Chapter 10: Sin

She had fallen asleep.

Hakkai had taken Goku downstairs to feed the annoying monkey, so they would be gone for hours. Gojyo was off somewhere, probably chasing some tart, so he may be gone all night. It was another opportunity for Sanzo and Xiaozhi to sit together; either talking or reading. Tonight they had been reading.

The large room the four boys were staying in tonight came equipped with a couch as well as a table. Upon entering the room, Xiaozhi had gravitated towards the couch and proceeded to lounge. Sanzo remained at the table and watched her stretch across the cushions; her head leaning back against the low arm rest. She reminded him of a cat; languid movements, satisfied smile. Something about her form relaxed back in such a way made a hard lump form in his throat. He tried hard to swallow it.

He forced his eyes back to the newspaper in his lap. Every day was getting harder and harder. More difficult to control his racing heart, the unwanted thoughts that invaded his mind.

They hadn't been that way for even an hour when the thump of her book hitting the floor made his eyes move back to her. Her duel eyes were closed, mouth open only slightly as she breathed, head tilted to the side facing Sanzo. Her book was open face down on the floor beside the couch, one of her arms dangling off the side of the furniture; having caused the book to fall with it. She had slid down off the arm rest. The entire length of her body rested against the cushions.

How long ago had she been asleep? Was she really so comfortable around him that she would do such a thing? Did she really trust him that much?

A heavy breath escaped through Sanzo's nose; neither annoyed nor angry. He stood, closing the paper and setting it on the table. He walked over to one of the beds and stripped the sheet from it. Gojyo wouldn't need it anyway and if he did return tonight than he could suck it up. He went to where she slept and spread the sheet over her.

Sanzo's thought's escaped him once again as he stood there and watched her sleep. His mind went back to the conversation he'd held with Hakkai a while back. She looked innocent and pure laying there. Sanzo couldn't force any ill feelings towards her; any annoyance or contempt and definitely not anger. No, he liked the girl. The talks they had were strangely comforting and he slept peacefully on those nights, her voice like a lullaby resounding through his mind.

But it was worse than that. He dreamed of her now; her smile, her voice, her ferocity in battle, faces he wasn't even sure she could make. He woke up most mornings now in sweats, but not unpleasantly. Heat was always pooled in his core when he awoke and he hurried to be first into the shower; a very, very cold shower. It was like he'd been put under a spell. No, not a spell, a curse! These feelings had gone far past any general attraction. He feared he was lusting after the girl.

He groaned and sat on the floor, weighed down by his realization, his thoughts, his emotions. He leaned forward, face resting in one hand, the elbow of that arm sitting on one knee. He could feel the heat again, along with the quick, heavy pounding of his heartbeat.

This woman is going to be the death of me…

His eyes darted to her hand, which was still dangling off the side of the couch within reach. It looked so small and so delicate. It was almost like the hand of a child; small, soft, and breakable. He reached out his free hand…

…Fuck it…

…and took it, holding it as lightly as he could. A quiet, content sigh escaped her. Her fingers gripped his hand as she slept, a smile playing across her lips. He felt his heart leap.

I'll die for this.

He brought her hand to his face and pressed the back of it to his cheek. She was warm. The skin of her hand was soft compared to his. The calluses on her palm, from the grip of her gun, were still relatively young and smooth; where his were the opposite. She must not have been using her weapons for very long, perhaps a year or two. He could feel her pulse thudding rhythmically against his fingers. The gently beat of life within her was intoxicating his mind.

He'd long since bypassed dangerous territory. These feelings, these thoughts, were so new and so terrifying. He couldn't tell Xiaozhi of these feelings. He couldn't allow himself to taint her. She was a beautiful, virtuous woman.

He was a sinner… at his very core.

He had to distance himself, to keep himself from this temptation. At least that's what he believed.

When Hakkai finally returned with Goku in tow, Sanzo was back in his chair, back to reading the paper. There was nothing to hint to Sanzo's revelation or what had occurred only a short time ago. However, Xiaozhi's hand now rested comfortably against her abdomen.

Hakkai looked from one to the other, questioning, but not asking.