A/N:
Thank you for all the love :) As always a special thanks to my reviewers: forbiddenLOVE42, burungmalam (I hope so eventually too!), MythStar Black Dragon, lucel18, Guest bettevelour, Rollins1013, love of escapism, KGBKBG, maria gpe pavon, and SEchelon (I feel like half the time I write fanfic because I never find fics that satisfy my silly head canon. I'm glad this one is working for you!).
I've now fallen into the depths of Reylo.
He peels the blood-stained tunic from his chest, screaming from the pain as his shoulder extends. There are no TIE fighters following him, not that they could have. He is, to his sudden displeasure, too good of a pilot to rip a hole through the Absolution, but his stunt would be impossible for any other ship in the hangar to duplicate.
"Ben!"
He eases, calms as he hears Rey touch the bond. She's still there, always been there though he had been silent minutes into hyperspace.
"I know you're there. Ben, please."
Kylo ignores the voice. He's fading quickly from the blood loss. He needs bacta. He needs…sleep maybe. No, no. Bacta. He needs bacta and finds the emergency kit in the utility closet. The gel is soon all over his shoulder, his back, his chest. He feels the cool burn immediately. The threads of his muscles are starting to knit themselves together again, and he finally allows his body to calm down.
He doesn't let Rey completely in. She can't see him broken and bloody like this.
"Ben? What happened?"
She pushes against his head incredibly anxious. Kylo wipes the remaining gel on his pants. "I'm fine."
He feels her hesitation. "I…good. You're coming here?"
Kylo drags himself to the pilot's seat. He doesn't sit down completely, lowering himself to the edge of the chair so his shoulder can't touch the back. His mind is catching up, finally digesting what just happened on the Absolution. Hux at the table, smug and sharp. His knights circling him and trying to kill him. He…he killed Mullen. Elan. He slaughtered them in that white room.
Kylo's chest is heaving. He feels weak, faint, but focuses on the rush of blue hyperspace. Then there is a cool breeze and the taste of salt suddenly on his tongue. "Is that okay?"
She laughs and it is open and fluid in his head. "Yes, it's okay. Just get here soon, Ben."
Ben.
Katara. Mullen. Elan.
Truff. Palv. Gaun.
None of them had called him Ben in good faith for years, and he wants to correct her. That isn't his name. He's not Ben Solo. He can't be Ben Solo now. Ben Solo wouldn't have done this. He wouldn't have followed Snoke, tried to kill Master Luke, killed his friends, killed his fucking father.
He's so incredibly light-headed. He can't even feel properly angry or sad or confused. He just wants to sleep.
"No…you have to land this thing. Ben, stay awake."
"I…"
"Talk to me."
He inhales deeply before nodding and steadying his hands back on the console. "About what?"
"Chandrila. Could you…could you do that?"
He could still remember the view outside his window. There were tall towers of silver and gold that seemed never ending towards the sky. He could smell baking nuts on street corners, the damp alleys, the cloying sweetness of his mother's perfume. The way crowds of people would sift and open like waves. And all of that absolute, pure energy. It…it had been awhile. "I think I can."
"Good." There's relief in her voice, and he could feel warmness budding in his chest. "I'd like to hear about it."
She's laughing at his calligraphy set when he sees the blue sphere and his ship breaks away from hyperspace. "It's…very blue."
"You're here!"
The connection fizzles, lost as Rey is distracted, and he shifts his focus now on trying to remember how to land a starship. His brain and muscles are pleading with him to rest. He has done too much today, lost too much blood and the adrenaline that should be flowing when his ship breaks atmo isn't there.
Kylo relies on muscle memory. Decelerate speed at a constant rate. Flatten out. Find somewhere smooth to land. It's all instinct and feeling that drags him to one of the many islands dotting the blue world's surface. It is instinct that allows him to lower the ship and land it safely despite one of the wings catching on the edge of a rock. It is instinct that moves his hands to turn off the Upsilon completely and lower the ship's ramp. And it is pure exhaustion that pulls whatever energy he had remaining and knocks him out cold.
.
.
He hears the fire before he feels it. There's a sharp crack of splintering wood and then the flume of heat coils through him. It wraps around his torso, and he realizes he is flat though positioned on his left side. There's a tug on his right shoulder, someone fixing new bandages on his skin, and Kylo leans in.
"Rey?"
A wet cloth is applied to his aching head. He sighs though his eyes are still closed with sleep. The fire continues to flow through him, and he reaches to touch the hand applying the cloth. "Thank…"
It's wet and slimy, and he thinks she is covered in bacta until he feels the small web between the fingers. Kylo jerks back, shocked until he opens his eyes and sees large globe pupils staring back at him. The…amphibian blinks at him and checks to see if the bandages have moved.
"Who are you?"
She doesn't respond and soon there are other identical creatures moving from around the fire. One offers him a glass of a green liquid. He drinks it slowly, gagging a bit at the rich cream. His chest is still bare. His shoulder is still tight and hurting, but Kylo pulls himself completely so that he is sitting up. "Do you know someone named Rey?"
More blinks. The creature turns to an identical one to her left who then points beyond the fire and away from the village Kylo suddenly found himself in. His mind is whiplashed from the familiarity. He's…he's seen this before. The stone houses like honeycombs. The smell of salt and water. The feeling of unabashed energy.
It is night and darker than his visions, but it still feels the same. The moon is high and full, glowing silver across the rocky cliffs and stones. Kylo moves the cloth from his head before standing and walks beyond the fire.
He expects to find Rey asleep or maybe meditating, but then there are footsteps on the stone coming hard and fast. Her hair is tight behind her ears and there is a saber on her belt. She looks so incredibly like she did the last time he saw her that he flinches, hand reaching for the saber that is not there.
Her eyes catch the hand movement, and Rey halts her approach. She stands tall and firm. "I thought we agreed we weren't going to kill each other."
"I…"
"You can trust me." She doesn't hesitate anymore. Rey is in front of him, face painted with the soft glow of moonlight. "I won't hurt you."
"I won't hurt you either."
"I know." Her eyes flicker up and down. "I trust you too."
That hits him fully, completely. He doesn't think she should trust him, but he knows why she does. She can see him. Through their bond, through their deep-seeded loneliness, Rey can see him at his most raw. And he could see her too.
"What happened, Ben? Why did you come here?"
Kylo does not want to think about it again, how he had been betrayed and had killed two of his men. He thinks back to Tatooine and fucking Carise Sindian.
Do you understand what it's like to lose?
He has lost everything. He has sacrificed and bled so much for the First Order, has killed and wanted to die because of them and their cause. And now he was allowing himself to feel that pain, that emotion, that incredible loss of Katara and Mullen and Elan. Of Han. Of Ben.
Rey grabs his hand. She must sense me. The girl says nothing but she's looking at him, patient and concerned, and then she is closing her eyes. She grabs his other hand and they curve together. Kylo is confused until he feels it. His thoughts are wiped, blank, and all he knows is the island around them. The rage of the ocean. The soft fall of leaves. The birds flying and diving and killing fish. The buds of a flower opening even in the moonlight. He feels it and it is all consuming. He feels it and the hum in his chest is ripping at his heart.
The Force.
He has forgotten this side of it. He has forgotten what this feeling is, and then he realizes that this is not a side at all, that this is everything.
His hands are holding her so, so tightly, and soon he opens his eyes to see Rey smiling at him. His chest catches from the power. "I think for the same reason you did."
.
.
She brings him back to the village, dropping his hands though hers are still tingling from the contact. Kylo or Ben still hasn't told her what happened, and she is worried but content that he is here and alive.
The emotions are confusing, to say the least. She had once denied him the location of this planet, had run and tried to protect Ahch-To from him, and even now she feels tense, uncertain. Rey doesn't know this man—not in the way that you're supposed to know a person. Collectively, she maybe had hours of time with him, but it doesn't feel that way.
"You can stay here." Rey gestures to the abandoned stone house next to the one she decided to take over. The hive-like structure has no door, and Rey is stunned to see clothing and a bedroll already placed in the center of the floor.
Kylo walks in first and picks up the grey tunic. "Was someone else here?"
"No. The Caretakers gave me one as well." She clears her throat seeing his vacant expression. "They're the ones that bandaged you."
"I see." Kylo waves out the tunic before placing it over his head. Rey watches his muscles flex at the effort, attempting to ignore the burn in her throat. "Rey, what is this place?"
She doesn't know where to begin. He must be able to feel it too. This place is something special. It is the Force made absolute. It is ancient and beautiful but springing with new life. It is the place he had tried to find for so long, the place he had tried to torture out of her. She grimaces at the memory. "You don't know?"
"It's where Skywalker was hiding." He says easily, eyes never dropping from hers. Kylo is drained. His hair is matted with his own blood, but this door had opened and Rey does not want to drop it.
"Were you going to kill him? If you found him here?"
He swallows. She can still see the height of his chest rise with the low v of the tunic. "I was."
He's still so angry. She isn't sure if that would ever change or if she would have thought any differently. To Kylo, his uncle was trying to kill him, presumed that the darkness in him outweighed the light so much that there could be no redemption. What if someone had done that to her? Would she have responded any differently? "Why didn't he help you?"
"Maybe he knew he couldn't."
"You don't actually believe that."
He rolls out the bedroll and lays down, cursing when his back touches the ground. "I don't believe in it, Rey. I…can't pretend that I ever did. I was never meant for the Light."
She feels the beat of her own heart and remembers the darkness. Me either. Rey leans on the open doorway of the cottage. The sleep is coming back to Kylo's eyes and she can feel her own yawn coming through. "I want to show you something tomorrow. You don't have any other plans, do you?"
He sniffs at her joke but a smile slowly forms. "I think I can free up some time."
.
.
When Kylo wakes, he doesn't remember where he is. He panics, worry-stricken, only to see stone and sunlight. The memory comes back fully, slowly, and he stretches his arms. His shoulder feels better. He feels the heat of sun on his skin and it stirs something in him. Kylo moves outside, ignoring the Caretakers as Rey had called them, and goes to where the rock cliffs meet the air. The wind flows around him as he falls into Lotus, legs crossed, hands raised upwards and grasping at the pure energy around them. He is not prone to meditate, not at all but…
This place…
The suns are rising, painting the blue sky orange and purple and pink. He doesn't remember the last time he woke on a planet and not a ship or shuttle or Starkiller.
"Jakku only has one sun."
He doesn't turn to the voice behind him but shifts to his left as Rey sits next to him, copying his form. "Two moons though. They weren't as bright as the moon here. It's like there's so much light for it to catch here…it just glows." She inhales before turning to him. She looks tanner in the bright light of day. Her face is already dirty, her hair lined with sweat.
He knows Jakku well but doesn't say anything about that. "What did you want to show me?"
She leads him far from the cliff and village until they are standing on the edge of ruins. He looks at her and at the falling stones and wants to bend down or run closer. He's breathless in front of it, his body light and electrified. The intensity only heightens when Rey grabs his hand. Her eyes are wide, face flushed. "Luke told me that this is the site of the First Jedi Temple."
He moves his fingers up and down her knuckles. "It feels different."
"I think it is. Come." Rey is fearless, practically sprinting through the debris until they are inside. The light is refracted through the dome roofs. She stops in the center, and Kylo immediately catches the symbol on the floor, the man a combination of white and black stones, holding his saber and dividing the image in two. "Is it crazy that I think we were both meant to be here?"
No. It's absolutely not. He is thinking the same exact thing and he shakes his head. His palm feels sweaty in Rey's hand but he dares not drop it.
"We…the Force wants us here. I think that's why we are bound, Ben. I think we've been bound ever since you've saved me when I was thirteen. Not because of Snoke or anything dark. Just because of…us."
His head spins. He's known that in a way though he never truly thought the universe could work so seamlessly. That the girl who he brought to Jakku was the woman he had found on Takodana. That the innocent girl brought to the temple the day before would mean anything to him besides a child that needed to forget. Had he forgotten? He looks at Rey but the memories of her are faded, that instance blocked out by the sheer animalism of his actions before her. He had been so distracted with the guilt of "killing" Luke Skywalker, of actually killing his fellow students. How was he going to focus on the one he had saved? "You don't know that."
"There's…something about it in the texts. Have you read them? There's historical instances of this happening between a Padawan and master."
"I'm not…"
"Or in near death experiences involving the Force." Her eyes are locked on him. She believes this. "It's…why this hasn't just vanished after Snoke died and why I felt this on Takodana. You knew it then too, didn't you?"
"It's gotten stronger."
"I've gotten stronger. Ben…" She's frustrated, shaking her head. "I have been terrified of this power. I…I hated it because of that night and I didn't even know why. I barely even knew I had it after you."
"What made you remember now?"
She moves her hands all around. "This place. The Force. I've been seeing that night in different ways. The rain. The fire. I saw you and your knights but you weren't actually the knights then, were you?"
He shakes his head.
"You can feel this place. It's…sacred. It helped me see what that was, make me powerful enough to bring back those memories."
"Is that why you've brought me here?" He won't say he's sorry; he isn't. He knew what he did had saved her life, and he made sure that scrapper scum let her work freely, in peace. It was the least she deserved after what she had witnessed.
Rey shakes her head. "No." She bites the edge of her lip, which only draws his attention to how soft they were and how incredibly close she is. He can practically hear her heartbeat against his own when she says, "I want you to teach me the Dark Side."