I'll Live

"So... What is all this about the bus and locker room?" I hovered beside Tucker as he dragged his feet, taking his time packing his backpack and spinning the lock around and around. He ducked around me, glancing back toward where Sam's locker was, but she had left long ago. Catching back up with him in the nearly empty hallways, I pressed on. "This has been stuck in my head all afternoon and my focus is bad enough in schoolwork. Come on Tucker. What happened with Ashley? I'm seriously worried."

"Don't be man. It happened near the end of eighth grade." Tucker's head shifted away from me as he sped up to get around me. I let him, more concerned than I had been during lunch. He was still acting weird and weirdly reluctant about this? What on... "And anyway, she's apparently forgotten it."

I caught the disturbed and indignant mutter. Tucker clearly didn't forget it.

"Hey."

Startled, I looked away from Tucker and saw Spike waiting up ahead by the doors. Just past him, I could see the parking lot was much emptier. Buses were gone. No cars were zipping away. Any vehicles were of the teachers or coaches or students remaining after school.

"Took long enough. We can head over to my car," Spike offered. "Over this way. I'll start as we walk over. Uh, let's see, how is the best way to start this? I mean, I just know the locker room bit and...well, I got the gist of it. Okay, so, Danny. You remember how there was that game among the guys in middle school about getting Ashley's attention?"

My foot hit the weather worn crack at the base of the stairs, nearly tripping on my face after that question got my attention. "There was what?!"

Both Spike and Tucker spun their heads back to stare at me.

"What kind of thing is that? What do you mean there was a game about..." My mouth hovered open, my feet coming to a stop, then I snapped my jaw shut as I looked back and forth between them. "Does this... I mean... Is this why Dash and all of them and you two are looking at me like this? Because there was some...some game about befriending Ashley in middle school?"

"Befriending?!"

"Er, actually, that pretty much goes over how it started I think." Spike turned to Tucker. "You never told him?"

"No! And it was something all the guys seemed to know. And well..." Tucker trailed off, looking back to me, confused.

Spike turned back to me. "You didn't share classes or anything with her, did you?"

"Um..." I thought back, going through all my classes, mentally searching for her in my head. "No? I don't think so. First I saw or noticed her was after school, working on homework during detention sometime last year."

"But you were Dash's personally assigned 'nerd' all through middle school and until last year," Spike pointed out. Tucker nodded. "How did you never..."

"You mean the guy I try to avoid when I can?"

"That's true. Still, you never knew about that? At all?"

Arms flew up. "Obviously! I think I'd notice if there was some game going on trying to befriend Ashley! She's outright said she doesn't have any! And I—"

"No."

Spike raised up a hand, leaning up against an old, but trustworthy looking gray car. His head shook and I stared at him. No. No, I don't want to...

"When the other guys in class noticed, it...changed."

My throat moved, swallowing heavily. I figured, with what some of the things Ashley said, but the only thing I saw that was that moment of Dash going up to her at the dance. And with them bringing up Dash's name at lunch... How Ashley seemed to shut down at times...

Spike gazed up to the sky.

"We'll start really at the beginning. Which, well, is probably back to Dash really. As well as me. And Brandon and Tyler."

"What?!"

He scowled at me for the interruption. Then his eyes slid over to Tucker, shifting where he stood. Huffing, Spike looked back to me, continuing on. Tucker? Had Tucker been part of this?

"It was with how Ashley entered middle school without Paulina and the rest. They didn't really share classes and it looked as though there was some falling out between them over the summer. We noticed, since we hung out during band often and pulled mini jazz sessions with the four of us. We got set up together in elementary from this music place our parents all had us in. We really noticed. Ashley... She was outgoing when we were kids, always friendly, to everyone. But when we entered middle school, she was still friendly, but far more reserved. Drawn inward. That's how it started. We were trying to draw her back out. Bonnie tried too. No wonder though, I guess, being cousins."

Okay. Well that sounded fine. Not like what Spike was making it out to be. Just a group of friends, plus a cousin and Dash for some reason, trying to help her. That's what it sounded like. Nothing terrible. I glanced over at Tucker, who was stunningly silent for most of this. Spike's eyes moved to look too. Then back to me.

Frustrated, Spike blew out of his mouth.

"She withdrew more."

"Huh? But..."

"Yeah, confused us too. It wasn't like her. Ashley would pick up a book during free times, not talk in the hallways or lunch, nods and some words on lucky days, give help on homework when asked too, but all very...polite. And Dash, shoot, I don't know what it was he did, but something he did got a reaction. After that, well, I mean, you can guess from there. And it started catching. Other guys in the class joined in, thinking it was just some thing to do, not knowing why, but each trying to get a reaction out of her and outdo each other. Sixth, seventh, eighth. Until...Alex."

Spike gave a look over to Tucker, who wilted more, fidgeting.

I stared. All of middle school? I spun my head back to look at Tucker.

"Tucker?"

He took in a breath. "Okay. So... In seventh grade, my bus changed. Ashley was on there too. She got on in the earlier stops. Usually someone was already sitting with her. And I usually didn't luck out after school in making sure I got a free seat or managing to leave the spot open by the time she got on the bus. I thought, well, she was a better seating option than the other ones on there. Like Seaver. And Cameron who graduated last year and Travis Byers and Kristy Mathison and well. It was...not good."

Recognizing most the names, I nodded. "Yeah." Not really the worst. But get a group like that gathered, not the best. Tucker had mentioned a couple of them a few times in messing with him on the bus.

"Most everyone on that bus was insulting, pestering, poking, and shoving at her. Already I mean. Like it'd been going for a while. Before the route changed and I was on there. And Alex was also a new one on the bus. A new one at the school. Taller than most sixth graders, charming and handsome and athletic. A jock and quick to start strutting around with the A-Listers for his class. And wrangling to the back of our bus. Even though the back was separated only for us seventh graders and up."

"Wait." I asked for the pause, taking it in. All during school, all the bus ride? Even if this started out as a way to help her, with Dash involved, it was years of bullying her to get her to react. I startled. No wonder. No wonder Ashley looked like she just shut down rather than snapping back at Dash like I would. It just continued it. And got worse. Others joining in. Trying to up one another. "What...what happened with Alex then? What did he do?"

"He picked up that it was the thing to do." Tucker's shrug was awkward. Shifty and sideways and scowling. "And took it too far near the end of eighth grade. Well, him in seventh and actually allowed back there with us, not that it seemed to be a problem of him being back there before. Ashley refused to give up her homework, like usual, hunkering down in the seat to read. Travis yanked the book from her, Kristy tried to get at her backpack for homework, Seaver started saying some of his typical crap, another was poking at her, uh, what was his name? Right, Carl Woods. I think he's a senior this year?"

"What! Where was the bus driver? And didn't anyone say anything?"

He gave me a look. "To who? Adults who weren't there and it'd get worse if we said anything? And Mike was all the way at the front of the bus. It was the no nose bus, the longest and biggest one Casper's got. And why the seventh and up were regulated to the back of the bus. We were the older ones. Less little kids back there causing problems. Ha. So... Yeah, I don't think Mike ever saw anything. That day wasn't any different. Except, well, none of the younger kids ever spoke up before. Joined in sometimes, copying the older cool kids."

Tucker's eyes rolled. Then I watched as his face went solemn. "Then tiny little Birdie, er, this little first grade girl, Tiffany Bird, she adored Kristy and followed her like a little duckling, she told her mom what happened. And with it going that far, it was the first time Ashley, only time too, ratted them out on what was going on in the back of the bus."

Spike and I both drew closer. It didn't matter we were the only ones out in the parking lot and no one was likely to overhear. We drew in close.

"To be perfectly honest, even I had no idea when it happened, even though I was there. It's just, I tried not to annoy them too much and didn't follow Ashley when she moved seats." It was clear on Tucker's face that this fact bothered him. Tucker's eyes were looking at his feet.

"It's not your fault Tucker," I said to him. Trying to reassure and needing to know past all of his rambling around the story, drawing it out, putting it off.

"Still... Alex had been saying stuff to her, joining in with Seaver and making it worse, Seaver and the rest of them laughing and then joining in. It was really...rude and creepy and just... Pretty much the randy crap guys say about girls in the locker room."

"That shitty little fuck," Spike spat.

"What...he..."

I trailed off, staring and gapping. Tucker had said that bus was terrible with those kids, but he'd never said it'd gotten like that. Not close to that. And Ashley...

Tucker gulped, head turning away. "He helped Kristy with yanking her backpack out of her hands and tossing it onto the floor. They thought it was loads of fun, laughing and taunting her to pick it back up. Kristy kicked it to the seat in front of us, that's were tiny little Birdie was sitting, just in front of the line dividing the older kids in the back of the bus. When Ashley turned to reach for it, Alex grabbed the back of her sweater...pulled it up and...pulled at her back strap...twisting it around and saying about checking the point marks for her stag."

Tucker's hands shook, fists tight.

"Jesus. Just...Jesus." Spike's own hands went tight. I was still stunned. "I thought it was bad, but... I don't think Dash gave enough to that fuck back that day. I would have smashed his balls."

I looked up. Spike looked murderous. In my time as a halfa, I'd never quite labeled any of the ghosts as vengeful spirits. But even without being deceased, Spike's dark eyes fit the bill.

It was a bit extreme. But I couldn't say I didn't blame Spike. There was a spark of that same anger blooming up within me under all the shock.

The next words Tucker spoke were quiet. "Dash doesn't know about that part."

"Good. Then I can correct that."

Tucker's head shot up at my steely declaration, brown eyes wide. And went wider when he meet my eyes. "Danny! No! Calm down, dude!"

"Why should I?"

"It happened in middle school!"

"So? It wasn't that long ago," I snarled. "And no one will know."

"Danny!"

"No one should do something like that to anyone! Especially Ashley! She doesn't deserve that!"

"She doesn't deserve you flying in on revenge either! This happened a lot! I mean, crap, shit!" Tucker's arm shot out to grab a hold of me. "Not like that or that far, but! Calm down! That's not the point of me going to the pain of talking about this, this is about Dash and what he did after finding out Alex was the one responsible for the stitches on her head and broken arm!"

I went still, staring at Tucker. Spike nodded and shrugged. "What?" The question breezed out of my mouth. "How did I not hear, how isn't that known by everyone with how, didn't anyone do anything about it?"

"Dash did. That's what I'm tying to say. Ashley yanked and pulled to get away, but Alex wrenched and twisted at her," Tucker trailed off and fidgeted rather than saying what Alex had his hand on. My hands shook. I moved them behind me so Spike wouldn't see.

"Then I think it was some remark about getting down to get her backpack, letting go and when she fell a bit forward from trying to pull away, he kicked her down the aisle. Right toward Birdie. But she managed to catch herself, stumbling and crashing down to avoid little Birdie. Then picked up her bag and moved farther up the bus. No one knew she got injured. It was still cold. The winter coat and hat hid what happened. We still didn't know or see it the next day on the bus for the same reason. She didn't even say anything when Alex stormed on the bus 'having a word' with her as he passed where she was sitting about her tattling on him and getting him in trouble with his mom. I only figured out she got hurt when I passed her in the school hallway, without the hat and coat."

Spike shook his head. "Bet you she only said something because someone else nearly got hurt. Not because she did. I only knew she got those injuries, the ones Dash bitched and walloped Alex out for, not that it was for some little kid. Shit. No wonder Dash was so pissed and dragged a bunch of us into the locker room when he went after Alex, putting the final stop on that and continues to be all territorial about anyone else messing with her. Made sure enough guys had a first hand view of what would happen if they dare continue messing with her. Us? Me and Brandon and Tyler, he looks over at times, but he knows us. But any other guy showing interest..."

I winced. Great. Dash already wasn't a fan of me after I stopped helping him with schoolwork. And now...

"And then of course, the only time she pays him any mind or speaks to him is when he's using those type of little boy taunts, expecting the worst and leaving and ignoring him even faster whenever he tries to pay her any sort of kindness because they have that built up history from back then. It looks like it drives him nuts and who can blame him when I'm pretty sure he's been in—"

Coughing suddenly, Spike broke off what he was saying, waving his hands in front of him.

"Ah! It's just, the whole thing started up because he was trying to befriend her, so, yeah."

I stared. I knew that Dash was far more than able to insert a semblance of kindness and thanks with his insults, as weird as that was to realize. For all I tried to avoid the guy, I was the one who'd been helping him with homework assignments all through middle school and up to the accident I'd had at the start of Freshman year. He wasn't completely awful. Just for the past year or so, blaming me whenever he pulled poor grades, being obviously upset about my refusal to continue. I barely had enough time for my own sometimes. Still weird though. I guess, looking back, the first thing he did say to her at the dance was a compliment.

"So yeah," Tucker summed up awkwardly, his eyes directed away from either me or Spike. "That's your heads up. Since you somehow managed to make friends with Ashley. She may say she's forgotten it, but I haven't and I know Dash definitely hasn't forgotten it."

It went quiet then.

Silence between us as I let that soak in.

I knew this was a heads up. A warning. To let me know what happened, to know what will likely happen if I continue being friends with her.

Tucker knew me pretty well.

There wasn't much if in that. Thus, him speaking up.

I knew I should be more concerned about Dash.

Except.

All I could think about was how much I agreed with him.

A Monday update! So, yes, I am not the best at updating. I'm hanging my head over here. But also, I flit around from story to story, that probably does not help. Nor does the fact I've been spending free time on an upcoming convention I help staff...along with a certain and very important wedding. Like, this weekend close. So I spent a night skimming through what I started for the next update on this story rather than other things. I'm my own worst critic at times, so I'm not the surest on this update, but it also went into the whole bus thing. Which is, yeah. Not good. I hope I managed the story okay anyway. And the background bit of Ashley doesn't know about with the bus thing. She made her own conclusions of why things kind of shifted after this event. It makes me happy to the favorite and few follows since my last update, especially as I shifted into this past terrible event. Thank you to Branded Lunacy for both your reviews. Yes, I am also glad Danny can make her smile with how Ashley is and I'm sorry? As you seemed a bit wary on learning what happened on the bus.