I'm sorry for all of you who waited for another chapter. Life has been hectic; but the good kind of hectic. I've been getting in my last partying days, watching some new movies and last night I saw Phantom of the Opera in theatre. First scene and I was in love with Raoul ha-ha. Anyway hope those of you still on your summer vay-kays enjoy it. Senior year here I come XP

PS: Let's play guess that song. There will be some song lines and my take on some lyrics in this chapter. It's just a stupid thing but I wanna do it anyway. Anyway…

Chapter 10: In Spite of Things

Kat's POV

"So doc, how many more days am I in this hellhole?" I asked as soon as entered my room for a status report.

"Well you're out of any danger zones for now," he checked over some papers, "I'd say in about four days."

"What are you kidding?" I practically screamed at the man.

"Trust me Ms. Randle that is very fast considering what you've gone through. This is why I need you on bed rest for one week after I release you."

"Quoi?" I blurted out the only French word I'd picked up in class.

"If you're up on your feet earlier I can't imagine it being healthy for you. If you over exert yourself there is a chance of pulling the stitches and re-opening the stab wound. I'll check on you later in the night, if you feel any discomfort before then you can get your brother to get the nurse for you. Also before you leave I will be giving you some pain killers to help with the pain."

"Sure thing boss," I said with a funny sailor's accent.

Frankly I didn't care; doctor's orders or not I wasn't staying at home and 'resting.' I couldn't go back home. I never want to face my father again; I never want to hear his voice, feel his touch or be standing in his gaze. I was going to have to grow up fast and become my own person regardless of age.

"Listen I've gotta start my shift in twenty minutes." Steve said. "I can call and tell them I can't make it if you want--,"

"No. I need time by myself."

"Okay," I barely paid attention to him as he left; thoughts were overwhelming my mind faster than I could resolve.

Where was I going to live? Where was Steve going to live? Is he going back home? I doubt he would; he hates father as much as I do…then again he always comes back to the house after a few days of getting kicked out. He might stick it out longer with the Curtis'. Is Steve gonna room at Bucks? Should I room at Bucks? No…I couldn't take the loud music and the people constantly fighting. Besides I'm not sure Buck would even want me there. I could always stick it out at Dom's…

I Was Confused

Somewhere in my mind a little voice told me that I'd wind up back at my father's house like I always do; like Steve always did. He'd go to the Curtis' or bunk at Two-Bits, while I'd stay at Dom's for as long as I could. Eventually the time comes where I need something from my house and when I return…I get stuck there…not being able to gather the courage and leave.

It makes me sick, my father makes me sick, and until we made up, my brother made me sick. My head was spinning a mile a minute and I realized I need something to calm me back down. Some methamphetamine could take me into my own world right now and I could get lost. I could almost feel the flight effect; coursing through my veins and taking away all the worries in my head.

Inside of Me

My mind started to drift to all the reasons I needed to get high, all the time my life crashed into the ground at a 140 miles per hour. I remember one night where I felt so far gone I wanted it all to end. It was the first night I met Dally.

I had heard of him when my brother and Soda were talking and he sounded like any normal guy. However when I was on the street I heard of a totally different Dally; a Dally so far gone that he cared for nothing and no one in the world.

Everything I heard on the street contradicted to the stories I'd hear Soda and Steve discuss in Steve's room. Soda would say, 'man Dal really cheered up Johnnycakes today with that birthday surprise,' and Dominic would hear from a Shepard boy that 'Old Dal pulled a knife on him for just looking at him the wrong way'.

I thought the kid was a psychopath, some bi-polar killer who neither had anything nor wanted anything.

Nothing to Lose

When I met him, that cold and dismal night, I completely forgot about the two personas that were described. I made my own impression of him; hell he made it on my when he ripped that drunk Brumly Boy off of me. He kept me safe and secures the whole night.

For once in my life Dally showed me that people could care for each other without hidden agendas.

I hadn't realized that I was playing with the ring he gave me until it got stuck on my thumb; then it hit me.

Why wasn't he back yet? Where is he? Did the police take him into custody for killing a Soc?

I couldn't think of those things right now. I tried to shake my head violently to stop the flow of questions but it didn't work.

Again memories of the night I met Dally poured into my head. I could see my twelve year-old image sitting with him while music blared and people yelled. I had nothing to say but he did for some odd reason.

He knew that I was Steve's little sister and at the time I thought he was protecting me because I wouldn't let my brother.

"What's wrong?" He would ask me as the music grew and words slurred.

I had no idea how was I to answer; short and sweet? Or give him the details. The details on how I got lost in the nothingness inside of me.

I told him just that, I was lost and was going nowhere fast. I told it all to find I'm not the only person with these things in mind. All that he could see the words revealed the only thing I've got left to feel is just stuck hollow and alone.

The fault was my own.

His words seemed to stop time; it was like our conversation was the only thing that really mattered. That what I told him really mattered. It was then that I first felt like I wanted to heal, wanted to feel what I thought was never real. I wanted to let go of the pain I've felt so long; erase all the pain until it's all gone.

I wanted to find something I've wanted all along; somewhere I belong. But it wouldn't be like that for long.

The next week I had gotten into it with Steve and was back where I had started. A lost and alone twelve year old. I felt like I had become Dally's other pet, telling him everything that bothered me as he sat and listened. It happened like that for weeks, and only at the parties. Everywhere else it was like he didn't exist until Friday night at Buck's.

I would talk to him while slurring my words; I couldn't believe that I didn't fall right down on my face. I searched my life with him; every detail, only to find it was not the way I had imagined it all on my mind.

So what am I to do now but have negativity? It was a wonder that I'm not lying somewhere in a back-alley with three bullet holes through my skull.

I can't trust no one by the way everyone is looking at me; nothing to gain.

I'm hollow and alone and the fault is my own.

I wonder now that if those parties, and the problems were all building up to this moment. This one moment where I realize that I will never know myself until I do this on my own.

I will never feel anything else until my wounds are healed.

I will never be anything until I break way from me.

I will break way.

I will find myself today.