A/N : Apparently my computer likes to crash. Sorry.

We were at a picnic, a family picnic for the end of summer. After Chris and I had that fight we toned everything down. There was nothing to fight about because we kept everything other then friend stuff repressed. It was hard, awkward, I could tell he didn't like it but I couldn't help it.

That day I was supposed to be with my family, a day where we wouldn't force each other to be in the same room and not talk about what happened, but as Chris crossed through the kitchen to leave one afternoon my mom got a hold of him, and asked him to join us. She never suspected that we were trying to pick up the pieces of a wrecked friendship, and of course he didn't decline.

I settled myself on a hard bench at the edge of the back lawn of someone my parents knew. It was hot; sweat was slicking up my back already, my head hurt. Chris took the seat opposite to me, sitting on his hands (which he often had to do). I was planning on being there until my parents got bored with the same work and town chitchat and then going home, I would avoid those sad eyes, I would be a good person.

Then trouble waltzed into my vision. Jenny and Judy, the ones that got me in trouble with jealously. They'd spotted us right away, smiling and waving. Judy's make-up was thicker then her sister's, it was almost scary. She waved and Jenny followed her actions, they made their way over to us. Chris wasn't even paying attention, his eyes were focused on the knothole in the table, and he was trying so hard.

Judy's hand grazed his shoulder, causing his head to snap up and my eyes to narrow. "Hey strangers." There was lipstick on her teeth.

"Hey." We both said in unison, looking in different directions. Judy lowered herself onto the empty space next to Chris, Jenny right beside her. My teeth clenched.

"I thought we would get to hang out more this summer, but you two never called." She was looking right at him with her hands on the table so close to his arm. Little did she know we had more important issues then watching more bad movies with them, more then stupid summer flings.

His voice came out distant, "We had stuff to do, couldn't find the time." At least he wasn't a liar. She was touching his upper arm; a familiar feeling pinched my stomach. I had to look away. My gaze found my mom's eyes, she smiled at me, and I looked away quickly.

Judy was whispering something to him, red lips so close to his ear. She could do that; she could touch his arm, whisper, and kiss him in public. Jenny looked bored, she wasn't included in the conversation, she probably didn't even want to come over here and watch her sister flirt with Chris.

He was looking at her, I couldn't read his face, I was so unsure on what he felt. I couldn't tell what was turning in his head, but I didn't dare look him in the eyes.

"We could go for a walk." She batted her eyelashes at him, smiling with that smear of wax on her teeth, and he actually got up. They headed off for the woods. I watched them disappear in the over growth.

Jenny almost followed them, she started to get up and then she realized that three would be a crowd. She picked at a loose nail. "I hate when she does that." The girl mumbled despondently. I almost agreed with her. What would he let her pull? Why couldn't he just keep sitting on his hands, why couldn't he just be my best friend?

I hated that whole season in that one moment. I hated our walk in the woods, the fighting, and everything. It made my brain buzz uncomfortably. "She's been talking about him ever since the movies."

"Oh." I shaped my mouth around the word. Of course she had, and if none of that would've ever happened Chris and her would've palled around I wouldn't be hurt. I felt like whining about it, that's all I did in my head I never took really any action.

"Why don't we follow them?" I suggested, and Jenny cracked a smile.

We moved fast, Jenny didn't like her sister ditching her, I didn't like her making moves at Chris but I would never admit that, we found them relativity fast. She was trying to lean onto his arm, but he would distance himself a small unnoticeable bit to a hormonal girl. "Hey!" Jenny shouted and hurried up behind her sibling, "We're supposed to stick together." She reminded in an annoyed tone. Judy just batted her comment away with her hand. "Well I'm a little busy." Judy snapped.

They both started to argue, little pieces I could catch, like "-and you never asked who I wanted to sit next to" – "-I'm better"-"-fat cow"

I grabbed a hold of Chris' forearm and pulled him off the path into the woods, through tall grass that could've been infested with snakes, just so no one would follow. He was hard to pull at the speed I was moving at. I was trying to sprint but he slowed me to a jog.

Reaching a 'safe' spot I finally let go of his arm. We were both out of breath; I'd made us move fast. "What's with you? I wouldn't do that to you!" He said behind gritted teeth. He would never have to pull me away; I'd gladly walk away. He was trying to be tough, he was trying to be the person he though Chris Chambers used to be. "Do you have something against that girl?" He huffed getting closer, looked away from him.

I was looking at my shoes, "You don't want her."

"What?"

"You don't want her." I looked up; he was looking to the treetops.

"Yes I do, Gordie, you're just fucking jealous again." He spat bitterly, "Jealous and playing a game. You're too afraid to admit anything because you're still trying to get your dad to love you like he loved Denny, well guess what Gordie, that's never going to happen because you're not Denny!" His voice was growing louder with each word.

"Chri-"

"No fuck you, I'm done. I'm tired of this." He turned paced back and forth, so angry. I was angry too, I just couldn't, couldn't…

"You'll always be like this, always worried about this shit. I'm sorry, sorry that I dragged you into this, and I bet you're like 'oh let's pretty that I give a shit about Chambers because he needs friends even if his is a fa-'"

"Chris-"

"Faggot, because you think I'm a charity case, well let me tell you Lachance-"

"Christopher Chambers!" I yelled shoving him backwards. He stumbled slightly, I expected him to come at me ready to sock me in the face but he didn't. He stood there stunned. "I know I'm just as fucking confused as you are!" I roared. My fists clenched, "I'm confused and I hate you, and I hate this goddamn summer. Nothings fair, everything is weird and I can't stand it! I'm angry and hurt, and, and, and…" My voice died into a whisper, "sick of being wrong."

Back on that night where we were in the middle of the road, I realized I'd never be normal, or want my family wanted, but I knew what we had to do. I knew that I had to stop trying to be more then his friend; because I knew that I'd never accept it. Once it had happened, once I got jealous, once we went father then I wanted, once we fought, once I tried to go back to what we had always been, my mind clouded over and I didn't know what I was, or where I was going. I was forcing myself to be something I wasn't.

He looked at me, and I finally looked him in the eye. The same friendly eyes, he still looked like my best friend, through thick and thin. "I know." He said. He moved towards me slowly, only moving a few inches at a time until he wasn't more then arms length away, and I pulled him into a hug. But everything was still complicated.

A/N: I know it's out of character, my style has changed, and it was rather rushed, but I hadn't updated in forever.