You all better be acquainted with the Choir by now. If not, well, you'll wish you were after this.
Amarissia has kindly said that I can use her Choir and she has read this and given it the Amarissia Seal of Approval. So no worries there.
Warning: this has copious amounts of naked human-Genesis. He commits selfcest, of a sort. Yes, I do mean that. No, I don't know why my mind works that way. Language, slash and Zangeal also occur.
Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy VII or any characters therein. I make no money from anything.
A Visit From the Choir - A Chocobo Farm Story
"I have one word for this: HELP!" Zack screamed, as he tried to climb out of the window. Behind him, a tall (extremely attractive, his traitorous body whispered) man was breaking down the door, asking if he'd had a relapse and had forgotten their relationship again. The only reason Zack wasn't out the window and racing far, far away (where his body couldn't betray Aerith with its stupid mutinous attraction to randomly appearing men) was because an equally attractive man was wandering around outside, stark naked.
"My eyes." Zack whimpered, before he dropped out the window. Free for a few seconds, he raced to the barn and dove headfirst into the Turk(ey)s' giant stall. Rufus and his cronies and Lazard all glared at him before returning to what appeared to be a meeting (well, as much of a meeting as a bunch of overgrown chickens can actually have). Zack peered around, watching for any sudden movements. Outside, he could hear someone calling his name.
A few minutes later, someone came inside the barn. Unfortunately it was the naked man. He was muttering something about Angeal and censoring and maybe something about jailbait. He stopped muttering to himself and turned to stare at Zack with unfailing accuracy.
"So, this is where you're hiding. Angeal, darling, I've found your little Puppy!" he yelled (unfairly loud). The other man – probably Angeal – appeared within seconds. In about the space of three milliseconds, he had Zack trapped in his lap.
"It's okay, Puppy, I understand if you've forgotten again." He said, reassuringly.
"Um, sure. Excuse me for a sec, I think I heard screaming." Zack started to say. He'd got up to the 'sure' when another him (slightly younger, maybe) burst through the doors. He yelped and suddenly Sephiroth (that evil, evil, live saving bird) shoved him over and stood on him.
"Zack?" Angeal cried and shoved Zack off to go and rescue his younger self.
"I'd be careful, he bites." Zack yelled after him. None of them took any notice (Zack told himself that was good, it meant that they would leave and stop making him have urges that were absolutely not for Aerith).
After a few tense moments, Angeal had managed to rescue his younger self from the clutches of Sephiroth and was soothing him in a way that made Zack feel unfaithful. The naked man was apparently busy near the back of the barn (Zack had this feeling that Mr Naked had found the collection of magazines he hadn't meant to keep and only left in here because Genesis always got pissy if he wasn't allowed human gay porno mags to gaze at).
"Um, not that it isn't lovely to meet another me and all, but you please get the hell out? I mean, you're lucky I only have Seph and the Turk(ey)s here today. Otherwise they would've torn you apart already and oh dear god my eyes!" Zack did not scream like a little girl. Really, he didn't.
"Oh really now, that's just rude. I'm allowing you mere mortals to feast on my body and all you do is scream like little girls. I could get offended." The naked man said. Zack absolutely did not think about what the naked man was doing... or who he was doing it with. No. Zack did not. In fact, he doesn't even know what you're talking about. What naked man?
Zack was saved from further contemplation of the atrocities being committed in the stall behind him when a chocobo chick ran into him. It kwehed politely and didn't try to bite him or anything. Zack checked outside to see if pigs were flying yet (it is interesting to note that while no pigs were flying, several kittens were, along with a cow, a dog and an extremely confused mole).
"Patrick, there you are!" cried a cute little Cloud (there are a lot of them – Clouds that is – and they're very recognisable). Zack just barely resisted the urge to hug him – an urge that was easily contained when he saw a Sephiroth behind him, looking vaguely murderous and slightly confused. Chocobo-Sephiroth watched him and human-Cloud, obviously recognising himself (they'd met so many times after all) and Cloud.
"Um." Zack said, eloquently. He chanced a glance back to the younger him and Angeal and immediately averted his eyes. They were busy. Very busy.
"Do you own this... establishment?" human-Sephiroth asked.
"Yes. Yes I do. Don't ask me why, I can't answer that question. Is the naked man still behind me?" Zack babbled. He'd noticed that human-Sephiroth had a very large sword, just like that winged Sephiroth he'd met a few days ago. It was very long and very sharp and drew Zack's eyes like very sharp swords do when in the hands of possibly murderous Sephiroths.
"Genesis. Not in front of Cloud." he said. He was glaring (it made Zack wish there was a hole he could crawl into and hide in forever).
"Oh damn, he's Genesis? I should have known, I mean with the hair and the naked and everything and does he know that he's doing that with himself?" Zack hated his mouth, he really did.
"Myself? Kinky. Chocobo-kinky." said naked human-Genesis from behind him.
"Brain bleach. Please give me brain bleach. And eye bleach." Zack whimpered, folding in on himself. Mini-Cloud laughed and walked up to Zack.
(By this time younger-Zack and human-Angeal were also doing things but Zack was not thinking about that, especially not when younger-Zack started making noises and human-Angeal started saying 'Puppy, Puppy, Puppy' over and over again. He was not thinking about it even when naked human-Genesis said 'Oh, you could have a threesome with this Zack. In fact, why don't we all have- Gurhk, Sephiroth you didn't have to hit me that hard.' Zack was not thinking about it.)
"Hug?" mini-Cloud asked – no, demanded.
"Sure, Cloud, sure. Then uh, you wanna go see the baby chocobos?" Zack asked as he enfolded Cloud in a quick hug. Didn't want to tempt fate, especially when he held a big sword and a protective glint in his eyes.
"Yay!"
Zack led mini-Cloud off to see the chicks, and tried to ignore the Sephiroth who was obsessively following them everywhere. He also made superb efforts to ignore the younger-Zack and human-Angeal who were so lovey dovey (especially Angeal, who kept on giving younger-Zack bone-crushing hugs) that it was making Zack feel like he was missing out on something. When he finally got five minutes alone with younger-Zack, they had this conversation.
"So... you and Angeal, huh?"
"Um, yeah. It's uh, he's been very... persuasive. I just... you don't have anywhere I can hide for a few minutes, do you?"
"Why would you want to hide? He's... well. You know."
"Yeah, he is. But he's very possessive. And won't leave me alone for five minutes. I just wanted a few seconds to myself and away from the mad woman and her things. And maybe a few seconds where I wasn't being squashed. You know. A bit of alone time. But no, I slip through that portal and they all follow me."
"...Why is Genesis naked?"
"Well, he says he lost his clothes when he came through the portal but no-one believes that. He probably just took them off somewhere and forgot where he left them. Not that that's an excuse, but he is Genesis."
"Yeah. I just never thought a human Genesis would be like the chocobo."
"If anything, he's worse. And he's always giving the crazy lady new ideas. You know what she wants me to do with the Buster Sword?"
"...I think I can guess."
"Oh yeah. And there is no way I am doing that with a sword."
"Do I dare I ask who this crazy lady is?"
"She's not here right now. She's probably poking the portal to see what happens."
"What's this portal you keep going on about?"
"Doorway to other places. Seph usually keeps them all locked up, but I found this new one and here I am. When we go back he'll probably bolt it shut."
"Where did you come out anyway?"
"That field over there."
"Oh... shit. That was where my chocobos were. They've probably gone through your portally-doorway thing by now."
"Oh well. They can't do too much damage there."
"I wouldn't be too sure about that."
Zack spent the rest of the day trying to avoid the naked people. The chocobos – particularly Genesis – did as much as they could to try and force Zack into their presence. The quiet of the farm was routinely interrupted by manly screams of horror and Cloud's screams of childish delight and some other less savoury screams (mostly muffled after Zack lent younger him and Angeal his bedroom, although naked-Genesis could not be persuaded to leave the barn and later, the broom closet he was calling his Closet of Sex).
When evening came at last, the rest of the flock burst onto the scene, returning from adventures through the portal. Mini-Cloud was suddenly being tailed by chocobo-Cloud while chocobo-Angeal kept on giving Zack-the-chocobo funny looks and seemed to be involved in the whole Genesis scandal that Zack wasn't thinking about. The Turk(ey)s had disappeared to god knows where and Yuffie was playing some sort of game with Mini-Cloud. Both Sephiroths were fighting or something in a field nearby and it looked like a lot of the flock was watching them.
Zack meanwhile, was avoiding human-Angeal and younger-Zack like the plague, because someone had suggested getting Zack involved, he'd been celibate for so long and wasn't getting any for the foreseeable future.
Zack was going to kill Aerith when he finally got rid of these people.
Okay, so I hope you enjoyed and will now go and stalk Amarissia. The Choir will rule the world one day. Again, ideas for the odd numbered chapters would be appreciated. Until then, this is me, signing out.
Rethira