WARNINGS: No, not really, just the usual language and criminal behavior.
When Reid awoke that Tuesday morning his stomach was filled with knots. He'd spent the entire night trapped in a restless sleep, going over and over Keller's impending death, and Reid's fear that, unlike what he'd told Hotch, this would lead to a potentially perilous situation. Reid spent that morning typing up yesterday's meeting notes and wondering how long he could delay the day's visit.
Unsure of what possessed him, Reid decided to bring his lunch with him this time even though it was not likely that it would make it through security. If anyone could find a way to weaponize a turkey-and-cheese sandwich it would be an inmate in Oz, Reid thought with a laugh, stuffing the sandwich, apple, and a bottle of water in his messenger bag. Life would have been a hundred times more pleasant if Reid had been afforded the permission to bring his thermos of coffee but that was sp far from reality that it was laughable. Reid stowed the case file in his bag along with a fresh notepad and flicked off the lights to his room, hoping that he'd be returning before dark.
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Keller sat in his cell struggling to occupy his thoughts. The lapses between Reid's visits had become almost painfully unbearable.
The kid had gone on about it to anyone who would listen, shootin' his mouth off so much that when Jaz Hoyt, a bike and fellow Death Row inmate, killed the ginger-kid he became convinced that the demons had found their way into him. Jaz spent the next month moaning and groaning about the pains the demons were giving him and it eventually paid off. Keller had seen some interesting attempts at an insanity defense, like Toby and his ridiculous patched together nursery rhymes comprised of half-forgotten song lyrics and his son and daughter's childhood books, no doubt.
Shirley Bellinger had gotten herself pregnant by, it was rumored, none other than Vernon Schillinger. Bellinger had been imprisoned because of her cold-blooded murder of her daughter who she'd drowned by driving her car into a lake and leaving her daughter to drown. Shirley told anyone who would listen that her daughter's death had been a mercy killing, a death sanctioned by God – her daughter, she claimed, had been possessed by Satan.
If Keller was still in the relative comfort of Em. City he would have laughed at all the 'Jesus talk' and continued his life the way it had gone just the day before; gym, Miss Sally's Schoolyard, and the petty dramas that swirled about Emerald City constantly. Toby had been all about God and The End and he'd sought counsel from anyone who would give it, especially the Imam Kareem Said. Keller hated Said only because of the attention that Toby gave to him in place of Keller. Toby wasn't a fag – he'd been married with two and a half kids before he'd gone and fucked things up. Said was all about getting him to focus on that rather than Keller. Keller offered no hope at redemption. From Death Row, with the hours growing shorter by the minute, the ginger, Bellinger, and Toby didn't seem so crazy.
Fuck Beecher! Keller thought as he tossed his pillow onto the freshly made bed. If that cocksucker even attempted to make contact, or try to come to see me die…. There aren't enough hacks in the entire state to keep me from killing him before they kill me. Beecher had killed a little girl while driving drunk after several citations for other moving violations related to his propensity for the drink. Beecher gets to grow old, see his grandchildren, see his children grow-up and grow old, and I get to die. He killed a fucking child and now he's free to fuck some school teacher and live happily ever after.
Keller wanted to slam his fist into the concrete wall but knew that would only serve to leave him living his last seventy-two hours with an unbound broken hand. As Keller paced in his cell, rubbing his knuckles at the idea, he heard the familiar sound of boots coming down the hallway. Keller turned his back on the cell door and busied himself with leafing through the old magazines that he'd practically memorized.
"Keller, you've got until two today. Sr. Peter Marie and McManus want to talk to you regarding some of the details of your execution." Mineo said as he opened the barred door to Keller's cell.
Keller turned slowly avoiding Reid again when he looked directly at Officer Mineo, "Yeah, sure. Great." Keller said with a sarcastic smirk. Mineo looked toward Reid and handed off his radio before turning to leave the corridor completely.
Reid stood in the familiar corner between the foot of Keller's bed and the barred gate he'd just entered through.
Keller gestured toward the bed. "You can sit this time, Dr. Reid. Today I just feel like I can't fuckin' keep still. Damn, I miss being able to go to the gym," Keller crossed his arms over his chest, "it isn't so much a vanity thing as it is security," Keller chuckled to himself, "Toby found that out quick. It's kind fun to watch those soft men who've fucked up hugely, but completely randomly - I mean it isn't expected of them, not like me - and then they end up in Oz. Like Toby, going from a soft little drunken lawyer to well, what he is now I guess…whatever the hell that is." Keller shook his head and gave into the urge to continue his pacing around the small cell.
Reid could feel the hair on the back of his neck begin to prickle and his palms began to sweat as the present scene was a little too familiar to him.
Keller stopped in front of Reid and in two quick strides closed the distance between them. Instinctively, Reid clutched his messenger bag trying to put it between him and Keller. Keller extended a hand and Reid flinched involuntarily when Keller's hand came to rest at the side of his face. Reid held his breath as Keller's hand came in contact with his cheek.
"You haven't been sleeping, Dr. Reid." Keller said running his thumb under Reid's eye, tracing the dark outline underneath.
"No, I haven't. Have you?" Reid turned his head away but was surprised when Keller's hand didn't follow him or try to prevent him from moving in the first place. Keller's palm stayed turned toward Reid's face but remained at the distance that Reid had put between them.
Reid didn't want to risk a look at Keller's extended hand or how close he'd come. Reid held the radio clenched in one hand his bag pressed to his chest with the other. "The days are getting harder, aren't they?" Reid said gathering up his courage and looking into Keller's face.
"They sure as shit ain't gettin' any easier," Chris said his thoughts now occupied with Reid's messenger bag. "You brought a purse today, whatcha got in it? Somethin' cute to change into? School books and lunch money?" Chris rubbed his free hand over the blonde leather front, "When did they stop beating you up and taking your lunch money? You still get tripped walking down the halls of the FBI?" Keller said taking full advantage of Reid's indignation to pull the bag from Reid's grasp.
"So much for reigning in our actions and being conscious of impulse control," Reid yelped as Keller inadvertently pulled him forward as the bag's strap was still across Reid's shoulder and along his back. Reid dropped the radio to the floor as he struggled for purchase on his own bag, feeling himself come up off his feet as Keller pulled him closer. Keller looked down at the radio and kicked it across the floor, and temporarily out of Reid's grasp.
Keller slipped the strap from Reid's shoulder and held Reid back, his hand pressed flat against the young doctor's chest. Reid, caught up in the struggle, ignored Keller's palm pressed against his chest as he swiped at the air trying to retrieve his bag. Chris laughed at Reid's attempts before pushing him firmly up against the wall and transforming his smile into a dangerous glower in Reid's direction.
Keller tipped the bag over onto the bed to reveal its contents. Reid watched as a green apple rolled from the bag and stopped at Keller's pillow. The next things to come spilling out were Reid's new notebook and a photo that must have gotten snagged on its spiral binding. Reid watched Keller in shock and intense interest as he stood transfixed by the photo laying in the middle of his bed. There was Bryce Tibbots sprawled on Keller's cot; his face, arms, and torso badly bruised, his blue eyes wide as if holding a permanent charge of adrenaline, and finally his neck, black and blue and pointing at an unnatural angle.
Chris's eye nearly matched the grotesque photograph – wide, disbelieving, and charged with adrenaline. Keller stared at the photo transfixed, letting his hand fall away from Reid's chest. Keller stepped toward the bed as if a coiled snake were perched on his cot and ready to strike him if he moved too quickly. Keller approached the picture with an air of caution, slowly picking it up off the bed before he sat down on the cot – his eyes still wide with shock.
When Reid was certain of Keller's distraction he crossed over to the sink and retrieved the radio that had been kicked there just minutes ago. Reid turned back around quickly when he heard Keller shift position on the bed, Reid resuming his position just at the opposite side of the room –wedged between the sink and barred gate.
It felt like they'd been in this position for hours, Reid standing at attention in the corner, watching as Keller sat transfixed with the aftermath of his interactions with Tibbots. "I don't know how you do it, Reid," Keller mumbled, eyes still tied to the photo in his hands.
"Likewise," Reid said wishing he could swallow the words as soon as they left his mouth.
"I never had to see him like this," Keller almost sounded remorseful and then with a deep breath, Keller straightened his posture and turned to Reid, "When I killed Barlog and Winthrop it was out of necessity. Winthrop and his buddy were sent to Oz together, they'd raped and beat up some girl. Adam, Franklin's buddy, got assigned to Beecher because, I guess, Beecher knew the kid or their families went to the same country club or some shit. Beecher sold him out to Vern Schillinger to get assigned mail duty, for Death Row, to see me. Vern and his Nazi-fucks put those two through the same shit Beecher went through, and probably worse. I can't say they didn't get what they deserved," Keller picked up the discarded photo, "they're not the only ones though."
"What happened?" Reid said quietly, almost in a placating tone as if he were encouraging a child.
"You want some reason why I did this?" Keller hit the paper, causing the glossy photo to pop in his hands. "I've told you everything, Dr. Reid. You know more about me than I think anyone ever has, even Toby. I killed Winthrop for revenge and Ronnie because of his betrayal to Agent Taylor – I wasn't afraid to die then, you can't be afraid of death in Oz, it's everywhere. I was afraid of spending whatever time I had left without Beecher. Ronnie stood in the way of being with Beecher, so bitch gotta die." Keller's voice took on a rough edge.
Reid walked toward Keller and stood in front of him, well within arm's reach. "What was he standing in the way of?" Reid said, his finger curling over the picture and pointing down and Bryce's broken form.
"Getting Vern Schillinger out from under my fucking skin," Keller said quietly, still staring at the photo. "When he cried, when he fought back…"Keller stopped, roughly grinding his clenched fists into his watering eyes. "You don't smoke do you, Dr. Reid?"
"No," Reid said sitting down on the cot next to Keller but being sure to keep his distance.
"You should start," Keller chuckled ruefully, "the year before I came to Oz they banned smoking and conjugal visits…another brilliant move on the part of that scumfuck Devlin. Up in Em. City or gen. pop., if you knew the right person, or could do the right favor, you could get pretty much anything – cigarettes were still in Oz," Keller chuckled sincerely, turning to Reid with that familiar mischievous, yet harmless, grin. "No fucking and certainly no cigarette after."
Reid had felt his senses dull over the past week. Keller's colorful language and the blood chilling looks that often accompanied it had lost its initial shock. Reid glanced down at the crime scene photo that was now set between them like some insurmountable barrier, which Reid hoped, would be strong enough to keep Keller at a distance.
Keller's eyes followed in the same direction, right back to the photograph, "Ronnie'd asked me why I'd robbed that liquor store and gotten myself stuck in here. I told him I needed some time off the streets."
"You wanted to come to Oz?" Reid questioned.
"I wanted someone to make me stop. I knew I wasn't going to. I was using even more when this," Keller said finally flipping the photograph over. "When I did that, I'd just take more to forget it. Coke is great for that, it makes you numb to it – you think you're fucking invincible and any flaws you may have, they don't matter."
Reid had caught himself leaning forward to hear Keller's words as his voice grew quiet and slowly dropped off, but when Keller's eyes came up to Reid's face, Reid quickly corrected his posture. "You needed it," Reid said, his voice devoid of judgment, "after the second kill, your technique evolved rapidly. The bodies show deeper bruising, more defined wound patterns, and the final blow is cleaner. You'd found just what was needed for you to take to gain gratification and unlike the first victim, you left them exposed in fairly high traffic areas. You wanted someone to see you…"Reid stopped open-mouthed when Keller interrupted him.
"I wouldn't have stopped. I wanted this thing inside of me dead and it just grew stronger with each of them," Keller said without a hint of malice in his tone. "I shoulda been dead long before this."
Keller paused for a moment before looking toward Reid, "I think you've got what you came for, doctor. I won't be seeing you anymore after this," Keller made a show of listening and feigning a look down the hall, "you don't got any other stars to interview in line, it looks like I'm the last for now," Keller paused looking into Reid's face, marveling at the smooth lines and bright eyes that didn't even begin to betray the young man's experience, "What's it like?"
Reid tilted his head but before he could ask, "What's it like for this to be routine for you? I mean, to me my experiences they're filled with all kinds of highs," Keller's voice lightened as if he'd just taken a hit and was passing it along to Reid, "and then there are lows, and you know," He said his voice deepening, taking on a serious tone as his chin dropped to rest on his chest, "the lows, for me, felt pretty fuckin' bad. You see this shit every day, it's constantly low, what's that like?" Now it was Keller's turn to look wide-eyed and curious as he looked up at Reid for the answer.
"Usually something good comes out of the situation; a child is saved, a murder solved and a family is able to find peace, and," Reid stopped measuring his words carefully, "and tormentors, murderers, and sadists receive some kind of justice."
Keller heaved a resigned sigh, "Some? What do you do about the ones you can't save and the ones you're just a moment too late for?"
Now it was Reid's turn to sigh heavily with resignation, "We've all struggled with that, everyone on my team – a few of them left. I stay because…"Because if I didn't I'd go crazy, I've seen enough and heard enough to fuel several lifetimes with nightly terrors and running away from the few people in the world who understand that experience..that'd be the end. "I stay because it means I can try again and maybe next time prevent it from happening again."
"Though you always need bodies for that to happen don't you, someone has to suffer for you to even be aware? Do you really prevent anything? You guys like your databases, I'm sure my family name has shown up in there more than once…why didn't you prevent this?" Keller kept his voice light and conversational as he held Reid's eyes.
"I wish I could have, believe me, I really do." Reid said feeling stunted and dull for not being able to come up with something more, his speech reflecting the sense of inadequacy that rushed him.
"Don't let them send you on anymore ugly assignments, go back to the classroom," Keller extended his hand cautiously and laid it warmly on Reid's shoulder, "you're too sweet to waste on a stray bullet from a psychopath. You deserve to be safe." Keller rubbed at Reid's shoulder, secretly pleased when he felt the doctor jerk away slightly and then correct himself with a shiver.
When Keller inched closer and opening his mouth again to speak, he was interrupted by Mineo, "Alright Keller, back up!" Mineo had his nightstick at the ready as he unlocked and entered Keller's cell. Keller held both of his hand up in surrender. Reid turned quickly and scooped up the rest of his belongings, exiting the cell in as much haste as his shaking legs would allow.
"Goodbye, Chris." Reid said with a hesitant nod in Keller's direction.
"If you were anyone else, Dr. Reid, I'd say 'see ya later' but I know this is the last time you'll have to be down this low." Keller said with a half-hearted smile. "Goodbye."
A/N: No panicking, I repeat, do not panic this is not the end. LOL. Though we are closing in on it aren't we? I'd say we have about two chapters left. All of your lovely reviews and constructive critiques have given me a lot to think about! I apologize for the lag in updates. I've started a new job and it's been picking up steam pretty quickly. However, that is why God made weekends, right? Yeah, sure it is. I'm sure that's written somewhere…and thou shalt rest on the seventh day to write slash.
Speaking of slash, I was under the impression that any story that featured a m/m relationship was considered slash, am I mistaken? Must there be sexual content for a story to be considered slash? That's not to say that I will, or will not, include things in the next two chapters but for future reference for this newbie…how do you define it or how have you seen it defined?
I can't thank you enough for all of the suggestions, critiques, and positive remarks I've received. Thank you to all of the new readers who decided to take a chance on an unknown series and to the lurkers whose numbers are felt and deeply appreciated. Update soon to follow sometime this weekend…or early Monday depending on your time zone. ;)