Genre: Romance/Drama/AU
Rating: M
Disclaimer: I own nothing! Just my imagination and if iCarly was mine, it would be called iFreddie by now. So, Dan Schneider (Le Nickelodeon Troll) owns everything.
Pairings: Sam/Freddie – Seddie! Brad and Carly – Barly. Maybe Wendy and Gibby, but I don't know what you'd call that… Wibby?
Summary: They live in an alternative universe, above ashes of war. The horror seems to stop when a religious organization takes over the entire nation, organizing the chaos. They live under new rules now; everything should be organized and properly prepared. Even the marriages should be carefully planned. Alternative universe, maybe a bit OCC, I don't know yet. Inspired in this amazing THG fic called Five Loaves of Bread: Dark Toast
It's all very fast. I was mocking him playfully and the next thing I knew, the ladder was falling, dropping my ass on the floor. But instead of hitting the floor, I'm comfortably and securely held by a pair of strong arms. My heart is beating so fast, I was sure I was going down, I was sure I was going to break something or at least hurt myself. But the pain never came. Instead I was surrounded by warmth and that delicious smell of chamomile.
He caught me before I could fall. He didn't let me fall, just like he said he would, just like he promised me. Maybe some people are able to keep their promises, maybe some people are able to be honest and tell the truth. I press my face hard against his chest, wrapping my arms around his neck tightly. My body doesn't want to let go. I don't want him to let go of me.
"Hey. It's okay." He whispers, pressing his lips to the top of my head.
It's so soft, the way his lips land on the top of my head. I can almost hear my heartbeat racing, and I know it's not from the fall. The other night when he kissed my hand, I felt something I couldn't explain. Something strong, but not scary. Something nice and warm inside of me. I liked that kiss, just as much as I liked being in his arms right now. I guess I liked being close to him. His touch is so delicate; he treats me like I'm made of porcelain or something. It's insulting but endearing at the same time.
"I said I wasn't going to let you fall, don't you remember?" I nod and he nestles me against him.
This just feels right, like somehow it's meant to be. Freddie makes it seem so easy, holding me this way, and although I don't want to bother him with my weight, I also don't want this moment to end. I feel so safe, right here and now, like I've never felt before and I don't want to let go.
After a while, I lift my head up, meeting his eyes. I feel ashamed, my face hot with a warmth that came from him, and that's reassuring, but I also feel stupid. I should've known the damn ladder would give in; I'm not skinny and light like Carly. I should've known the damn thing was going to fall and take me with it. Thankfully, Freddie was fast enough. Thank God he was fast enough. But how the hell did he get to me so fast?
But that doesn't matter. What matters is that he got to me in time.
"Are you alright?" He asks me with sincere concern in his eyes.
"Yeah…thanks for…uh, catching me." I manage to say through my embarrassment.
"I said I would, didn't I?" He said, offering me a sweet smile. I didn't think it was possible, but my heart races even more.
"You did." I whisper.
We are silent for awhile, just staring at each other. Should I be concerned with how fast my heart is beating? Can I die from a heart attack just because I'm this close to him?
"If you tell this to anyone, I'll murder you in your sleep." I whisper, trying to make the air less tense.
"I wouldn't dare, princess."
The way he says it makes me break into an uncontrollable laugh attack. I don't know why I'm laughing exactly, but it's fun when he joins me. I guess it's because I was so nervous a minute ago or because it sounds so weirdly funny how he called me that, even though I'm as close to being a princess as I am from going to Mars. Still, it's kind of flattering, in a comedic way.
I bury my face in his neck, inhaling the sweet scent that always comes from him. I continue to laugh and he buries his face in my hair, laughing with me. Being this close to his neck, I can see a long, throbbing vein, and I touch my nose against his pulse just for the sake of feeling his skin. I lift my head up to look at him and he does the same. We are so damn close that I can see every outline of his face. His strong jaw, his sweet eyes, his lovely dimples, his pretty nose and his soft-looking lips.
"You're a good spouse, Freddie Benson." I say, and I mean every word of it.
"You too, Sam Benson." He replies, making me happy to hear he thinks that of me.
Now I've found the word that fits him in this moment. Sexy. He said it earlier, and then I knew that was the word I was looking for. On several occasions I found myself trying to figure out what he was, besides handsome and cute, but the word never came to me. Until he said it. I had tried my best not to blush when he said it, because I knew he was just joking. I could never be sexy, even if I tried. But he is, very much. That lopsided smirk he gives me sometimes is so sexy it makes my insides burn. He is so close that if I move a little I can kiss him on the lips.
I've never kissed anyone before, I don't even know how to do it. I just feel this crazy need to press my lips against his right now. Maybe he'll lead me, maybe he'll teach me how one should kiss properly. I could copy his movements, move with him, mingle with him, melt into him. I want to, I so want to feel him that way. I really do.
He's looking at me so tenderly and intently at the same time, I can tell he feels the same. I can feel his heart beating against me, and it's as fast as mine. He is so sweet and gentle, so I know he wouldn't mock me because I don't know how to do this. And he'll be a good teacher because I can tell he's done this before. I don't even want to think about how many lips he's kissed before, that's none of my business and it's in the past now. The only lips he'll kiss from now on are mine.
My eyes are slowly closing against my will. I'm leaning in, he's leaning in. This is it…this is it... I'm ready…
AH! BANG!
I jump out of his arms, ruining our moment forever. There was a loud bang and a scream that startled me, and I cursed myself for being so damn frightened all the time. But I also cursed whoever made that noise for ruining my perfect moment. What if someone is hurt? What if Carly is the one screaming?
"What was that?" I ask lamely, even though I know he doesn't know anymore than I do. "Did you make that sound?"
"Of course not, Sam. I don't scream like a girl!"
Okay, I deserved that. It was a very stupid question. Of course he wasn't the one making that sound. I don't mind that he sounded a little harsh, he seemed frustrated. I know I am too.
"Sorry. I didn't make that sound. It came from outside. Do you want to go out there and check?" He says with a sigh.
"Yeah… let's go."
I walk in front of him, knowing he'll be following me soon. When it comes to Freddie, I always have this certainty that he'll do the right thing, the sweet thing, or the gentle thing. I didn't at first, but now I do. I know he'll come, because I just know.
When I'm out the door, I immediately reach behind me to grab Freddie's arm. There's so much blood on the floor, cracked glass all over the place. My eyes search for Carly, making sure she's fine and uninjured. I don't know why, I just need to make sure she's fine. Freddie pokes his head over my shoulder and when he sees the same thing I did, he grabs my arms and hides me behind him protectively.
I see Carly coming out of her own house, Brad following right behind her. Once he sees what's on the floor, he throws her behind him, just like Freddie did to me. She's not hurt, she's fine. He didn't hurt her, he's protecting her. It takes a moment for my brain to process that, but it's true. The blood isn't hers…God I hate blood…there's so much…I feel dizzy. Freddie turns to look me in the eye, grabbing both my shoulders and shaking me out of my trance.
"Sam? Get into the house and lock the door."
He tries to push me inside, but I grab his arm. He's not going there alone, what if something happens to him? I don't want to be alone again, or paired up with someone else. I need him to stay with me. I just want him to stay.
"No! Don't go there!" I yell. "You might get hurt!"
"I won't. Relax, Sam. I won't get hurt in any way. I promise." He rubs my arms, trying to assure me, but I don't believe him. I don't want him to go there.
"No! If you're going, then I'm going!"
"Don't be stubborn." He pleads. "Go inside Sam. Do as I say."
He tries to push me back in, but I just grab his arm again.
"No, Freddie! You're not the boss of me!"
"Alright!" He gives up, holding his hands in the air. "Alright, if you want to come, just come. But stay behind me Sam, and if I tell you to run back to the house, you do it! You hear me? You just do it. Don't question it!"
"Fine!"
He sighs and lets me follow him out of the house. Carly and Brad are already there talking to a redheaded girl and a chubby guy. She's pointing at the floor and laughing, with the guy laughing as well and soon, Carly and Brad start to laugh too. Freddie looks at me over his shoulder and frowns. I shrug, telling him silently that I don't know what the heck is going on either. Freddie approaches Brad and puts a hand over his shoulder.
"What's going on?" He asks.
"Oh, Freddie… these are our new neighbors. Wendy and Gibby."
"Nice to meet you two." He says in a hurry, turning his suspicious eyes back to Brad.
Brad merely smiles and pats Freddie on the shoulder.
"Gibby just dropped Wendy's stash of strawberry jam."
"Strawberry jam?" I ask, sniffing the air and recognizing the sweet taste of jam.
"I make jam." She says.
"Oh… That's not blood?" Freddie asks.
"No! No, no. That's just jam, although I think there will be blood later for me, since I ruined Wendy's stash." The Gibby guy says, chuckling a little.
His wife Wendy laughs too, putting a hand on Gibby's shoulder.
"You bet your ass it will, mister. You ruined my stash! Now I'll have to make more."
"You love to make jam, Wends, I don't think that will be a problem." He says, squeezing the hand she put on his shoulder.
"True." She shrugs.
"So no one is hurt?" Freddie asks one more time, just to be sure.
"No. Everybody is okay." Gibby says. "I'm Gibby Gibson, and this is my wife Wendy."
"Wait." I say when Freddie is extending his hand to Gibby. He immediately stops halfway. "Your name is Gibby Gibson?"
"Well, no. My name is Charles Cornelius Gibson, but people call me Gibby."
"Cornelius?" I snort, and Freddie gives me a disapproving look. "What? I didn't name him!"
"Anyway," Freddie says, totally ignoring me, "I'm Freddie Benson, nice to meet you Gibby," He shakes Gibby's hand, then extends his hand to his wife, "and Wendy."
"Wait? You said Freddie Benson?" She asks, taking hold of his hand to shake.
"Yeah… that's me." He says, frowning.
"Freddie… as in Fredward Benson?" She doesn't let go of his hand, and that bothers me a little.
"Yeah… how do you know that?" He asks, getting suspicious.
"Don't you remember me? Wendy Rhodes!" She points to herself.
"Wendy Rho…" He trails off, realization creeping up into his big brown eyes. "Wendy?"
"Yeah!"
Wendy let's go of his hand and wraps her arms around his neck. Freddie seems unsure at first, but then encircles her waist with his arms. They know each other…from where exactly, I don't know, but what I do know is that she shouldn't be holding Freddie like that. Especially in the middle of the street! And why are they hugging anyway? They shouldn't be hugging. I don't like them hugging like that. I just don't!
"Wendy… wow!"
Freddie pulls away, finally, but takes her hands in his.
"I thought you were dead! No offense." She says.
"None taken, I thought the same thing." He smiles. "How long has it been?"
"I don't know… Seven years?" She asks.
"Probably."
He snickers and she giggles, swaying his hands from side to side like a little school girl.
"Wait! Stop this!" I say, louder than necessary.
Freddie and everyone else turn to look at me. I feel embarrassed, but I clear my throat and pretend to be okay. But I'm not okay with any of this. Whatever this is. I have this bitter feeling in the pit of my stomach, and it doesn't feel nice.
"What is going on? How do you know each other? And who are you?"
"I uh…" She seems a little unsure, then she looks at her hands, held by Freddie's and back at me. "Oh…" Wendy retrieves her hands from Freddie's, finally realizing who I am.
"I'm Wendy." She offers me her hand, and I think about not taking it before I grab it, but I grab it anyway.
"I'm Sam. Sam Benson." I say full of conviction.
"Hi Sam, nice to meet you." She smiles at me, and although she seems nice enough, I still scowl. I don't know who she is. "I went to school with Freddie."
"Oh…" I shake her hand, slightly embarrassed with my behavior.
"He was my first boyfriend."
Wendy giggles a little, and all I want is to break her bony fingers, but I don't. Instead I release her hand.
"Is that so?" I ask, hands on my hips.
I look at Freddie, who is pressing his lips together tightly, probably trying not to laugh. Oh my God! I'm ridiculous…I'm acting like a…a…I can't even say it…I'm acting like a jealous wife! Ugh, I feel disgusted with myself.
"Oh, I didn't know you guys knew each other." Gibby says, a bit cheerfully. Isn't he bothered by this?
"Yeah. Well, we went to school when we were like…twelve. When I said he was my boyfriend, I really mean that he gave me a cookie, we held hands and I pecked him on the lips once." She laughs, leaning into Gibby.
Wendy makes it all seem very little, and very insignificant, but I'm still bothered. She said pecked him on the lips once like it was no big deal, but it is. I didn't even get there yet. Ugh, I'm a disgrace! Feeling this way, acting this way…I'm not like this!
"A long time ago."
Freddie puts his arm around me on my hip, bringing me closer to him. I feel self-conscious, because there are people around us, but I give in, leaning against his side.
"So? You guys are moving in today?" Brad asks.
"Yeah. We lived on the other side of town, but our house caught on fire."
"What? That's horrible!" Carly says, covering her mouth with her hand.
"I'm kidding!" Gibby laughs. "I've been transferred. I'm going to work here now, so we had to move."
"Oh…" Carly seems relived, but not amused by his joke.
"You guys need help cleaning up this mess?" Brad asks.
I look at Freddie, trying to tell him I don't want to help. He smiles and nods, kissing me on the forehead.
"Well, we would love that." Wendy says. "Thanks."
"We would help," Freddie starts, "but we were in the middle of painting the living room…so…"
"Oh, I was kind of wondering why you two were wearing those weird jumpsuits." Gibby says, and Wendy giggles.
"Matching jumpsuits…that's sweet. We gotta get one of those Gibs."
"Alright. Maybe when we are painting the house." He kisses her right on the nose and she giggles.
"Listen guys, we've got to go. See you around?" Thank you Freddie, I really don't want to be here.
"Alright." Wendy smiles, shaking my hand, then Freddie's. "Listen, as soon as we are set, you guys are coming over for dinner. And it's not an invitation, it's an order!"
"We'll see, Wendy." Freddie answers for the both of us. "Welcome, you guys are going to like it here. We'll see you around."
"Bye Freddie, nice to meet you." Gibby shakes Freddie's hand one more time.
"Nice to meet you too Gibby."
We say our goodbyes and go back into the house. I don't know how I feel about being neighbors with Freddie's ex-girlfriend. She was his first girlfriend and that's something I can't compete with. They have history, they were mutually attracted to each other in a way that led them to wanting a relationship that is nothing like what we have. It's so different. I'm his duty, she was his feelings. He's doing this because he has to, not because he wants to. What if her arrival awakens old feelings inside of him? I can't compete with that.
"Sam?" He puts his hand on my shoulder, and for some reason I shake his hand off. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing. Do you want to go back to our painting?"
"Sam, come on…talk to me. I thought we were friends."
Friends. Sure, I can be his friend, meanwhile she can be his girlfriend. How does that sound?
"Nothing Freddie, I'm fine. I just want to get this over with so I can eat."
I reach for the paint brush, but he grabs my arm, making me turn to face him. With one hand, he encircles my waist, with the other he holds my arm, and pulls me closer. Here we are again. Close, so close for the second time today. If I had the balls, I would just move forward and capture his lips with mine, but I don't. Freddie releases my arm and uses his hand brush the hair off my shoulder. I hope he didn't feel me shivering. That would be embarrassing.
"Sam. When you're twelve, it doesn't count. It doesn't matter. I was just happy to see a friend."
"I know…" I try to ignore his hand on my neck, his thumb making circular motions on my skin. "I don't care about that. Why are you telling me this?"
"You looked a little jealous, and I just wanted to cla-" I push him away with both hands.
"Whoa there! I wasn't jealous. I'm not jealous. I don't care if you dated her or didn't."
"Okay, Sam…" He smiles hugely, reaching out for me again but I step back, "alright, you weren't jealous. Just don't be mad at me, please?"
"I'm not mad at you Freddie. Let's just finishing painting the walls. It's already four in the afternoon, and I want to finish this before dinner."
"Okay, if you say so. I believe you. Let's do this, but this time, let me paint the highest corners of the wall, alright?"
"Whatever, Freddie." I reach for my brush and start to paint the wall again.
We finished the living room around seven o'clock. The fun afternoon we planned was ruined, we didn't talk much or interact at all. Mainly because I was still in a bad mood and Freddie was trying not to irritate me, so we exchanged three words about the painting and nothing more. I don't know why I'm acting this way, honestly I don't. I knew Freddie had other women before, and that never bothered me, so why now? Why do I feel like breaking each and every bone in Wendy's hands, so she won't be able to make jam anymore?
I press my forehead against the cold tile of the bathroom wall. The water is warm against my neck, and I curse myself for acting this way. Freddie was right, I was a little jealous. I've never been jealous of anything or anyone before, so I don't know how to act. It's just…we're getting along so well, he's a better spouse than I could ever ask for…I just don't want him to be taken away from me. Which is stupid, because it's against the law, and technically we are meant to be married forever…well, at least until one of us dies.
It doesn't matter, nothing can excuse my behavior with him earlier. It's not his fault I'm insecure as shit, it's not his fault she's here, he wasn't the one who brought her here, and it's not his fault I don't know how to deal with feelings. She seems nice enough, and really gets along with her husband. I sigh, dry my hair and body, come out of the bathroom, and prepare myself to go to sleep. Even though I was rude to her, Wendy still treated me nicely, maybe I should give her a break. Besides, whatever happened between them was a long time ago. It doesn't matter anymore.
It doesn't matter what they shared before, none of this should matter to me. So what if she kissed him and I didn't? Big deal! Who says I even want it? I shake my head and put on my nightgown. I hate it, I just hate it. It's too short and girly. It leaves my legs exposed and it makes my breasts bigger than they actually are. I wish I had a pair of sweatpants to sleep with…
"You can use mine if you want…"
I look behind me. Freddie is leaning against the door frame, arms crossed over his chest and a big smirk on his lips. Sexy…oh God, focus Sam!
"I didn't realize I said that out loud."
"Nah, it's okay, I was eavesdropping." He laughs. "I forgot my pillow."
"Oh…"
"You can wear some of my clothes to bed Sam, I don't mind. Just fold the pants and maybe they'll fit you." He says, reaching for his pillow.
"Freddie…?" He's almost out the door when I call to him.
"Yeah?" He turns around to face me, smiling.
"Sleep here tonight."
"Sam…"
His smile turns into a frown. He's going to start to argue about this, and how it's not a good idea, and how he's not a sick bastard and blah, blah, blah. So I raise my hand to shut him up. Maybe if I explain myself better, he will stop sleeping on that damn couch. I know he's not comfortable.
"I said sleep, Freddie. I'm not asking you to have intercourse with me. Don't worry; I'm not going to attack you during the night."
"Thank you?" He says, but it comes out sounding more like a question.
"You are barely getting any sleep, and I don't want to be responsible if you fall asleep at the wheel and die. Just sleep with me in the bed. We don't have to do anything."
"Oh… if you're okay with that…"
"I am." I say with conviction. "I'm sure. Just come to bed."
Freddie looks between me and the bed, and sighs.
"Alright, okay. But you've got to change that…thing." He points at my nightgown.
"Why…?" I look down to see if there's something wrong with me.
"Because…well, just change that thing Sam. You don't even look comfortable in it." He walks to the dresser and takes out a pair of sweatpants and a white t-shirt. "Here, you can use these."
"Thanks."
I go back into the closet to change. Freddie's clothes are too big, but he's right. By folding the waistband twice, they fit me. I put on the pair of sweats and unfold the shirt…it smells good, like him…he always smells good.
After I change into his clothes, I feel warmer and way more comfortable. I hated that tiny little thing they gave me to sleep in. The nights are cold, and I always freeze wearing those things.
When I come back into the room, Freddie is already lying on the bed, hands behind his head, all tucked inside the warm comforter. He sees me and snorts, probably thinking about how ridiculous I look wearing his clothes.
"You look cute." He says.
"Don't mock me." I warn him.
"I'm not…" He frowns, "I'm not…you do."
"Whatever."
I tuck myself into the bed, feeling relaxed and warm. I'm not even nervous because he's here. I should be, but all I feel is safe and warm. I turn off the lights and prepare myself to drift off.
"Sam?"
"Yeah…?"
"I really meant it. It doesn't matter you know…"
"I know."
Of course it doesn't. It doesn't matter what he wants or what I want. Visualize paired us up and we have to accept the facts and just be together. Asking him to feel something is too much. I don't even know what I was thinking when I wished…never mind.
"I was twelve, Sam. Sure it was nice seeing a familiar face again. You know, someone from back then, someone I thought was dead. It just felt nice to know that not everyone I knew is dead."
"Yeah…that must be nice."
"And besides…you're my wife."
"I know. Even if you wanted to have something with her it would be dangerous because of the rules and all of the-" Freddie starts to chuckle and his chuckle soon turns into a laugh. I turn around to face him, demanding to know what he's laughing at.
"Oh Sam…I don't want to be with Wendy. I just thought her hair was pretty when I was twelve." He laughs again and I don't say anything, trying to hide my blush even though it's dark and he can't see it. "I didn't even remember her before today. What we had can't even be called history. And it doesn't matter, because I like your hair better anyway." He tugs softly on one of my curls.
He puts his hand on my waist, coming a little closer. I can feel his breath on my face, and I shudder a little.
"I like you better anyway." He whispers and I gulp.
"Alright. Let's just get some sleep okay?"
I turn around as fast as I can, hiding my blush and my nervousness. Before I was relaxed and calm, now I'm definitely tense, but I smile anyway. I feel so stupid, like a teenage girl. I know I am a teenage girl, but I don't feel like one very often. Only when he's around…
"Goodnight Sam." Freddie whispers.
"Goodnight Freddie."
I drift to sleep, and for the first time since I got here, I'm happy I'm not alone in this bed. It doesn't feel so empty anymore, and I don't feel so alone.
A/N/: Hey guys! First of all I want to thank every offer I've got for editing this. When I asked I didn't know many people would actually want to do this, and seeing how many did impressed me very much. I'm so thankful you guys are such great readers, that I couldn't say no to your offers. Every chapter will be edited by a different editor, and I'll be crediting, this way it won't be too much work for anyone. Anyway this is the first edited chapter, so I hope you guys enjoy!
Edited by Clarksonfan (thank you so much!)
Gim Blossoms – Hey Jealousy