"I think both you gentlemen would benefit from some time in the sauna," Hetty said calmly, ignoring the double take Deeks gave her. Surely after nearly two years he should have been used to the fact that she moved very quietly indeed and was prone to turn up in the most unlikely places at the most inopportune times? "It will ease those muscles out a little. After you've had a good run along the beach, of course. I think four or five miles should do it."

"Excuse me?" Maybe being upside down for too long had damaged his hearing, because Callen had already had more than enough exercise for one day. Especially as he was still digesting yesterday's enormous Christmas dinner.

"You have to be in tip top shape, Mr Callen," she chided. "In the peak of physical condition. You are going to be on display, after all."

"I'm in great shape. And anyway, they'll all be looking at Lady Gaga, not us." That was the one crumb of consolation Callen had been feeding himself.

"I won't be," Macy assured him.

"Don't be so modest. Of course people will be watching you. And you want to put on a good show, don't you?"

"Not really." What Callen wanted was for Hetty to forget all about this stupid idea.

"Stop being so modest. It's very unbecoming in a man of your age. And I know exactly how competitive you are." Hetty looked meaningfully at the climbing wall and Callen had the grace to blush. One of these days, he would finally beat her to the top. It hadn't happened yet, not in over two years, but one day he would win the race – or die trying. "Besides, you don't want Mr Deeks to show you up, do you?"

"Deeks?" His voice was a good octave higher than usual. "Deeks?"

The owner of that name halted in his tracks over by the doors and gave a guilty start, having taken the opportunity to try to make his escape without being noticed. "Uh huh?" He started to slink back over, with a hang-dog air.

"Why would Deeks show me up?" Callen's voice was still rather higher than normal.

"You don't need to say it like that." Deeks sounded genuinely hurt. "Why wouldn't I?"

"Because…" Callen glared at him. Wasn't it obvious? "Just because," he said lamely.

"I'm younger."

"And he's got more hair," Kensi pointed out helpfully. "Really great hair," she added and Deeks looked pleasantly pleased.

Callen really didn't see why Kensi felt she had to enter into this needless discussion. "I've got bigger muscles."

"That's not necessarily a good thing, Mr Callen. Mr Deeks is taller than you and has a leaner physique. One which might be judged to be more aesthetically pleasing."

"And I've got a better tan than you, Callen."

"That can be easily remedied. I bet you get yours out of a bottle anyway." Callen turned round to Hetty, feeling he was being attacked on all sides. "And exactly who might think Deeks has got a better body than me anyway? The crowd at a gay club? Big deal. I can live with that." He could live quite happily with that: in fact, Callen had absolutely no problem with that at all.

She should have stayed out of this, because it was nothing to do with her: this was between Hetty, Callen and Deeks. Mainly it was between Hetty and Callen and Deeks was just caught in the crossfire. But Kensi saw the look that flickered briefly across Deeks' face, before he quickly controlled it, and she remembered yesterday; she remembered, holding onto his hands, looking into his eyes and feeling so safe and secure. And that made all the difference. Two days ago, she would have held her peace and said nothing. But two days ago, Kensi had never been confronted with the hollow reality of a world in which Deeks was dead, or to acknowledge that she was only alive because Deeks had saved her. Deeks had made the biggest difference anyone ever could – he had given Kensi her life. There was more to it than that though, because she remembered a thousand other times with Deeks, the way he could make her smile, even when he was driving her mad, the way she knew him better than she had ever known any man – and still trusted him. And Deeks knew her too, he probably knew her better than anyone alive – and yet he still came back for more, despite that. Somehow, probably when she wasn't looking, Deeks had manager to get into her heart.

"I think Deeks has got a great body."

Kensi said it quietly, but she said it firmly and as the words rang out clearly in the space of the gym, Deeks' head shot up, his eyes met hers with stunned incredulity and a flash of something Kensi could not quite put her finger on. For a split second, time seemed to stand still and everything else seemed to fade into the background, so that they were the only two people on earth, while all the stars spun around them. A small smile flashed briefly across his face, but one that was tinged with sadness and Kensi could not help wondering what might have been.

"There's not much point in me saying anything, is there?" Macy said sadly. "But for what it's worth, Callen's body does it for me. Every single time."

Hetty clapped her hands together. "Enough of this petty bickering! You could both benefit from tautening up those abdominal muscles and gaining a little extra definition. So go for that run and then get straight into the sauna. And be assured that I will personally be supervising your diets for the next few days." It sounded more like a threat than a promise.

Satisfied she had put an end to the matter, she exited the gym with immense dignity, but with a smile on her face. A little friendly rivalry would go a long way to ensuring both men looked superb when stripped down and ready for action. Hetty was as keen a connoisseur of the male physique as the next red-blooded woman, after all and she would personally make sure they both looked magnificent, no matter how much they bickered and whinged. It would be worth it. After all, one had to suffer for one's art. And she wanted her agents to look as good as they possible could: it was a matter of personal pride.

"Can I put my top on, please?"

Deeks looked like a kid when he asked that question, Kensi noticed. An unhappy, mixed-up kid, who wanted to get away from all this arguing. Vaguely, she wondered if it reminded him of his childhood and the rows between his warring parents, and then dismissed that thought. Deeks didn't need her sympathy, because he had someone else to do that now: Louise could give him lots of tender loving care this evening. She could massage his body and his battered ego at the same time.

"Be my guest. And then be back here at 2pm on the dot. We're going to start some dance practice."

Neither of them even bothered to demur, but just slunk out of the gym, wearing matching mulish expressions.

"Not a yard less than four miles, remember? Hetty will be watching." Kensi knew that for certain, because nothing was more certain. Hetty was always watching and nothing escaped her.

They wouldn't expect anything else from Hetty – the all-powerful and all-seeing - so it was with silent but palpable bad grace that they hit the beach, pounding silently along, with only the sound of the surf and the cries of the gulls for company. Callen found himself lengthening his stride subtly, trying to keep up with Deeks' longer reach.

"This isn't a competition." Deeks didn't look at him, he just kept his eyes firmly fixed straight ahead.

"Isn't it? Mr 'I've got an aesthetically pleasing body'?" That really rankled with Callen: it was like the ultimate betrayal. What did that make him – chopped liver?

"Maybe I could beat you over a shorter distance…"

"Maybe you could. In your dreams."

Deeks continued as if he had not spoken. "But you'd easily have me in anything much more than six miles. I know my limits." The unspoken message behind his words lay between them – don't push me much further. Do not push me over my limit.

They continued to run in silence, matching one another stride for stride, each man poised to increase his speed should the other begin to accelerate. The pace remained constant, the gulls continued to mewl and wheel in the sky and the waves continued to break on the shore in a foam of white spume.

"I reckon if we go to the lifeguard station and turn back, that should just about do it." It wasn't even a tacit apology, but it was the best that Callen could manage, given the circumstances. His pride had been badly hurt and Deeks had been a handy target.

"That works for me." Did Callen think that he actually wanted to be on display? That it mattered who had the better body? Deeks risked a look at the senior agent, who nodded his head in brief acknowledgement and the tension began to dissipate.

They continued to avoid the subject afterwards, lying in the hot, dry heat of the sauna, Deeks sprawled out in a supine position on a bench, with only a towel wrapped around his middle and one hand flung across his eyes, while Callen sat nearby, occasionally ladling more water onto the coals.

"Do you reckon they were serious about the waxing?" Neither he or Deeks had hairy chests, but still… there were other parts of their anatomy that Hetty would doubtless proclaim required to be fuzz-free. Other rather more delicate and personal parts, parts that Callen would really rather not think about. The things he did for his country…

"Deadly. Nothing would give Kensi more pleasure than to see me suffer." Deeks sat up and watched as a bead of sweat rolled slowly down his chest and then headed south towards his stomach. He rubbed the fine line of hair that lead down from his navel in a speculative manner. No doubt Hetty would decree that this was surplus to requirements. "How much do you reckon it really hurts?" He tried pulling a couple of hairs out and then decided not to bother after all.

"Like ripping off a Band-Aid I should think, only multiplied by about a thousand." Callen fingered his calf, and tried to work out how long the hairs were. Did it hurt more if they were longer? "I reckon I might shave."

"I wouldn't." Deeks flopped back down, and Callen noticed how concave his belly was, the way you could see the shadow of his ribs and the how the ridge of his hipbone stuck out. He remembered when his own body had looked like that. You hit forty and everything started to change. Maybe Hetty did have a point after all? Not that he would ever admit it to her, of course. And Sam had put on an incredible spread of food yesterday.

"Why not?" Surely shaving had to be less painful? Plus (and this was a major selling point for Callen) it was something you could do yourself.

"One: how are you going to reach around to all those inaccessible places? Even if you were flexible, which we both know you're not. Face it – you'd have to be a contortionist. And two – you know how much a shaving nick on your face hurts? Yeah, well just think about that. And then think about how you'd be shaving your junk and then the razor slips and…."

"Stop right there. Okay, so waxing it is. Which do you reckon is worse – getting waxed by a woman or a man?"

"Both are equally bad," Deeks said firmly. "There's only one way to get through it – and that's alcohol. Lots of alcohol. Before, during and afterwards."

"Now you're talking." And that was definitely going down on his expenses, Callen thought, given that it would be for purely medicinal purposes. Of course, psychotropic drugs would be even better.

It could be worse. At least they were in this together. It would be a lot worse to have to do this solo. Of course, it would be better if they weren't doing this at all.

"Hetty's special diet – what do you reckon that's going to consist of?" Deeks asked, in a doom-laden voice.

"I hate to think." Callen knew that Hetty had travelled to some pretty exotic places in her time and no doubt had picked up some interesting dietary notions. "I've heard her talk about special teas that suppress the appetite and cleanse the blood."

"I could cope with that." Deeks thought that at a pinch, even if the tea was especially disgusting (which most teas were, in his experience) he could let it cool down and then down the cupful in a single, albeit unpleasant, gulp. "Lots of fruits and nuts, whole grains – that sort of thing?"

"Probably. She's got one of high-tech juicers." The dry heat was really starting to build up in the sauna now. "And pints of water. She probably won't let you drink coffee."

"She can try." Deeks might drink Hetty's foul tea if he was forced to, but there was no way he was giving up coffee. "Good thing she's not trying to make Kensi join us on our diet."

Callen burst out laughing at the mere idea, for Kensi's love of junk food was legendary, and in that instant, the last remaining vestiges of resentment between them vanished. "Speaking of women with sadist tendencies, are you ready for another session with Kensi?"

Deeks cocked an eyebrow at this. "That sounds so much better in theory, somehow. I mean, 'a session with Kensi' should be fun, don't you reckon?" There was definitely a salacious edge to his voice.

"I thought you were with Louise?" Callen was still determined to get to the bottom of this relationship.

"I thought we were talking about Kensi?" Deeks countered.

"So you're not going to talk about her?" This was definitely interesting.

"About who?" Deeks was playing the 'deliberately obtuse' card for all he was worth and he was damn good at it, Callen had to admit.

"About Louise. Who else?"

"You'll find out about Louise in good time. I promise."

That sounded serious then, Callen thought. And then he wondered if that was good or bad. "Sooner or later?"

"Why are you so interested?" Deeks asked curiously.

"I'm just being friendly. Come on, give me something here. Or I'll think you're still mad at me."

"Okay." Deeks considered this for a moment. "Louise is a lawyer. We met at law school. Is that good enough for you?" He knew that it would not be, but that was all Callen was going to get.

"It'll do - for starters. Nell said she was stunning."

"She is. Louise is great." What could only be described as a goofy grin spread across Deeks' face. "Really, really great," he added, just for emphasis.

"Great," Callen echoed insincerely. This relationship was different to Deeks' other girlfriends, he thought, and then wondered how Kensi was going to react. Well, that was pretty easy to work out, because he knew Kensi and he knew how she felt about Deeks – he'd seen it in her eyes a hundred times or more. Kensi would take it badly, and then she would take it out on them. Fantastic. Could this day get any worse?

You just know Kensi is not going to be a happy bunny, don't you?