Upon hearing that particular piece of news, Patch wailed and his knees buckled. He smacked his head on the wall of the tube as he fell to the bottom.
"I'm too YOUNG to die!" Eddie sobbed and buried his face in his hands, his entire skinny body shaking violently.
Gavin gasped, but quickly regained his composure. If he could just find a weakness in the tube, he could smash his way out…
Hearos was much rougher than Gavin. He began rapidly punching, kicking, and slamming his head against the tube in a frantic attempt to break out. All of his efforts were in vain, and he collapsed shortly after he began, partially from exhaustion, but mostly from the fresh bumps on his head.
Arthur, still quite inebriated, turned his eyes to Vilos. He couldn't even guess what she was feeling. Her mouth was open slightly in surprise, but she didn't seem particularly upset that her closest (and only) friend was about to meet his doom.
Who was he kidding? She never even cared about him…she just used him to get that ravenous little piñata of hers life sweets. She wouldn't do a single damn thing to save him…
That thought absolutely broke Arthur's heart. Vilos would never share the same feelings that he had for her…he was foolish to think otherwise. Arthur bowed his head and decided to accept his death.
"VILOS!" Mistress Mayhem barked. "Why aren't you in uniform?"
"I-I didn't think it would be necessary…" Vilos wilted like a neglected tulip under Mistress Mayhem's gaze.
"Go put it on NOW!" Mistress Mayhem stabbed her finger at a door. "And make it snappy!"
"Yes, Mistress!" Vilos nodded and flew off as quickly as possible.
Professor Pester's eyebrows rose. Vilos was completely submissive to Mistress Mayhem's commands…she didn't even complain, or make a snide comment about Mistress Mayhem's weight! Perhaps those shovels were worth the money after all…
"Let my Hearos GO!" Yoko screamed, struggling like a Cherrapin on its back. The only thing her thrashing did was cause deep scratches to appear on her wrists. Ugh, if only her hands weren't bound, she could Tinker her way out of this one!
"If you murder my husband, I'll murder you!" Beth's tone was filled with absolute revulsion and she glared daggers, spears, and harpoons at Mistress Mayhem.
Seedos and Patrice said nothing. The former was silently staring at Dastardos, and the latter was shuddering with tears rolling down her face.
"Hmph…" Mistress Mayhem pouted at the two protesting women. "Do you really think I'd let these fine fellows go just because you demanded that it be so? And I did plan to let you keep your lives…granted, they will be hollow and meaningless since you watched your loved ones die right before your eyes." She giggled her awful giggle and Yoko practically roared at her.
"Don't waste your energy, you two," Gavin's voice was calm, as always. "I'll be able to get out of here. You know me…" There was the slightest hint of fright at the edge of his tone, however. Not even his serious, stoic expression could disguise that.
"HAH!" Professor Pester grinned at Gavin. "Those tubes are completely indestructible from the inside! There's no way you'll be getting out!"
"I don't know about you, but Mistress Mayhem has a reputation of being…less than good at what she does," Gavin bit his lip and examined the glass around him carefully. "I'm not going to give up…if I don't make it, though…" Gavin turned his attention to his wife, whose anger had melted away and was replaced with absolute devastation. "Beth, our time together was short, but it was the happiest time of my life." His words were simple, but honest, and his stoic front broke as he smiled warmly at Beth.
"Damn it, Gavin…you're…" Beth blinked away a tear and whipped her head toward the villains, her eyes blazing with anger. "You are going to pay for this!"
"Good luck with that, sweetie," Mistress Mayhem chortled and flipped her hair as she gloated. "Professor Pester and I plan on having the Ruffians untie you once we're far, far away from all this!"
"Urgh…" Hearos stirred after a few moments, and shot straight up to his feet once he heard the sound of Yoko sobbing. "Yoko!"
Yoko responded by looking at him and whimpering.
"I love you so much…I'm so sorry this happened…if I knew, I could have stopped them!" Hearos slammed a fist against the glass again.
"It's not your fault, Hearos…" Yoko swallowed, her eyes puffy and red.
"Remember me fondly, Yoko!" Hearos shed a single tear and rested a hand on his chest. "I failed in my heroic duties…I deserve this…" His confidence crumbled to pieces and he slid down to the bottom of the tube.
Seedos had been staring at Dastardos from the very moment he woke up. Dastardos had tried to ignore him to the best of his ability, but having saucer-sized eyes on him for more than four minutes really started to grate on his nerves.
Dastardos' good eye snapped over to meet Seedos' gaze and he quickly mouthed "WHAT?"
Seedos said nothing; he just lowered his eyes into a squint. Dastardos had a good guess as to what that meant.
"Why are you just floating there? Are you really going to let all of these people die?"
Dastardos glanced over at the tubes. He was never fond of Patch, he thought Eddie was a pompous waste of space, Arthur was annoying and pushy, and he didn't know the first thing about Hearos or Gavin.
He looked back at Seedos and narrowed his eyes at him, as if to say: "You're not in any danger, so shut up."
Seedos sighed quietly and closed his eyes. So much for his budding friendships with Patch and Eddie…fate must not want anyone to like him.
"Th-this is all your fault!" Patch spun in his tube and did his best to glare at Dastardos, even if they could barely see each other from where they were. "I knew this was a trap! You brought all of us here to d-d-die!"
Patrice gasped through her tears.
"Sadly," Professor Pester walked over to Dastardos and ruffled his hair. "My favorite little minion had nothing to do with this! He didn't even know what I had planned!" Professor Pester snickered and placed his hands on his hips. "The silly kid thought that I was planning on killing him! Can you imagine? He must have brought all of you here to rebel against me!" Professor Pester laughed at the very thought of his subordinate challenging him.
"O-oh…" Patch turned bright red. Well, it was somewhat comforting that Dastardos didn't intend to see him die…but this situation was so insane Patch would take any ounce of comfort he could get.
"So you brought us here for your own selfish reasons?" Eddie was done wallowing in self-pity. Now he was mad. "I can't believe you! We're all going to die just because you wanted to save your own ass! ARGH!"
"Hey!" Dastardos snapped back. "You're the idiot who followed me here! You could have turned away, you know. This is as much your fault as it is mine!"
Eddie banged his head against the wall of the tube. Twice, to make sure it hurt. How could have been so stupid as to trust a villain? Curiosity really did kill the Kittyfloss…
"Sweetie pie…" Eddie heard Mistress Mayhem purr as she slunk up to the side of his tube. "I'm willing to spare you your life…"
"What?" Eddie raised his head, his eyes hopeful.
"WHAT!" Professor Pester blew up. "Mistress, that's ridiculous! I thought you said it was important that-"
Mistress Mayhem held up a hand to silence the Professor. "IF, and only IF…" she leered at Eddie and placed a hand against the glass. "You agree to marry me and stay by my side forever."
Eddie was positively shocked. He would have staggered several steps backwards if he wasn't confined.
"Think about it, sugar…" Mistress Mayhem smiled at him. She was trying to look kind and sympathetic, but Eddie saw the unmistakable hunger behind that look. "The handsome trophy husband of a villainess! Sounds glamorous, does it not? I'd make sure to take care of you and hold you above all of my minions, as long as you do me the occasional…" Her smile curled into something much more mischievous and she licked her lips. "…favor."
Everyone in the room looked at Eddie expectantly. The people who knew him better expected him to immediately shout "NO!" but he went very, very quiet and cast his eyes on the floor.
"E-Eddie…" Patrice was actually the one to break the silence, her voice soft and shaky. "You aren't r-r-really considering…!"
"SILENCE!" Mistress Mayhem boomed and Patrice shrunk down as much as the ropes would allow, her eyes watering.
Despite everyone else's obvious objections, Eddie was considering Mistress Mayhem's offer. He was seventeen, almost eighteen, to have his life cut short would be the most awful thing that could happen to him! Especially if it was to create a new supervillain; that was not where Eddie wanted his genetics to go! If he married her, sure, he might be miserable, but he'd be alive. And he couldn't see the future, maybe he would be rescued…
It was a ray of hope and a way for him to preserve himself. He couldn't help it.
"Yes…" The word was barely a breath. "Yes." Eddie said again, louder this time, raising his head to make eye contact with Mistress Mayhem. "I will marry you if you let me live."
"WOW, I can't believe that worked!" Mistress Mayhem laughed triumphantly and flounced over to the machine's console.
"Hey, at least you have experience in marrying villains, Eddie!" Dastardos chortled and earned himself a seething glare from Professor Pester.
People are about to die, and he's still making jokes… Seedos couldn't help shaking his head. Even back before he changed, Dastardos could find a streak of humor in even the most terrible situations. Seedos never expected him to go this far, though…
Patrice bowed her head. The only man who ever expressed interest in her was going to spend the rest of his life in a villain's clutches. That was just her luck…
"Put your arms by your sides, dear!" Mistress Mayhem sang to Eddie as she pressed a few buttons. The tube around Eddie promptly got sucked right into the ground, completely freeing him from its claustrophobic confines. He stumbled in his shock, but Mistress Mayhem was at his side in mere moments to catch him.
"Don't worry, darling," Mistress Mayhem held him close, one hand resting on his back and the other on his butt. "I'll take very good care of you…"
Eddie shook as he rested his head against Mistress Mayhem's chest. He hoped this was the right choice…
Everyone expected Eddie to make a run for it, but he never did. Mistress Mayhem expected him to try and get away too, so she kept a tight hold on him. Eddie had gone completely silent and refused to make eye contact with anyone. He didn't want to face their judging glances. He couldn't decide if he was a coward for wanted to preserve his life, or stupidly brave for clinging to his one hope of survival. Could he possibly be both…?
"Oh, where on Earth is Vilos?" Mistress Mayhem pulled the catatonic Eddie even closer and his face was swallowed up by her gargantuan breasts. "I need to tell her the big news!"
"Mistress!" Professor Pester exclaimed. "Isn't it more important that we-"
"DAMN IT, VILOS!" Mistress Mayhem shouted, completely ignoring the protests of Pester. "Get out here RIGHT NOW! How long could it possibly take to put on a uniform?"
Vilos had hoped in vain that Mistress Mayhem would forget about her. She should have known better. She sighed, opened the door, and revealed herself. "What do you need, Mistress?"
Dastardos burst into full-on, body-shaking laughter and nearly fell over. If he had a properly working excretory system, he probably would have pissed himself.
Pester let out a long, low whistle and immediately wished that he was the one who had Vilos under his complete control.
Patch gasped at the sight of Vilos and felt his heart suddenly speed up tenfold. If he was about to die, maybe things wouldn't be so bad if he could die looking at the woman he fell for at first sight…
Arthur couldn't help raising his eyebrows. That was the last thing he ever expected someone like Vilos to wear…he briefly thought that it looked good on her, and then mentally slapped himself. He hated her now; he couldn't admire her appearance!
"O-oh…" Patrice blinked at Vilos through her tears. If she had been feeling particularly sadistic that day, she would have smirked at seeing her archenemy in a getup like that.
Vilos crossed her arms over her chest and her face rapidly began to heat up. Mistress Mayhem and the Ruffians were the only ones who ever saw her wear this humiliating thing, and she really didn't appreciate having an audience this time around.
It was a maid uniform, complete with a headband, a lacy apron, a knee-length fluffy skirt, puffy sleeves, and fishnet stockings.
Vilos' embarrassment turned to revulsion as Mistress Mayhem proudly displayed and bragged about her future trophy husband, who she still kept a thick arm around. Eddie was still speechless and his skin was white as Pololly Bear paper.
"That's…nice…" Vilos' expression twisted with disgust and Mistress Mayhem glared at her with the fiery intensity of a thousand Redhotts. "Er…I mean…" Vilos folded her hands under her chin and stuck one of her legs up behind her. "I'm soooo happy for you, Mistress~! I knew a guy would come to his senses and see what a catch you are eventually!"
Vilos was a very, very good actress. Her sudden shift to bubbliness stunned everyone in the room.
"That's my good girl," Mistress Mayhem patted Vilos' head with her free hand. "I hope you're not too jealous, I can't see you finding love!" Mistress Mayhem cackled before planting a kiss onto Eddie's cheek.
"A-a-actually…" Patch's stuttery speech echoed from inside his tube as he fiddled with his gloved hands. "Vilos…"
Vilos whirled to face him in a swirl of fluffy skirts. "…what do you want?" She squinted at him, her former bubbly demeanor completely gone.
"B-before I d-d-die…" Patch's face began to flush red. "I want you to know that…that I-I've been thinking about y-you nonstop these p-p-past few days…and…" Patch took a deep breath. "I love you, Vilos!"
"What," was Vilos' only reply as her brow flew upwards.
"Wh-wh-WHAT?" Patrice spluttered.
"WHAT." Mistress Mayhem tightened her grip on Eddie and couldn't decide whether to glare at Patch or Vilos.
"WHAT?" Dastardos shrieked and looked at Patch with his jaw practically on the floor. Patch confessing his love for Vilos was one genital swap away from Patch confessing his love for Dastardos.
"Ugh…" was all Arthur had to say on that matter. He was too far gone into his own misery to even care at this point.
"J-just wanted you to know…" Patch blushed a deep dark red, but he didn't dare to take his eyes of Vilos despite his embarrassment. He felt slightly better about the "dying" thing when he was looking at her. Slightly.
Vilos buried her mask into her palms. "I met you once…" Vilos' muffled voice said. "And I knocked you out."
"O-oh yes…you certainly did…" Patch's lovesick smile changed into a frown. Huh, he thought that would go better. Anguished declarations of love in the face of certain death always went well in the movies…oh well, at least he would die with that off his chest. He sighed softly.
"Vilos is off the market, young man," Mistress Mayhem chided with a disgusted look towards Vilos.
"Enough of all these foolishfeelings and excessiveemotions!" Professor Pester waved his arms like he was signaling a rescue aircraft. "Can't we just get this over with?"
"For once, I agree with you, Professor," Dastardos grumbled and earned himself another scornful look from Seedos.
"In one moment!" Mistress Mayhem smirked. "Vilos, darling, I need a victory drink. You know what I like." Mistress Mayhem reached her arm around Eddie to clap her hands thrice, loudly and swiftly. Eddie flinched with each clap.
"Okay…" Vilos came up from her hands and looked at her boss. "Okay, fine. Coming right up." She turned to head towards the other room and Arthur felt something in his chest snap. He was so sick of her eyes passing over him like he wasn't even there, not even seeing a trace of sorrow for his imminent death in her expression. She had just been stringing him along this whole time; she would never even care about him as a person. He was just the one person rich and stupid enough to feed her ravenous vampire of a Macaraccoon.
"Vilos!" Arthur's voice cut through the silence and was so firm and sharp that Vilos actually whipped around to face him. He glared at her, glared at her with all of the ire and hatred he felt towards her at that moment, that cold, manipulative bitch. "I hope all of those sweets were worth it to yew!" He spat the last statement, not even caring that Mistress Mayhem was standing right there, not even caring that plenty of other people from town were present and that his secret would be compromised. He was going to die, broken hearted, and become a part of one of Mistress Mayhem's latest sick, twisted creation. He had every right to be angry.
Arthur saw a flash of something on Vilos' face, but it was quickly replaced by a frown. If she was affected by his statement at all, she was very good at hiding it. Arthur wished she would yell at him, scream at him, demand that Mistress Mayhem open the tube so she could pound him into paste herself, if only because he would have the satisfaction of making Vilos break her cold front. But there was barely a twitch in her expression. Great, now he would die a failure as well as an idiot.
"Dastardos," Vilos looked away from Arthur and settled her glowing eyes on her fellow piñata reaper. "Can you come with me?"
"Can I?" Dastardos glanced at Pester quizzically.
"Can he?" Pester looked at Mistress Mayhem, his head tilted slightly.
"Fine," Mistress Mayhem waved Dastardos off. "You better not slow her down!"
"Wouldn't dream of it," Dastardos smirked at Mistress Mayhem before flying to Vilos' side. Both of them promptly disappeared into the other room.
Arthur hated Dastardos as much as he hated Vilos. They were spending an awful amount of time together lately…sure, Dastardos was Vilos from another universe, but Arthur couldn't help but be envious of the fact that Vilos never kicked Dastardos out of her house within minutes like she always did with him.
If he was in love with her, or vice versa, Arthur prayed that one of them got their heart stomped into the dust. They deserved it. They barely felt physical pain; he could only imagine the traumatic ache that emotional pain would cause them. He allowed himself to smirk. If there was some form of afterlife, he hoped he could watch Vilos get her heart broken from it. He would be able to rest easy if he witnessed that.
Little did Arthur know, though, his little comment about sweets gave Vilos an idea…
VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP
Yoto had managed to infiltrate the base. Sure, he was soaked to the bone after sneaking through the waterfall, but he had made it! He could ignore his moist discomfort for the time being.
He didn't have too much issue walking through the long, long hallway, either. He expected heavy guarding, several Ruffians that would all swarm him at once, turrets lining the walls, an army of robotic clones, an army of robotic Dragonaches, an alarm that would cause the hall to fill with lava, a sour Smelba the size of Egg Mountain…but none of those happened.
The Ruffians must be on lunch break… Yoto pondered as he walked. How long was this goddamn hallway? Do Ruffians eat? Hmm…
The hallway lacked the usual Piñata Island brightness. It was made of gray stone and the only splashes of color were the many portraits of the evil lair's owner that lined the walls. Most of them were Mistress Mayhem smirking or posing, but there was the occasional…odder one.
No one who owned naked portraits of themselves could be sane. Yoto gulped and tightened his grip on the hilt of his sword. He liked his girls big, but this lady was really pushing it…
Who made these for her? Yoto's brow knit in concern. I feel SUPER bad for them. Unless she made them herself…
Yoto figured it would be best not to read into it too much. He got momentarily distracted when he actually did run into a Ruffian right in front of an enormous doorway. The Ruffian had an enormous, curly green ponytail tied back with a red and black bow, and a ruffly pink skirt beneath her mask/head. She didn't even try to attack Yoto; she just looked at him like a Doenut in headlights.
"Um, prepare to die?" Yoto lifted his sword and the Ruffian shrieked and ran off down the miles and miles of hallway, but not before wetting herself.
"Great," Yoto huffed and crouched down by the door, doing his best to ignore the puddle of Ruffian piss. He pressed his ear against the door and heard Mistress Mayhem monologueing gleefully.
"Oh, Eddiekins, we're going to be so happy together!" Mistress Mayhem cooed, her husky voice so sickly-sweet that it sounded terribly wrong. "I know you'll be an amazing husband, with a body like that, you could treat any woman right, couldn't you?"
There was a soft, shaky, brief reply that Yoto couldn't quite make out, and then Mistress Mayhem burst into her scratchy giggles.
"You are going to make me VOMIT!" Professor Pester exclaimed.
"Oh, you're just jealous~" Mistress Mayhem purred. "No one will ever love you because you're fat and bossy."
"Urgh, that's ENOUGH! I won't NEED love once I have a superbly spiteful son to raise into the greatest supervillain of ALL TIME!" Professor Pester laughed.
"Once we have a superbly spiteful son," Mistress Mayhem corrected. "Aww, he's going to have three parents! Can't let Eddiekins here be a good influence, though!"
Yoto gripped his sword so tightly that his knuckles whitened. He had no idea what was going on in there, but he needed to come up with a diversion. Who knew how many people they could be holding hostage, and what was all this about a "son?" Yoto always thought that Dastardos was Pester's kid or something…guess he was wrong about that…not to mention he could only imagine what the villains had in store for their hostages. And that ugly, obese villainess was going to marry Eddie? Yoto's stomach rolled with revulsion at the very thought of that. He wouldn't wish that fate on his worst enemy…and he could sometimes consider Eddie a contender for that position. Not to mention…
"No one calls him Eddiekins…" Yoto growled under his breath. "No one except me."
VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP
"I have a plan," Vilos announced as soon as she shut the door behind her.
The adjoining room to Mistress Mayhem's control room was a surprisingly enormous kitchen. Not what Dastardos expected at all, especially since Pester didn't have one like this. What the heck did she do with this space when she wasn't using this lair? This was the secondary lair, wasn't it?
"Hey, did you hear me?" Vilos loudly snapped her thin fingers in front of Dastardos' face. "Quit spacing out!"
"Sorry," Dastardos shook his head. Only he could get distracted by the existence of a kitchen while people in the other room were waiting for death. "What's your plan? And why do you need one?"
"I can't let Mistress Mayhem do this," Vilos bit her lip. "That kid would grow up to do terrible things…and I couldn't keep a clear conscience letting all of those people die when I have a way to stop it."
"Whoa, whoa, what's with the change of heart?" Dastardos' brows flew upwards. "I was all ready to watch Patch melt-wait a second…" Dastardos' eyes got really, really big. "Don't tell me you fell for Patch after that confession! That's gross!"
Vilos grabbed a large frying pan off of the stove and threw it at Dastardos like it was a ninja star. It flew right through him and clanged off the wall behind him, but he got the message.
"Okay, guess you didn't…I still have respect for you," Dastardos affirmed with a nod.
"I can't let them die," Vilos said, her voice firm. "I can only imagine what that kid would turn out like, and I really don't want to deal with him. I know Mistress Mayhem. She'd want to spend all of her time with that new boy toy of hers and leave the babysitting duties to me," Vilos smacked herself in the chest for emphasis.
"There's something else, isn't there?" Dastardos smirked at her. She glared at him with the white-hot intensity of the desert sun and reached for a butcher knife. Dastardos threw up his hands. "Okay, forget I said anything!"
"Smart," Vilos said simply as she drew her hand away from the knife.
She was lying through her teeth, of course. She had to get Arthur out of that tube. After all he did for her; she'd have to have the coldest, iciest heart to just let him get turned into genetic goop without even trying to save him.
"What's your plan?" Dastardos planted his hands on his hips. "Won't your boss beat you to a pulp if you so much as put your pinky toe out of line? How are you going to get away with this?"
"I'm going to be subtle, that's how," Vilos smirked as she flew over to her discarded clothes in the corner of the room. "I knew this would come in handy if I kept it around…!" She began rooting through the pockets of her pants, a look of determination on her face. She looked more like she was performing a lifesaving brain surgery instead of looking for something in her pants. "Ah-HA! Got it!" She held something bright pink high above her head like it was a trophy.
"Is that the romance sweet Maggie gave you?" Dastardos quickly hovered to Vilos' side. "What the hell do you plan on doing with that?"
"I'm going to dissolve it in Mistress Mayhem's drink," Vilos snickered. "She won't even know what hit her, and the effects will make her completely forget all about what she was going to do! She'll be so distracted that we'll be able to smash open all of the tubes!" Vilos' snicker became a cackle and she instantly covered her mouth. Wouldn't want Mistress Mayhem to hear her laughing evilly…
"I'm going to just…" Dastardos shifted around a bit. "…hide in here until she sets her eyes on some other unfortunate guy that isn't me."
"Suit yourself!" Vilos flung open a liquor cabinet and got to work. "I'm going to have to thank Maggie later…if Arthur lives through this, I'm going to actually beg him to get her a feast!"
VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP
"There's my sweetest little minion!" Mistress Mayhem gushed as Vilos came floating out of the kitchen, an enormous, neon green drink in her hand.
Back when Vilos was making it, Dastardos had no clue what on Earth the drink had in it. Maybe he didn't want to know…
"We'll be able to get started very, very soon!" Mistress Mayhem giggled and Professor Pester bounced with glee and clapped his hands together. "First things first, though…" Vilos handed Mistress Mayhem her drink and she grasped it in the hand that wasn't resting uncomfortably low on Eddie's stomach.
Vilos cast a brief glance at the men in the tubes, even if only Patch happened to be looking up at the moment, and gave them a quick, mischievous wink.
Patch promptly swooned and practically melted, completely misinterpreting Vilos' little hint.
Mistress Mayhem raised the drink to her lips, threw her head back, and downed the whole thing in one gulp.
The effect was instantaneous. As soon as Mistress Mayhem opened her eyes, she found herself looking at Professor Pester, who had his arms folded and was tapping his foot in impatience.
Mayhem had never noticed just how…studly he was! He looked so strong, so commanding, and those tight pants! Not to mention she and he were very nearly one and the same, he'd know how to treat her right!
Mistress Mayhem shoved Eddie aside so hard that he went sailing into a wall with a loud CRASH! and crumpled into a heap on the floor. She tossed her glass aside in another direction, and it shattered right under Vilos' floating feet.
"Oh, Professor!" Mistress Mayhem lunged forward in an attempt to tackle Pester, but he barely dodged at the last moment. "Why didn't I realize this before? We're so perfect for each other! We could make our own heir!"
"NO WAY, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU, WOMAN!" Professor Pester attempted to evade Mistress Mayhem, but she chased after him as fast as she could.
"Dastardos, GET OUT HERE!" Vilos called, her voice urgent. "I have no clue how long this will last!"