You know the new Firefly and Castle stuff that's about to come out? I don't own it, but I do enjoy it immensely.
Rick Castle might be a bit of a core-bred pansy, but Mal has to admit that he can spin one hell of a yarn. He hasn't laughed this hard in a long damn time.
"And then I said, 'Yeah. Except psycho here needs a breath mint.'" the man gushes, and Mal can't help but be pulled into the climax of his story. Rick does not disappoint, crafting the reveal expertly. The suspect killed his sister, not just for money, but also to get back at his dad.
"So Beckett's yelling at him to drop the gun, and I feel his grip loosen. so I plant my feet and slam my elbow into his face, BAM!" Rick mimes the movement and nearly topples over backward in the sturdy chair.
Mal grins and shakes his head. "I tell you what, Rick, you are just about the luckiest summabitch I ever heard tell of." Mal interjects. "You were practically begging for a bullet."
"No, he had the safety on the whole time." Rick answers confidently.
"Who says I was talkin' about him?" Mal continues. between sips of his fine, Shadow-brewed beer. "From what you've told us, you should've been more worried about her!"
"It may have crossed her mind," Rick acquiesces with an answering grin.
His ribbing gaining momentum, Mal continues, "Besides, if you're going to snark, you might want to wait until you're the one holding the gun."
"Like you do?" his Ma says.
"Well, I ..." he begins and something in his expression makes his co-diners burst out laughing.
"I never said I followed my own advice," he says once the noise dies down. "I'm just lucky I've got Zoe watching my back."
Rick glances up, curious. "Is that your wife?"
Mal chokes on his mouthful of burger (weren't they eating breakfast not too long ago?) "No," he coughs, shaking his head to aid in the denial. "No, Zoe's my first mate. She's had my back since the war and has got more sense than any three of me." He took another sip. "Though I'd appreciate it if you'd refrain from lettin' her know that. God knows I get little enough respect on that ship as is."
"So," Rick pushes, "you're not married?"
Mal grimaces "Well, that's a matter of debate..."
"Sounds like there's a story there," Rick says, his eyes twinkling in a way that Mal don't much like.
He's about to tell Rick to take his curiosity and shove it where the suns don't shine when his mother pipes up. "Yes, Mal, please, I would Love to hear about your adventures in Holy Matrimony."
"Weren't nothing holy about it," Mal grumbles, but he knows he's caught. His Ma's a soft-spoken woman most of the time but when she gets an idea in her head she'll pursue it like a dog on the hunt. "Fine," he says, "Although I think I'm gonna need a few more beers to get through this. It all started when we got us a job sussin' out bandits on this little ol' moon called Triumph..."
Mal ain't no slouch at storytelling hisownself, and before long, he has his audience enraptured. He tells about the how the plan actually went smooth, for once, and how they all came back to the village to celebrate. He describes how this pretty girl comes up to him and puts a flower crown of all things on him and after some more wine, drags him up to dance. He talks about how he found her hidin in the hold and how she insisted that they had been wed. He has them in hysterics as he describes his crew and their reactions to his predicament.
"He really calls it Vera?" Rick asks when Mal pauses to wet his throat.
"Yep, and you don't wanna know the names he has for the rest of 'em." Mal grins at the thought of his big merc cuddling "Pookie" to his chest, near tears after a misfire tore up the barrel of the six-shooter.
"Duly noted," Rick responds. "There are some things than man just isn't meant to know."
"Ain't that the truth," Mal agrees, and continues his tale. He stresses how meek and submissive Saffron acted, and how he figured that it was just her way and did his best to help her toughen up a bit before he had to set her loose in the cold, cruel verse. "Anyway, I had a berth all made up for her in the passenger dorms, so I figured she'd found it and taken her rest when I climbed down into my own bunk, more than ready to put the whole damn day behind me..."
"She was in your bed, wasn't she?" Rick prompts, and Mal tries to hide his slight flush at the memory.
"Naked as the day she came cryin'," he confirms, but stops when he catches a glimpse of his Ma's amused grin.
"Well, go on," she prompts, and the slight grin in her voice does nothing to quell his embarrassment.
He clears his throat. "Well, as I was trying to get her to relocate to the nice comfy dorm I'd arranged for her, she, well, she ended up kissin' me," he finished lamely.
"What happened then?" his Ma asks, a wicked gleam in her eye that he's never liked, and he's never been more grateful to be able to tell her the absolute truth.
"I blacked out."
"She was a plant!" Rick guesses, correctly. "She totally played you."
"Like a harp," Mal admits. "I came to on the floor of my bunk with my crew around me. The doc told me about this whole 'Goodnight Kiss go-se' and Zoe filled me in on our situation. She'd sabotaged Serenity and sealed the bridge, before stealing a shuttle and taking off. She made the mistake of tryin' to seduce 'Nara before the alarms went off. Almost managed it, too, but 'Nara, she figured out what the little hussy was up to and ran to my bunk and got the doc before she passed out from the same poison I did." He grins at the thought of Inara's encounter with Saffron and once again wishes he had been there to witness it, though he's replayed in his imagination often enough. He's only human, after all.
Rick's brow furrows like he's working something through. "How far is your bunk from the shuttle docks?" he asks, finally.
That's an odd question. "About eight, maybe ten meters, why?"
"And you said you had to climb down a ladder?" Rick says, ignoring Mal's query.
Mal answers, "Yeah, so?"
"Then your Companion could not have kissed her," Rick concludes.
"How do you figure that?" Mal asks. To be honest, he's a little angry at Rick doubting what Mal considers the best part of his story.
Rick doesn't seem to notice Mal's agitation and continues excitedly. "The timeline doesn't fit. I happen to be familiar with that particular drug, don't ask, and I know that it takes no more than thirty seconds to take effect on someone your size. Assuming that she's smaller than you," Mal nods, "it would take even less time to affect her system."
Mal begins to grow uneasy, but isn't ready to concede the point. "So?"
"So, she wouldn't have had time to hear the alarms, figure out what had happened, and make it to your bunk, much less call for help, before losing consciousness.
Mal's still a bit confused but his Ma has that grin again. What's he missing? "So she really did hit her head then?"
"Nope," Rick grins, "she was definitely poisoned..."
There is somethin' about this Mal just doesn't see. His ma ruffles his hair and chuckles. "Oh Mal..."
This is beginning to piss him off. "Where'd the poison come from then?" he demands.
"From the only contaminated surface on the ship, of course." Rick leads, Mal's eyebrows fly up as he realizes what Rick is insinuating.
"She kissed you Mal!" his ma finishes for him, as all Mal can do is sit back in a state of shock.
"Well," he breathes, not entirely sure how to react to this new information that has the potential to rearrange his thinking about more than a few things,
"Ain't that something?"
Yay! Two updates in one week! I'd like to thank SelimPensFiction for talking with me and inspiring me to get this down on (electronic) paper. I know that I'm a slow writer, and I appreciate all of my readers for putting up with my inconsistent updates. You are what keeps me writing (otherwise, it'd just stay locked up in my head, not doing anybody any good). I treasure each and every review, and the more I get, the faster and better my writing gets. Thank you all