10th chapter! Yay! I just realized the last two had no flashbacks- sorry, I just really wanted to get some things about Blaine in there, show you how he's coping, and a bit more of his family dynamic. I hope you liked it anyway. This flashback kind of skips a bit, but it will explain more later about his transfer; you already knew he transferred anyway because you knew he went to McKinley in the present day, so I figured why not, it goes with the chapter. It was going to be a depressing flashback, but I decided to make it happy instead. Blaine can't be miserable all the time! For the flashback, I suggest listening to I Still Think by the amazing Darren Criss. If you've never heard it, go listen to it as soon as you finish reading! It's AWESOME :) I may have changed the names, see if you can catch it. Okay, I am now finished with this hideously long AN! Here's chapter ten; Hopefully you like it, R&R!
"Please…"
"No…" Blaine's mother watches helplessly as her son tosses and turns in bed. He's shaking, curled up in a tight ball. She wonders what he could be dreaming about.
I find myself on my doorstep, feeling strangely disoriented… it seems for a second that this isn't real, but I suddenly realize I'm covered in cold rain water, and I shiver. Okay, it could be real…
I feel strangely disoriented. I walk a bit closer to the door, unsure of what I'm doing, some other force guiding me, and jolt in surprise at my reflection in the glass. I guess this is a dream, because it appears in the reflection I am younger; I look to be around my… first freshman year maybe?
But when you're dreaming, do you know it's a dream? Or are you completely unaware? I never remember my dreams, so I wouldn't know.
Suddenly I feel a strong urge to knock on the door, but I feel something radiating in my pocket. I pull out a house key… where did I get that? The scene gives me a strange sense of deja vu as it unfolds, but I push it back and put the key into the lock. Turn. Push.
The door swings open, revealing an eerily empty house. I step inside, feeling like the character in those horror movies that you yell at as they're walking, "No, don't go in there!" You'll scream, but they do anyways… most times, they end up dead.
I guess I was there looking for Kurt; why else would I be there? So I call his name. It doesn't even cross my mind that he's gone, so he can't answer. And he doesn't. So I call his name again, advancing into the house. I walk up the steps, which creak loudly… I never noticed that before. When I reach the top of the steps, it comes to my attention that all of the lights are off. I search for the light switch, feeling around its normal spot, but it's… gone. Getting more and more confused, I walk down the hall.
"Kurt, you're scaring me…" I call out. A gnawing sensation inside me says something's same sensation tells me not to open the door, not to go in Kurt's room, because I'll regret it.
I reach the door to Kurt's room and twist the knob. I feel a bit dizzy and… disconnected, but I push on, gently nudging the door open. All of the lights are off in the room, too, many drawers open, papers askew. My eyes dart around nervously, just getting accustomed to the dark. I gulp, the sensation growing stronger than ever.
The room is seemingly uninhabited at the moment. Biting my lip, I sit on the bed and stare at the floor, my eyes scanning it absentmindedly. When they make it to the bottom of the bathroom door, I stop and freeze in horror. I hadn't noticed before the lights in the bathroom are on, the light shining out of the small room through the cracks of the door, and if I hadn't been so scared it would have made me unexplainably and irrationally angry. But you see, I was terrified, for the light gleaming out of the bottom of the door… was red.
I can hear my breathing grow increasingly fast, and I feel my chest constrict.
Now is not the time! I yell at myself. I take a few deep breaths and call yet again, in a shaky voice, "K-Kurt?" I take a few steps closer to the door. "Kurt, I think you're in there- no, I'm sure you're in there, and I'm giving you until the count of three to come out." Those few seconds feel like hours. My mind is racing, my heart beating rapidly in my chest.
"One."
I don't know what's happening, and I don't even know how I got here.
"Two."
This feels like it's happened before. This feels like…
"Three."
Suddenly memories rush back to me. This is exactly what happened… right before I found my sister dead, bleeding out on the bathroom floor. I feel all the blood rush from my face, and I frantically open the door, immediately wishing I hadn't. Kurt's there, alright. He's there, lying on the floor, just like Lisa, clutching a knife in his hand, his face ashen white, the dark red of the still steadily flowing blood contrasting considerably. It's everywhere, everywhere I look. Red. Dark, dark red. I suddenly feel sick. My hands fly to my mouth and I trip over the body to the toilet, retching, as the bile burns my throat. When I bring my head back up, a sudden wave of dizziness hits me, and I crash to the floor. Everything's black, for what seems like a second, but I don't know how long.
When I come to, if I was thinking straight I would have called someone, anyone. It suddenly occurs to me, and I reach out for my phone, glancing down… to see my hand covered in the dark, sticky liquid. I scream, because that's my boyfriend's blood, I'm covered in Kurt's blood, and I realize when I fainted I landed in it. I feel sick again but force it down, standing up because I have got to get out of here.
I can't find my phone. It's not in my pocket, and I'm sure as hell not going to look down at the floor. Than I realize; Kurt's body is in the way of the exit, having not been conscious enough to know I was doing it before, I had stepped over his body. Again I force down a wash of nausea, slamming my eyes shut and jumping. I don't care where I land, as long as it gets me over that body. Over Kurt.
I make it over Kurt, but then I mistakenly look down, out of some sick curiosity. My eyes well up with tears as the situation hits me like bricks to the head. Kurt's dead. Kurt's dead, and it's all my fault. I shouldn't have… I knew he was unstable.
Look at what you've done! The voice in my head screams. You killed him, you fuck-up, you killed the best thing that ever happened to you! I killed Kurt. This is all my fault.
"No!" I scream. This isn't happening. This can't be happening. It's not happening.
"Please, please, please, please, it's not true. No, no, no!" I run out of there as quickly as I can, like the coward I am, my own words echoing in my mind.
I can't do this anymore, Kurt. Make a decision. Me, or your razor.
"Blaine, you're so fucking stupid!" I yell. "So fucking stupid!"
And then the world fades to black.
I open my eyes to see my mother's looming figure above me.
"Mom?" I ask groggily. She heaves a sigh of relief.
"Are you okay?" She asks worriedly. "You were tossing and turning and talking in your sleep." My eyes blur for a moment, than I reply,
"I'm fine, mother." My voice is gravelly and my throat burns. "Um, thanks…" She nods to acknowledge she knows what I'm talking about.
"I'm your mother. It's in the job description." She says curtly. "Now, it's seven-thirty. You have to get to school." I shoot up.
"Shit, why didn't you tell me?" I demand. I had slept for three hours, having gotten back from the graveyard around four-thirty that morning. My mother bites her lip and tells me again to get to school. She leaves and I quickly go through the motions of my morning routine, running out the door. I grab my backpack and shrug it on, racing to the place I've been dreading.
It still feels weird being here without him. The school day goes by quickly. I ignore everyone, just going to class, sitting silently, and going to next class. I avoid my friends in the halls. I walks away from anyone who tries to talk to me and give them a glare.
Finally it's the end of the day. Glee.
I decide to try again. After all, if at first you don't succeed, try try again.
I shudder. That was on the note. Kurt had written it sarcastically, angrily. Sometimes I can hear those words from the note in my head, in his voice, swimming around like piranhas that just won't go away. Shaking my head to get rid of the thoughts, I cautiously walk into the choir room.
"Blaine!" Tina squeals, and engulfs me in a hug. I feel like yelling at her; how can she be so happy when I'm so goddamn miserable?
"Oh, god, Blaine, you look awful!" She exclaims.
"Thanks, Tina." I reply sarcastically, much like Kurt would have. She bites her lip.
"How've you been?" She asks, almost warily.
"Oh, I've been just great." I tell her dryly. "Kurt, the boy I planned to spend the rest of my life with is dead, my dad came home the other day- filthy bastard- I'm having terrible nightmares, and my life is a living hell!" Her eyes widen at the outburst, and mine mirror hers when I realize what I'd just done. Just said.
It was the first time I've ever said those awful words out loud. Kurt's dead.
I knew they were true, I just never wanted them said aloud. I didn't want the conformation.
"I'm sorry." I mutter.
"I-it's fine." She stutters. I turn on my heels and head for the door.
"I'm sorry, I couldn't have come. This really fucked me up, you guys probably don't want me around." I'm almost out the door when Tina grabs my arm.
"No, please stay, Blaine. I really miss you, and so does everyone else."
"Fine."
I sit next to her in the third row. Mike isn't here, which is weird, but that means she actually talks to me instead of sucking his face the whole time. We just started a decent conversation when Mr. Shue walks in.
"Okay guys-" He turns around and looks surprisedly at me. "Oh, hey Blaine, you're back! We've missed you!" I nod gruffly, and he continues on with his lesson.
"This week's lesson is grief." He says enthusiastically.
Well, fan-fucking-tastic. I think sarcastically, and opt to take a walk down memory lane instead of listening to his 'inspiring' speech. I glance around, smiling fondly at the memory of the first time I ever stepped foot in the choir room.
"Guys, please welcome our newest member, Blaine Anderson!" I grin as they all welcome me warmly- well, everyone besides Finn. But I ignore him and say,
"Thanks, guys! I can't wait to perform with you! This is so exciting!" Finn glares at me but I keep my emotions in check and sit down next to Kurt. He squeezes my hand and rests his head on my shoulder. I am surprised at the physical contact in front of all of his friends, but who am I to complain?
"Alright, guys, this week's lesson is- oh, wait, Blaine, did Kurt tell you how it works here or should I explain it?"
"I think I've got it." I say, remembering all of the times Kurt made me help him pick out songs for these lessons.
"Okay, well, this week's lesson is Love Songs!" Kurt and I grin at each other.
"So, everyone is going to sing a song about love. It doesn't necessarily have to be happy- but it has to relate to where you currently stand in your love life." Puck snorts.
"Why do you want to know about our love lives, Mr. Shue?" Mr. Shue's face flames but he continues as though nothing had happened.
"So, for sectionals…"
*After Glee Club*
"So what are you going to sing?" I turn around to see my boyfriend walking up behind him.
"I have some ideas." I reply vaguely. It's not a lie, per say; I just don't tell him I have one perfect idea.
"What are you thinking?" Kurt prods.
"Nope, it's a surprise." I smirk. Kurt groans and playfully slaps my arm.
"Blaine, you know I hate surprises!" My smirk only grows.
"Well, too bad, you have to wait. Besides, I think you'll like this one." Kurt pouts, crossing his arms over his chest. I smile.
"Has anyone ever told you you look adorable when you pout?"
He smiles back.
"Only you." I glance around, determining there's no one in the hallway, and place a chaste kiss on his lips.
"Well, they should." I tell him. He blushes. I love when he blushes; I love that I can make him blush.
"I love you." He says.
"I love you, too."
*The Next Day In Glee Club*
Mr. Shue walks in, clasping his hands together with a grin on his face.
"I know I only assigned this to you yesterday, but is anyone ready to perform their love song?" I jump up a bit too excitedly.
"I am!" I grin. Kurt looks at me quizzically. I dart up to the front of the room.
"Okay, guys, so this is a song I wrote… for Kurt. I actually wrote it a few weeks ago, but this is the perfect opportunity to perform it." I grab a guitar and begin the song, looking right at Kurt.
My life is a,
Series of actors changing places,
Except there's no back stage
And there's no place for me.
It's okay though,
The jokes on the television
Make me laugh, remind me that it's okay
Not to have a backstage door or place to hide.
I shrug at that and grin at Kurt, encouraging him to come up with me and dance.
Well I've got dinner on my plate,
Got my paycheck yesterday.
How great, how cool.
I've got places, I've got friends,
I've got David, Wes, and Jeff, then..
There's you.
I point at him, and he blushes.
And now, how, we like to say that we're in love,
Doesn't it, seem like that should be enough,
But, the world will roll their eyes but I still think,
Well I still think that we're in love.
"You know what? The heck with it!" I hear him mutter. He stand up and starts dancing with me.
Oh, shoes and jackets,
Purses and tennis rackets,
Make their way as they please,
In those SUVs to the country club.
I don't play much,
But I do enjoy having the ball in my court,
And what's more,
I like playing, for love.
But I've got arms and you've got legs,
I shrug my shoulders to indicate my arms and gesture to his legs, unable to really dance because of the guitar, but still having fun with it.
Together we've made some mistakes.
But hey, we're doing well!
Well I've got reason to believe,
In the power of you and me to break,
This spell.
And now, how, we like to say that we're in love,
Doesn't it, seem like that should be enough,
But, the world will roll their eyes but I still think,
Well I still think that we're in love.
I run over to him and kiss him on the cheek, making that wonderful blush color them.
One more question:
How is this one big lesson?
I don't think that there's a quiz,
But if there is I'll be, outside;
Playing in the yard,
Swinging on monkey bars,
Exercising my life to this recess from this lesson
That I tried, oh
I jump up and spin, exhilarated. Soon the rest of the glee clubbers come up and join us,
But I've got arms and you've got legs,
Together we've made some mistakes.
But hey, we're doing well!
Kurt dances around me, and I watch him, just soaking in the scene. It's wonderful to see him happy for once.
Well I've got reason, to believe,
in the power of you and me to break,
this spell.
And now, how, we like to say that we're in love,
Doesn't it, seem like that should be enough,
But, the world will roll their eyes but I still think,
Well I still think that we're in love.
Well I still think that we're in love, love, love.
Well I still think that we're in love.
Kurt and my eyes meet. He gives me a smile, a real genuine smile, that makes my heart pound in my chest and butterflies fly around in my stomach like a 13-year old girl with a crush.
Ooh...
I continue strumming my guitar, whistling. Kurt whistles along with me until the guitar fades out. His eyes dart from my eyes to my lips, almost hungrily, looking as though he's trying to make a decision. Then he nods, just a bit to himself, and surges forward, capturing my lips in a passionate kiss. I kiss back just as hard, forgetting the glee club is watching us, loving the feeling of his lips on mine and how our lips seem to fit together perfectly.
Eventually, we break apart for need of oxygen, blushing when we realize everyone is gaping at us.
"Wanky!" Santana exclaims.
"Dude, that's my brother!" Finn cries out. Kurt flinches at that, but doesn't say anything about it, still a bit high from the kiss.
"That was really hot." Britney says.
"Yeah," Lauren agrees. "Seriously, call me if you want some girl power." Kurt makes a face, obviously picturing what that entails, and I laugh. He glances at me, biting on his lip to keep from laughing, too. Finally the beautiful sound escapes his lips. Soon everyone's laughing, even Finn. The bell suddenly rings, and we all start to get our bags to go home.
"Come on, Kurt." I say, when we've gotten our bags. We walk out to the parking lot together.
"I thought you were going home?" He questions when I follow him to his car. I nod.
"I am, but I was figuring… you could come with me… I have the house to myself… if you're not busy…" I trail off, hoping he knows what I'm getting at.
He grins wickedly. "Now why would I pass up that opportunity?" I grin back and we hop into the car, turn on the radio, and blast it as loud as it will go.
Longest chapter I have ever published to fanfiction! 3043 words, 6 pages :) I know, it's sad that that's the longest one, but I'm still kind of excited so... as Rachel Berry would say, Don't Rain On My Parade! ;) I hope you liked it. If you didn't get it, when Blaine found Kurt dead it was the dream, which is why it was in italics.
Next Chapter: Blaine's father is back! Doesn't he get that no one likes him? Finn has a breakdown and Blaine's the only one who can comfort him… but they're not exactly close…
Until next time, fellow Gleeks!
xo Jordan