Chapter 10: Remains of the Day
Disclaimer: S. Meyer owns Twilight
Jacob was the first to wake up and find Bella with her head on his chest and one arm lying across his shoulder. He didn't want to move. Actually, he was surprised he was still here in her room. He thought for sure that Charlie would have shooed him off when she fell asleep. Looked like the old man had a soft spot for him.
A few minutes later, Bella lifted her head up toward him and was met with two wide, brown, smiling eyes staring back at her.
"Hi, beautiful. You feelin' okay?"
"Yeah, but I've gotta pee really bad. Too much orange juice."
"No problem. I'll carry you to the bathroom."
She pushed herself up off his chest. "Jake ...you're being ridiculous."
His thumb gently caressed her cheek. "Hey, don't give me that look. I've picked you up from the floor once already, remember? I'm not about to chance that happening again. I'm just being cautious—and I might add, a gentleman. You're always saying how I should act less uncouth—your words not mine."
"Well, okay, but don't get your hopes up. You are not camping out in the bathroom with me."
"Wouldn't dream of it. I'll wait outside the door. Knock on the wall if you need me."
"Don't hold your breath," she muttered. "But, really ... this is so unnecessary."
"C'mon, honey, humor me, will ya? Why can't you accept the fact that I like to flex my muscles around you. Makes me feel ... I don't know, sort of manly."
Sighing for his benefit, she groaned, "I hope I don't regret this, but go ahead. Carry me away to the bathroom, Atlas."
After a successful trip to the john, he started digging through her closet, picking out clothes for her to wear. He found the soft, blue fleece top that he liked so well. Jacob loved touching it. His fingertips were rewarded every time, by the feel of the fabric. And then, he chanced upon his favorite pair of jeans—the ones that hugged her in all the right places.
He rifled around in her dresser next, but Bella put up a stink. "Hey, watch it, mister, I don't want you going through my underwear drawer. That's personal. I'll take it from here."
His head swiveled to look at her. "You think I've never seen a bra before? Bells ... I live in La Push, not under a rock."
Grabbing a bra and matching panties, he tossed them to the waiting girl, and stepped into the hallway while she dressed. He rapped on the bedroom door after the appropriate time had elapsed, and despite her protests, carted her downstairs. Then to the surprise of all, he cooked breakfast for her and Charlie, and even cleaned up the mess he made while doing it.
Her dad saluted the chef. "That was a fine breakfast." He picked up the morning newspaper off the table, and placed it under his arm. "Well, I'm off to work. So, what do you two have planned for today?"
"I thought I might—"
Jacob interrupted her. "She's not goin' anywhere, chief."
Her face crumpled in on itself, resulting in a scowl worthy of Leah. "Sometimes you are soooo rude."
Jacob leaned his chair back on the two rear legs, and threw his hands in the air. "Hey, it's part of my charm."
Nodding his head in Bella's direction, Charlie butt in, "Hold it there, guys. I don't want you here all by yourself, kiddo."
"Not you too!"
"Don't worry, I won't leave her alone."
"That's what I'm afraid of. Just kidding. I know you'll be a perfect gentleman—or else ..."
There was a smirk on Jacob's face when he said, "We'll find sometin' to do—maybe a nice quiet game of scrabble."
"Oh, no—not scrabble."
His two eyebrows wiggled. "What about spin the bottle?
Billy greeted him that evening with: "I just got a call from Charlie. Bella's problem is solved, eh? And your's too, it looks like. The council will be glad to hear of it. I'll let Old Quil know first thing in the morning."
Jacob plopped down on the couch. "Hey, Dad, tell me somethin'. Can you feel sad and glad at the same time?"
"You mean about Bella losing the baby?"
"Yeah ... I mean, I'm glad it happened this way, but at the same time, when I saw that teeny baby girl, I was sorry for her. Her little life was over before it even started, you know. It didn't seem fair. She didn't ask to come to this earth, and in one instant she was torn away from it."
"Life isn't fair, Son. It's for the Great Spirit to sort out the details. You go on to bed, now. You look exhausted. I'm going to stay up a while and read a bit. I'll see you in the morning. And by the way, you are going to school tomorrow—no arguments."
For the next week, Jacob needlessly carried her from the house to the truck, from the truck to the Taj, from the Rabbit to the beach, from the beach, well, you get the picture. And so ...
Bella was in his arms again, being transported to her permanent seat in his garage—an old padded chair he commandeered from his sisters' bedroom. They weren't living there in the house anymore, so what did they need it for?
"Gosh dang it, Jake. Put me down. I'm not a baby. I keep telling you, I'm not going to faint; I'm not going to anything."
"That's right ... not on my watch, sweetheart." He deposited her onto the chair.
"You love this, don't you? Exaggerating your masculinity. I've got news for you, Atlas. I am already well aware of your muscles. And don't think that I don't appreciate them, but this has gone far enough."
"Okay, you win. I do love it. It's fun to baby you, to feel you in my arms. Can't I carry you sometimes, even tho' you don't need me to?"
"I don't mind once in a while." She looked up at the tall figure. "C'mere, stupid."
Jacob knelt down in front of her, and let her play with his hair. "I know what you're trying to do, but I'm fine, really. I'm not bleeding anymore. I'm back to my old self, so stop worrying about me."
"I can't help it. You had me so scared. If anything had happened to you, I don't know what I would have done."
Pulling his head to her chest, she continued ruffling his hair with her fingers, and kissing his ear. "I love you, Jake."
He leaned back, his eyes all filled with pain. "I love you too, and I'll be damned if I ever come that close to losing you again."
Bella cupped his face in her hands, her lips meandering all over his cheeks, forehead and chin, finally finding their rightful place on his full mouth.
Jacob didn't miss this opportunity to give it all he had. They were both so bursting with emotion that their lips expressed what their tongues couldn't. Bella was hanging onto a fistful of his hair, as he lifted her once more, crushing her against him. He grabbed her legs wrapping them around his waist. God, he couldn't get close enough. He walked her to the far wall, backing her into it. The tension in the air was sizzling with energy, but after some mind blowing kisses, Jacob reluctantly released her. Carlisle had said five weeks. He couldn't risk injuring her or jeopardizing the future of his own unborn children.
His hand stroked her face. "I'm sorry. I guess we got a little too excited there."
Shaking her head, Bella responded, "I'm not sorry. I want you, Jake. Four more weeks ... I wish it was here already."
Jeez, did she have to say that? It was hard enough to keep his hands off her without that little comment. Looked like he'd have some sleepless nights for the next twenty-eight days. The anticipation would kill him. Ugh!
Another couple of weeks went by, and he let her enter the Taj under her own power—after his signature bear-hug greeting, that is.
He still hadn't brought up the subject of the Council meeting, and neither one of them had really discussed their feelings about the loss of her baby. It was like this big elephant in the middle of the room that they were both ignoring.
On the Friday evening of that third week, the pack was all gathered at a bonfire. The food was eaten, the ancient histories expounded, and most everyone said their goodbyes and headed home, leaving Jacob and Bella alone by the glowing embers.
"Hey, Bells," Jacob began. "Now don't get upset, but can I ask you somethin'?"
She'd been snuggled next to him, shielding herself from the chill in the air. She looked up to see herself reflected in his dark eyes. "Sure, what is it?"
"We actually haven't said anything about what happened three weeks ago."
"You can say it. You mean when I lost the baby."
"Yeah. You need to know ..." He stopped, searching for the right words to convey what he needed to say.
"Know what?" she asked.
"Um ... word got out that you were carrying the leech's sp—uh, sorry, I mean child. The council held an emergency meeting before that happened. Your pregnancy was the hot topic. Bella ... I fought to keep some of the others from destroying you and the baby. But—I gotta confess, even though I would have supported you, no matter the outcome, I was so relieved when you had that miscarriage. I'm sorry, but I can't help the way I feel."
Bella burst into tears. Jacob pulled her tight against him, and stroked her hair. "I'm really sorry, honey. Can you forgive me?"
Her sad little face made him feel like such a monster.
"Yes, I forgive you, but it's not that. No ... I'm crying because I'm a horrible person. I didn't want that baby after what happened. I understand why you would feel that way. Vampires are your natural enemy, so of course that would be the best solution for you. But I was her mother! And when Carlisle held her tiny body in the palm of his hand, I had to lie to him, and pretend I had some maternal feelings for her, but all the time, I felt nothing. I was even glad that I wouldn't have to give birth to a living, breathing little person. God help me, but she deserved better than that. The guilt is killing me."
"You heard what Carlisle said. That little person had no right to exist. And she couldn't exist outside your body. There was no way. Your miscarriage proved that. Don't beat yourself up about it. In time you'll see that this was for the best. Now we can be together without that complication. Can't you see that?
"If she had lived, what kind of an existence would that have been for her? My tribe wouldn't ever accept her. And think about it; would Charlie?"
"I guess you're right. Renesmee would be isolated from the very people that should love her. She would sense that she was different, and know I had no emotional ties to her either. She'd probably grow up hating me for being such an uncaring mother."
"Jeez, I feel like the weight of the world has lifted. Then, can we just be us again—Jake and Bells?"
Her hands were immediately clenched around his neck. "God, Jacob ... you're too good. You won't ever leave me, will you?"
"Never could ... never will," he murmured into her hair.