I tapped my foot as I waited in the lobby. Tim was scribbling down something on a note pad. The other women there were giddy and excited with their spouses. A lesbian couple was sitting in the corner by the kids area. They played with the few kids that were there. They were older but it was so beautiful that they were getting to experience being parents.
I played with a tissue. Tiny shreds piled on my lap. What would I do once I got back there? What would they do? What tests would they perform? Would they draw blood? Would-
A hand distracted me from my thoughts. Tim had his fingers laced in mine. My heart raced at the warmth.
He leaned really close. "Everything's going to be fine."
I blushed but his words soothed me.
"Milano."
I got up and instantly my knees felt weak. I hadn't realized I was still holding Tim's hand. He gave me a soft squeeze. He stood up and we followed the nurse back. I bombarded her with a bunch of questions once we got in the room. She said the were going to run some tests and see how far along I was. They were going to do an ultrasound as well to check the baby's progress. She said I wouldn't be able to find out the baby's sex until I was 14 weeks along.
As she left, I let out a shaky breath. Tim came over and took my hand. His fingers swirled in little circles. It was soothing but my nerves were running rampant.
"Talk to me," he said.
"I don't think I can do this."
"You'll be fine. They're just going to run some tests."
I shook my head. "No. I mean being a mom. I can't…Tim what if I suck as a mom?"
"You're going to be a great mother."
"What if it comes out deformed? What if it has some incurable disease? What if I hate it? What if-"
"Lucy, hush." He rubbed my arms. "Everything's going to be fine. The baby will be perfect."
"It's got Tyler's DNA."
"This child will not be anything like Tyler. You won't let it happen." He cupped my chin. "Neither will I."
I stared at him. Was he saying that he was going to accept this child? Did he want to be with me regardless of everything in my past? What did he mean?
"Tim."
"I know you're scared. I know you feel alone. But I'll be here for you no matter what."
"What do you mean?"
"I want to be here for you."
Tears pricked my eyes. "Why?"
"You're so special. I can't figure out why or how but I just know that you were meant to pop in my life right now. I want to make you happy and I want to share memories with you each day. I know you're not ready for a relationship yet. I won't rush things. I know you need time to deal with things with Tyler. When you're ready, my arms will be open. However, I'm not going anywhere."
I couldn't do anything but stare into his eyes. He meant every word. I could feel every ounce of love pouring out of him. His eyes sparkled a little as he looked at me. He smiled gently and warmly. He wasn't going to leave me. He would protect me. He wouldn't rush me. He loved me.
Tears streamed down my face. He pulled me into a hug.
"I'm so scared."
"I know."
"What if he finds out?"
"He won't lay a finger on the baby."
I gripped his back. "Please don't leave me."
He pulled back. "I won't."
He kissed me gently and my head was swimming. The tears stopped flowing and my heart skipped a beat. I'd never felt anything like this. I'd never known this kind of passion could exist in such a small, tender kiss.
We pulled apart as the doctor came in.
"Well hello! Congratulations mom and dad! Let's take a look at your little bundle of joy."