It was freezing outside. Zim would go so far as to say that it was 'fucking' freezing. It was a word that Dib rarely used. Usually in cases of extremes, like when they were being chased by monsters or when he was really really angry. Zim had always tried his best not to pick up on human lingo since it was awful, but this word in particular felt right for the occasion.
The occasion being sitting in Dib's filthy car at 2 in the morning, on top of the highest hill in town, watching the skies for oddities (strange lights, UFOs, etc). That's what Dib said and that was what Dib was doing. Zim had maybe helped with that for a total of ten minutes but, now he was bored and cold and stuck here. The car had a heater but, the heat combined with the pure frozenness outside made for foggy windows, which defeated the purpose of looking out at them to see things.
He was curled into as tight of a ball as he could be. Zim should've been wondering what had prompted this sudden excursion. He might've been able to guess that since they hadn't been in contact for a few days, Dib was worried that Zim might fall back into his brain washed denial of his mission being a lie. As it was however, Zim felt like his brain was mush, everything chugging along sluggishly from the cold.
"Are you cold?" The annoyingly familiar voice of his ally asked.
"N-no. Of c-course not-t." Zim's teeth betrayed him as they chattered. He didn't have to look to know Dib's eyebrow would be raised incredulously.
"Irkens must have a lower body temperature. You seem to get colder easier." There he went. Hypothesizing, creating theories in his head about things he didn't understand.
"N-no." Zim replied simply, unable to muster the energy to put up a good argument. Dib sighed.
"Why don't you ever come prepared? You knew it was cold outside."
Zim only frowned. It wasn't his fault Dib had showed up at his doorstep and demanded that they go out and do..this. He hadn't had a lot of time to prepare. Besides how was he supposed to know it would be this cold? And that the earth monkey wouldn't be using the heater. And that earth cars were so inferior that you couldn't use the heat without it steaming up?
Another sigh. A bunch of shuffling around which Zim did his best to ignore. And something blessedly warm was tossed at his face. He flailed and tried to shove it away. It was dark and—and…oh it was the human's jacket. It smelled like him. Overwhelmingly so. Zim looked up, holding the article in his claws, confused.
"What is the meaning of this?"
Dib was looking out the window, arms crossed. "You're cold. I'm not a huge whiner."
Zim could see the human's breath. He could argue, toss it outside so no one could use it, be insulted etc. But, it was so warm and he was very cold. Zim greedily wrapped it around himself.
"You're welcome."
"Mmm." Zim replied. Silence.
"Hey." Dib's loud voice interrupted.
"What?" Zim's was muffled by the coat.
"Can I…ask you some questions? We're in a truce now and while I know a lot about you due to my years of researching. I guess there's some stuff that I don't…that I never got to find out via hours spent staring at you across the room or spying on you in your house."
Zim peeked an eye open, unaware that it had closed. "What kind of questions?"
"I don't know." Dib shrugged. "Nothing like…super serious or anything. And uh, if you have any you want to ask, I'd be okay with that."
Zim thought for a moment. The city beyond the car twinkled in the darkness. "Alright. But, I can veto the ones that I don't want to answer."
Dib was suddenly full of enthusiasm, turning in his seat to face Zim. "Deal." He rubbed his hands together, excited? Cold? The dark made it hard to make out an expression. "How…old are you?" The human ventured.
Zim's ancient habit of weighing information on how it could be used against him, reared its head. The human knowing his age was harmless and it's not like they were even fighting any more. "I have been in existence for…183 rotations." He could see Dib's face as he took in the weight of Zim's answer.
"Rotations? Of what?"
"Of Irk, of course."
"Oh. I'm guessing that is similar to years?" Zim waved a hand, causing the overly long sleeve to flop everywhere.
"The Earth's rotation is much longer."
"How much longer?"
"Uhhh. Quite a bit. A 'year' on Earth is about ten on Irk. We are close to our systems star. But are also one of the only planets near to it."
Dib was quiet. Thinking probably. He was always thinking. "So you're only like…18 in earth years."
"Pfft. I have done much, much more in my rotations than anyone on Earth had accomplished in a mere 18 years. Irkens grow fast. And time in space is quite relative. But, for the purposes of this conversation and if it makes sense to you, then yes. I am '18' in earth years."
"How fast?"
"How fast what?"
"How fast do Irkens grow?"
Zim was starting to enjoy this. He liked talking about himself and the greatness that was the Irken Empire. "We are a fighting race. The next generation of soldiers and workers for the Empire must be ready as quickly as possible. Mentally we are mature within hours of our being hatched. This is when all of Irken Knowledge is given to us. Physically, it takes us a mere ten rotations to become fully developed. Then another five to train. By our 20th we are given our assignment and officially encoded."
Dib gave a low whistle. "That's incredible. And seriously bizarre."
Zim scoffed. "No more bizarre than spending nearly a quarter of your life going through 'schooling' and growing and doing whatever worthless things you humans do."
That brought him to his next question. "How long…do you live?"
This time Zim was silent."I…don't know."
Dib blinked. "How can you not know?"
The irken shrugged. "No one knows. Most Irkens die in battle."
"Come on! There has to be some older irkens that are still kicking it."
"Of course there are. Ancient diplomats and generals exist."
"How old are they?"
"Eh. The oldest that I am aware of is…Ambassador Tick at 4289 rotations."
"4289…that's like…almost 430 years old! Wow!"
Zim rolled his eyes at the continued usage of 'years'. "That is the oldest currently alive."
"Have there been older?"
"Yes. Tallest Ashima lived to be nearly 10,000 rotations but was assassinated."
"So…basically you just have no idea when Irkens die..naturally? Or if they even can?" Dib was running a hand through his hair. Zim swore he was vibrating, he was so excited. It was easy to tell. It was when his voice got higher and he talked really fast.
Zim liked talking about himself, he didn't like talking about death. But, it was extremely impressive, he must admit.
Especially to that of a human who might only live to the ultimate age of a hundred "years". The idea struck him as being inefficient and quite pathetic. Humans were frail things.
Even the one before him. He frowned and looked out the windshield again. This conversation was troublesome.
"I have a question for you, stink." He said, merely to stop thinking.
"Really?" Dib asked, obviously surprised.
"Why is your head so big?"
"Oh my fu-. What's your problem, you lizard?"
Zim smirked, glancing side eyed at the human, who looked so insulted, face a mask of betrayal…He snickered, hand over his mouth to try and stifle it. But, he heard a small breathy laugh in response, the kind that was unwilling and annoyed but it was there none the less.
As if it was a kind of approval, it only made Zim's snickering change to laughter. Dib's breathy laughter escalated until he too was laughing, less at his own expense and more at the irken's genuine mirth. It wasn't evil or unkind. But, mischievous and infectious.
And so they laughed together. Zim didn't think about how he had never done this with another living being. And Dib didn't think about no one had ever really shared a joke with him or playfully made fun of him. It went on for much longer than it probably should have since it wasn't really that funny. But, it was just…nice.
When it finally died down into just silly echoes of giggles, Dib started up the car. "Let's get out of here. It's fricking freezing."
"Of course! Now that you're the one without a coat! I told you it was cold!"
"Shut up." Dib grinned, turning on the heater full blast.
Notes:
hi! I liked this chapter a lot. It was fun. I hope you like it too! Thanks for the super lovely comments btw! it really does make me smile and eager to keep writing!