DON'T FORGET THE CHAPTER BEFORE THIS!!

10. She sits in the café across the street from the hospital with a hot cup of chocolate in her hands. Cuddy is sitting on the other side of the small table, looking at her with big blue eyes.They are amazingly similar in color to House's.

She had knocked at her door not so long ago and asked for advice, which she was willing to give, even though she had not said anything of what really. Just that it was about her pregnancy. The one, as far as Cuddy know, she is going to terminate.

Cuddy is drinking her coffee with good appetite, but her hot chocolate isn't touched yet.

"I just want to make the right decision..." she starts with a hesitant voice, and looks down into her cup "And I don't know what that is"

"If you're worried about your career, having a child shouldn't be a problem. Many doctors have children, and many are single parents too" Cuddy leans back against the wall behind her. They're sitting in a booth, far away from prying ears and eyes.

"No... It's more the morals and what's right for... well me" she tries to explain. She knows that Cuddy won't understand if she doesn't tell her the whole, ugly, truth. But as much as she hates Wilson, she can't do it. It can be because of House, or it can be something completely different. But the point is; she's not telling.

"I don't think I understand..." Cuddy admits perplexed, and Cameron takes a deep breathe, thinking of how she is going to explain this.

"The uhm... father and I aren't... He's an ass" she explains as quickly as she can, but it's hard to call Wilson "the father". It seems so wrong. "He did a lot of things wrong, hurt me so much that I'm still trying to cope with it... and I probably will for the rest of my life" she stops before she says too much, and is silent for a long while "And I tried to forgive him, I really did... but he didn't regret it, and that hurt me even more"

They both are silent for a long while. Cuddy doesn't know what to say, if she expects an answer or if she is fine with the awkward and somewhat comforting silence.

"He wants this child" she says after a while, pushing her untouched cup away and looks up at Cuddy for the first time. "a part of me wants me to do the abortion because it'll hurt him, and it's the choice I'm supposed to make. I mean how can I look at this child and not think of him?" she feels like crying now, this is all too much. "And the other part wants this child so much... that part is so excited about it" she bows her head again.

"I don't understand why he says he wants it... He won't take care of it, never say he's the child's father." she shakes her head

"If you take him out of the equation, if it wasn't him who was the father, what would your decision be then?" the answer to that question is easy, and if it only is that easy. She sinks lower, and buries her head in her arms.

"I would keep it" she answers truthfully, but she isn't sure if Cuddy hears it.

She feels like fifteen again, trying to hide some of the things that were new to her that year, trying to become that in depended girl that could manage without her mother's help. But she isn't fifteen, hasn't been for fourteen years. It's pointless to remember who she was then, when she is such a different person now. She remembers that her mother always saw through her excuses, and is carefull of not pulling any to Cuddy. She is always too easy to see through.

"If he won't be in the child's life, why keep him as a factor of not keeping it?" she feels like crying. She has done for so long. That empty feeling in her stomach (that isn't so empty), the hollow feeling in her heart, her tired mind, and her stinging eyes. Every breathe feels painful and a cry-scream is threatening to escape.

They are quiet again, and Cuddy frowns, wondering why the father is so important when he seems like a distant character in Cameron's life. Someone in the past.

"I don't think I'll be able to have this child and stay here... working under House" she whispers after a while, her voice betraying a bit of the fear and disgust she felt.

Cuddy is curious, it is idiotic to think otherwise. She is handed this big puzzle with large peices missing and is told to fix a part of it without knowing what it is supposed to be portraying. Of course she gets curious of the whole puzzle instead of the peice she is asked to fix, who wouldn't ? So Cameron regrets all of this now. She just wants to go back to the hospital and pretend that no one knows about this. About her fears and insecurities.

"There is a position open in Immunology... and one in the ER" Cuddy tries, not wanting to loose a doctor.

"I'll think about it" Cameron says with a smile that is truly genuin. Cuddy is really trying to help her. They see the opportunity to leave this conversation that is more challenging than either would've thought.

"Let me know if you're going to take it, and what you'll decide" Cuddy says, her voice seeming more distant and professional. That comforts Cameron slightly. "We can make the transfer quick and painless... well if you count House out" Cuddy laughs, and Cameron tries too.

This is really her only way out. Who would want a pregnant single doctor? She has enough against her as it is.