Chapter 10

Trainer hesitated at Zima's question, then nodded a little. "I do, as much as I know I can."

His eyes widened a little, and his heart seemed to stop. If she was telling the truth…no, there was no if. Somehow he knew. He could smell it.

Zima looked down, collecting his thoughts, then back at Trainer. "Why didn't you tell me when I told you I liked you?"

She switched to English, her words a little slower, but the sincerity somehow enhanced by the fact that she took the trouble to speak in his language instead of her own. "Because like I said, it is dangerous, and according to my training, I am not supposed to."

"Then why are you telling me now?"

"Because…Sir basically gave me permission to by ordering me to act on my feelings."

He didn't want to reply to that. They'd already been over what Sir had told her to do. "So…what now?"

She shrugged one shoulder. "I don't know. I'm not trained for this."

He crossed his arms over his chest. "You said you're ordered to act on you feelings…"

"I know that."

"So…why don't you just do what you feel like doing?"

Trainer sighed and ran a hand through her hair, suddenly looking so very human, and…oddly as young as she actually was if the birthdate from her file was correct. "I do not like forcing non-targets or non-enemies to do anything."

Zima shook his head. "You wouldn't be forcing me to do anything…"

He studied her, a familiar almost-warmth budding up as he really looked at her like he hadn't since…since she'd turned him down. She was so beautiful…

She also looked sceptical. "What about Petrova?"

Pet-…oh. He'd forgotten about her. He looked down. "I don't know."

"Find out."

He lifted his head again. "Find out what?"

She picked up her book…he hadn't even noticed her putting it down. "Find out what about Petrova. I may not be trained how to like someone or have a...relationship, but I know enough to know that it is not considered...appropriate...for me to do as I wish while she is still in the equation."

"Oh…" Zima thought deeply, hoping to be able to decide as quickly as possible, but…it was hard. He liked Petrova, he really did, but…he liked Trainer first, and he still liked her. If he was honest with himself, liking Petrova was…almost to distract himself from liking Trainer…not that it worked as well as he'd hoped at the time.

Trainer turned away from him and back to her book.

He laid down, hoping that would somehow help his decision-making.

A long several minutes passed, the silence punctured only by the pagers of Trainer's book turning.

Eventually, instead of making a decision, Zima started to fall asleep.

Liron heard her trainee's breathing even out a little more than normal, and she glanced over. He looked…he looked so peaceful half-asleep. She did not look forward to the day when his face would gain the hardness of her own. The hardness it'd had from his time in the war had faded with his memories, and from what she was seeing, eventually that would return as well. If only…if only she could keep him soft for a time longer than he would be…

His eyes open to slits for just a moment, before slipping fully closed. A lock of hair fell into his face, and Liron couldn't resist letting a little tendril of magic lifted it up and tuck it gently behind his ear. He shifted a little, hand twitching. She smiled softly, then conjured up a soft blanket over him and went back to her book.

After a while, Liron got up and went to put the book back in the small library hidden in a corner of the base. When she returned, Zima was curled up on his side, sweating and trembling.

Liron frowned deeply and knelt by his side, placing a hand on his head, dipping into his mind to see what was wrong.

Memories. His past was trying to slip through the ruined connection between his mind-core and his long-term memory centre, but were both simply unable to because of the broken connection…and they were blocked by little spits of what looked like electricity.

Suddenly something in his mind-core shifted, and growling reached her mental ears as Zima's body went still. Liron 'turned around', only for a giant snow-white wolf, proportionally the same size as her own, to meet her mind's eye.

She took a mental step back, not entirely sure what to do. The wolf's silver eyes tracked her closely, it's fangs bared. No, not just 'the wolf'. This was Zima's wolf. This was Zima. She blinked, and it was gone, an echoing howl bouncing off of the walls of Zima's mind.

Liron retreated, and frowned contemplatively at her trainee's sleeping body. He wasn't sweating anymore, and he looked peaceful again…his hair was in his face again.

She tucked the few locks back behind his ear, and on instinct kissed the side of his head, an action rewarded by an unconscious smile.

A few moments passed with Liron just sitting there watching Zima sleep before she took a risk and slipped back into his mind. It was easier this time…and this time the wolf was waiting.

It, no, he stood there silently as she knelt down slowly, tilting back her head to bare her neck in a show of trust…or at least, lack of threat. Zima's wolf stood and approached her, body language threatening and possessive of the mental landscape they were in.

Liron did not move, but she wasn't afraid. All she had was hope that the other wolf would accept her as either not a threat or maybe even as pack and apprehension that he wouldn't.

He stopped within arm's reach. She held still. He came a little closer, teeth no longer bared, and after a moment he sat, an expectant look in his eyes.

Liron slowly shifted into her wolf form, and Zima's wolf stood and backed away, clearly startled.

She swallowed a little, then lowered herself into a submissive posture. She didn't like this. It made her feel to vulnerable. But…if it was worth it…?

Zima's wolf stopped growling and relaxed a little, tilting his head at her. She held very still, and after a moment her padded over and sniffed at her for some time before booping her nose with his.

Liron lifted her head a little, and then when Zima's wolf did not react, very slowly sat up the rest of the way.

'Hello.'

Zima's wolf tilted his head, speaking in Zima's….well, his own voice. 'Hello.'

'Do you know who I am to your human self?'

'Yes. You're Liron.'

She blinked. 'You know my name?'

'Yes.'

Okay. Petrova or someone must have told him, or he looked at her file. It wasn't a big deal. But what was at least a bigger deal than him knowing her name… 'Is what he said true?'

Zima's wolf straightened his head. 'About?'

'His feelings.'

The other wolf nodded. 'Yes. Every word.'

She didn't really know how to react to that, so... 'What of his feelings for Petrova?'

'That was your fault. After you told him it wasn't possible, he did not want to like you anymore and turned to her.'

'I…am aware of that. I brought her in partly for that purpose.'

His head tilted, confusion rippling through Zima's mindscape. 'You did it on purpose?'

She nodded a little.

'Why?'

Liron sighed softly, her tail swishing a little. 'Because I couldn't think of anything else to do.'

Zima's wolf sounded irritated. 'You should have waited. He would have waited for you.'

'There was no way I could have known that.'

'Well, now that he knows, he has to choose.'

'I know. And I would not fault him for choosing her.'

He seemed to smile a little. 'I don't think he will.'

She made an expression similar to a raised brow. 'She has not hurt him.'

'I know that.'

Liron inclined her head, then shifted back to human form. 'I'm going to go back to my own mind, unless you particularly need me to stay.'

It honestly wasn't all that comfortable in his mind right now…partly because of all the potential for it to be.

'Not really.'

Liron pulled out of Zima's mind silently, and moved away from his bed for good measure. Her trainee shifted a little, and she watched him for just one more moment before slipping out the door and heading to Sir's office.

The door opened just as she was about to knock, and she backed up to let him pass.

Sir looked at her. "Agent Ruskin…what can I do for you?"

"I simply wished to report on the status with Zima, but it can wait."

"No, no." He stepped aside and held the door open. "Go in."

Liron obeyed, and Sir followed her in, closing the door after him.

"What is it?"

"There is no doubt that he has a wolf. I went into his mind and spoke with it."

"Interesting." Sir sat at his desk.

Liron sat across from him. "And it seems that just outright telling him that I am attracted to him has caused…not quite a dilemma, but he is having conflict of his own."

"And how is that?"

"I have given him the choice to decide between Petrova and myself. And he knows...or at least his wolf knows...for some reason they are separate...that I introduced Petrova to distract him from my rejection."

"Did you?"

"I did."

He nodded and was silent for quite some time before speaking again. "Have you come forward about your feelings to Zima?"

"Yes."

"And?"

"And I gave him his choice. His wolf said that he would have waited for me had I not introduced Petrova into the situation." She crossed her legs and leaned back in the chair.

Sir placed his hands on the desk comfortably. "And how do you feel about that?"

"I…" She thought a moment. "While I have hope, if hope is what it is, that he will choose me, Petrova has not hurt him."

He nodded. "Petrova is young. If he chooses you, she will find someone else."

"Sir, I am only a year older than Petrova. But I understand what you mean."

"Yes, I know."

Liron ran her hand over her hair absently. "And if he chooses her? What should I do then?"

"We'll wait to see."

"Understood."

Sir watched her for a little longer. "Is that all?"

"Yes Sir."

They both stood. Sir strode around his desk and patted her shoulder gently, then held the door for her.

Liron smiled a little. "Thank you Sir."

She saluted, then headed back to her room, not bothering to knock before going inside. Zima was awake, still lying where he was. Their eyes locked for a moment, and she was the first to look away as she sat down.

After a moment, she felt his eyes on her again, and she looked over.

"What did you tell him?"

"That you have a wolf, and that I gave you a choice."

Zima's scent and face filled with confusion. "A wolf?"

"You didn't know?" Liron frowned.

He sat up. "Know what?"

"About your wolf."

"I don't have a wolf."

"Yes you do. I spoke with him. How else do you think you can smell scents like I do?"

Zima shrugged vaguely. "I dunno…just thought it was something we had in common."

Liron couldn't resist a soft amused huff. "Technically it is, just a bigger thing than you thought."

"What do you mean by wolf?"

Ah…right. She shifted into wolf form, and he jumped, staring.

"This is my wolf. There's more to it than just this shape and the scents, but that's hard to explain."

Zima nodded a little, eyes wide. "How do I…?"

"Transform?" She sat, curling her tail around her legs. "Sink into your mind. You should find your wolf."

"How do I do that?"

Liron tilted her head a little. "…right."

She turned back into a human and rummaged through the box under her bed, coming up with a pencil and a well-used sketchbook. Where was the page…there.

"This is what is what the mind somewhat looks like to me, and to you if you have more than just the wolf in common with me."

The picture that Trainer was showing him looked like a bunch of connected bubbles, with notes written in and around them. 'Public' thoughts…that was the biggest ring, with inner thoughts inside that…and then three lines on the edge of the inner thoughts ring connecting a whole bunch of other bubbles arranged kinda like a really strange tree-ish thing. Personality had its own line, with memories and skills on either side of it. Skills split off into mental and physical, and the mental bubble was linked to knowledge, which was linked to long-term memory. Memories itself was split into long-term, short-term, and…blocked memories?

"What does this mean?" He pointed to the bubble labelled 'blocked memories'.

"Those are memories that have been locked away; usually particularly bad ones. Your memories have not been moved to there, the connection here..." She tapped the line between memories and inner thoughts. "...has been damaged."

"Damaged?" Zima's brows furrowed in confusion. How could something like that be damaged?

Trainer nodded. "Dr. Zola of HYDRA, the man that requested you be trained here, tried to wipe your memories completely by way of a modified electric chair of sorts. Nothing was removed, but the connection, as I said, is damaged."

His brows furrowed deeper, and he ran a hand through his hair. "I don't ever remember that."

"That was the point."

Well that was awfully grim. "What memories were damaged?"

"The memories themselves are fine, from what I saw. You just can't get to them. That's why sometimes you remember things."

"So…what memories don't I remember?" Probably a stupid question, but…he wanted to know.

"All of them, except the ones you do. I know that sounds cryptic, but it's true."

Zima just looked like a lost puppy now. Liron bit her lip, not sure what to do. If he was her and she was Natalia, she would know to just hold him, but he wasn't her and she wasn't Natalia, so…well…maybe there was something.

"It would break protocol for me to return your memories at this point, and I have no wish for you to be harmed because of it...nor do I particularly like being punished. But..."

Something indeterminate flickered in Zima's eyes and scent. "But?"

"But there may be something else I can do as a comfort at least for now. If you would like."

There was no hesitation. "What is it?"

She did hesitate. "I…I can share one of my few good memories with you."

Again, no hesitation, not even a moment for him to think about what that might be before he nodded. "Alright."

Liron moved to sit beside her trainee, gently placing her hands on either side of his head. "Close your eyes."

He obeyed, and she rested her forehead on his, sinking into the archives of her mind to find the memory she was looking for. She'd spend enough time alone with only her mind for company that she'd managed to organise all of her unblocked memories in a system not unlike a library. Most of them were simply by date and time, but there were a few…like the one that she was going to show him…that were special. Ah, there it was. Just after the only mission she'd had where both of them had been undercover…

A town stretched out before them, music playing from the room behind them. She and Natalia were hidden on the balcony with plates loaded up with food from the buffet, dressed in nice dresses, smiling and just enjoying each other's company in a rare extra few hours after a mission was completed. It was peaceful, and happy. She had Natalia – the only member of her pack – by her side, so there was no reason offhand that she could think of to be jealous of the couples and families in the party behind them and the town below. And they had more and better food than they could remember ever having all at once. And they were pretty without it being weaponised at the moment.

For a few seconds, she could indulge in a fantasy of a different life, and she could see her partner was taking advantage to do the same.

The memory faded, and Liron took her hands away from Zima's head, tucking a lock of hair behind his ear. His eyes fluttered open, and she was taken aback.

"You have pretty eyes." …she had not meant to say that.

He blinked, clearly not knowing how to respond. "So do you."

Oh, right, they were speaking English right now. "Thank you."

He wasn't looking away…something tingled. Liron licked her lower lip a little and watched his eyes as they flicked down to the movement. She knew that look; she'd seen him make it before…last time it got him into trouble. Would she let him go on? Yes, yes, she would. And Sir would not let Zima be punished if Zima did what she thou-…wanted him to do. She did want it. She knew that without a doubt now.

He leaned in, hesitance in every line of his body…unsurety and a bit of fear thick in his scent and a silent question in his eyes.

Her voice was soft. "You have my permission."

His lips brushed hers gently, fleeting, still afraid; but this time Liron kissed back, resting her hands on his arms to try and hold back the urge to pull him closer.

He was the first to pull away, his hands now on either side of her legs, and she let him, did not chase him.

"Zima?"

His eyes were bright. "Yeah?"

She licked her lower lip. "May I…may I return the favour you just gave me?" She had to ask out loud…she had to know she had his full consent.

A nod. "Yeah…"

She closed the gap between them, just as soft as before, still trying to fight against her instincts telling her more. Her hands slid a little farther up his arms, a shiver running through him.

And then his arms wrapped tight around her waist, pulling her flush against him, and the majority of her resolve shattered like a sheet of ice under a hammer. Her hands moved from his arms to his hair as the kiss deepened, and she shifted slightly, ending up practically on his lap.

Sparks were flying in her mind, and her instincts, her wolf, sang. This was supposed to be happening. This was right. So very much against her training, but so right. She was a fool for trying to make it impossible.

She pressed closer, tugging his hair a little on accident, and a soft growl rumbled from his chest. Liron growled back, a little softer, and tugged again. His hands closed on her sides, and she was about to deepen the kiss further when a scent that wasn't theirs came into range…approaching the door.

Liron pulled away, cupping the sides of his face. Zima looked at her, panting a little, his lips pinker than normal, and oh, she just wanted to kiss him again. But…

"Someone's coming."

Those pretty eyes widened a little, and he laid back down on his bed as if just waking up – of all the things to choose…? – as she stood.

The someone – Petrova, judging by the scent – knocked on the door just as Zima identified her in a whisper. Liron needed to remember to tell him well-done for that.

She opened the door. "Yes, Junior Agent Petrova?"

"I came to see if Zima is available."

Behind her, Zima sat up, and Liron made a split-second, selfish decision.

"He has already used the free time I gave him today. It would be inappropriate to give him more when he still has training to do. Besides, the two of you need to be constantly aware that this will not be the only place you will ever been. There will be missions apart, and when his training is complete to Sir's specifications, Zima will be returning to HYDRA."

Petrova's eyes went a little wide, but she bowed her head. "Yes ma'am."

"…but as it stands, I have a report to make to sir. You have until I get back."

Petrova's head snapped back up, a smiling painting her lips." Thank you."

"You're welcome."

Liron left.

Zima smiled back when Petrova came in.

"That was nice of her…I wonder what she has to report on."

He shrugged. She sat on his bed.

"How have you been since I saw you last?"

"Good. You?"

"Good. I heard through the grapevine that you saw Agents Ruskin and Romanova making out?"

Wait what? Zima's brows furrowed in confusion. "What? No. They weren't making out at all. I just misunderstood their hugging for something more."

She nodded a little, seeming a bit disappointed. "Pity. That would have been quite the scandal."

"Scandal?"

"The two top agents being like that? Yeah."

Zima frowned, getting a little defensive. "Well, they're not."

She shrugged, then gave him a look when he went quiet. "What?"

"Nothing."

"You sure?"

He nodded.

"Okay."

Well…Zima hesitated, not sure whether to ask or not. "Petrova…"

"Yeah?"

"We…we need to talk…about us."

Petrova leaned a little closer. "My first name is Agata."

"What?" Where'd that come from?

"My first name is Agata."

Okay? "You never told me that."

"You never asked."

…that seemed a little off somehow. He should tell Train-…Liron about this. "Okay. Well, I was thinking…" Uh…how did he make a cover for this… "How long have we known each other?"

"Two years or so. Why?"

Zima sighed. "Think is…I…I don't think it's working out between us."

Petrova…Agata frowned. "What do you mean? We're doing fine…or at least, I thought we are."

"I know…but…now with us being apart more…"

She crossed her arms. "Did Agent Ruskin put you up to this? Is that why you're doing this?"

He was quick to shake his head. "No, no." Well…not really.

"Then what is it? Agents Romanova and Shoskatov do just fine with the long amounts of time apart, so the all the other agents that are together in this organisation."

Okay then…well… "Fine…I…like someone else…" He was almost afraid to say it.

She stared at him, and he looked down, not wanting to see the look in her eyes.

Petr-Agata's voice was flat, and her scent flickered between jealously, a hint of anger, sadness, and disappointment. "Oh. Who?"

He shifted a little. "Doesn't matter."

"I want to know, Zima. Please."

"…Liron…"

Her arms uncrossed, falling sharply to her sides, her voice and scent sharp with disbelief and frustration. "Agent Ruskin, the Ice Queen, the woman who rejected you?! You're saying we won't work out because you like her? Really?! She rejected you!"

Zima flinched a little. "Agata, please…"

She crossed her arms again, standing. "Tell me you're joking. Tell me you're lying. Tell me this is just a cruel game. Please."

…he felt terrible. All he could do was keep looking down. He couldn't lie to her, not about this, and he couldn't bear looking her in the face.

"Zima, please."

"I…I'm not lying."

Agata was silent for a long time. Zima still didn't look up.

"I'm sorry."

"No you're not."

"Yes, I am."

She laughed, harsh and short. "No, you're not. I understand now. I was just a distraction, something to keep your mind off of her until she gave in to your advances. Either that or she's controlling you, which would still make you not sorry."

He looked up, but said nothing.

Her eyes were hard and sad. "I'm right, aren't I? Please, tell me I'm wrong. Tell me you're just testing me or something."

Zima remained silent, guilt coursing through him.

Agata stared him in the eyes. "Tell me! Please! All she's ever done is hurt you! How could you be…how could…" Her voice trailed off. "Please."

He flinched again at her shouting. "Shut up!"

She stopped, and he looked her right back. "I've liked her before I liked you. And she did like me, but didn't want to get... involved. And then we met, and it was only because she wanted us to be together."

"So it wasn't real?"

"What wasn't?"

"Us."

How did she get that out of…? "No, it was real."

Agata said no more, and Zima went quiet.

Footsteps laced with Trai-Liron's scent sounded down the hall…he never had been able to actually hear her footsteps before…

The door opened, and he looked over as Agata tensed. He nodded at Trai-…Liron, and she nodded back.

Agata stepped away, jaw tight, and swept out of the room, knocking into Liron as she went.

Liron closed the door. "How did it go?"

"Not good."

She sat by him, and rubbed his shoulder a little. He looked at her.

"She didn't deserve that. She's been nothing but kind to me."

"Do you regret your choice?"

He was quick to dispel that thought; he didn't want two women upset with him. "No. Just wish she had found out differently."

Liron's hand left his shoulder. "How differently could she have found out?"

Zima shrugged. "Maybe…spending too much time away from each other? And then she'd slowly stop liking me? I dunno."

She sighed a little and ran a hand through her hair. "If...if you would like, I have a way to make that possible."

"How? It's already happened."

"Not if she doesn't remember it."

What? …oh. "No, don't do that."

She nodded just a bit, seeming glad he hadn't taken that offer. "As you wish."

He ran a hand through his hair.

"As I said before, I would not fault you for choosing her."

Zima sighed heavily. He didn't know what to do…he may as well say as much. "I don't know what to do. To be fair, I've known her personally longer than you."

"I know."

His hands curled into his hair, tugging on the strands, trying to get a grip on himself and his choices. Trainer…Liron sat beside him in silence, patient, waiting, without judgement as far as he could tell.

"You do not have to decide at this moment. You still have time to chase after her if that is what you choose to do. And were I to look at this unbiased, I would recommend that option. As you said, you have known her longer and she has been nothing but kind to you."

He shook his head. It wasn't that simple. "But I've liked you since…whenever now. I couldn't even stop thinking of you when I was with her...I tried, but I couldn't..."

Her hand closed gently on his shoulder. "I will not force you either way, and there is no deadline."

"I know."

Liron squeezed a little, then let go and stood. "I will give you the rest of today to think, and we resume training in the morning."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome."