AN: Next chapter! :D I hope you guys are ready- I know I'm not, and I'm the one writing everything.

Disclaimer: I do not own Xena.

Xena had asked her, once, how she knew the difference between a vision and reality. When the vision seemed so real, so vivid and detailed, how was she sure?

Gabrielle had just said she wasn't. She never was, not really. Not until she woke up from the vision and realized everything hadn't happened yet. The truth, if a bit bent to protect her secrets at the time, but it had been enough for Xena to sate her curiosity. She had expressed wonder at how realistic visions could be, how those little glimpses into the future were so strong as to seem real, and after had forgotten about it. She had her answer, so why continue on?

Sitting there, Xena curled around her as she laid out their deaths at Caesar's hands, Gabrielle knew she remembered. Knew she was thinking back to that conversation, to that confirmation that the visions were real- real enough to feel pain, pleasure, everything that the real world brought with it. She knew because Xena had started shaking, her body curling tighter around Gabrielle until she finally shifted, sitting up so Gabrielle was in her lap, pressed protectively against her chest while her limbs formed a cage around her. Her hand had started pressing light, soothing touches where the pain would have been most, touches that would have done something had the pain been present.

Gabrielle didn't tell her everything. Didn't tell her that it was a future crucifixion, still a few years out if they had been in their previous lives. She didn't reveal Alti, nor the quest Xena had had to go on to realize that she wasn't dead. Gabrielle told her just what she needed to know for her to understand, to drive home the fact that Gabrielle was aware of just how dangerous Caesar was.

She told her about the jail cell, the cold and damp that could never be driven away. She told her about the Roman soldiers, their hands hard and their grasps painful even as their eyes expressed pity. Told her about the cross, the wood hard as she was laid upon it. Told her about the nails, the pain as the freezing metal sunk into her skin with every fall of the hammer. Told her about her legs, the bones breaking with every swing of the mallet, the continuation of the pain almost enough to make her pass out, had it not been too painful to do so. Told her about the jarring ache as the cross was raised, told her about the freezing cold that had turned her fingers blue, numbing the pain until it all started to burn.

Told her about suffocating, every breath a hard won fight, until she couldn't fight anymore. Told her about the peace that had finally settled as she slipped away, grateful at least for the release from the pain.

Gabrielle told her everything she needed to hear, and by the time she was done she could barely move, Xena held her so tightly. Held her almost to the point of discomfort, though Gabrielle didn't try to escape, didn't ask to be released, just let herself be held.

She probably would have started to shake too, if her body had been free to do so. Talking had reawoken the pain, a dull ache in comparison to what it once had been, but it had never been something they had talked about before. In their first life it had just happened, had been another painful event in a long line of them, and, as was their way, they had pushed it off. Pushed it as far from their minds as possible, focusing instead on the fact that they were alive, that the Romans were after them, and, eventually, Eve.

They had never talked about the fact that they had died, by the gods they had actually died. Died in a painful, horrible way that, as Gabrielle was realizing, had scarred her more than she had realized it would.

"I'm going to kill him."

"What?" Gabrielle was surprised when Xena spoke- it'd been a long time since she had finished telling her tale, time they had sat in silence, just holding and being held. The verbal intrusion a surprise, though not one Gabrielle was unthankful for; anything to draw her mind back into the present, where they were both whole and healthy and alive. "What did you say?"

"Caesar," Xena growled, his name practically a curse. "He was already going to die for what he did to me," she continued, "but for what he's going to do...was going to do...did to you? He's going to die slow."

"Do you see why I fear him," Gabrielle asked softly, shifting slightly so she could better look at where she believed Xena's face was- or tried to, at least, for Xena's grip held fast. "He was able to beat us once, in my vision. Even with how things have changed, he's a crafty, cruel man. I trust you to know him. I trust him to know you as well."

They didn't speak much after that. Instead Xena just held her, eventually lapsing into a soft, slow lullaby, her fingers running through Gabrielle's hair as she sang. It wasn't one Gabrielle was familiar with, the language low and rumbling, but either way it was a comfort. Something this gentle, something this full of love, could never be found upon the cross.

Even though she hadn't been awake for long, Gabrielle found herself drifting off to sleep, only awakening when Xena shifted them so they were both laying down, her hold on Gabrielle still almost tight enough to be suffocating. It was light; Gabrielle was sure she woke up quite a few times in the while they laid there, curled around each other, but still it was restful. It was dreamless and calm, and nowadays? That was all she could ask.

The next time they were both awake, Xena led the way into Boadicea's tent and asked for volunteers for the mission.

"I thought," Boadicea said slowly, eyeing Xena up and down, "that you were going to go in alone."

"If I'm right," Xena said just as slowly, meeting and returning Boadicea's gaze, "and Caesar only has a small force with him, then I would be enough. But if I'm wrong? Getting the gates open so your people can capture Londinium is our most important goal, and if I'm wrong then the more the better. Not too many," she clarified, "but a dozen more men should be enough that at least one will make it to the city gates."

"I don't have anyone as good as you are, unless you're taking her," Boadicea admitted, rubbing at her ribs as she nodded towards Gabrielle, causing Xena to glance over with a raised eyebrow, "but I'll ask for volunteers. All good men from our highest rank will step forward, I'm sure. But let's hope you're right, Xena. I don't want to waste lives if I don't have to."

"If I'm right, then we won't be. If I'm wrong...I'll do my best to get them out alive."

That seemed enough for Boadicea, who left to send out the request. Leaving them alone, Gabrielle taking that moment to speak.

"I'm coming with you."

For a moment Xena looked as if she was going to argue, her normal denials of Gabrielle doing anything that would put her too close to the center of danger, especially if Gabrielle didn't need to do it, already forming on her tongue. But she paused. Paused and turned to look at Gabrielle, her head cocked to the side ever so slightly as she considered it. Considered it and sighed, shaking her head in response.

"You'll stay close," was the final verbal answer Gabrielle got, but it was win nonetheless. She was going with Xena.

It didn't take long before Boadicea returned, a handful of men in tow, including a couple of the men Gabrielle recognized from the ship from Chin. She nodded politely as Xena explained the plan, the men bunched together around the lopsided table to see the map, all of them vying for the best position. Already Gabrielle could tell they would be a problem- too many leaders, quite a few of them looking at Xena with a dismissive look on their face, as if they had right to question her. But they listened, occasionally glancing over at Boadicea for direction, and when she gave no indication that Xena was wrong, they all nodded in agreement.

Only one seemed doubtful, and when Xena paused he spoke, reaching out to tap on the crudely drawn Londinium.

"What if they see us?"

"Then we retreat," Xena said, giving a little shrug, "and think of something else. Boadicea won't advance until after we've opened the gates, so if we need to fall back and change our tactics, it shouldn't be a problem. Right?" Xena glanced over at Boadicea, her question less of a question and more of a statement; Boadicea nodded her confirmation anyway, giving a little shrug.

"Not much we can do if you are seen," she said, "so don't be, or pray to the gods this one's able to keep you alive." She nodded at Xena, her expression grim.

At first a few men chuckled at what they thought a joke; who was this random Thracian woman to come in and act as their leader while their true leader stood to the side? But watching as Boadicea's face darkened, those few quickly grew silent, looking at Xena with another eye.

They didn't speak much after that, instead listening intently as Xena and Boadicea went deeper into their plan, laying out all the different tasks the men would be expected to complete once they were within the walls. Who was to focus on archers, taking out as many as possible with their backs turned so the invading troops would have fewer causalities. Who was to focus on ground troops, causing chaos in Caesar's own ranks. Who was to focus on the door, opening and keeping it open for the coming wave of force.

All good information to know, though Gabrielle barely listened. She knew Xena expected her to stay close, to keep at Xena's back while they took on the most important job of them all- defending the gates. There was no other way in or out, from what Boadicea's spies had been able to figure out, so the moment they took the city, Caesar was also theirs, making him a low priority. With most of the Romans rushing to the gate to close it once more, that was where Xena was needed. Where Gabrielle was expected to be.

But not, Gabrielle had decided, where she would go.

She wasn't going to wait. She wasn't going to spend that entire battle worrying, wondering, stressing over whether or not Caesar was truly a threat. She wasn't going to let him get close enough to Xena for her to find out.

So instead of listening, Gabrielle studied the crude drawings Boadicea's spies had been able to make, memorizing the layout of the city, where the important buildings were, where she would need to go. Instead she planned her route, made her peace with what would need to be done, and readied herself.

Readied herself for the fight to come, for the blood that was finally going to stain her hands. Because she would die before she let Caesar near Xena.

The rest of the day was uneasy, everyone milling around the general's tent, no one willing to leave in case some sort of information appeared, information that would affect the task before them. They shifted and coughed, talked among themselves, dug heartily into the food that was brought for them- but the men never left, instead looking between Xena and Boadicea for some kind of answer to a question they never asked. They were already prepared, weapons and armor and supplies already packed, just needed to be grabbed as they left; they were just waiting for the order, the moment to leave.

It was suffocating. That many people in a single room would have made it unbearable to begin with, but this deep underground, where there was no merciful breeze to clear it away?

Gabrielle touched Xena on the arm, and when she looked at her, Gabrielle jerked her head towards the entrance to the tent. "I'm going to wander a bit. I'll see you at ours."

Xena just nodded, offering her a small half smile before returning to the map, staring at it intently. Studying every curve of the river, calculating how deep it ran, making a mental picture for them all to follow when it was just them in the dead of night, no map to lead them. And with the moon new, it would be pitch dark as well, making it all the harder to navigate the unfamiliar territory, making her mental painting that much more important.

Even underground, it was a relief to leave the warm, suffocating air of the tent for the slightly cooler, still just as suffocating air of the caves. Even as the twinge of smoke from a nearby fire began to burn her eyes, Gabrielle still just stood there and breathed, enjoying the sensation of air filling her lungs, the slightest hint of fresh air that barely made it to them this deep, taking a moment to ignore and forget the constant press of rocks around them as she thought.

It would be a lie to say she hadn't been enjoying the innocence of this life. That she hadn't been enjoying the fact that she didn't have to kill, that she could go through an entire battle without blood on her hands and clothes at the end of it. That she could wear colors other than red, a shade of red that the blood stains wouldn't show on, that she could pretend were clean without having to scrub the fabric thin. She could fight without being deadly, could change the world without taking a life, could, in this world, keep her soul clean. Because in this life, everyone she had killed in the last were still alive. For good or for bad, they lived, and their deaths couldn't be put on her. She had the memory, but not the crime.

Part of her had hoped that it could stay like this; a contradictory hope, since she had entered this new life more than willing to kill, to end any who came between her and Xena's life. She knew without a doubt that, if it came to it, she'd never be able to wash her hands free of the blood if it came to a choice of letting Xena die or killing to keep her alive. She was willing to add a few more faces to her nightmares, a few more names to the list of kills she knew, because it would keep Xena alive. But still, she had been enjoying the simplicity of this world. A world were knocking unconscious was still an acceptable option.

That was going to change. So Gabrielle prepared.

It didn't take her long; she was in the middle of an army, so gathering what she needed took little time at all. And no one gave her a second glance- she was one of them, so she took what she needed with just a nod of thanks to the people giving it to her, no questions or answers necessary. Gabrielle prepared herself for what was to come.

She spent a little longer wandering, just looking at the warriors that had all gathered to fight under Boadicea's flag, men and women more than ready to die for her and their home if that was what it took to drive out the Romans. Just like she was willing to do the same for the woman she considered her home, her life, her love.

She went back to the tent eventually, sliding silently into the darkness, easily ignoring her new, familiar weight. It didn't take her long to pack the few things she would need- water, food wrapped to keep it dry, a sling for her staff to keep it across her back as she swam. Things that her hands just knew how to do, even in the pure darkness, having done them so many times before, both in her memories and her dreams. That was where Xena found her, just finishing up her packing.

"Someone's going to come wake us when it's time," Xena said, fumbling with the straps on her armor- straps Gabrielle came over to do, pushing Xena's hands away as her own quickly undid them, following memories much older than Xena knew. "Apparently, we've been down here longer than I thought. The moon's tonight; we'll leave soon." She sounded slightly bitter as she spoke, her obvious distaste for their current accommodations, the never ending darkness that made time inconsequential, clear. "For now, let's get some rest."

Gabrielle paused for a moment, her fingers stilling on the strap as she thought. Letting out a small huff of a laugh, she undid the last of them, allowing Xena to shrug out of her breastplate and armor, leaving her in just her leathers.

Tonight. She had thought she would have more time, some more time to come to terms with the fact that, after tonight, she was a murderer once more. For a good cause, to keep Xena alive, but the change was a quick one. If she survived. Caesar was a tricky one, and Gabrielle wasn't sure if, in combat, she could win. He could hold his own against Xena, and while she could as well, the chances of her winning? Of defeating him, of landing the killing blow before he landed one of his own? The chances were still suspect.

Something she had accepted, a long time ago. Back in their first lives, she had accepted that the path she walked with Xena would one day lead to her end. And at least this life was already different, perhaps even different enough to keep Xena alive if she wasn't there to do it. She could go back to Chin, to Lao Ma, and serve as her Warrior Princess. Or back to Cyrene, or to the Amazons, or a hundred other places that were possible homes for Xena if she didn't survive.

She hoped she would, by the gods she hoped she had more time, but if this was to be her destiny, she would meet it.

She wasn't sure how long they laid there, wrapped in an uneasy sleep, neither fully submitting to Morpheus' call. They talked for a bit, mindless conversations about what their plans were after this was over, things they weren't sure about and still didn't come to a conclusion for. They dozed eventually, rest finding them unwilling and nervous- at least, Gabrielle was. Xena seemed calm, composed; ready to fight, angry, the flame that had started earlier when she had heard what Caesar had done to Gabrielle still burning hot within her, but tempered. Ready to face what was to come.

Gabrielle was as well, but she was nervous. What would they find, when they breached Londinium? Would Xena's knowledge of Caesar hold true, finding them against a small, easily defeated force? Or would she be wrong, and all that waited for them was a trap?

For however long that lasted, Gabrielle wasn't sure. But soon enough a voice called from the outside of their tent, requesting that they join the rest of the party at the entrance to the caves. For better or for worst, it was time.

It was strange, walking back into the open world after such a long time underground. Or what had seemed like a long time, Gabrielle realized, for their visit had taken less than four days, four days that had seemed stretched, unending, unbroken from the constant darkness that reigned. And even though it was still dark, the sky cloudy and moonless, it was vast- she could feel the wind and the open spaces around her, a sudden release from the almost grave tight conditions the crowded caves had given.

It was almost unnerving, because she had gotten used to the caves, at least temporarily. But quickly Gabrielle shook off those feelings, instead focusing on the mission before her.

It didn't take them long to get through the forests, Xena letting some of Boadicea's men take the lead- they knew the area, knew where they were in relation to the river, and so she stepped aside and let them lead. And luckily everyone was quiet, their armor and weapons muffled by cloth, their bags held tightly to them so nothing could rustle and shift, their feet placed as carefully as they could while they walked. They were as close to silent as a group that large could be, gliding between the trees like the banshees once had, ghosts themselves.

The river was much the same; sliding down the banks, dropping into the water, Gabrielle tried hard not to think about what else was in there with them. She had heard some men talking about the horrors of the river before, when she had been helping around the camp- creatures both natural and fae called its depths home, creatures that hungered no matter how much they ate. Creatures that wanted nothing more than to feast upon mortal flesh, constrained only by the land surrounding them. Stories, she was sure- at least most of them were, because while the creatures of stories could exist, rarely did they exist as people perceived them. But still, she couldn't help the shudder as she slid into the water with the rest of the party, quickly up to her neck.

But nothing came after them; no hands reached for their ankles, no horses tried to drown them. There were a few fish, either curious or brave or stupid, one of that set, that came up to them, but otherwise they were left alone. Alone to swim as quietly as they could, though this was harder- weighed down as many of them were, the splashing was loud in the night, hopefully not so loud as to be heard as they approached. Even Gabrielle had her trouble, the staff on her back awkward to swim with, knocking into either her shoulder or her calf with every kick and stroke. Only Xena remained as silent as before, her head (a darker patch of darkness in the night) their only guide as she led them.

Led them up the river, towards Londinium.