I didn't tell Bella what I did. How could I? I couldn't forgive myself, there's no way she could. I went for a quick walk to clear my head, picking flowers along the way for Bella.
"What took you so long?" She teased when I got back.
"Oh, I just thought you would like these," I revealed the bouquet I was holding behind my back.
"Jasper, they're beautiful! And they smell amazing."
"You're welcome," she gave me a quick kiss in the cheek before placing the flowers in a vase.

Bella's POV

I stared at the flowers for a moment. They would grow older, and begin to wilt. But Jasper and I would be frozen in time...
But it wouldn't be all bad, we would always be together...by drinking, I gulped, blood. My thoughts drifted to the last time I saw my father... I still felt so guilty.
"You alright, Bella?" He called over his shoulder.
I sighed, "No," I admitted.
He hugged me from behind, "Wanna talk 'bout it?"
I turned to face him, "I-" I choked on my words and buried my head in his shirt. I didn't want to tell him, but I knew I should to tell someone. I exhaled, "when we were hunting the other day...I saw my father..."
"D-Did he see you?" He clearly didn't want to ask if I-
"No, and he is fine, I ran away before I could...do anything."
He blinked..."How? Even experienced vampires have difficulty not drinking."
"He's my father! I would never do that..." But I almost did...
"Well, he's alright, do you have nothing to worry about," he hugged me tighter. "Wait...have you had anything to drink since you-"
"No," I cut him off, not wanting to hear him say it.
"Bella you need to drink something. Come on, lets go hunting."
"Right now?"
"Yes! Right now!"
"Fine." He lead me out to the middle of the woods. I could smell for miles.
"You smell anything good?" I nodded, "Then go!" he urged.

"Just...don't watch, OK?" He nodded, understandingly. I slowly walked in the direction of the smell. I don't want to hurt anyone...but I have to... I gulped, the burning in my throat now more prominent than ever. I took off, ending a mile or so away. There was a faint trail of a human's scent here. Now or never... I inhaled, smelling both the human's trail, but also another.

I jumped up the nearest tree, sinking my teeth into something. Only when I dropped its lifeless corpse did I realize I had just drank the blood of a squirrel. I jumped back and gasped, putting my hand over my throat, the burning had lessened. My lips twitched up into a smile. Maybe drinking blood wouldn't be so bad after all...

I had finished off a deer before heading back to Jasper. He smiled, "You feel better?"
I nodded, "Yes, definitely."
"Good, I'm glad." Our eyes locked and his expression changed to a more confused look.
"Is something wrong?"
"Y-yes. It's just, your eyes a different..."
"How so?"
"They're duller, bit the same bright red as everyone else's."
"Maybe because I'm not thirsty anymore?"
"Could be," he shrugged it off.

My diet of animal blood was satisfying, but I knew nobody would understand. it became my one little secret. Over time, my eyes went from red to orange to a bright gold. Nobody could explain it... And I wasn't about to tell.

Besides, Maria said it was a slight advantage. She said that members of other armies would stare at my eyes, confused, and in that time we could take them down.

But life goes on... i didn't have many friends in the army, and any I did make seemed to disappear after a while. Maria said they had served their purpose and were gone. but its fine, Id never had many friends before anyway.

I can't believe it's been a year since I got here.