. I convinced him to hack into Fury's email and send you guys summons," Naomi said brightly from her place near Pepper.
Most of the women grumbled. "Messed up…" and "Illegal…" were heard from around the room.
"Okay, quit complaining," Pepper scolded. "We're just going to have a little girls' night so that the female agents can let their hair down and let off a little steam with other women."
Agent Hill self-consciously reached back and touched her tight bun. She didn't particularly want to let her hair down.
"So… our first activity tonight is…" Pepper and Naomi leaned in and started whispering.
"Okay, we're not gonna do any specific game for this… but let's all giggle and gossip," Pepper called. "Gather around."
The ladies exchanged scowls and gathered in a circle around the coffee table. There was about twenty women altogether, so it was pretty crowded. Ladies sat on the floor, the couch cushions, the back of the couch, and couch arms.
"So," Natasha Romanoff said slowly. "What do you expect a bunch of highly skilled hackers, assassins, and soldiers to talk about? American Idol, hairspray, Desperate Housewives, or who we have a crush on?"
Naomi grinned. "Excellent idea, my dear Natasha…"
Natasha froze. "Wait, what?"
"Let's all go around and tell each other who we have a crush on," Naomi grinned.
"No, I was being sarcastic," Natasha started to protest, but the two orange-haired women were smiling broadly, and the other agents knew there wasn't any way they were getting out of this.
"Okay," Pepper smiled. "We'll go around and admit who we like. This will just stay between us girls. I'll go first."
"You like Tony Stark," someone piped up. "Everyone knows that, Pepper. Easy for you to admit who you have a crush on; it's not secret for you."
Pepper raised her eyebrows. "Yes, I love Tony with all my heart… but I also kind of have a crush on Thor," she said conspiratorially.
There were quiet "oooh's" and gasps around the room.
"We're keeping this just between us girls," Pepper reminded them, winking and putting a finger to her lips. "Next," she said with a smile.
Naomi cleared her throat. "Ahem."
"Loki," everyone said in unison. "Again, no big secret," someone said, slight disapproval in her voice at Naomi and Loki's relationship.
Naomi rolled her eyes. "Yeah, okay, it's no big secret that Loki and I have a thing. But not everyone knows that Steve Rogers and I once kissed. I don't have a crush on him, but I will admit that he's pretty hot."
Everyone let out little murmurs of agreement.
"Next!" Naomi said, blushing slightly. "And don't anyone dare tell Loki or Steve I said that. Loki's already ticked about the kiss, and I really don't need him thinking Steve and I have something going on."
"Lips are sealed," a few agents giggled.
"Okay," Natasha sighed, since she was next in the circle. "I have a crush on—"
"Clint," everyone stated bluntly.
Natasha's eyes widened. "W-what?"
"Dude, everyone knows that. I think the only ones who don't know you guys have a crush on each other are… you guys," Naomi said, gently patting Natasha's head. "Next."
The next few ladies all admitted to being attracted to Thor. There were a few mixed crushes on Captain America as well, or the occasional shameful admission to liking Tony Stark, but most said Thor.
"Thor."
"Thor."
"Steve Rogers and Thor."
"Thor and Stark."
"Thor."
"God, everyone's in love with Thor, huh?" Pepper grinned.
Naomi smirked. "He's pretty smoking, in case you hadn't noticed… oh, wait, you have a secret crush on him, too."
"Everyone has a secret crush on Thor," Pepper scoffed.
"And why is that, exactly?" Natasha asked.
"Have you looked at the guy?" a woman gushed, giggling.
At the guys' night, all the male Avengers, SHIELD agents, and Loki were gathered.
"I fail to see the point in this," Loki put in sulkily, sprawled on a couch while everyone else gave him a little bit of a wide berth.
"Okay, Reindeer Games, you're kind of supposed to be my wingman," Tony scolded.
"Why?" Loki wrinkled his nose.
"Because my girlfriend and your girlfriend are heading the girls night, so it's only right that you and I head the guys night," Tony smiled.
"And what are we even supposed to do?" Loki asked.
Steve was looking kind of uncomfortable. "I haven't been to a guy bonding night in… a while… what do we usually do nowadays?"
"Yes, I'm curious to see what you have planned," Fury put in. "I granted permission to have a girls and guys night for SHIELD, but I have no idea what to expect. So… Stark, what's going on?"
Tony smirked. "Wanna know what guy's nights do nowadays, Steve?"
Everyone looked interestedly at the billionaire.
Tony smirked. "Spy on girls night, of course." He laughed and led the way to a computer, followed curiously by several of the other men, including Loki and Clint. All three were curious to see what their girlfriends (admitted girlfriends or not) were up to.
Naomi whispered something in Pepper's ear, and she laughed. "Yeah, okay," Pepper giggled.
"I have something I'd like to say on the subject of Thor," Naomi announced. "Jump in if you have something to say… or sing," she added cheekily.
Everyone looked confused. Naomi stood and cleared her throat, grinning. She burst into song: "He makes us bite our lip and hold our breath," she sang to the tune of 'Roar' by Katy Perry.
"Have you seen the muscles on his chest?" Pepper chimed in.
"We fidget quietly; and he talks politely," the two orange-haired women sang together.
"And OMG have you heard his voice?" someone sang out.
"So much hotter than Earthling boys," another girl sang. Everyone giggled, and Naomi let out a 'hear, hear.'
"OH, we can hardly breathe; that Thor is such a tease," a group of three sang together, who had apparently been planning to jump in. Everyone giggled and continued to sing.
Meanwhile, at the guys' night, Clint Barton, Tony Stark, and Loki were all twitching spasmodically as they watched the security cameras in the room the girls' night was being held. Thor was staring open-mouthed, and his face was as red as his cape. Steve Rogers, Bruce Banner, Nick Fury, Agent Coulson, and all the other men were laughing their heads off.
Clint, Tony, and Loki watched in horror as the women their hearts belonged to sang about how amazing Thor was.
Loki glared at Stark. "You said spying on them would be fun."
Tony winced. "Yeah… I did say that… I wasn't expecting them to be singing about—"
"All girls have a crush on Thor!" the women's voices carried out of the security camera microphones. "Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Tho-or! Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Tho-or! All girls have a crush on Thor!"
Tony tapped something on the screen, and the window closed. Clint, Tony, and Loki exchanged looks, still twitching slightly in horror. They all looked towards Thor, who backed away slowly.
"Well… work is going to be interesting tomorrow," Fury commented.
Note from LoquaciousQuibbler: What does guys night do? Spy on girls night, of course. Typical Tony, huh? Poor Loki, Clint, and Tony though. Not to mention Thor. Yeah, it's gonna be kinda awkward tomorrow morning… when the guys and girls see each other again. The girls are gonna have some explaining to do, definitely… At least the guys didn't see the girls talking about the people they actually have a crush on. The original song is "Roar" by Katy Perry.
I own the parody lyrics contained in this chapter…
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