Disclaimer: Props to Rumiko Takahashi. Sorry i'm basically warping your characters.

Characters: Kagome, Inuyasha, Miroku, Sango

Words: 710

•••

"Oh Jesus Christ whatthefuck? The hell is this crap?" Kagome gagged and spit out a mouthful of…whatever the hell she had been drinking.

"Kagome, that's your coffee." Sango shot Kagome an amused looked, well, as amused as it could be at bloody 3 A.M. in the morning.

"Shit, this is not coffee. This is sugar with some coffee and cream. Damn coffee places…" Kagome sulked and leaned back further into the plush loveseat.

Sango offered her a shrug and sipped her chai tea latte.

"Maaann. When are they gonna get here?!?" Kagome let her head fall back on the top of her seat as she whined.

Sango glanced at the clock on the wall. It had been around four hours since the boys had left to find the demon. A rumor of a jewel shard had popped up and this time the boys were sent out to find it. The girls stayed behind and waited for their arrival.

The only good thing about jewel hunting in the future was that when you stayed behind, you had coffee and television.

Well sorta.

The tv antenna was broken (someone had smashed a head into it, a perverted monk's head into) and they were out of filters for the coffee.

Oh screw that, jewel hunting, period, is shitty. Fucking shitty. No matter where you were, it did not matter.

It sucked ass.

Sango sighed tiredly and Kagome was practically passed out of the loveseat from lack of caffeine. The clocked ticked by, oblivious to the woe of the two women in the living room.

Finally, the door slammed open and in walked the boys. Kagome jerked away from her light slumber to glare at Miroku and Inuyasha while Sango lifted her head up slowly to stare at them the bleary eyes. They trudged in slowly, looking positively miserable. Poor things, covered in goo and other questionable substances.

Sango stood up from the couch and wordlessly handed them a towel that was already set out hours before they got back.

Kagome stared at them expectantly. "Well? Was there a jewel shard?"

Miroku answered while Inuyasha furiously scrubbed at his ears. "Yeah, there was one."

"Well shouldn't you be more excited or something? You two looked like someone kicked your puppy. Sorry, Inuyasha! Didn't mean it like that!" she amended when he lifted up his head to glare.

"Err…" Miroku fidgeted uncomfortably. "I'm pretty sure you'd want it cleaned before we give it to you."

Sango rose an eyebrow at his words. "I'm sure we can wash it for you, just hand it over."

Miroku fidgeted even more, wringing the towel in his hands. "Um, I'm reaaally sure you don't want to touch it just yet…"

Kagome recoiled slightly. "Why, what happened?"

Miroku paled slightly and turned green while Inuyasha gave a muffled groan into the towel he had pressed into his face.

"Erm, well you see, we were fighting this particularly…large…demon, and well you see, we slayed him of course! It's just…where he put the jewel shard was, well…urgh."

Sango nudged Miroku in the arm, urging him to continue. Kagome looked at Inuyasha like he was broken.

"Where was it then?"

"Umm…"

Inuyasha let out another groan, sounding even more pathetic.

"Well you see…it's complicated…"

Sango was starting to get annoyed. Kagome was starting to poke Inuyasha in the head.

"Miroku. Where. Was. It."

By now Miroku was really starting to sweat.

"Er, well we were searching for it and we found that it was in the demon's…rectal area…"

He was greeted with blank silence other than Inuyasha's muffled traumatized sobs.

"Oh."

Kagome promptly started walking away, swearing like a sailor.

The others could barely hear something along the lines of "Godmotherfuckingdamnit!" and "-believe we have to do this shit."

Sango stood there awkwardly in front of two boys that were no doubt scarred for all of eternity.

"Er, coffee?" she offered up meekly. Inuyasha immediately made a grab for Kagome's sugared up coffee while Miroku passed, looking mildly nauseated.

Inuyasha chugged the whole thing gratefully and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, looking significantly better, but still bad. Like…someone had told him ramen had been destroyed by ramen-destroying aliens.

"Miroku?"

"Yes Inuyasha?"

"We're never fighting an elephant demon again. Ever."

•••

Honestly, i just reeeallly like making my characters uber jaded. Oh and making them swear like crazy. Kinda like me.
Interestingly enough, i like my coffee like that. With enough sugar to kill a diabetic.
Or an elephant.