Hottest

Justin fidgeted nervously. Alex had a way of ruining these things, at least, ruining it in a way for him. His entire family was here, whereas hers had not bothered to show up. Perhaps it was out of self-preservation, perhaps they did not really believe she would be getting married… or maybe it was her obituary in the paper that had convinced them not to show. (It was a rather saucy death involving a strip club, thirty pickles- with seven catholic schoolgirls and a cheerleading squad.)

It was not luck that got them this beautiful cathedral. Alex had redone most of the aging artwork in here for only the cost of her materials. Justin's priest had been so pleased he had told them they could use it on their wedding day for not cost at all.

Justin felt the light hands of his best man on his jacket. Zeke was adjusting his friend's tails and murmuring excitedly, "Dude, I think the maid of honor digs me, I'm totally scoring tonight!"
The priest looked down his nose at the two, so he added, "In our bowling tournament, of course!"

Harper groaned loudly, "Man, I thought I was getting laid!"

Looking at the priest again, added, "And by that I mean... I am going to get lucky, at... sleeping... on my bed... screw it, we both know I'm going down on the best man, alright!"

She blasted these lines loudly enough that the organist gave her a thumbs-up signal.

Justin shook his head. Harper was wearing the wedding cake, literally. It looked amazing, but he was nervous about eating off the girl. (Not too long ago Alex had offered a threesome with the redhead, which was spoiled when she learned that Zeke was interested in Harper- her best friend and her boyfriend=hot, his best friend, though, was a completely different story. Apparently she could not bear intercourse listening to him announce everything he did, 'oh, I'm gonna push in now, thrust, thrust, thrust.' Seriously, Zeke announced whatever was on his brain. Not bedroom material.) Justin was also nervous about what Alex would be wearing. He tried his best to push his mind out of the gutter, but he knew she was going to surprise him.

Maybe she would wear sweats? Nah, too obvious, also they did not make her feel sexy enough in front of groups of people. Maybe she would wear a suit like him? Yeah, that was more her speed, pretend to be the groom and demand his bride honor and obey her. She would likely stick a veil on his head just to rub it in. Then something else occurred to Justin; Maybe she would wear nothing at all.

….Yeah, that was probably it. Show up, butt-naked, into his church in front of his family and friends (not to mention his priest)- definitely an Alex move. His mind raced, turning him red in the face. Whatever it was, she would definitely shock him.

The theme for her entrance started. Everyone rose, and Justin steadied himself. They waited for her dramatic entrance, and waited, and waited… and waited…

Justin started getting nervous. It was even more likely that she had shaved her head, applied for a sex change, and was fleeing the country.

"Oh, for the love of…!"

That was definitely her. Bolting down the aisle, Alex dragged Tina- their annoying flower girl- to the front. She deposited the girl, huffed her hair messily into place, and stepped forward. Harper took the bride's plate of brownies and gave the men a thumbs up.

Alex turned to Harper and hissed loudly, "Even I can't believe I'm wearing white today. I mean, c'mon... what kind of girl do they think I am?!" He made an impatient hand motion to the priest to get on with it.

"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to celebrate the serendipitous-"

"Justin!" Alex whispered loudly, "Count Dracula is using big words!"

He groaned. There was no way the first six rows did not hear that, "Alex, relax, let him do his thing."

"What if he's doing the mumbo-jumbo against us? Let's be honest here, they used to smite girls like me during the Spanish Inquisition!"

"And how do you know about the Spanish Inquisition?" He questioned.

She paused, "Dude, hanging out with you has made me a nerd!"

"If there are any here who can think of a reason that these two should not be joined, speak now of forever hold your peace!" Count Dracula was getting angry, because, though the priest knew how antagonistic Alex could be, he did not count on her being so loud.

Alex raised her hand, "Oh, uh, oh! I know one!"

She looked behind her. Noticing that no one else was speaking, she leaned over and whispered loudly, "Wow, this is the first time I have had an answer that no one else knows! So this is what it's like being you!"

Justin shook his head, "It's a rhetorical question, Alex!"

She looked around sheepishly, and frowned, "How come I know what 'rhetorical' means?! Oh, you are just nerding me up!"

The priest sighed, giving up.

"Do you have the rings?"

Justin nodded but Alex laughed nervously. He looked at her, "What?!"

"Uh…" she grabbed his hand, "And we're married!"
She spun and faced the audience, who were exchanging confused looks. The organist, as confused as anyone, played them out. Alex, ever the prankster did the chicken dance for a little bit.

Justin's family started to throw rice, which angered Alex, "Hey! If I wanted rice thrown at me, I would go back to that Korean shopping mall!" (She had been banned for good reason.)

Harper was surprised when the bride grabbed her creamy bustle and hurtled the mass into the crowd, "Justin, help me fight back!" She yelped when he picked her up, appropriately bridal style, and carried her out of the room.

Alex fought him valiantly. Well, she actually fought dirty, but the effort was pretty good. Finally, Justin set down the newly Christened Mrs. Russo in a quiet storage room. He had planned on driving away, but now… no doubt his entire family wanted a word with him about his choice in women. Also, they had a convertable, and the cops were probably looking for Alex. He had not seen in her days, and that was not a good thing. Who knows what she had really been up to...? It got him worked up.

Alex found, of all things, habits on their way to a nunnery. She petted the uniforms down comfortably before positioning herself. Justin had a mini-stroke as he realized that she had selected this to be their first time together as husband and wife.

Laughing out of stress, he joined her, "Alex, we can't do this here… it is so sick and wrong! I was baptized here!"

She giggled into his mouth as she kissed him. In the past few months, the two had been rather rambunctious. Alex teasing him mercilessly, Justin losing all control and going at her like an animal. That passion was not gone now, just in a different form. There were no grunting, or clawing, or blood of any sort, just the two alone.

In many ways, this is what Alex feared most; being a wife, the absence of wild coupling, and having Justin look at her with no fear in his eyes whatsoever. Yet… this was incredible. The way he looked at her. Before even touching her, he told her, "I want you to know, that nothing will ever be more beautiful to me, than you and that dress. And you are the hottest girl I have ever known."

She loved him for it.

It would be nice to believe that they lived happily ever after, but of course, this is untrue. They had great times when love was abundant, like when they took that trip to Hawaii, and times when their love ran dry, like after the first miscarriage. Alex tried to divorce Justin on three separate occasions. The first time fell through because apparently courts did not take "he referenced a science fiction movie while having intercourse" to be a reason to apply, the second due to the fact that he asked her what time she could cook dinner, because these hands, don't cook.

The third time was her last. They had been married for five years, no kids yet, and she hated everything about him. It was then that she realized that she would rather live and hate him, then ever live without him in her life.

They finally had a baby. Alex had almost died. During the delivery, she had screamed many, many imaginative expletives but never told him to leave. She wanted him to stay with her, forever. The doctors had to usher him out when the complications set in, though. He returned to find her barely breathing, and begged her, 'never again,' over and over.

Justin had fidgeted the whole time, through every step, but as long as he had Alex, he could always take the next step with her.

In some ways their passion cooled; Alex did not streak completely naked at parent/teacher night. Justin never again lost control around his wife, at least not to the extent that he seriously hurt her. But in so many ways, being married was the hottest thing to both of them, and that never cooled.

The End.

A.N. Thanks for reading, especially those who review to help me write better. I'm talking to you, Fey Faerie. Read and review for the next ficlet.