10:

I began to dream about Dean. I was running my hands through his full body hair. He was so warm and he felt so good. I could sense his muscle definition underneath my fingertips. He was strong and resilient and beautiful. I was saying to him, "You're so soft, so soft..."

He felt so real to me. He hugged me close and I could feel his warmth against mine. We danced under the moonlight. I leaned into his ear and whispered, "I know you told me what the other guys want from me, but I want you to have it. I want you to want me. All of me. Want me, super-soft-Dogboy-werewolf-Deany-Beast."

He chuckled under his breath and continued to dance with me. I kept dreaming of him until I opened my eyes to the early morning hours, just before the sun was rising. I could feel something warm next to me, and it started to move. I looked over and saw that I was in fact in Dean's arms, lying next to him in his bed. He was already getting up even though it was early. I breathed through my sleepiness, "Where are you going?"

Leaning into me, he whispered, "I have to work, but it's too early for you. Go back to sleep."

Dean started to get up again. I grabbed onto his shoulders and tried to pull him back to me again, saying, "Don't leave."

Surprisingly, he let me pull him back to me. He brought his lips to mine. I didn't know how bad my morning breath was, but he didn't seem to mind. We kept kissing, more deeply and more passionately each time until Dean started to move down my jawline and then along my throat. He moved around my body, lifting my dress to leave kisses on my bare skin before he would let my clothes tumble back down into place again. He took extra special care around my belly, kissing the skin there and gently running his fingertips along the line where my growing child was.

I felt some slight movement inside, like my baby was responding to Dean's touch. He came back up to look me in the eyes with an astonished expression asking, "Did he just move for me?"

"He likes you," I said truthfully.

Dean kissed me several more times, then he broke away and asked, "Do you really want a Dogboy like me to want you, Liz?"

I must've been talking in my sleep, again. I smiled and answered, "Of course I do."

Dean didn't seem convinced. He shook his head and looked away from me, saying almost to himself, "You don't want a beast to fuck you."

I didn't like his attitude and I didn't like the language. I was also confused as to why Dean seemed to change his mind about me so much. Last night, he sounded eager to be with me. Now, he was slipping away. I argued with him the best I could while still feeling tired, "Don't say that. Don't say it like that, you make me sound like what I feel is wrong."

"We'll talk about this later. Sleep, Liz. Go back to sleep."

Dean ran his fingers through my hair and continued to kiss me lightly around my neck and chest until I started to feel dreamy again. He slipped out from beside me at some point before I fell asleep, and the rest of my morning was spent in vivid dreams, where I would find Dean after a series of trials, only to have him tell me, "We'll talk about this later," then he would disappear out of sight again.

I would reach out to him, calling, "Wait, wait," but he would never come back, and again I would search for him, only to have the same outcome happen.

When I finally woke up, it was late in the morning. I half-expected Roman to be in my room again, tending to me for another day, but he wasn't. I showered, got dressed, and completely skipped breakfast. I doubted there was any left for me. I wanted to get away from everyone today. I was going to venture out on my own and take a long walk and just be alone. If my uncle didn't like that, well, too bad!

I took the back door outside. A few Carnies spotted me but didn't say anything, and it was almost too easy to disappear. I walked in the direction of the river that I saw the day before with Epico. I was hoping to travel all the way to the dirt road where the river crossed paths. I had no real plan for the day, but I expected it to be a calm and quiet one.

There were fish in the river. Most of them sped off when they saw me coming. I saw a duck at one point, but he glanced at me and also moved on once he noticed I did not have food with me. I was beginning to feel like I should have brought something to eat. I was getting hungry and the sun was bearing down on me.

I saw an ant hill and squatted down to observe the workers. They looked hungry, too. I really should have brought something.

I thought about turning back, until I saw the dirt road ahead and I realized I had made it to my destination. It wasn't as far as I had anticipated, and I was glad to see it. I walked into the brush and stopped for a minute, closing my eyes to listen to the silence. I could feel the warm breeze against my cheeks. I breathed in to enjoy the scent of nature.

The smell. It wasn't right.

Opening my eyes, I glanced around. I knew this smell because I had breathed it in, before. It was the smell of blood simmering under a hot sun.

When I was in elementary school, a boy on the merry-go-round got a nosebleed. Since I was not afraid of blood, my teacher and I had to sit with him and I had to hold a cloth napkin under the boy's nose while she kept him from passing out until the ambulance came. It was a record hot day, and I remembered the smell on the napkin. It was a horrible rustic scent mixed with cloth and sweat. It was a smell I would never forget, and that memory came flooding back even as I breathed it in, now.

I searched with my eyes, wondering if maybe I was picking up the scent of a wounded or dead animal nearby. My uncle had his share of beasts in the barns that could have gotten out. There were certainly other wild animals around as well. I didn't see anything, so I looked down and checked myself just in case. The weeds brushed around my legs. They were as high as my waist, and I had been walking through it for over an hour, but my legs were only a little reddened from the dry brush. I hadn't been scratched, nor was I bleeding.

Then I saw something ahead of me, almost right where the river and the dirt road met. It was blue...no...denim...coveralls...

Spotting short red hair, I knew immediately that it was Sami.

I ran back as fast as I could. I knew that I shouldn't run. During my first trimester, when I had to visit the doctor, he would lecture me over and over about excessive activities. Maybe I was being selfish not to care about my child's safety or my own, but I wanted to save Sami. I had to save Sami.

It seemed to take forever to get back through the brush and the trees. I ran and I ran and I didn't see anyone along my path. Not even the duck or the fish were around. Not a soul left alive. I was starting to lose energy. I was feeling utterly hopeless. Suddenly, I came around a tree and ran right into the back of someone.

He turned around, and his eyes widened when he saw me. I recognized him when I looked into his eyes. It was Kevin. I grabbed onto his coveralls and pulled his still bruised face near me, shouting at him, "Please help me! Please!"

I was crying, and I could feel my hands shaking violently. I didn't know if Kevin would help me. He was the last person I thought would give a crap, but he said seriously, "Stay here, I'll go get help," then he left me alone.

Alone. Lost. The silence around me was threatening to shatter me into a million pieces. It was deafening.

Little more than a minute had passed. It felt like an eternity before I saw Kevin reappear, this time with Sheamus, Dean, Uncle Trumbly, Miz and Bray following along. Dean's eyes were just as wide as Kevin's when he saw me. I must've looked frantic.

Trumbly got to me, first. I thought he would be mad at me for being outside again, but his face showed only concern. He put his hands on my arms and asked me in as calm a voice as he could, "What happened, Liz? What's wrong?"

Oh God. I glanced at Sheamus. I was going to have to say it out loud. What if Sheamus freaked out and Bray and Kevin saw his reaction and knew about his relationship with Sami? I didn't want to give away their secret. I didn't want him to be upset. I should have checked Sami to make sure he was still breathing. What if he was dead? What if I could have saved him if I had checked him, first? Would Sheamus hate me forever because I didn't save Sami?

"Elizabeth?!" Trumbly urged me to speak up.

I had to say it. I had to tell the truth. It was so hard to make out the words, like I could barely speak anymore, but I did it. I said, "Sami, it's Sami, I found him by the river! He's hurt and he needs help!"

Sheamus didn't freak out, but he was completely alert. Everyone remained much calmer than I was as Trumbly turned me around and asked kindly, "Would you show us where he is?"

I took my uncle's hand and started walking, leading him along. Dean took my other hand at some point, helping me through the thick brush. His silence was a symbol of the seriousness of the situation. Trumbly pulled out a walkie-talkie during the walk and spoke into it, saying, "She found Sami by the river and she says he's hurt. Bring the car around to the inter-cross."

It felt like a long time going back the second time. I was trying to direct everyone through my pathway and I took careful steps while I tried to imagine in my mind exactly where Sami was. I pointed him out when we were close. Trumbly let go of my hand and stated, "Bray, Sheamus, Dean, you come with me."

Bray and Sheamus started after him. Dean stayed behind. Miz came around to look me in the eyes. He was very deliberate and very calm. He told me in a clear, concise manner, "Liz, I need you to count to five. When you get to five, start over at one and count again. If you can't count in your head, use your fingers. Keep counting, don't stop, and always get to five before starting again."

"I want to stay with her," Dean said next to me.

Miz refocused on Dean and replied, "No, I need you to come with me and help Sami. Kevin will stay with Liz."

Dean let go of my hand, clenching both his jaw and fists. Miz turned me to one side to face Kevin, then he said deliberately to Kevin, "Make sure that she gets to five. If she loses count, you start counting and make sure she repeats you. Don't let her stop counting."

Kevin nodded. Miz motioned for Dean to go with him. I started counting, "One...two...three...four...five...one...two...three..."

I could hear them talking. It was like the sound was drifting into my head from some faraway place. I kept counting while I listened, "...four...five...one...two...three...four..."

"What happened to him, Miz?" Trumbly asked.

"He was assaulted and badly beaten. We need to get him to a hospital, I can't tend to his wounds on my own. Liz should go with us, she is showing signs of shock. Her pregnancy could be jeopardized."

Normally, I would've started panicking, but I felt detached, like I was somewhere faraway watching the scene play out. I stopped counting, forgetting where I was. I looked up at Kevin. He told me, "Four."

"Four?" I repeated, unsure.

"Five," he said.

"Five," I repeated.

He took my hand and held it up for me. He brushed my palm with his own fingers to stretch out my hand so I could see every finger. Why was he being so nice to me?

"...nice to me?" I think I said what I was thinking out loud, but I only heard myself say the last three words.

Kevin's brow furrowed, but he didn't answer me. He just touched each of my fingertips so I would look at them and counted, "One...two...three..."

I repeated him, "One...two...three..."

It had never felt so hard to count to five in all my life.

"...did this to him?" Trumbly asked Miz.

"I'm not certain, Sami's mind is not completely coherent. His memories are fragmented but he has green fibers under his fingernails similar to the clothing worn by some of the drifting Carnies we picked up a few weeks ago. His injuries show he was outnumbered. If it weren't for Liz, he probably wouldn't have been found. This looks like a targeted attack with full intent to leave him for dead."

"Two...three...four," Kevin counted with me.

He was trying to keep me focused when all I wanted to do was wake up from this nightmare. Maybe I was sleepwalking again; having a vivid dream. I would wake up in Naomi's room and she would laugh and say, "Everything's alright, sugar. You were just dreaming of silly things."

Miz's voice continued to flutter into my head while I counted, "...hate crime. I can see through Sami's eyes. The culprits were saying they heard he was a, "fag," their words. There are some signs of forced fellatio around his mouth. All other injuries were sustained from the beating he took afterward. No signs of rape..."

I was feeling dizzy. I looked over at everyone. I could see Sheamus squatted down, stepping on the back of his own hand with his boot. The pain he was inflicting on himself was probably the only thing keeping him from exploding.

"Liz...Liz..." Kevin was trying to get my attention again.

"Bray, take off your shirt and put it in the river. I need a wet cloth," Miz directed.

"Liz..." Kevin carefully took the bottom of my jaw and redirected my eyes back to his.

My vision was blurring. I was beginning to think that Kevin was Dean. He was being so nice to me. Kevin wouldn't be this nice to me. Only Dean was nice to me. I started saying it out loud, "Nice. You're nice to me. Nice."

"Two..." Kevin waited for me to start counting again, ignoring my fractured and random statements.

"Three?" I asked.

He nodded.

"Four," he said when I didn't respond.

Bray moved out of the corner of my eye and I looked again. He handed Miz his wet shirt. Miz draped it over Sami's head. Miz leaned in very closely and began speaking to Sami in a series of chanting, soft words. It was like he was reciting a mantra in another language. Miz splayed his right hand above Sami's head and drifted his palm downward just inches above Sami, still reciting. I had stopped counting, but Kevin had, too. Everyone was silent. Watching.

Miz stopped just below Sami's abdomen. Miz closed his hand into a fist and glided his fist back up the way he came. Sami started to move, but it was like an electrical current was running through him. I could hear Sami struggling to breathe. When Miz came back up to his head, he opened his fist and pushed the wet shirt away from Sami's eyes. Miz said, "Sami, open your eyes and look at me."

Sami's head moved. He did open his eyes and he stared. I heard Miz say to him, "You were lost, but Liz found you. You are safe now."

"Safe?" I asked.

Miz looked up at me, and everyone turned in my direction. I didn't realize I had come up to stand behind them. Miz stared into my eyes and repeated, "Yes, you are safe now."

:-:

I stopped remembering so well after that. Everything else came in fragments. Trumbly's classic car showed up. Marlyn was driving. Miz picked up Sami in his arms and got into the backseat. I got in next to Miz. Dean sat next to me. Trumbly was going to take the passenger seat, but Sheamus said, "Le' me go, sir."

His eyes were pleading. Trumbly looked at Marlyn and said something like, "I'll drive. You take a second car and come later."

Marlyn nodded and got out, then we were driving and Trumbly had taken the wheel. Sheamus was in the passenger seat. He would look back from time to time and both Sami and I. He didn't say a word until Trumbly asked, "How long have you and Sami been together?"

"A year...or mawr," Sheamus admitted.

"Who knows about it?" Trumbly asked.

"Liz an' Dean, but uthers suspected," Sheamus answered.

My stomach was starting to hurt. My legs felt wet but I assumed it was sweat. Dean was holding my hand. I was holding Sami's wilted hand with my other.

"I've heard the rumors, but would anyone know about you two incidentally and take it seriously enough to hurt Sami?" Trumbly asked.

"Sami's had threats, sir, bu' nuthin' serious. I made shaur he tol' me if he 'ad real trouble," Sheamus answered morosely.

Sheamus looked back at Sami again. His face was guilt ridden, like he was thinking he had not tried hard enough to keep Sami safe. My uncle opened his mouth to ask another question, but I interrupted him when I said aloud, "Will Sami be okay?"

Trumbly looked back at me in his rear view mirror. Dean squeezed my hand, and Sheamus turned his gaze on me. His guilt turning into sympathy. I heard Miz say something like, "Trumbly, drive faster," then I felt sleepy again.

"Liz? Liz?" Dean was trying to get me to look at him.

"Fuck!" Trumbly shouted, swerving sharply to the right.

I heard tires screech. Later I think I heard someone honking a horn. I saw a stoplight change from red to green. Trumbly cursed again and then Dean was helping me out of the car and picking me up into his arms again.

He was carrying me into the hospital. I knew because I saw a big blue H on our way through some sliding doors. A bunch of people in scrubs. Some male, some female. They started talking quickly and gathering information. They brought out a gurney for Sami, and he disappeared down a hallway.

Dean put me down in a wheelchair. The doctors seemed unconcerned by him. I wondered if they had seen others with his same condition.

"Is she married?" a middle aged man in blue scrubs asked.

"Yes. This is her husband, Sheamus," Trumbly lied so someone could stay with me.

I wanted Dean to be my husband. I guess the doctors would believe a distraught bisexual Irishman was better husband material than an orphaned and moderately controlling young man with gorgeous eyes and complete body hair.

Another younger doctor, probably freshly graduated because of the conceited slight smirk on his face, was trying to get me to follow his finger. I didn't want to look at anything.

"...eaten anything?" the boy doctor asked me.

I shook my head.

"Did you...anything? Water?" he asked something I didn't catch.

I shook my head again anyway.

"How far along...weeks? What Trimester?" he was asking me about my baby.

"I...twenty-one weeks...second trim...I think..." I tried to remember how far along I was and how to form sentences at the same time.

"She's a little over six months along," Trumbly said to someone.

Suddenly, I felt a sharp pain in my abdomen. I clutched it and started breathing quickly with panic. Boy Doctor got out of my way and older doctor leaned down to look at me. His face was strained, he didn't seem to know what was going on, either. I felt Dean touch my arm. I heard Trumbly start to yell something at another doctor.

"HELP! WE NEED HELP!" someone was screaming.

"She might be going into false labor. We need to get her to a room right now," the older doctor stated, then he started to wheel me away.

"Dean! Dean!" I cried.

"Dean's her brother," Trumbly lied again.

The doctor nodded, then said, "Follow me."

I turned back to look at my uncle Trumbly and said desperately, "Somebody call Daddy and tell him I'm sorry!"

I don't know why I said that.

:-:

I was put into a smaller room. A nurse was trying to take off my underwear and put my feet up on those elbow shaped metal things that I always thought looked like a pair of tongue devices ready to put my vagina on embarrassing display for all to see while I gave birth. I imagined they would come up and grab me and push me down into the doctor's table and I would disappear forever.

Dean and Sheamus were off to one corner of the room, putting scrubs and masks on. They looked more like aliens instead of themselves.

The nurse called to the doctor when she got my underwear off. I looked down and saw that she had placed my panties next to me on the hospital bed.

There was blood on them.

My pain was getting worse. A blond guy in pink scrubs came to my left and put a needle in me. He wiped my forehead with a wet washcloth and strained a peaceful smile to make me feel better. My eyes were swimming. Pink Scrubs tried to give me some water. I think I may have spit it back at him because I thought I couldn't swallow. The other nurse was trying to get my legs up on the elbow things but I was moving a lot and I could feel my legs kicking away from her.

"Hold her feet!" the doctor yelled from somewhere in the room.

Then Dean was by my right side, and Sheamus was holding my hand on the other side.

I felt the urge to do something. Kick or push or yell or something. My feet felt like bricks and I couldn't move them. I started to push out of agony and the doctor told me, "Don't push, Liz!"

"No, I have to! I have to!" I yelled back at him.

Dean kissed my forehead, and I turned to look at him. I told him through a mess of tears and panic, "I can't do this...I can't do this..."

"Yes you can..." Dean's voice drifted into my head.

Then I heard some noise like a siren, and I couldn't see anymore. I could hear someone yelling, "Liz? Liz? ELIZABETH!"

But I was already feeling the darkness take hold.