11:58 – Tuesday, January 17th 2012

To: your lucky (at) world academy w . edu

From: anonymous (at) world academy w . edu

Message:

I honestly don't know how offended to be by your first babbling paragraph. Blindingly furious, frustratingly annoyed, just plain bewildered…I think I'll settle for "not giving a shit", as you seem bizarrely impressed by that. Luckily, it comes naturally to me – so don't think I'm acting cool just to impress you. It's literally no effort at all for me.

I don't know why the idea of being a gentleman is so "gay". When is it ever inappropriate to act like a decent human being? Also, girls rather like it, which is decidedly not gay, as far as I'm aware.

I won't dignify your 'Junior' guess with an answer. Just because you're stupid enough to admit these things, doesn't mean I am. But I will say this much: stop fucking looking for clues! This isn't a detective game! And believe me, you don't want to make it one: you would lose. I could figure out your identity before you got mine, I can promise you that.

And as for the Kiku guess: you're a moron. I doubt that he would talk like this even with his closest friends. He's always so effortlessly and naturally composed, the lucky bastard – whereas I have to work so hard to stay calm and poised sometimes.

It's so odd to see him and Alfred together, don't you think? Two such polar opposites, and yet they seem to get along quite well, outside of that golden circle of Alfred's usual entourage. Kiku seems to be one of Alfred's genuine friends. It almost gives me a tiny bit of hope that Alfred wouldn't reject me just because we're different – if he can get along with Kiku, then maybe he could get along with me? If we hadn't got off to such a rough start, anyway…

And if I may just continue addressing the end of your last email before I carry on with today's message: yes, I think you should start practising what you preach. "Be yourself" and "stop worrying what other people think", and all that. If you like Physics, fucking tell everyone then! Who cares what they would say about it? It's hardly an earth-shattering piece of information (no offense). And if you are hiding something like that, don't you think everyone else is, too? If everybody were honest for a change, I think you'd find we all have little secrets like that. (Not that I want any more occasions for us to have to be honest. Just talking between you and I is more than enough for me; I don't want to have to add any more people or secrets into the mix!)

At any rate, my favourite subject is no secret: I like Literature Studies. Can't stand the sciences, myself, nor maths. They are interesting, of course, I'm just not a fan because, personally, I'm not very adept at them. I'll put up with them, though, because I do enjoy school in general, and I know we are getting the best of the best education here at the Academy.

Despite that, however, you manage to be a double-moron for not recognising sarcasm when you see it. I actually couldn't care less what you did at the weekend. Surely you can tell I was being sarcastic, even through writing?

And I won't tell you who got Gilbert – it was told to me in confidence, so I will keep the secret.

And now, back to the beginning of your email.

I don't think you sound ignorant or oblivious, or pretentious or stupid, for that matter (well, maybe that last one sometimes). Just a little idealistic and naïve, and slightly hopelessly romantic…None of them are too bad when taken in small doses, but I worry that if you let yourself live on those three things alone, you'll find the world outside the Academy a very harsh place, indeed. A healthy dose of realism and cynicism might not do you wrong. And so I won't abandon you either, because you obviously need my help with that. Aren't I kind.

And you're too right I wouldn't have told you any of this shit in person! But I know what you mean – sometimes it does, miraculously, make me feel a bit lighter to get all this stupid stuff off my chest in these emails. And I find myself wanting to tell you about other things sometimes, too. Things that aren't big or important, things that don't even qualify as secrets – but little things that I just never get to say out loud.

Like I'm really looking forward to The Hobbit movie. I usually don't trust movie adaptations, but I can't help being excited about this movie because it's the fucking Hobbit! And when we had houtou for dinner last night, mine didn't have any pumpkin pieces in it, and I was highly annoyed. And this morning I could have sworn I saw Ludwig and Feliciano holding hands when I left my dorm early, but that's impossible, right?

Anyway, it's not like I have nobody to talk to. I just wanted to make sure you knew I think about other things besides Alfred. That's all.

So you would go around the entire male student population asking everyone if they were gay, just to root me out? Well, a) how would you know I wouldn't lie?; b) how would I know you were you, and not just some nosy bastard? Also, I think it would be a little bit suspect to go round asking people if they were gay…If you're going to start taking a census, do try and be a little more subtle about it, won't you.

As for the gaydar thing – I think you're taking it a little too seriously. Everybody is said to have the innate ability to make an accurate guess at someone's sexual preference – it doesn't matter what your own orientation happens to be. It's said that gay people are better at judging it than straight people, but that's largely just another stereotype. Besides, Elizaveta is the best at that game. It's scary, actually…

And as for Alfred, I'm undecided. I think he's straight, but whenever I mention that, Elizaveta always gives me the most infuriating look. I do think he might be one of those people who is happy to do a little experimenting in university, so perhaps he's just bicurious. (Those lucky future dormmates…)

So you have a brother you're very close to, and you feel comfortable telling him about your sexuality? More importantly: you have a brother, eh? See how easy you make this for me? I suggest that if you don't want me digging at your real identity, you stop trying to figure out mine. I'll call a truce if you will.

But all jokes(/threats) aside, it sounds wonderful to have a brother like that, let alone those close friends you mentioned. I mean, as I said, I have friends here (honestly). I don't spend much time with them at school, during breaks and lunch and so on. And I'm also very committed to my extra-curricular activities, so I don't hang out with them constantly after school, either. So we're not your usual group of teenage friends. But no matter how little time we actually spend together, I know that they're absolutely there for me, and they make sure I will never feel completely alone.

We've known each other a long time, you see – we're all legacies here at the Academy, so our parents were classmates, as were their parents before them, and so on and so forth. So we've all been family friends since birth, and I've sort of grown up with them. I suppose we're more like family than friends, really: even if we have little in common as individuals, we're loyal to each other, and always will be. So even if we only pass a few words a week here, I know that our friendship is lasting and dependable, and it's a great comfort. As awful people as they are, I am very grateful for them. Just don't ever tell them that…

And I suppose, to be completely truthful and ruin my goody-two-shoes reputation for a moment, we do have some things in common. If the tendency to enjoy getting completely hammered together counts for anything…I don't do it so much at the Academy because of my position, but at home during the hols, I bet I could give you a run for your money any day in the "wild weekend" department.

But I would like a proper brother like yours. He sounds like someone with whom you just feel implicitly happy and comfortable. Which is a completely alien dynamic in my household. I may or may not have siblings, and they may or may not be complete arseholes (which would be "assholes", if you're using butchered English). I suppose they've gotten better in recent years, but they have a lot of making up to do for all those years of childhood trauma.

Why don't you spend more time with your real friends, may I ask? Is it a 'popular people' thing that I wouldn't understand? You don't sound like the kind of person who would ditch real friends at school just because they're 'uncool' and you want a good reputation. So I have to wonder what makes you think you have to hang around with some obvious dumb arses at school, when you have people you genuinely like right there in front of you. I trust you know what you're doing, but just make sure they don't feel left out or second best to those popular idiots, alright? You don't want to lose the important ones, no matter how you feel about the others.

And no, if popularity were based on anything worthwhile, I still wouldn't be in the golden circle. I don't mean to sound self-deprecating – I'm quite happy with who I am. I'm just fully aware that I'm not the easiest person to get along with. But still, thank you for what you said.

So, pleasantries over; now is the point where I turn into a complete tool whilst blathering on about my high school love life, or lack thereof, right?

"Ever since I got here…" Yes, I suppose I did say that. But don't mistake me: it's not like I fell in love with Alfred at first sight or anything. It was just…rather early on in the school year. And yes, he was in freshman year, and yes, he was a bit of a dumb arse. No arguments there. Although, I don't think many people would agree with you on that one. They all adored him from the get-go, it seemed.

But believe me, I was thoroughly appalled at myself when I realised I had become just another sucker to fall under Jones' spell. I don't mean to sound pompous, but as you say, I "have a brain", and I expected myself to want a little more out of a love interest than a pretty face. But then I fell for it, just like everyone else. I was furious!

And so I suppose I lashed out, too. Like you said you did with Arthur. I got annoyed at myself for falling for Jones' charms, so I took it out on him because it was definitely his fault. I wasn't stupid enough to like someone as shallow and ordinary as him, so it's obvious that he did it to me just to torment me!

And that would be why, sexual orientations aside, he could never like me anyway. I wasn't particularly kind to him, and I don't blame him for disliking me. I just resented him all freshman year, and was completely caught up with hating him and cursing his very existence for making me like him, despite everything.

But then I couldn't help…not exactly watching him (I don't want to come across as a stalker because I'm not) but, well, as you probably know, when you really like someone you can't help it if your attention just sort of hones in on them rather frequently. And without realising, I often found myself paying attention to him, and I started noticing what type of person he really was. And it wasn't at all what I expected from the 'popular jock' stereotype.

I wasn't in his immediate circle of popular friends, or the outer circle of his admirers, so I wasn't caught up in the bravado and limelight that would prevent me from looking objectively. And so I began to realise what he was like as a person – not just as a vessel for that popular kid persona. I'd willed myself to ignore him for so long, in hopes that my feelings would go away, but the more time went on, the more I noticed what he was like outside of the golden circle.

And the things I love to see about Alfred happen when he's not at the centre of attention. Because when nobody's watching him and he can just act naturally and truly be himself, Alfred is the most [insert adjective that doesn't come from the vocabulary of a 6 year old girl] person I've ever seen. I've seen him try and act charming when all eyes are on him, and I much prefer it when he's doing it of his own accord, and not because he has to live up to his reputation. It's much more real, and he looks a lot happier and more genuine doing it. It makes it so evident that he can be a sincere and wonderful person just for the sake of it – not only when he has to try to live up to his status and stay in everyone's good books, but because he genuinely is that nice.

And then I realised it might not be so bad to like someone like him.

And as his true colours became more and more apparent to me, I was able to see how much of an act he put on sometimes – trying too hard to live up to that role of the popular boy in class.

Granted, that wasn't so much in freshman year. He was quite happy to ride that golden reputation at first. But some time during sophomore year, I began to notice these things. How he'd already started to look weary of being popular.

And I've sort of felt sorry for him ever since. He just doesn't seem to suit that shallow, popular kid role, in my opinion. I mean, he ticks all the right boxes for it, but I think he could be so much more than that. And I think he knows that, too. It's a shame really, that he's gotten stuck in that rut, or doesn't realise he could change his life for the better. Maybe he really does think being popular is the most important thing, but…I don't know, I have an inkling that he might be smarter and more mature than he lets on. Not to give him too much credit, but yes, I think that there's more to Alfred F. Jones than meets the eye, and I'm rather glad that I, for one, can see it.

So that's the answer to your question. Why don't I like Alfred just for the popularity? What do I see in him? I see what I like to think is the book behind the cover, and it's even more captivating than the exterior lets on.

I know I sound like a blithering idiot saying these things when I've made it clear that I don't know him closely, and all our interactions in the past have been negative. But I think you, of all people, understand where I'm coming from on this issue. How it's possible to do both of the things you said: make an informed decision about someone, and like them in secret from afar. Sometimes you don't have to be in someone's intimate circle to know them, even if just a little. We have all spent several years at this school together, after all – not just working together, but participating in clubs and events, as well as eating and living and spending holidays together. At the Academy, we are forced to get to know and tolerate each other 24/7 – so whether I'm friends with someone or not, the likelihood is I still know a lot about them.

The beauty and the curse of boarding school…

But you know, I think you are being overly hard on Alfred for being the popular boy in school.

If I didn't know any better I'd think you were just jealous of his status. Trying to belittle popularity just so that you can pretend to yourself that you're happy not being in his position, because it's not that great anyway.

Whether or not that's the case, I don't like the thought of you going around thinking less of Alfred simply because of how everything has turned out for him. As you say, he's more a celebrity than anything else, and that's something that other people have made possible. You can't make yourself a celebrity out of thin air (reality TV and viral videos not withstanding…). You said it yourself: people decided that Arthur is the school joke, and people decided that Alfred is the idol. Neither of them seems to have had much say in the matter. So it's not that Alfred has forced himself into the limelight without having any worth or substantial qualities to him. It's just something that's happened based on qualities which other people have deemed important. That doesn't mean to say he doesn't possess any other redeeming features.

So although you see that popularity isn't all it's cracked up to be, you also shouldn't look at Alfred like a brainless, shallow attention seeker. You only think that Alfred is fake because the image everyone casts of him is purely of their own invention. But I'm sure that if you got to know him better, you'd find that he is a real person, after all.

He's (almost) as much of a victim as Arthur, I would say. But still, I would rather be in Alfred's position of being pointlessly adored, than in Arthur's of being pointlessly hated.

But that's the crux of the issue, isn't it? If your prison is made of gold, people will call you ungrateful for trying to escape.

Although saying that, I think that his issue of having too many girls throwing themselves at him is the lesser of popularity's evils. Yes, having someone say that they "love" you is a bit weird, and having to turn down so many people would get a bit depressing. But just for the record, I don't think Alfred has to turn them all down. I mean, even if he wasn't up for dating all the hottest and cleverest and richest teenage girls from around the world, he could just pick one nice girl and get everyone else off his case! Senseless hero-worship may have its silent hazards, but I can't really find any sympathy for him on this one.

And just a quick comment: I think it's a bit rich that you scoff at the celebrity hero-worshipping culture and then make your codename in these emails 'The Hero'. Rather hypocritical, don't you think?

Thank you for your faith in my future love life, I'm sure. But I'm not ready to move on and forget about him yet. It just seems a bit fucking frustrating to have had these feelings forced on me for so long and to have to let them wither away – as if I hadn't just wasted years of my life preoccupied with the angsty teenage agony that accompanied them. What was the point, if nothing's to come of it at all? Not that I would ever do anything about it, of course, I just mean that it's irritating.

So, now that I'm sure I've thoroughly exhausted your patience on the topic of Alfred, let's move on to Arthur, shall we?

First and foremost, I'm sorry for what I said about him. (Good Lord, I'm apologising again. The end is nigh.)

You're right: I have no call to say such things about anyone, whether I know them or not. And it's honestly not like me to be so harsh. I don't even have a reason to hate him. I suppose I just started letting myself believe what everyone said about him. Silly of me, really. I'm usually quite good at thinking for myself, but when so many people tell you something, you start believing it sometimes. And "Arthur Kirkland is a loser" is one of those somethings.

But I suppose he must have some good points about him, if someone such as you likes him. I don't really see it myself, but I suppose that's my problem.

Although I whole-heartedly agree on one thing: I've always rather appreciated his efforts as student president, I must say. No matter what I said about him before, I do think we need to give him more credit in that particular department. I mean, usually juniors are never voted in as president! It was quite an achievement. Rather like Alfred's appointment as quarterback, despite the position usually going to a senior. Not to mention how he always gets the lead in the school productions, even though seniors are supposed to be given those roles. It seems that we both like a pair of overachievers. Well, they tell us to aim high…

Yes, I heard those stories passed down by his brothers. I'm afraid I can't talk about it too much, because it makes me so homicidally angry. It was just awful of them, wasn't it? I mean, everyone laughs, but shouldn't they be horrified? How could anyone do that to their younger brother? And how can we LET them do it? The new students shouldn't let the stories continue, and pass them round amongst themselves – they should be trying to put a stop to such injustice! I'm very passionate on this issue, due to my own older brothers who may or may not exist/be total arseholes.

But don't worry: I'm sure he has some friends around the school, even if he doesn't look overly social. I assume that his student council work just keeps him too busy to go out socialising that much, so people never see him relaxing and infer that he has no friends.

So you started liking Arthur when you were a freshman? And you thought he was 'cool' and 'mature'? Even despite everything everyone was saying about him? That's rather a feat, I must say. I feel proud of you for some strange reason.

I don't know who you are Hero (apart from someone who chooses the most God awful embarrassing codenames…) but I can already picture you as the kid in the playground pushing a girl to show that he likes her, and then getting confused when she runs away crying. It would be adorable except that you're a teenager…

Also, and I don't mean to depress you or anything, but I rather think that counts as bullying. Even if you didn't know why you were doing it, and it was because you liked the person, they wouldn't know that, and it would still hurt them, regardless. I'm sure Arthur didn't care that much; he looks like he can handle some stupid bullying. I'm only telling you so that you know not to let yourself do it in the future.

Honestly I think that not wanting Arthur to be happy with anyone else is a little more 'creepy' than it is 'bad.' (I mean, so long as you never do anything about it, because then it would be very bad – as in, prison time bad.) But, well, you can sign me in to the creeper club, because I sort of know how you feel. It's not like I'm obsessed with Alfred or anything, but I do have a bit of a jealous personality. And seeing him surrounded by beautiful girls who can all make a move on him so freely…it's a bit frustrating.

I'm sorry if you felt I was belittling your feelings by telling you to "stop" liking Arthur. I know how much that would aggravate me if someone gave me the same advice. (In fact, didn't that exact scenario happen a few paragraphs ago?) I suppose I hadn't taken into account the fact that you might be convinced that you really do like him.

But at least hold on, Hero. In a year and a half you will leave the Academy behind, and get a fresh start at university, and I think that will help you move on. I'm not saying it won't be sad and difficult to have to give up the life and feelings you have now. But the fact is that you have to move on. We both do. If you literally can't have the person you want, then getting to move away from them is a positive thing in the long run. It's not good for either of us to dwell on these stupid, unrequited feelings, and I think leaving the Academy behind will be good for us in that regard.

Although, if you're anything like me, you won't know whether you even want to move on…

I think it's very sweet of you to believe in a relationship like that: where you don't even know each other but you feel that you're meant to be. I hesitate to say that I'm a complete romantic myself, but I think that there should be more of that in the world. I didn't even realise there was anyone who actually thought that way in real life – I assumed such people only existed in cheesy romance novels and trashy chick flicks. You never cease to surprise me, Hero. (Or to make me question your age and gender.)

Fuck, is that the time? I didn't even hear the bell ring! I just had a free period and decided to email you, and now I only have two minutes to get to my next class. Must dash.

The Gentleman