Despite getting a very restful sleep, I had another nightmare. Most often, my dreams were of Sleheyron and Omeesh, but the last few nights involved Trevelyan, and my old master. The latest dream was more unpleasant than frightening.

I was on Korriban and Alfred had come with me to the sith. At some point, I realized he was gone, but did not turn back to find him because there were Sith who stood between us. Only when I needed him was willing to go back, but when I turned around, all the Sith were already dead and he had left me alone. Near the end of the dream, I realized that he left me behind only because I did not follow him out of that place. If I had simply left him, I could have left that life behind by simply following him out.

The dream had been interrupted by the sound of my doorbell. I sat up, almost gasping for breath, and needed a moment to realize where I was. After the second ring, I shouted instead of using the comm. "Just a moment! I'll be right there!"

I jumped out of bed and fell to my knee as I did not have enough blood flowing to my brain to avoid a blackout. I had lost almost 10 kilograms when I fell into that hibernation trance on Korriban and was still physically weakened. I was only starting to feel the effects of starvation, which happened only when I sprung into action after being inert for a long period of time.

Starvation was something I was used to, but rarely did I become dangerously underweight, so it was a surprise for me to black out like that. A few seconds later, I was fully aware again and rushed to dress myself before I answered the door.

It was Belaya, from Dantooine. We knew each other, but were not friends in any degree. "Master Zhar wants you to report to him... now. I am to escort you there."

"Okay... why did he not contact me? Why send an escort?"

"The Council had gone out of its way to fit you into their schedule and they can't afford to be burdened further. The least you could have done was attend when you were summoned. Since you apparently can't keep a deadline, Master Zhar wanted me to ensure that you meet this one. Now come with me."

I nodded and did as I was told.

--

I was surprised to see Beyala at first, but knew that not all the Jedi that I knew from Dantooine were killed in the attack. Odds were that most had circulated in and out of the enclave over the years. That and the fact that only one of the Council on Dantooine perished gave me an idea of how many survived the attack. I never actually checked the number of confirmed dead, but assumed the casualties must have been fairly low based on those four who would hardly qualify for an accurate sample.

It was odd that I assumed so much with such little to base that on. I knew that the number could be as little as one, but there could have been dozens of lives lost in that attack. I felt I needed to know just how much of my past life on Dantooine remained, so I readied a question for Belaya, but she turned her head around to face me before I could ask. "Thinking of Dantooine?"

I was not usually one to appreciate having my mind invaded by another, but I was more concerned that I left myself open than that she chose to read my thoughts. "Invading another's mind is not the kind of thing I would expect from a Jedi."

"I didn't have to. You're thoughts were very apparent."

"Actually, I was wondering just how many were lost in the attack. How many were there when it happened?"

She kept walking in front of me, but kept her head turned to keep an eye on me. "Since five years ago, the academy's numbers had dwindled to less than half of what it was before the Sith. Thirty-seven Masters, Knights, and Padawans were killed... my master was one of them."

"I'm sorry to hear that."

She turned her head forward again. "I don't want pity from you. 'Sorry' doesn't mean anything unless there is a reason to have remorse."

I sensed latent anger within her that was apparent both through the force and the tone in her voice. Beleya had a grudge against me that seemed more profound than simple predjudice of a sith. "What do you mean by that?" I said very commandingly.

She turned back to face me. "You were on Dantooine for only a few hours and right after you leave, the Enclave is bombarded by a Sith battleship. Doesn't that seem the least bit suspicious?"

"Are you saying I had something to do with that?!" I shouted in anger.

"It's obvious that it was you. You knew about the location of the 'secret' academy. You have already proven your loyalty to the Sith..."

"Yeah.. me and about a hundred others that became Sith! Malak knew of the facility... and he was the Dark Lord for god's sake! What could I 'possibly' have been able to reveal that wasn't already known?!" I got right in her face to emphasize my next point. "Even If could have; it also doesn't explain why I keep coming back and making the same request I did the first time!"

"I think that you wanted to return, but when you were denied, you went back to the Sith. Before you did, you wanted to prove something to the Jedi... and you helped them counter our defenses." She frowned at me with such anger and hate that it intimidated me. "Your ship was allowed to come through Dantooine's checkpoints when others would have stopped. I think that you opened up the window for that enemy vessel to get through and take us by surprise. However they got through, you cannot deny that you are the most likely suspect of that massacre."

I was about to object to the accusation, but knew that she had a valid concern. I knew that it was a fantastic coincidence that the attack happened right after I departed. I also couldn't deny that it was rare for a Sith to ever turn back to Jedi, so I would also have been a remarkable coincidence stacked on top of that as well. Even I couldn't help but recognize the circumstances.

I replied very meekly. "I suppose so. Maybe it was why they wouldn't accept me, but that subject never came up until you told me just now."

She looked at me as though I were not serious. "I find 'that' hard to believe."

"It's a fact. I never even considered that they thought I took part in that attack."

She sighed in disappointment. "All they have are suspicions... not proof, but they're still investigating how the Sith got through undetected. The truth 'will' be found." Then she turned around again to continue leading me to Master Zhar... wherever he was.

Although I hated the accusation I was just given, I did not want to keep talking on the matter. I knew I was not responsible for anything, so there was no need to worry or defend myself. Belaya and I were never on good terms and it didn't matter much to me what she believed. The loss of her master also must have lead her to cast blame on someone more specific than the sith. I knew what it was like to concentrate anger on a single tormentor because it was easier to hate an individual than an entire society. If it gave her some peace to hate me, then I did not have any problem as long as she did it silently. If she just left me alone, then Belaya could regard me however she wanted and it would not bother me.

--

After we reached a hallway crammed with offices, I had an interesting perception of Zhar, not as a master perched in the High Council Chamber, instructing students, or mediating conflicts personally; but doing paperwork and reading through reports like a beaurocrat.

He had an office that was decorated with datapadds almost everywhere. The way in which they were neatly stacked gave his space an almost artistic look rather than just clutter on his desk and walls. The wall right next to his desk was wallpapered with pads in an interesting system that allowed for much greater organization with much less floorspace devoted to over a hundred of the pesky things.

There were a few actual decorations in the office, but the stacked pads on the floor next to his desk made for an interesting decoration as well. They were arranged in a rack that resembled one of Couriscant's tallest towers. That tower had a 9-tube structure that dropped two at each of the building's skylobbies. The rack in itself was a decoration of a sort, but it provided another system of order to hundreds of them. The 'datapadd tower' almost reached from the floor to the ceiling.

Master Vash was in the office with Zhar, but wasn't sitting in a chair. When Belaya and I were at the doorway, she turned to greet us, or rather me mockingly. "You're right on time. It's good to see how punctual and committed you are." I was not in a position to talk back, so I just let the sarcasm go. Before I could apologize, Vash faced only me. "Why do you expect us to take you seriously if you don't take us seriously?"

"I... thought that... what's going on?"

Vash looked irritated as she closed her eyes and turned away. Before answering, she told Belaya that she could leave. I suppose that she was only to assure I was brought here on time.

Master Vash paced in front of me, arms crossed and her head down. "I didn't expect that you would just... forget a meeting with the High Council and be late for another when your future was at stake. Why should we believe that you really want to return to us if you don't fulfill the most basic demands we asked of you?"

"I thought that you had already made your decision and that I was going to be rejected. If I had known that... it would have mattered..." I was frustrated because I still had no idea if the decision had been made. "Why have you summoned me here now?"

Master Zhar got out of his seat and stood next to Master Vash. "Yuthura Ban, the Council does not approve of your rebellious behavior during the course of this debate, but after further deliberations, we have concluded that the crimes you committed as a Sith were beyond our jurisdiction. Although they likely include murder, torture, and indifference to life; we do not have any proof of such crimes."

Master Vash continued. "Your request to resume your training is granted. By the authority of the Council, you are assigned to Master Zhar." She faced him. "You will follow his instructions and show him the proper respect of any padawan to a master. If you should defy him or the Order again, we will terminate your training permanently. Do you understand the terms I have given?"

"Yes... and thank-you." I said sincerely and with a bow.

They both returned the bow and Master Vash bowed again to Zhar. "I'll take my leave now. Good luck... to both of you."

I found it odd that she used that word and that Master Zhar didn't correct her. Luck was one of the few things that the Jedi and I agreed with. There was no power outside the Force influencing the law of probability, but I appreciated the sentiment. Vash then turned to leave the room without saying another word.

I and Master Zhar were both of the same species, but looking at him was very odd at that moment. It was as if looking at a mirror of everything opposite of myself, except what seemed most apparent to others. He likely was studied me in the same way, but likely wondered if I were the same foolish girl he once knew. Despite my pale flesh and tattoos, I think that Zhar had more sympathy for me because he understood how terrible my life had been since the last time we saw each other. Despite my crimes, he knew that I was more fragile than before the Sith.

He recognized that not only would I have to face my past, but that I would still be treated as an outcast among a society that emphasized mutual dependence. I hadn't made many friends the last time I trained, but at least I could have been ignored. It would have been difficult with everyone knowing what I've done. I didn't know whether I or not I should've tried making friends, given that no one would accept me.

Master Zhar and I stared at each other for a rather long moment, but I broke the silence. "So what happens now?"

"The circumstances here are extraordinary. You are technically proficient with the force, but are not at peace. That may seem a simple thing to correct, but it would mean having to leave behind the passion you've depended on for... a long time."

"Have you ever done this before... freed a Dark Jedi from their passion?"

"It will be up to you for that to happen, but you must have the proper discipline and patience. You will be facing the same challenges as before under more difficult conditions. The reason the Jedi do not train adults is because their beliefs are so engrained that they are not open to the ways of the Jedi. You were not a suitable candidate because your beliefs were of the extreme opposite end of the scale."

"I don't consider my drive to fight slavery to be a very... Sith belief."

"Your anger led you to become one of them."

I shook my head. "My anger came from your inaction. If the Jedi gave a damn for those most in need of help, I would not have had reason for anger."

"Already you are in denial. If you cannot accept what has happened, then you cannot change and grow."

I crossed my arms. "I think the fact I left the sith would be proof enough that I have maintained an open mind, not to mention my compassion. Surely that's proof enough that you're wrong."

Zhar retorted. "This is not in dispute! You asked to be retrained and your request has been granted. If you wish to become a Jedi, you must abide by the terms I give. Do I make myself clear?!"

I was startled at his outburst... for lack of a better word. I suppose he just wanted to grab my attention. I had not imagined a Council member, other than Vrook, to get angry in an instant. He did have a valid point though; I fell to the darkside and he stayed true to the light. He knew better than me what to do, so I nodded. "Yes, Master Zhar."

"Then we'll begin immediately."

--

Zhar led me to a large chamber where padawans would practice manipulating objects with the force. Within the massive, open room, there were various stations throughout designed to test specific attributes of levitation. Other chambers had more specialized equipment that tested rather dangerous force abilities, such as lightning and force repulse. Such tests could only be done alone, so they had their own designated areas. Unless a padawan were to be malicious, there was little chance of injury due to ineptitude.

One station had vats filled with sand, beads, and other assortments of objects. This was used to practice levitating a great number of tiny particles. The sand served to practice using the force as a mold... creating great sand sculptures that were otherwise impossible to build.

Alfred once had me create a kath hound out of sand and then animate it. Holding millions of grains of sand into a sculpture was hard enough, but making it come alive... some masters couldn't make a convincing tentacle out of sand. Such skills were of little practical use because sand was much better to use in conjunction to a force whirlwind.

Another station had a table covered with lightsaber components. This was used to train Jedi to take apart and rebuild a saber quickly. It was a very useful skill to have if it's damaged and you happen to have a replacement part on you. Of course, few Jedi ever carry spare parts, but you never know. My record was 15 seconds to replace a focusing crystal, but I had a very simple lightsaber design.

The most sophisticated of the stations was a large metal sphere attached to a tether. This was used to measure how much raw force a Jedi could exert on an object. I have never levitated more than 20 metric tons, which was about what an average Jedi could perform. When angry, I could lift almost twice that.

There were rumors that Master Vrook had lifted a 50-ton fighter during one of his missions. But he has never demonstrated such a feat, so I'm sure it was just a rumor.

I also saw a few dozen rocks that appeared to fit together, forming... something. It was like a three-dimensional jigsaw puzzle which required all the pieces to be held together as while putting the next one into place.

My test on Dantooine involved an array of glass plates that I destroyed in anger. "You broke them, you will fix them" was what Master Kolchak told me. It was bad enough to put one object back together, but to separate the pieces from five other plates was much more difficult. I never did complete that task.

The last station was where Master Zhar took me. This was where Jedi trained themselves to use the Force in enhancing their physical abilities, such as jumping and running. There were various levels, outcrops, and ledges to practice jumping and landing. Surrounding the station was a 100-meter track where a Jedi could accurately measure how fast she can run.

I don't know why I was taken to this training room. I already had a mastery of the Force. This place seemed too remedial, so I asked Zhar, "Why are we here? This facility is only used to train padawans in basic Force skills."

Master Zhar explained, "In order to train you, I must first determine where you currently stand. Over the next two days, I will need to evaluate your current abilities. I then would know what you have learned in the last four years. That way, I wouldn't have to teach lessons that you already know."

"Even if I learned new skills from the Sith?"

"The teachings of the Jedi and Sith are similar. There is little purpose in teaching you what you already know. Are you ready to begin?"

I shrugged my shoulders. "What would you like me to do first?"