A/N: Hello to all of you! It's great that you're back. You probably all want to know what happened between Bella and Jacob. I promise you will.

Before anything else, I was totally flattered to learn that POMH is in a poll for five fics that move you most over at The Lemonade Stand. I'd ask all of you who love this story to go over there and vote for it. I don't expect to win, but I feel really honored that someone thought of my little fic. Here's the link:

tehlemonadestand . blogspot . de / ?zx=42b1839499dc2c85 (as usual, copy and paste into the address bar of your browser and remove the spaces)

Now a little info about the chapter. In my first draft of the story, the Jacob-flashback was part of chapter 1 where Bella goes through the items in the box. Later, I thought that it was boring if I put all my cards on the table in the first chapter. So I decided to put it here instead of Bella actually telling Edward the story in a short summary. I think the way it is now works much better than the original idea.

I have to warn you that there will be no Edward in this chapter because it's nothing but a long flashback to a time when Bella didn't know him. For all of you who are sensitive to lemons including pairings other than Bella and Edward, you should be warned ahead that there are going to be intimate moments between Bella and Jacob. I normally don't like them either, but since Bella's not cheating on Edward and this happened way before the two of them even met, I needed to write them.

Thanks a lot to my betas EdwardsMate4ever and evelyn-shaye from PTB for helping me polish this chapter to make it shine for you. They're doing a great job. I also want to thank my prereaders Vampgirl79 and Thepurplebookworm for being my constant supporters.

This was a lot, but I felt like I had to say it. So, I'll let you learn about Bella's past now. See you at the end.

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight (what a surprise). It's all Stephenie's, and I love her for it.

******POMH******

Chapter 10 – A walk down memory lane

**flashback**

… I had known Jacob Black almost my entire life. His father, Billy, and my father, Charlie, had been best friends since their childhood days. He was four years older than me, but despite the age difference, we used to play together when we were children. He always treated me like a little sister — teased me, protected me, and sometimes, taught me things only a big brother would teach you.

As I entered puberty, my feelings for Jake changed. I began to notice the play of his muscles when he moved, his husky voice made my stomach flutter, and his smile awakened a need in me that had been dormant before. I no longer saw him as my brother when I slowly but thoroughly fell in love with him. The whole time, he seemed to be oblivious to the way I felt about him.

When I was fifteen, he left La Push to go to college in New York. He went there on a scholarship, and because he couldn't afford it, he didn't visit Washington for all four years. But we stayed in contact, writing emails to each other at least once every few weeks.

After graduation, and before he started a job at a big bank in New York, he came home on a one-week visit, bringing Jasper, a college friend of his, along. The second our eyes met again, everything was different. Jacob was still himself — well, a more mature version of himself — but the way he treated me had changed. Several times, I caught him staring at me when he thought I didn't notice. He acted quite insecure around me — sometimes, he even stammered instead of just speaking his mind. I didn't know what it all meant, but I sensed that things had changed.

My best friend, Alice, who heavily flirted with Jasper all the time, was sure Jacob had a crush on me. I didn't know what to think. If she was right, then he didn't act on it.

However Jacob felt, the four of us spent a lot of time together that week. Then, the evening before the boys were to leave again, Jacob insisted on inviting me to dinner while Alice and Jasper were going to see a movie in Port Angeles. He didn't say a word about that dinner being a date, but I was excited to spend the evening alone with him.

Charlie and Sue were out of town on a fishing trip for two days, and Jake came over to pick me up. He was a little early, so I wasn't dressed yet. When I opened the door, wearing only a bathrobe, his eyes popped wide open, and his jaw dropped.

"Hey, Jake. You're early. I'm not ready yet." I greeted him with a smile, inwardly pleased that he seemed to be affected by my appearance, and led him to the living room.

"Hi, Bells. No problem. Just take your time. I'll wait here." He had regained his composure as he sat down on the couch.

"Would you like something to drink while you're waiting? There's beer and soda in the fridge. Please, help yourself to whatever you like. I'll be upstairs for a few minutes."

After fulfilling my duties as a hostess, I went upstairs to get dressed. As soon as I was in my room, I removed the robe and walked over to the short, black jersey-dress that was on the hanger, dangling from the nob of my closet. I took it and slipped into the narrow-cut garment.

Standing in front of the mirror, I was feeling sexy and confident. As I fumbled with the zipper on the back, my hair seemed to get caught in it when it was about halfway up. I wasn't able to either zip or unzip it, considering that I couldn't see what I was doing.

"Shit, shit, shit," I cursed in frustration.

"Is everything okay up there?" Jake's worried voice asked from the foot of the stairs.

"Yes … no. Could you come up for a second, please? I think I need some help."

Although Charlie generally didn't allow boys in my room, the rule had never applied to Jacob. He had been up there dozens of times before.

I heard his footsteps on the stairs and in the hall before I could see him in the mirror, halting at the door. Standing there, looking at me with dark eyes and an expression I didn't understand, he took three deep breaths before he slowly walked over to me.

I tried to explain what the problem was. "Look, my stupid hair got caught in the zipper, and I can't untangle it myself."

Without a word, he threw the rest of my long, brown hair over my left shoulder and started to pull the zipper down. After a few cautious tugs, it gave way. But instead of pulling the zipper back up, when it was free, he looked into the mirror for a second, meeting my eyes, before he lowered his head to plant a kiss on my neck.

"You're so beautiful," he whispered as he let his mouth move up and down from my ear to my shoulder, causing me to shiver with excitement.

My eyes closed as he kissed my ear, exhaling his warm breath over my sensitive skin. His hands slid under the straps of my dress, removing them from my shoulders and letting the garment fall to the floor.

My body was rigid. This was totally new to me. I was nineteen and more or less inexperienced. I had kissed a handful of boys, but that was it. I'd been in love with Jacob for as long as I could remember, and because of that, I had been unable to be intimate — either emotionally or physically — with anyone else.

All the more, I couldn't believe he was here with me; his soft lips kissing me, his strong hands touching me. He couldn't be in love with me despite his recently strange behavior. He just couldn't. He was beautiful with his russet skin and his perfectly defined body, while I considered myself plain and boring.

But what I found in his eyes when I turned around to look at him said something else. There was warmth and an emotion I could only interpret as love.

I knew where this was leading as he bent down to kiss my lips. At first, it was just a sweet kiss that made me feel all warm inside, but then his lips started to move more urgently against mine, and when he opened his mouth, his tongue met mine with an eagerness I had never experienced before. At the same time, his smooth hands started to move up and down my back.

"Oh Bella, you feel so good," he whispered into my mouth.

My hands had a mind of their own, gripping Jake's short black hair on the back of his head, as my own demanding mouth challenged his.

A moment later, he scooped me up in his arms and carried me over to the bed, setting me down in the center, as he pulled his shirt over his head. I watched him unbuckle his belt and remove his jeans, shoes and socks, while at the sight of his almost naked body, some strange new desire was building inside me.

So it was really going to happen. I had always dreamed about my first time being with Jacob, but not in my wildest dreams would I have considered it possible. There were a thousand butterflies fluttering wildly in my stomach .

He climbed onto the bed, and a second later, we were both kneeling in front of each other, kissing passionately, locked in a tight embrace. Without me noticing it, he unhooked my bra and took it off. As soon as it was out of the way, he broke our heated lip-lock and started to move his lips down to find my nipple. He kissed it once before he opened his mouth to nibble it gently and suck it in turn. I moaned quietly, lowering myself to a horizontal position. Overpowered by the new sensations Jake's mouth created on the one and his hand caused on the other side, I closed my eyes and surrendered to the feeling.

His hands then moved further down, stripping me of my panties. When the last piece of fabric was out of the way, he started to pay attention to the wetness between my thighs, rubbing my most sensitive spot. A deep moan escaped my lips as the man I'd loved for so long pleasured me with his fingers. Never before had anyone seen me naked, let alone touched me intimately. Although I was feeling a little self-conscious, I enjoyed being close to Jacob. It didn't take long until I wasn't able to keep my ecstasy locked up inside me anymore. I panted heavily as my back arched off the bed, and I came, for the first time at the hands of someone other than myself.

Jacob smiled when his mouth left my breast, and his face was hovering over mine. Hungrily, he attacked my lips with his as he positioned himself on top of me, his hips between my parted legs.

For a moment, I wondered whether I should tell him I was a virgin or not, but I decided to keep it to myself, unwilling to ruin the mood.

Although there were neither candles, nor did we have music around us, the look in his eyes and everything else seemed utterly romantic to me. He was the man of my dreams, and he was about to make love to me. I needed nothing else to make this moment perfect.

Without waiting any longer, he slowly slid himself inside me and with one swift thrust he took my innocence away. His lips on mine muffled the sound of my short cry of pain.

He broke away to quickly look into my eyes. When he saw me nod my head, he planted two innocent kisses on my lips before he started to move again. His hardness inside me felt amazing, as if we belonged together like that.

Fiercely, he kissed me again, caressing my tongue with his. A few minutes later, his breathing sped up and low moans rumbled in his chest. Then I felt him release inside me. After that, he kind of collapsed on top of me. We stayed that way for a few moments before he rolled to the side to take his weight off me.

He was holding me in his arms when he finally said, "I'm sorry. I didn't want to attack you so unexpectedly."

When I looked up, I saw that his face was bright with an adorable grin.

I wasn't able to hold back my own smile. "No problem. You can attack me like that any time you want."

He held me close while he moved his hand up and down my arm, and I fell asleep immediately, exhausted from the unforeseen experience.

****POMH****

An hour later, I was woken by the sounds of Jacob getting dressed. Reluctantly, I opened my eyes, and what I saw made my stomach flutter with unease.

He was almost completely dressed. Looking at his face, I noticed that his brows were furrowed, and his eyes were squeezed shut with what I could only think of as sorrow or pain.

"Jake, what is it?" I choked out in a toneless voice.

His eyes flew open, and he looked at me with regret while his hand ran through his hair.

"This," he gestured toward me and the bed, "you, me … this was a big mistake. It should never have happened."

Suddenly, I felt numb, unable to understand what was happening. Hadn't we both been happily close just a short while ago? What could have happened to make him run away like that?

"Jake, I don't get it." I was shaking my head in bewilderment.

"I'm sorry, Bella. This is wrong. I shouldn't even have come here, let alone upstairs. I don't want to hurt you, but I have to go. Goodbye." He shot me an apologetic look before he was out the door. A few seconds later, I heard the front door shut with a bang. I was left miserably alone, unable to understand what had gone wrong.

****POMH****

Realizing that it had been stupid to sleep with a man without even thinking about using a condom, I was relieved when my period arrived on time about a week later.

I never heard a word from Jacob after he left, and I didn't dare to contact him either. Every now and then, Billy had news about his son: Jake's job, his apartment, any insignificant detail of his life in the big city. Each time his name was mentioned, it felt like a stab in my heart. No matter how much time passed, I never came up with any plausible reason for his behavior that one night.

After the summer, Alice and I went back to our little apartment in Seattle to attend our sophomore year at UW.

She and Jasper stayed in close contact, and the summer between our sophomore and junior year, she persuaded me to take a trip to New York with her. Jasper, who was working in an advertising agency, showed us around town and took us to museums and clubs. Although he and Jacob were still friends, we never met him nor did we really talk about him. Of course, Jasper knew what had happened between us.

The night before we were to fly back to Washington, Alice and Jasper pressured me to go see Jacob, to give him a chance to explain, to maybe save our friendship.

My heart was hammering frantically in my chest as I stood in front of his apartment, too afraid to knock. Several times, I walked back to the elevator to leave, only to return to his door again. When I was about to leave once and for all, the door flew open. Jake was about to storm out, probably running late to pick up a date. He froze the second he spotted me standing there.

"Bella," he whispered, his eyes wide with shock. "What are you doing here?"

I had to clear my throat before I could answer. Now that I was standing in front of him again, a wave of suppressed emotions crashed down on me. I wasn't sure that trying to talk things through had been the best idea. "Alice and I are in town this week, and she and Jasper convinced me to come see you." I didn't know what else to say. He seemed to be feeling as uncomfortable as I was in this awkward situation.

"Well, uhm, come on in." He fully opened the door to invite me inside.

After a short hesitation, I entered, and when he had closed the door, I followed him to the living room.

"Please, sit," he said, gesturing toward the couch. "Would you like something to drink?"

The situation was completely surreal. We had known each other all our lives and now we weren't even able to make small talk.

"Water would be nice. Thanks," I answered, keeping my eyes glued to my hands.

He vanished to what I guessed was the kitchen, only to reappear a short time later, placing the glass on the table in front of me, and sit down at the other end of the sofa.

"How are you? How's college?" He tried to start a conversation.

"Fine, just fine." I paused, wondering how to phrase what had been on my mind all along.

"Bells, I want to apologize again. For last year, you know? It wasn't right to take advantage of you like that. I didn't want to hurt you. I'm so sorry," he blurted out, his eyes staring into mine.

"Jake, I still don't get it. All this time, I've been wondering what it was that I did wrong, that made you run away like that. But I just have no idea." I spoke calmly, trying not to show the confusion and frustration I was feeling.

"It's nothing you did. It's me. You know, when I saw you again last year, I was totally overwhelmed to find that you weren't the little girl I left back home. You had become a woman, a beautiful woman. I was no longer able to see you as my little sister. Suddenly, I was physically attracted to you. I couldn't handle that. I didn't plan to sleep with you. I didn't want to risk our friendship. You mean so much to me." He sounded sincere, but his words didn't hurt any less.

"I've been in love with you since long before that night. Did you know that?" I whispered sadly. My eyes were again fixed on my hands in my lap, unable to look into his eyes.

"I suspected it. All the more, it was wrong. But when I saw you standing in your room, half-dressed, trying to seduce me with that act you put on, I wasn't able to resist … "

"Wait, wait, wait, wait." I rose to my feet, too agitated at his accusations to remain seated. My eyes were burning into his. "That act I put on? Jake, there was no act. I was a virgin, for crying out loud. I didn't plan any of that." I felt tears pool up in my eyes, but I tried to swallow them back.

"I know that. And I'm sorry for what happened. But the way you stood there, waiting for me, you must have known what that would do to me, to any guy." He held his hands up in a defensive gesture in an attempt to calm me down.

Furiously shaking my head, I headed for the door to escape this nightmare. I had hoped for us to talk things through and make up, be friends again. But he was implying that I'd staged the whole thing.

As I reached for the doorknob, Jacob's big hand seized mine. I turned around angrily, surprised to find his face only an inch away from mine. "Bella, don't go. I didn't want … dammit, Bella, I love you, too." With those words, his lips attacked mine, his tongue capturing my mouth. Suddenly, our bodies were flush with each other, my back against the door.

I made a feeble attempt to push him away, confused by his sudden change of heart. The more I pushed, the harder he pulled me to him. His mouth on mine and his arms around me made me give up my resistance. I stopped fighting and surrendered to my own need to be close to him.

That moment, I realized what had happened. He'd said that he loved me. My head was spinning with joy, and my body was aching for him.

His hands were everywhere, moving up and down the upper part of my body, pulling my shirt over my head as he shoved me towards a door. Once inside his bedroom, he hurried me to the bed as I fumbled to get him out of his button-down shirt.

My bra was off, and my skirt was on the floor in the blink of an eye. Urging me to lie down on the bed, he quickly removed his pants and joined me on the mattress. In a rush, he pulled down my panties and parted my legs. He eyed my privates for a second before attacking my throbbing clit with his fiery tongue. I squirmed at the unexpected sensation, but his strong hands were holding me firmly in place.

His assault was urgent, and it didn't take long until I was totally oblivious to my surroundings, moaning with the most exquisite pleasure.

After my back arched in ecstasy, Jacob finally let go of my legs. A second later, his face was close to mine again, his zealous tongue savoring my mouth.

Before too long, he moved his length inside me in one swift thrust. I responded eagerly, pushing my hips against him, granting him deeper access. We moved together, desperately clinging to each other.

"Oh Bella, Bella, Bella. I want you so much," he whispered, letting his warm breath fan over my ear. Again and again, he pushed into me, filling the hole that had been in my heart for the last year. He was with me. We were joined in the most intimate way humanly possible. He was mine.

"Jake, I'm yours. I love you." His hips moved faster, one, two, three more times until he finally came with a long, deep groan.

His eyes didn't meet mine as he was lying on top of me, trying to control his erratic breathing. I lay there, covered by Jake's warm, heavy body, totally blissful because we were together.

With another different sounding moan, he lifted his weight off me and rolled to his back. I propped myself up on my elbow to look at his face, and what I saw there pulled the rug out from under me. His expression was pained, his brown eyes staring at the ceiling, aghast. Something was utterly wrong with that picture. A man who had just made love to a woman shouldn't be looking like that.

He swallowed once before he opened his mouth to speak. "Bella." In the two short syllables, I could hear that my world was about to be crushed once again. "This was a mistake. I should have let you leave. I should have let you go back to your own life and forget about me." He sounded sad and kind of torn.

"Jake, what are you saying to me? This was no mistake. We both wanted it. It felt right." I was begging him to not let me down again. But his next words shattered all my hopes.

"Bella, I have a girlfriend."

I was feeling the all too familiar feeling of my wind being knocked out of me. Everything was spinning. I sat up, looking down at my wringing hands.

"But, you said that you loved me," I insisted in a small voice.

"I do." It was obvious that it wasn't easy for him to say this, but he continued anyway. "I'm not boyfriend material, not for you, anyway. You deserve better."

My voice was sounding so desperate that I didn't recognize it. "But you love me! You cannot be with her if you don't love her."

"It doesn't matter. I like her, we're a good match. And her father is my boss. In fact, she's waiting for me right now." He sounded sad but determined. "I'm not good for you. I would only hurt you if we were together. You'd better leave."

He was hurting me now, practically throwing me out of his apartment. I slipped out of the bed and hurried to get dressed, avoiding his gaze. As the pain inside me grew, anger at him rose, as well. When I was fully dressed, I turned to look at him again.

"So, Jake, is that what I am to you? A quick fuck? A cheap whore you throw out when you're done with her?" I had never heard myself sound so bitter. At the same time, the tears that had blurred my vision brimmed over. For a second, his eyes widened with shock, then they turned sad again.

"Never think that. You have to believe me that I never wanted to hurt you." He was pleading with me to understand, but I couldn't.

"But you have, big time." I went to the bedroom door before I halted and turned around to look at him one last time. "Have a nice life, Jacob." With those words, I left his apartment.

I managed to pull myself together for the taxi ride and a few words with the receptionist in our hotel, until I was in our room and had the peace and quiet to completely fall apart.

Just after midnight, Alice came back and tried to pick up what was left of me. The next morning, we left New York and went back home.

I was painfully aware that, again, Jake and I didn't use a condom. When my monthly flow finally arrived, I decided I never wanted to see or hear of Jacob Black ever again. …

**End flashback**

********POMH********

A/N: So now you know. *sigh* What do you think? Can some of you understand Bella's constant need to get away from her flavor of the night as soon as possible? Do you see why she can't let Edward come close just like that? She's never had a real relationship — one where she's in love with a guy. The whole thing with Edward is totally new to her.

And what's going to happen next week? How will Edward react to Bella's revelation? Here's a little teaser:

… In this position, every new intrusion knocked the breath out of me. He took me forcefully — all gentleness he usually displayed was gone. But I didn't miss it. …

Who is taking her forcefully? Okay, I'll give a little spoiler and tell you it's Edward, and he's totally hot in the next chapter. It's one of my favorites by the way. I'm sure, all of you who like their Edward a little possessive, will love it, too. So, see you next Tuesday.