Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy, Square-Enix, Yuna, The Ring, Samara, or even a measly chainsaw. Life... Don't talk to me about life. (Oh, nor do I own "The Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy.)

Author's Note: Hola. This chap's dedicated to Shadray for, you know, the whole SAMARA thing. Sorry, but I forgot the hair-insult-ness. Oh well! v.v. Thanks for all the reviews! Heh.
I promise this story will never go dead, even when I'm way over FFX and obsessed over a new something temporarily (which is currently Inuyasha). I'll always have a need to write a gruesome death scene as stress management.

Way #9 (I think)- Samara, The Ring, and the Chain Saw of Doom

It was another bright, sunny day in the Calm Lands; perfect temperature, no wind and tons of birds chirping. Stupid, annoying, flying rodents.

But alas, God's efforts were in vain, for Spira's savior was not in vicinity to enjoy the fruits of His labor.

The trio of bad fashion and even worse one-liners were currently vacationing out in a luxury cabin in the middle of no where. Namely, off of the somewhat limiting map of Spira that no one ever bothered to expand.

The real truth of the matter was that Rikku and Paine had gone on a vacation and that Yuna had followed them like the little lost puppy she was. Except, generally, puppies were a lot cuter.

"You two ready?" Paine asked, carefully setting the Resident Evil 2 DVD into the disc drive.

"Damn straight we are," Rikku plopped herself onto the couch, grinning excitedly.

"This is so juvenile..." Yuna sighed from across the room, joining the other two on the couch. "This movie has no plot."

"Yeah... so?" Paine blinked.

Yuna glared at the warrior. "It's rated R for nonstop violence."

"wOOt!" Rikku and Paine high-fived each other.

"What the hell is 'woot'?" The gunner threw up her hands.

Everyone ignored her.

"Quick! The movie's starting!"

All eyes were glued to the screen. The girls—well, two of them anyway—were understandably disappointed when, instead of seeing that one chick from Fifth Element, they were confronted with a silent, black and white film of a ladder and some other shit that no one cared about.

The Gullwings blinked.

"Why the fuck is this in black and white?" Paine gritted out.

There was silence.

"...Are those bugs?" Rikku tilted her head.

"Cheap ass movie industry," Paine leaned back into the couch.

"Hey, Yunie?"

"Yeah?"

"This movie sucks," the blonde pouted.

"Turn it off! My eyes are starting to burn."

"..Paine, you're not even looking at the screen."

Yuna stretched and rose from her seat, opting to just turn off the television instead of stopping the movie.

She pressed the power button.

The TV turned back on. Everyone blinked.

Reasonably pissed, Yuna grabbed the remote and turned the TV back off. It popped back on a few seconds later.

Off. On. Off. On. Off. On.

"Hey, Yunie?"

"What!"

"Your TV sucks."

"You suck," Paine interjected.

All three of the girls sighed, sat back, and surrendered to the will of the almighty television, watching the clip and occasionally making comments about how lame it was. When it was over, Paine spoke up.

"Hey... Isn't this that one movie where someone calls you on the phone afterwards and says 'Seven days...'?"

"..I don't have a phone," Yuna cut in.

"Oh."

"Spira doesn't have phones."

"Yeah, but remember, we're not in Spira anymore. We went off the map."

Yuna and Paine stared at Rikku for a moment.

"Oh yeah."

The doorbell rang.

"Someone go get that."

No one moved.

Rikku sighed. "Alright. Let's play for it. If you're name's... Yuna, then you lose and have to go open the door. Okay, so what's your name?"

"Paine."

"Uh-huh, and my name's Rikku... and what's yours?"

"Yuna."

"Awww, I guess you lose. Go open the door."

Yuna stuck out her bottom lip, pouting, and left to greet their surprise visitor.

"Dude... thank God for stupid people."

"No kidding," Paine cracked her knuckles.

"Hello!" Yuna smiled brightly at the old, pot-bellied man at her cabin's door.

"'Ello, lady. Dun know who ye are, but I was jes watchin' some American Idol when me phone rang, an' this 'ere voice asked me ta give ye the phone."

"Oh." Yuna grabbed the phone from the man and said into the receiver, "Hello, this is Yuna Braska, former summoner and self-proclaimed savior of Spira speaking."

"...Seven days- oh, hey, did you say Yuna?"

"Mmhm."

"..Can I have your autograph?"

"Sure!" She chirped.

"..Alright, be there in a sec." The whispery, enigmatic voice ended the call with a faint click.

7 Minutes Later

"All-righty then, here you are!" Yuna's smile brightened even further as she handed her new happy-happy-joy-joy friend Samara her autograph.

Rikku and Paine had just sat back and silently watched as Yuna had bounced back into the room and a drenched, scary little girl had come out of the TV from inside of a well, holding a Disneyland autograph book.

"..Thanks, Yuna.." Samara took the autograph from Yuna, instantly drenching it in the well water dripping off of her hand, and placed it inside her book next to Mickey Mouse, Snow White, and Barbara Streisand's autograph. (Another unfortunate victim of Samara's.)

Tossing the book back into the TV, Samara gave a very evil, very disconcerting grin. "Alright then. Back to business."

She retreated back into the television set for a moment, only to come out seconds later carrying a very large and shiny looking chainsaw.

"Hey... That's new," Paine grabbed another handful of popcorn.

Yuna took a step back. "W-wait! What happened to my seven days?"

Samara shrugged. "Seven days, seven minutes... I'm just a kid."

The chain saw vroomed to life.

"GAH!"

Blood splattered all over the room.

There was silence.

Samara gave a loud, jaw splitting yawn. "I think it's time for a nap."

Yuna's corpse hit the floor as Samara retreated back into the television for good, dragging her chain saw across the carpet and leaving a trail of blood in its wake.

"Didn't we watch the movie too?" Rikku pondered aloud.

"Hey, I'm not complaining."

There was a slight pause.

"Shit!"

Rikku was stunned into silence for a moment. "What?"

"Now there's blood all over the carpet."

"I'm not paying for it," Rikku stretched her arms and stood up. "Let's bail."

"Works for me."

Rikku and Paine exited the cabin, leaving Yuna lying in a pool of blood in front of the TV.

Eventually, Yuna's body was properly put to rest and everyone was very distressed.

Mostly about the bloodstains on the carpet.

The End