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10: So This Is Love
Friday, November 19, 2004

Capheine says: I'm trying to get these chapters written before I'm swallowed up by the eternal homework pit of doom. Yarr, wish me luck and happy reading!

Disclaimers dictate: … hey, didn't I say that I was going to get rid of these? Ahh well. Fruits Basket in all its gooey, plot-twisting, character-developing goodness is not mine. It belongs to suspense genius Natsuki Takaya.

"Will you marry me?"

Tohru was absolutely giddy; tears were running down her face and her mouth was bent in the most ridiculous smile. She had to take a few moments to catch her school-girlish breath before she could reply.Even then she stuttered through what she had to say, giggles escaping and peeking out between random words.

"Oh Yuki…"

She couldn't stop herself from smiling. It was just too… too…

"That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard! Kagura will definitely say yes!"

Yuki had finished reciting his marriage proposal to Tohru; he would later present it to his love, Kagura. The tabloids would certainly get the big announcement that they were anticipating. "You think? I thought that…" he began.

Suddenly there was a large crash at the doorway of the small room they were sitting in. Tohru wiped her face of tears while rushing over to see what the commotion was about; Yuki followed hesitantly, expecting paparazzi to spill into the room at any moment. What would Kagura think if she saw pictures of Yuki and Tohru splashed across the front page of every gossip magazine?

But when Tohru opened the door there were no such photographers… in fact, the hallway was quite empty. White marble, white light - but there was a certain red-haired man walking quickly towards the front doors.

His pace was agitated and at the last moment he looked back to see Tohru and Yuki staring at him from afar.

Kyou.

Had he heard them…?

The look on his face was a mix of several emotions. Anger, disbelief… hurt. Mostly hurt. Tohru could see the pain behind his eyes, the way his eyebrows sat in a straight line and the way his hair was messier than usual. He looked… he looked…

He looked just like Yuki when he had found Kagura was leaving.

But Kyou? Why would Kyou have any reason to feel…

He turned around again, slamming through the doors and sending a swirl of cool summer air into the building. The breeze chilled Tohru, and suddenly she was able to put two and two together. She understood what he was running away from. The very thought froze her heart more completely than any winter wind ever would. "Oh no…" she whispered.

Her Kyou.

The phone rang endlessly on the line, but Kyou never picked up. Tohru punched in his number more frantically each time; she was desperate to explain. She just had to explain to him what he had seen, what he had heard.

The night before, she had chased after Kyou, hoping that he wouldn't leave without at least waiting for an explanation. But by the time she had gotten outside, he had already started his motorcycle and zoomed away. He had left his guitar, his music…

Oh, his music. That song… it was so beautiful. Enchanting. She couldn't read music, but she could certainly read words - and what he had written was simply heart-breaking. Heart-breaking because of the circumstances, because of the situation. Why did she leave at the exact moment that Kyou was going to present it? Why did he have to follow her?

(Because he loves you.)

Tohru was disappointed - in herself, about the circumstances. Had anything else happened, things would have been different and she wouldn't need to continue calling Kyou, waiting and hoping for him to pick up.

She had had one entire sleepless night to think about it. She remembered how giddy she had been when Yuki presented her with the idea of proposing to Kagura. It was a perfect fairytale romance. When Yuki proposed, Kagura would of course accept, because it was so obvious that the two were so infatuated with one another.

Yuki had asked for Tohru's opinion on things; about what would be the best way to tell the world, the best way to surprise Kagura. She had been so wrapped up in organizing the wedding, she didn't even think about how Kyou would see it.

All too well Tohru remembered how she had closed the door on his face, simply because she wanted to discuss the wedding plans with Yuki. All too well did she remember the number of times Kyou had seen her laughing with Yuki. All too well.

She punched in his number again, but as always, she simply got his answering machine. The recorded message on the machine was mechanic, and didn't even spare Tohru the luxury of hearing Kyou's voice.

Why couldn't he pick up the phone? Why couldn't he have just… just…

Just seen that she loved him too?

Because it was obvious wasn't it? She had only taken him on a 'pretend' date because putting 'pretend' in front of that accursed word made it seem much less threatening. So that if it was a complete disaster - she was worried her clumsiness would ruin everything - she could at least brush it off and hope to put it in her past. And all those times they spent walking through those parks… all those rose petals and cherubs…

The phone clicked again, and the answering machine began its automated message.

Time for drastic measures.

Late in the afternoon, Tohru had finally gained enough courage to approach Kyou in a more drastic way. She hesitantly climbed the stairs to his narrow townhouse residence, completely aware of every timid step that shuffled against the stone.

What was she doing here?

Of course, she knew what she was doing here. She was trying to explain things to Kyou, trying to get him to understand that she did love him. But really, what was she doing here? For explanations certainly, but she couldn't help but feel a little ridiculous, debating to herself in her head whether or not she should ring his doorbell.

But no, she must.

But she couldn't help but be a little scared.

Only a little.

Really,only a little.

She stood on his front step, kind of just staring at the door, waiting for it to magically open and for Kyou to sweep her into his arms. Maybe if she concentrated hard enough, it would come true.

Tohru knew she was only stalling for time. She knew she couldn't stay staring at the door forever. And she also knew that if she wrung her hands anymore, or chewed her lip any further, she'd probably start bleeding. 'So why don't you just do it? Why don't you just ring that doorbell and ask for his forgiveness?'

Because she was scared.

She was scared out of her mind that he would open that door and slam it in her face. She was scared that he would yell at her, and rant and rave, and then slam the door in her face. She was afraid that he would take one look her, one and only one look, and be so disgusted that he would just… just… somehow disappear off the face of the earth simply because he was so angry!

She was terrified.

Because what if? What if he was that angry? What if he didn't forgive her?

What would she do then?

What could she do then?

Because she was just so in love with him. And to see his face contort in that sort of disgust would be absolutely heart-breaking. More heart-breaking than the song he wrote, or seeing the expression on his face before he ran out the door.

Tohru was in love. And maybe that's what made her hesitate. Maybe that's what made her stop to catch her breath before she could do anything, and just stay standing, staring at Kyou's front door.

And then the door magically opened.

It opened.

And then there was Kyou. Disheveled and in a navy blue bathrobe, but still Kyou.

They stared at one another for a few moments.

Then Kyou closed the door.

It was happening all wrong. Kyou wasn't supposed to close that door. He wasn't supposed to turn his back on her. He was supposed to stay there, waiting for an explanation while looking ever-so hopeful that Tohru's words would make the world all right. Kyou was supposed to leave that door open, open so that she could get a word in edge-wise before he could start ranting.

It wasn't supposed to happen this way. And since it wasn't supposed to happen this way, Tohru wasn't ready to give up just yet. She may have been scared, but that didn't mean that she couldn't be brave too.

"Kyou, I have to tell you something!" she yelled through the doorway. "It's something important, and you need to know!"

There was no answer, and Tohru could hear what seemed to be loud rock music coming through the door. "Kyou, open the door, please!" she pleaded, desperate now. He was drowning out her words with his music.

The music got even louder, bass pumping a steady pulse that Tohru could feel under her feet. "I'm not getting married!" she screamed. "I'm not getting married to Yuki! Kyou, please listen to me! I love you! I love you!"

She was surprised how hoarse her voice suddenly sounded. She was also surprised by the tears that had magically sprung from her eyes. It wasn't supposed to happen this way.

She waited. Tohru was waiting, and she was going to count to ten… okay, maybe twenty, before she gave up on him. Twenty seconds, she could wait. Okay, maybe even a minute. Perhaps even five. Perhaps the entire night, she would stay standing and listening to the awfully loud music Kyou was pumping through the doorway.

But she didn't.

She counted her twenty seconds, and took one last look at the door. Gingerly, she removed her necklace - the one that Kyou had given her on that fateful night - and placed it on his doorstep. Because she loved him. She loved him even if she was terrified, and she could continue loving him until… until the seconds of eternity were up.

But today, and only today, she didn't have eternity to spend. She didn't have an eternity to cry these stupid tears, while waiting on the doorstep. Besides, people were beginning to stare.

Today, she'd have to make a promise by leaving him this necklace and counting to twenty. Twenty more seconds and maybe he would open that door again.

… nineteen, nineteen and four-sevenths, and nine-tenths, and… and…

Twenty.

The music was still playing, bass blaring, ground shaking, (heart-breaking) when Tohru turned on her heel, and slowly walked down those stairs.

So this is love.

Kyou opened his door in time to see Tohru turning around the corner. She had finally given up. He thought she was never going to leave.

It was embarrassing to be seen like this. Looking stupid with his hair messed up and only in a bathrobe! A bathrobe! How could he ever look her in the face knowing that she was probably looking back and thinking, "Ew… this is the reason why I'm getting married to Yuki instead of this hopeless vagabond Kyou."

More or less the same terms.

There was more reason than that of course. Kyou had seen the endless number of times that Tohru had called him. He had heard her sweet, sweet voice on the other end of the answering machine, pleading for him to pick up the phone because she had something 'really, really, really important… like really, really' to tell him. He had been tempted more than once, naturally, to pick up the phone and swallow any stupid explanation she had to give him on why she was marrying his stupid pansy-cousin.

But temptation was horrible to give into. Temptation had destroyed many men before him. No matter how sweet Tohru was, if Kyou gave in now, he would have to live with the fact that he had accepted the marriage between the pansy-boy and Tohru. At least now he could live in denial.

…

Who was he kidding?

He had opened his front door, and was now looking around, glancing across the street and challenging the rare passerby to peek at him for longer than two seconds. The marriage was all too real and true. Tohru had chosen pansy-boy over Kyou and he would have to accept the fact sooner or later.

It was painful though. The kind of painful that stays with you. Not only were his ears ringing (maybe he shouldn't have turned that music up so high…), but there was this sort of pain in his chest that he knew had to be heartache or something like that.

This being in love really sucked sometimes.

The glint of something metallic caught Kyou's gaze, and he looked down to see a pendant and chain resting on his doorstep. It was the necklace he had given Tohru. And then afterwards she had thanked him and kis-

So first she decided to break his heart, and now she was going to mock him with his feelings?

All this ridiculous pain and she chose to come back and slap him across the face a second time? She chose to say, "Hey Kyou, I'm getting married to your prissy-assed cousin, so here's the one thing you thought I would cherish for forever and always. I don't need it anymore because I hate you." More or less the same terms. Okay, she wouldn't say that at all, but geez, why'd she leave him this?

Sometimes he wondered why he loved her.

Okay, no he didn't.

Tohru could imagine how she looked walking home. She probably looked like a stray cow, plodding along hopelessly and disguising itself as a brown-haired girl. A really big, stupid, ugly, hopeless cow.

The traffic lights were blinking again; there had been another power outage. Why couldn't the outage have occurred earlier, when Tohru was trying to confess to Kyou, so that he couldn't play his music? In fact, why couldn't Tohru have been telepathic instead, and sent her message to Kyou via brain waves? Why couldn't she have superpowers and be strong enough to fly over there and lift off Kyou's roof and make him understand that…

She settled for checking her mail (the only thing a big, stupid, ugly, hopeless cow like herself could do).

She was hopeless and at a loss. She wanted Kyou back, but without superpowers… without her heart filled to the brim with joy and absolute pleasure of being around him, what could she do?

She could check her mail.

Rifling through the bills and ads, she found one interesting letter from Yuki. Tearing one side of the envelope, she pulled out the note and read, "About your new job…"

Oh how she wished she had superpowers.

Capheine says: Yay! Complete chapter! Yay!

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Bah... for a little while, I thought I had lost the floppy disk where I saved all my work. I nearly went out of my mind searching for it. Turns out my sister had tucked it in-between the pages of her math textbook. Gargh. Well, the eleventh chapter is being worked on, but because of the holidays and holiday homework (bah), I probably won't be updating anytime too soon. Happy holidays!

Thursday, December 02, 2004