Chapter 10: No, Of Course Not.

Companion Song: Perfect by The Smashing Pumpkins

I know we're just like old friends

We just can't pretend

That lovers make amends

We are reasons so unreal

We can't help but feel that something has been lost

But please you know you're just like me

Next time I promise we'll be

Perfect

Perfect

Perfect strangers down the line

Lovers out of time

Memories unwind

So far I still know who you are

But now I wonder who I was…

(Lyrics are copyright of The Smashing Pumpkins)

(Characters are copyright of Stephenie Meyer)

No permission is implied from their use and belongs to the respective copyright owners.

Seth was helping Bella get ready at her apartment first. Afterwards, they would head back to the rez because that's where the wedding was being held and also so Seth could get changed too.

Bella was wearing her bikini, as she had promised. Seth flashed a grin and cocked an eyebrow.

"Don't get used to it." she said, rolling her eyes but smiling back at him. Seth sighed dramatically and pretended like he was crying. She couldn't help but giggle at his antics. Today had been physically and emotionally draining, and it wasn't even close to being over. It was nice to be able to laugh about something.

Bella didn't feel well enough to stand up in the shower for a long time, so she took a bath instead. Things were quiet for a few minutes. Seth was sitting on the vanity counter staring out the window, lost somewhere in his head while she washed up. She had just finished rinsing her hair and was ready to get out but needed a minute to rest. She leaned back in the tub, thinking.

"Seth?"

He turned his head back in her direction. He didn't answer but was looking at her, listening.

"I'm nervous."

"Nervous?" he looked confused. "Nervous why?"

"I look like crap, I feel like crap. I don't know. Ugh..." she closed her eyes.

"What if he decides he isn't coming anymore?" she said quietly.

"He'll be there." Bella opened her eyes back up and slightly shook her head, frowning at him like she wasn't entirely convinced. She got up from the tub and stood on the rug. Dripping water from her hair and the strings on her bikini had started to pool on the floor. Seth handed her a towel.

They walked down the hall where Bella went into her room and got changed into a silky cobalt blue dress she had laid out on the chair. She opened the door back up and Seth came in and sat on the bed while she found her hairdryer and a brush. He looked at her thoughtfully, noticing she hadn't put out any shoes.

"Where your shoes?" he asked. Bella pointed to one side of the room. One long wall was entirely made up of closet doors.

He went to one closet and opened the doors, finding massive amounts of clothes. He opened another door, finding more dresses and tops. He shut that door and muttered Jeeeez to himself. He opened the last set of big doors to reveal a closet full of no less than fifty pairs of shoes in different colors and styles. He stood there looking at all of them for awhile and then threw up his hands in exasperation.

"You're on your own Bella. I don't even wear shoes half the time anymore. Paws are great like that." he was being silly to try and get her to smile, as usual, when he felt she was being too serious.

She went back to the bathroom and dried her hair. She spent a while carefully twisting her hair into a style she thought looked nice. Bella put make up on, she wanted to look as good as possible. She was mortified, thinking what she must have looked like back at the Cullens and having that be the first look Jake had gotten of her after so much time. She wanted this to be perfect, for everything to be perfect. She was thinking about what Seth said, he seemed sure that Jake would make an appearance.

"You look pretty." he told her when she came back into the room.

"I want to know why you're sure he's going to be there."

"Regardless of everything else going on, I know he wouldn't skip out on Sam like that. He's knows it's a big deal, obviously. It's his excuse, anyways."

"His…excuse? What exactly does that mean?" she asked, dropping her make up back onto her dresser and turning to stare at him.

"Uhhh, well….uhhh maybe excuse wasn't the best word to use." Her face demanded answers.

She had barely seen Jake back at the Cullens. She had thrown up, she was sweaty, her dress was torn from Seth's teeth. She woke up incredibly disoriented and coming to the realization that she was a human again when he was there. She felt terrible and knew she must have looked terrible. He just appeared in front of her very face and she wasn't prepared for it at all. She had no words, she had been rendered utterly speechless by the surprise of him being there.

And he had slipped out of the room, wanting to give her space and privacy. He wanted to give her the space to make a decision with a clear head. He knew if he stood there too long he would say something he regretted in some way. Seeing her face again, after all that time they had been apart, after everything that had happened. He was unsure until that moment. She didn't hate him after all. That realization had given him enough strength to leave the room. This time, he wanted Bella to realize on her own who she wanted to be with. He didn't want to plead with her, he didn't want to yell. He knew it was important that everything happen on her terms this time. Jake would wait forever, if he had to.

"Excuse?" she repeated. Seth shifted his weight on the bed and thought carefully about how he was going to say things.

"Sam and Emily's wedding has been the excuse Jake needed to come back. It was not, however, his reason."

"It wasn't?" she asked, feeling anxious.

"No, of course not. YOU are." he said, his face clearly wondering why this wasn't obvious to her.

"I am? I...? Me?" nothing seemed obvious to Bella. She wasn't comprehending.

What was Seth talking about? Jake had been gone such a long time and she had come to doubt she would ever see him again. Of course, she had never expected him to be there as she woke up, either.

"Bella, he's wanted to come back for a long time – almost since he left. He's wanted to talk to you for months and months. Trust me, I know. I've heard it in his thoughts over and over. Any time I ran patrol on the rez and he was within range, I knew you were all he was thinking about."

"Really?" Bella wanted to believe it, but she couldn't just yet. "Then why didn't he? I've been here the whole time."

All these months Jake wanted to talk to her?! Yes, she had been here the whole time. Here alone, hating herself over everything, certain he would never want to look at her or hear from her again knowing what she was.

"Yes, but once he realized you weren't dead…" Bella looked at him, listening intently. Dead, she mumbled to herself. Seth paused before continuing.

"Ummm…dead, you know? Like just dead." Mmmhmm she nodded.

"Well he didn't want to interfere with your life. He didn't know that you and Edward weren't together anymore until he heard that in my head awhile after we had that talk that night."

Bella was quiet, her mind racing. All this time, all this time, I can't believe it.

"We have to get going." Seth reminded her after looking down at his watch. She threw some essentials in a small silver evening clutch she had and went to the closet to find matching silver shoes. They got in Seth's car and drove back to his house on the rez. She didn't say anything the entire ride over.

Sue had apparently already left early for the wedding. Bella wondered if Leah would be there at all. Probably not. Too painful for her she thought. Bella understood what it was like to have things go horribly wrong with the one person you love and decided to cut her some slack. Things were over for Leah. But not for her, right?

She was still preoccupied with what Seth had told her. She didn't even notice that he had gotten dressed already. He stopped and did a catwalk turn, throwing his jacket over his shoulder and putting a hand through his hair. He flashed a smile at her when she rolled her eyes.

"How much time do we have?" she asked him. She was nervous, on edge. She wanted to get through this already. Bella wanted to talk to Jake so badly, to see him. She had begun to pace the floor.

"A little. We could find something to do." he told her, doing his trademark eyebrow move. She laughed nervously. He was trying to distract her, but it didn't work. Her mind was way too full, but she appreciated it just the same.

"Ughhh Seth." She shook her head at him. "What would I do without you?"

"C'mon, stop." He stepped in front of her, putting his arms up and on her shoulders. "I don't like when you pace."

"Sorry. I can't help it. I don't know what to do with myself. I'm afraid I'm going to mess up when I see him."

"I was too stupid to say anything the last time." she added, fidgeting with the strap on her dress.

"It's all going to work out. Don't worry." He gave her hand a reassuring squeeze. "Now let's go."

They drove a little ways, it wasn't too far from Seth's house. Early Autumn really was a beautiful time of year. The leaves looked full and perfect for today's celebration. Bella noticed the big building and all of the cars outside. Someone had put a pretty display out front that included a birdcage with two doves in it. Bella and Seth went inside. Seth spotted one of his friends and went over to talk to him. Bella anxiously scanned the people inside. She recognized almost everyone there, but didn't see the one person she wanted to see the most. She went in and took a seat, waiting for the ceremony to begin.

Where is he?

Seth was laughing over in the corner. A few more friends had walked over and were chatting. Bella wished she could share the same carefree feeling. The sounds of instruments tuning could be heard and people shuffled into their seats. Seth came to sit next to her.

Bella needed to give her mind something to think about. She noticed the details of the things around her. There were white covers and deep purple ribbons tied at the back of each chair. There were white rose petals on the aisle runner. The bridesmaids were wearing purple dresses, and the groomsmen had on dark gray suits with white shirts. Everyone looked really nice. Sam looked so happy standing up there. Bella was feeling sad, remembering her own failed wedding. She tried not to let it show on her face, but must not have done a very good job. Relax, he'll be here Seth whispered. She sighed.

Patience Bella, patience. You've waited going on two years, what's another afternoon?

Jake had slipped in the back row just in time to see things get started. He was equally as nervous, but much better at hiding it. His face betrayed nothing as his mind went just as crazy as Bella's on the inside.

Emily had come down the aisle next to Sam and the two of them were holding hands at the altar. Jake stopped listening altogether and dared to think about what it would be like if he and Bella were standing there right now.

Don't get ahead of yourself. Just because she doesn't hate you doesn't mean she loves you either.

The ceremony was short. Jake slipped out right after the wedding party walked through the doors and headed over to where the reception tent had been set up. He carefully hid himself in the crowd over on one side of the space.

Bella stared Seth down as they were leaving. He shrugged his shoulders. They headed over to the tent and found seats at a table. Seth tried talking to her as they waited for the wedding party to come in. She talked a little but couldn't really hold a conversation. Bella looked around but still didn't see Jake. There were so many people there, and it was hard to see much of anything besides the table in front of her. There were large flower centerpieces in the middle of each table, making it hard to see even the couple sitting across from them.

Emily and Sam made their way into the tent, right onto the dance floor where they were holding hands. Everybody clapped. She really did look pretty, despite the large scar on her face. The happiness she was exuding negated the ugliness of the marks. Things got under way and after some time, food was served. This was the first time Bella had eaten real food in a very long time and it tasted weird. She made a face, hoping that this wasn't a permanent side effect of everything.

Emily and Sam had their first dance. The DJ then invited everyone else to come join them on the dance floor. Seth reluctantly dragged Bella onto the dance floor, smiling mischievously the whole time.

"Seth, what is your deal?" she eyed him warily.

"Come on, enjoy yourself Bella." he said and winked at her. The song was slow, and they swayed back and forth to the music. There was a voice behind her in her ear.

"Mind if I have this dance?" he asked. It was Jake, and the very sound of his voice sent waves throughout her body. He then stood next to Seth.

"Yes, I do mind. I believe I get at least one whole song, seeing as how Bella is my date." Seth said, turning his head in folding his arms in mock offense.

"We can settle this later." Jake said, smiling in a way that made Bella's knees want to buckle.

"You're on." Seth smiled in response and lightly punched him in the arm, winking at Bella again before disappearing.