A/N: Alright, the author's note at the bottom is important. Do read... One more chapter to go, you guys.

I knew that I couldn't crumble, not in front of the audience that was my family. I felt like I was trapped right back into the world of keeping smiles and screaming on the inside, because that is exactly what I was doing. When his eyes rested on me, I gave him a nod and hoped to god that my internal display of theatrics was only visible to him. Esme bombarded him first without even giving him the chance to say a quick hello.

"Oh, hon. I've missed you so much! Are you okay?" She went from stark raving happy to worrying in a flash so fast, it would even give a vampire whiplash. But he played it cool and when I heard his voice, I didn't know whether to sing with joy or run away with fear.

"No, no. I'm fine, Esme, I promise. I missed you, too."

I was seriously hoping that not everyone would follow her stunt, because I knew it'd be noticed if I didn't do the same. And for the sake of my sanity, I didn't think I could run into his arms. So, I was relieved when Carlisle just rested his hand on his shoulder and gave a simple, "Welcome home, son." Before anyone else could try to replay the stunt Esme performed, Alice exclaimed that we were going to be late and to get a move on. So, everyone complied with a murmured "hey."

We had rented a limo to go, trying to give Renesmee the full experience of a high school dance. When I say we, I mean Alice. And being stuck in the confinements of a limo with Jasper sitting directly in front of me was driving me crazy. Edward reassuringly kept squeezing my hand when Jasper would get a strong whiff of my anxiety or whatever other emotions go along with the label of being insane. I tried to just ignore him, and I felt like a coward for it.

Everyone else was too absorbed in their conversations with Jasper, everyone ignoring the question, "Where were you and why did you leave?" to notice me sitting out on it all. I really wasn't listening to anything they were saying. I was so lost in thought, that when my name was being called, it took me a few seconds to realize that everyone else was out of the limo waiting for me to get out.

I gave a soft "sorry" before exiting and returned back into the comfort of Edward's arms around my waist. Rosalie gave me a teasing look and laughed, "I see someone still doesn't like going to these events." I stuck my tongue out at her, but in all reality, the fact that I was at a school function was hardly the reason for any of my stress. I knew not to worry about being a horrible dancer, and breaking my face from falling. Knowing that I had to face Jasper soon was clawing at me from all sides. I didn't know what to say to him, or even better what I would say. Something mean? Something horrible and untrue? Or would I just break from the pressure and fall apart right in front of him again?

The decorations were actually impressive, much better than anything Forks had to offer. I wondered if Alice was on the planning committee, because it definitely was up to her standards. The dance floor was covered in club lights and they even had a young DJ from a local radio station playing music that was a little different than your average top 40 hits. I quickly found a table in the back corner and made myself comfortable before Edward got the notion to take me to the dance floor, the dance floor in which Jasper had Alice swirling on, whispering loving gestures in her ear. I watched as everyone danced from song to song, switching partners for each. Some of the songs were a little bit too racy to share with siblings, and those were the ones where everyone went back to their partners. Jacob didn't want to come, and so Edward was playing Nessie's date, poor thing. She didn't even really care though, she ended up ditching my husband for her friends after a few songs. I laughed lightly as Edward made his way over to me shaking his head with a half smile on his face.

"Boring, old Dad was just too embarrassing to be seen with."

"Soooo embarrassing," I agreed in amusement.

Up until then, he had let me be a wallflower and I should have known he would eventually try and talk me into hopping on the dance floor. A song from a band that I had grown to love lately was playing and Edward used it against me.

"You can't tell me, Isabella, that this song does not have an amazing beat."

"Oh, it does. I can enjoy it in my seat quite ful-" I was yanked out of that seat before I could get the words out and he had me swaying my hips with him on the floor. I lifted my shield to tell him You're in trouble, sir. I gave up on the angry act and I couldn't help but to move along in a fun rhythm to the beat playing. He always found some way to get me to do what he wanted.

Edward started laughing and I gave him the stank eye, "What's so funny?"

He bent down to whisper in my ear, "Your inner monologue." I snapped my shield back up and he kissed my forehead. I noticed Jasper and Alice then, she was laughing and although he was joining in, he was peering over at me, and his eyes told me he didn't feel anything close to laughing.

"Hey," Edward said, pulling me out of my transfixed stare towards the man I had just a few days before called my lover. "Would you like to ditch this floor?"

I simply nodded, to not sound so emphatic at the prospects of leaving Jasper and this trivial high school dance. I pulled him towards the back door, but he let go of my hand. I raised an eye brow at him and he gave me a small smile, "I've got to go check up on, Nessie, um....I'll be out shortly." Before I could reply, he was gone into the crowd and with a low huff I walked out the doors and sat on the bench not too far from the building.

Even outside, I could still hear the music thumping and the laughter of the children attending. Emmett's laughter somehow overshadowed all of that, and amused for a moment, I wondered what he found so funny inside. I heard the doors open, but I didn't think to look back, I assumed it was Edward. But his shaky breath told me who he really was. In fear, I kept my eyes closed as I felt him sit down next to me on the bench. A pregnant silence took over, and I still didn't look at him or anything but the back of my eye lids. I heard him sigh and rake his hands down his face. Then I heard a whisper, "Hi."

I opened my eyes then and reluctantly turned my face towards him. "Hey," it came out soft and as broken as I felt. He turned his gaze back in front of him and we sat there in silence again for a bit longer.

"Look, I'm sorry. Really, about everything." He returned his eyes to me and I nodded.

"Don't be. It's just as much my fault as it is yours."

"I'm scared."

The suddenness and truth of his words baffled me. I knew exactly what he meant when he said those words. I knew what he was scared of better than anyone in the world could.

"Me too."

"I don't know what's going to become of us." His eyes were glassy from tears he was dying to shed. I swept my hand over his cheek, wiping the imaginary tears away. He rested his face there and put his hand over it, with a pleading look in his eyes. "I don't want to lose you."

"I know, I can't lose you, either."

"I just don't know how we're supposed to stay friends."

I removed my hand from his face and placed it in my lap."Yeah, I haven't seen any 'how to's' lately called 'How To Remain Friends With A Person You've Had An Affair With While Still Not Hurting Your Spouse.'"

He gave a small smile and a light chuckle, too sad to fully laugh. "Yeah... I just wish I knew how to fix this. She... Alice told me everything would work out and to not worry. But, it's kind of hard not to."

I winced when he said "she" followed by a quick stumble of her name. I knew why he had done it. Our rules of never mentioning our spouses' by name were still ingrained in his brain. We had no reason to have those rules now. "Do you wonder if it'll be too much?"

"Being around you?" I nodded. "I've thought about it. When I was gone, I tried to think if we would just fall back into it. You, know the same thing. I mean, we never did anything with thought, anyways. It always just seemed to happen. Will being alone with you cause me to want you, just like a reflex? Even if it's years from now, the idea of it happening made me realize something."

"What's that?"

"That the love I have for Alice, it's too precious to damage. I could never hurt her again, not like that. I need her, and although I need you as a friend...I only wanted you as a lover, and I didn't realize that until yesterday."

"I don't think I could ever hurt Edward again, either. You know, all this fear I had that he wouldn't understand how depressed I had been, that he'd just freak out and think that I didn't love him or want this life, and he did understand. And having him tell me that, it seemed to almost take all of those feelings I had and put them away. It disregarded all of them."

"Like you just wanted him to know how you felt."

"I guess that's all you wanted, too."

He nodded. "Yet, we tried to find that comfort in each other."

"I always found it...it just left immediately afterward." I pulled the curly locks of hair that were hanging in my face behind my ears, effectively displacing a few bobby pins on the side of my head. As I started to just take them out, one by one, he started talking.

"It was like I was attracted to your wounds, and because so, I didn't heal them."

"Just temporarily covered them, like putting pressure on it to keep it only from bleeding out." I pulled out another bobby pin, and the sum of hair that hand been on top of my head fell down my shoulders.

"Yeah, and now I know mine are starting to heal and that Alice is the only reason for it. And I can see yours are too. We were too selfish in our conquests of fixing ourselves to really fix the other I think." His whole body was facing me and looking into his face was like looking into a mirror. I could see the underlying anxiety, but the genuine happiness at finding that we were starting to get comfortable with each other again. Proof that this relationship wasn't damaged either.

"So, are you guys going to leave for awhile or anything?"

"I've mentioned it, trying to give us some time to recover, but she won't have any of that. Apparently, I have a very upset Renesmee to attend to, and if we left she would think that we were leaving for good."

"Yes, that was an interesting conversation to have with her. Edward asked if I wanted to go off with him. But, I don't think it was to run away together, I think he was asking me if I wanted to run away from you...... But, I said that Renesmee needs consistency and I don't think I could leave her, you know that."

"Yeah, I do."

"She's bigger than anything going on in my life, and I know I've neglected her lately, Edward won't listen to me when I talk about it, he mildly just tells me to shut up. Ha. But, really it was more than just her. Even though I'll admit that I was nervous as hell about seeing you, I'd rather repair this as soon as possible than do nothing. I love you, Jasper, I just have to learn to love you again in the right way."

"And that's what makes this so fucking difficult."

I sighed to show my agreement, "I'm guessing Edward and Alice set this up?"

"That they did. I'm only speaking for myself, but I seriously do not deserve her."

"No, no. I don't deserve him either. Never did, though. It doesn't surprise me really that he did this for us, that she did. So unselfish."

"Something we aren't, it seems."

"It's funny how people used to always call me so selfless, a born martyr. Jacob told me once that he thought I should have been born in another century. I didn't find the humor in it, it was when I was pregnant. It's quite laughable now." Neither of us laughed, though.

"I've never felt like I deserved Alice, either. Even before I did all of this. What would such a sweet girl like her want with me, damaged goods from the very beginning?"

"I think it's quite beautiful really."

"What?"

"The fact that you are literally the only thing she's ever known. I mean, it's kind of romantic to think about, that you were the first image she had when she woke."

"I wish it had happened that way for me, too. To just have known she was out there waiting for me. Or, well I guess, would be waiting for me. But, I think it's just as beautiful, what you and Edward have."

"How so?"

"He waited for you for basically a century. He never gave any woman attention at all. I've never even felt him lust over a girl, not until you. It's kind of the same thing, never knowing anything but you. And you really never knew anything besides him either,when you two met."

"Jacob," I muttered.

"That was bound to happen. Edward-we all left you and he was there to patch you up. And you never really gave a thought about him until he forced it."

"I guess, I don't know. And they all lived happily ever after.." I sarcastically uttered underneath my breath.

"Too bad we're not in some romance novel. We can't ever really say that seriously, because there is never an end for us. It's just a never ending story. Who knows what other problems will be thrown back at us."

"Wouldn't it be nice, though? To just be able to say that there won't be anymore tragedy. I can see it now, 'the Volturi come back to destroy the Cullen coven in fear that they will soon conquer.'"

"What would the book be called?" He smiled, amused at my joke.

I pondered for a moment, and I got it. "Collapse."

"And why is that?"

"Because that is what they would do, of course."

He smiled but it soon faded, replaced with a sad, forlorn look. He sat in silence for a moment and I kept my eyes on him. "What do you think our story would be called?"

This time, I didn't hesitate, "Metal Heart."

"Metal Heart?"

"Yeah."

"I could see that."

"It's damned if you don't, it's damned if you do. Be true, cause they'll lock you up in a sad, sad zoo." I said, quoting the song, mostly to my self.

"To be true. It seems to be the hardest thing to do, doesn't it?"

"Sure does feel that way. All I wanted was truth when we started this, funny, huh? I never seem to do the right thing anymore."

"You were just searching for it in the wrong place."

"I just wanted to prove I could actually hurt for the right reasons."

"Did you read that book you gave Alice before all of this happened?"

"What, Invisible Monsters, no. did you read it?"

"Yeah, I did. You sure seem to be the main character."

"What, by trying to hurt myself?"

"Mhhm, I remember this quote perfectly. ' I wanted to give up the idea that I had any control. Shake things up. To be saved by chaos. To see if I could cope, I wanted to force myself to grow again. To explode my comfort zone.'"

"Yeah, that's pretty close."

"You can put masochistic along with martyrdom in your qualities."

"And you can put asshat." Laughter, true laughter rang around us, and for some reason, everything came to make sense.

"Asshat, Bella?"

"Yep, asshat. I wish we had just talked like this when I was down, just like we have for years."

"It's amazing what emotional frailty will do to you. But I can't say I completely regret it, either."

I'm sure he could feel the amount of confusion bubbling within me."Why is that?"

"I think we both learned from this, a lot actually."

"That our mates love us enough to not give up on us?"

"That, and that what we have was definitely meant to last."

"I didn't need this to happen to know that, Jasper. You're an amazing person."

"This really reinforces it now. I just want to get it behind us."

"It seems you forgot a quote from that book, Jaz."

"Which one would that be?"

"Your past is just a story. And once you realize this, it has no power over you."

He gave me a small smile and stood up, awkwardly scratching his neck, obviously trying to ignore what I had just said. He knew I meant it to go further than just us. "I guess we should get back to the party, seems they're having too much fun without us."

As if to prove his point, Emmett's guffaw echoed. "I agree. But, come here." He gave me a hesitant approach, but was soon a foot away from me, I closed the gap by giving him a hug. And when he hugged me back, I felt whole. Because, I wasn't longing for any other touch from him, no lust. Just platonic, just perfect. "I love you, so much."

He tightened his hold on me and whispered, "I love you, too." When he let go, we both made our way back into the building and Edward and Alice were smiling up at us from the table I had been sitting in earlier. Rosalie and Emmett were making their way over, and I couldn't help but to laugh at the punch dripping on the bottom of her dress.

"Some stupid, little girl spilled her punch all over me!" She hissed. Emmett's cheeks were starting to look like a chipmunk's at how hard he was trying to keep the laughter building up in his throat from piling out.

"Should we go home?" Edward asked, knowing that Rose would feel uncomfortable now that her clothes had been oh, so tainted.

"Please," she muttered before walking outside, presumably to wait for the limo. Emmett followed. When Edward and Alice got up from their table, I ran immediately into his arms and even though I knew that Alice and Jasper could hear, I whispered a quick thank you.

In true Edward fashion he whispered back, "Anything for you." Renesmee came up to us and as we were making it out, her friend, Chloe, came up to her and gave her a hug and mentioned something about a sleepover the next day. I decided to wait till we got home to ask her what that was all about.

The car ride was a complete 180 compared to the drive to the dance. Jasper didn't feel like a threat to my existence, but a promise that everything would be okay. I tried to give Alice and Jasper some privacy that night, so I opted for going on an evening hunt alone, but Emmett asked if he could join and I agreed.

His company was something I could easily enjoy, he was always light humored and knew how to make someone feel welcome. Sometimes, I forgot how intuitive he was.

"So how are things with you and Jasper?"

He didn't say it disgusted, didn't say it repulsed, just stated like he knew that Jasper and I were having problems. I'd never think I would trip over my words as much as I did that moment as a vampire.

"Wha...what did you just.........say?"

He sighed and sat down on a fallen tree, "Sit down, Bella."

A/N: Surprised that Bella didn't say "Pour Etre Vrai" for the title of this story? Metal Heart is a Cat Power song, and if you haven't heard it, you should. I thought the lyrics tied perfectly with the story. I'm really not for "song-fics," so I didn't want to seem overbearing with the lyrics to it in my actually writing, but here are the lyrics, to prove my point in how real they are to their situation. Trying to save yourself by hurting yourself.

losing a star without a sky
losing the reasons why
you're losing the calling, you've been faking
and I'm not kidding
it's damned if you don't and it's damned if you do
be true 'cause they'll lock you up in a sad sad zoo
oh hidy hidy hidy what're you trying prove?
by hidy hidy hiding you're not worth a thing
sew your fortunes on a string
and hold them up to light
blue smoke will take a very violent flight
and you will be changed
and everything
and you'll be in a very sad sad zoo
I once was lost but now I'm found
was blind but now I see you
how selfish of you
to believe in the meaning of all the bad dreaming
metal heart you're not hiding
metal heart you're not worth a thing
metal heart you're not hiding
metal heart you're not worth a thing