She kissed me. Bella Swan kissed me.
There was no getting out of it. The two of us were in way too deep and—without realizing it—we passed the point of no return.
I don't think we even want to go back. And that scares me.
Think about this logically, my brain argued. Are you attracted to Bella?
Was I attracted to Bella? What kind of silly question was that, of course I was attracted to Bella! I'd been attracted to her ever since I sat down in the God-forsaken Biology class. She'd been calling to me in more ways than one when I first laid eyes on her.
Do you like her then? my brain asked.
I rolled my eyes at my own immaturity. I was nearly a century old and I was using preteen terms. But I had to admit, my feelings for Bella ran deeper than mere attraction. Already I was much too concerned for her well being, more than I had a right to be. I was leaping to her defense at imaginary threats and defending her honor from the ever-present, ever-annoying Mike Newton. So if all of that constituted like, then yes, I did like her.
Do you want her to kiss you again?
Yes, I answered with absolutely no hesitation. The moment she pulled away, I felt a sharp stab of disappointment and a strange urge to stop her. I wanted to feel her warm lips on mine once more, I wanted her to feel her skin against mine, to warm my marble flesh…
I shuddered as I stopped my dangerous train of thought. I couldn't think like that, otherwise more…primal urges might take over.
But none of these answered the bigger question: should I start a relationship with her? Was it fair of me to do so?
Her selflessness never ceased to amaze me. She told me that whatever I decided, she would go along with. She gave me the decision. She trusted me. I felt so grateful, so overwhelmed by her consideration and kindness that it made me all the more attracted to her.
I didn't deserve her that much was certain. She was too good for me—she was too selfless, to giving. She was too beautiful and too human for a monster like me. I couldn't impose on her generosity to feed my own insatiable selfishness.
But is it selfishness? my brain asked. Is it selfishness when she told you that she wants the same thing?
She deserves more than me, I argued. She deserves someone human, someone like Mike Newton (I mentally growled the name) who can give her the chance at a proper human life. She should be with someone who doesn't endanger her very existence.
But she doesn't want Mike Newton. She wants you.
And I still have no idea why.
"You know, if you keep going like that you're going to wear a whole in the carpet," a voice said from the doorway.
I looked up and saw Jasper watching me with a mixture of concern and amusement. "I could feel your confusion and frustration a mile away."
"Sorry," I muttered as I collapsed onto my couch.
"What's going on?" he asked as he joined me.
Knowing that Jasper was the one person in this house would most understand what I was going through, I told him everything: about how I felt, what Bella told me, and about the kiss. When I was finished, he told me, "Edward, you say that she deserves everything she wants, correct?"
I nodded.
"Well she wants you. And if you're going to be consistent, I think that you should go for it. I don't know what she did, but she's obviously the best thing that's ever happened to you. I haven't seen you so happy since…well, since ever."
"But will I make her happy?" I asked anxiously. "I don't want to be concerned with just my happiness. Hers is important too."
"Well if you're telling the truth, it sounds like she's having a great time with you, so I think that she's pretty happy whenever you're around."
My heart lightened, but sank again. "I still don't know, Jasper…will I be enough? What if she could do so much better than me?"
This time, he smirked. "Okay, Edward. Look at it this way: would you rather Bella be kissing Mike Newton or you?"
The involuntary growl that erupted from my throat said it all.
The next day was a Sunday, one in which I spent figuring out what I was going to tell Bella later that night. I finally made my decision after much thought the day before.
When it was finally dark, I crept out of the house and made my way to Bella's. I kept running the speech over and over in my mind, making sure that I had it down in my head. I wanted it to be perfect.
But when I climbed into the tree and peered into Bella's bedroom, my breath stopped at the sight of her.
By the looks of it, it seemed like she was changing her clothes, but the sight of her half naked body was enough to send my stone-cold heart into overdrive. I felt distinctly disgusted with myself as I watched her prance about her room in her underwear, but I just couldn't tear my eyes away from her slender figure. Or her lacy blue bra.
But something caught my eye. As she turned around, I saw several large purple bruises on her back and on her legs. My mind immediately began racing to several different conclusions on how she could have gotten them. Her mother wasn't the type to beat her and Charlie Swan was the most chivalrous sheriff the town ever had. And besides, it couldn't have been her parents; she spoke too kindly of them.
What if it was that detestable Mike Newton? I growled at the thought. If I ever found out that that jerk laid a hand on her, I'd—
When she pulled on her pajamas, I leapt out of the tree and through her window.
"Bella." All thoughts of my speech flew out the window.
She whipped her head around and grinned at me. "Edward. How are you?"
Without a word, I gently turned her around and lifted the back of her shirt. "Where did you get these?" I asked her as I gently ran my fingers over her bruises. I felt her shiver at my touch.
"What are those?" she asked, craning her neck to see over her shoulder.
I frowned at her. "Your entire back seems to be made up of bruises."
She laughed. "Oh. I have really sensitive skin, Edward. It's probably from taking all those naps in the forest during P.E. And the springs in my mattress are starting to stick into my back. Feel," she told me as she walked to her bed and ran her hands over the mattress.
I ran my hand over the mattress and sure enough, the worn and tired mattress was already beginning to give way to the springs underneath the thin top layer. Slightly more relieved that she wasn't in any immediate danger, I told her, "You need to get a new mattress, and a thicker blanket to sleep on. It's not safe for your back."
She shook her head and smiled. "I honestly don't mind, Edward."
I still wasn't convinced. "I'll order a new mattress for you right away. Are you allergic to goose feathers? What about down? I'll ask Esme what the best comforters are. And maybe softer sheets? I don't like the look of the linen you're sleeping on now. And—"
"Edward," she said soothingly as she stepped forward and placed her hand on my upper arm. "I told you, I really don't mind. I'll be fine, I promise." Then she stood on tiptoe to kiss me on the cheek. "But I really appreciate your concern."
That tiny little kiss triggered my memory and reminded me of what I was going to tell her, but all words failed me. All I could think was to kiss her, and this time give her a proper kiss. So I gently hooked a finger underneath her chin and lifted her face upwards. Then I bent forward to press my lips against her.
I thought that the closer contact would strain every vampiric impulse in me. I thought I would have to hold my breath to keep from going overboard. But I didn't have to; in fact, Bella's lips seemed to have the opposite effect on me. Their softness lit a fire within me that warmed me from the inside out. The way her lips felt against mine sent shivers all across my marble flesh. Every tiny sensation, every small shift of her lips bade me to wrap my arms around her and never let go.
Surprisingly, Bella was the one that ended the kiss. Her eyes were bright with happiness and excitement and her cheeks were flushed. "Does this mean what I think it does?"
I nodded. "Only if you want it to."
Those enchanting lips of hers spread across her face in the broadest smile I had ever seen. "I definitely want it to, Edward. I definitely want it to." And without another word, her arms found their way around my neck and she brought her face against mine once again.
"Edward, where are you taking me?" Bella demanded impatiently. She had been blindfolded for the past half hour and growing steadily more disgruntled.
"Be patient," I chided her as I enjoyed the moment. I got to see her before we left the house and Alice did a fantastic job on her. Bella was wearing a pale blue, Chantilly lace dress Alice had found in a vintage shop a few days ago and cherished every idea of the forties; the A-line skirt reached mid-calf and the neckline was a sweetheart neckline that accentuated and exaggerated her bust. Then, Alice styled her hair using the traditional cross-pin method; the result was a structured hairstyle of shiny brown curls that cascaded over her shoulders. The finishing touches were bright red fingernail polish and black suede heels with straps that crossed over and kept the shoe on her foot.
Needless to say, she looked amazing.
Finally, I pulled into the parking lot and turned the ignition off. "We're here," I announced. "You can take your blindfold off now."
"Finally," she muttered as she ripped the thing off her eyes. Once her eyes adjusted to the dim lighting, she registered the plain brick building in front of her. "Where are we?" she asked.
I laughed. "Come on. You'll see when you get inside."
She glanced over at me and her jaw dropped. "Wow," she breathed, "you look amazing."
I grinned at her. I had donned a black shirt, a pair of black trousers with a thin white tie and white suspenders. I also had a black double breasted jacket and a pair of black and white saddle oxfords. The crowning finish, however, was the black fedora with a red feather tucked into the side. "Why thank you," I told her graciously. "I'm nothing compared to you, though."
"Why are we dressed like this?" she asked as she looked down at our outfits.
My smile grew wider. "You'll see." The next moment, I got out of the car and helped her out of her seat. "It's a bit of a surprise."
She rolled her eyes. "Oh really? The blindfold wasn't any indication."
I made a face at her. "Hurry up. And try not to trip in your shoes."
She stuck her tongue out at me.
I led her chivalrously into the mysterious establishment, through a foyer and two more doors. When we finally entered the main room, Bella's jaw dropped.
The room we had just entered was a restaurant with a dance floor in the center and a live band at the front of the house. But that wasn't the most remarkable thing; what was truly amazing was that all the patrons were dressed in the style of the forties, a time where the elegance was understated and the music was infinitely better.
"This place is amazing…" she whispered as she saw a couple of swing dancers enthusiastically moving in the lindy style.
"Are you hungry?" I asked her.
Her stomach growled. She blushed and nodded daintily while I led her to a table near the dance floor so she could watch everyone else.
"Good evenin'," greeted one of the waiters in a slick, smooth talking accent the moment we took a seat. "Welcome to the Lollipop Lounge. My name is Charles and I'll be your waiter tonight. To start off, what would you cats like to drink?"
I looked at Bella and she nodded. "Two waters, please," I told him.
He turned his attention to Bella and grinned cheekily at her. "Aw, come on doll. A zazz gal like you's gotta be a little wilder than some water."
I let out a low growl, but she cut me off. "Water's fine, thanks," she said before shooting me one of the most discreet warning looks in the world.
Looking a bit disappointed, he walked away. The good ones always gotta come with someone. Maybe I can take my break when she hits the dance floor.
Over my dead body, I thought back.
"Oh wow," Bella whispered in awe as she watched a couple start flipping each other around to the fast pace of the music. "I'm definitely not coordinated enough to do that."
"Don't worry," I reassured her. "I'm only going to teach you the basics tonight. Then maybe with a little more practice, you'll be jivin' with the best of 'em."
Her eyes widened in surprise and she giggled. "Wow, Edward. I've never heard you speak like that."
I waggled my eyebrows. "Well then come on, doll. There's a spot on the dance floor that's callin' our name." I got up and offered her my hand. She smiled brilliantly, a smile that made her by far the loveliest girl in the room.
"Okay," I instructed her when we made our way to the dance floor, "you put your left hand on my shoulder," she did so, "and your right hand goes in mine, like this." I wrapped my fingers around Bella's small hand and relished in the feel of her warmth. "Now, I'm going to start on my left foot and you'll start on your right. Move your right foot to the right, then your left foot to the left, and then you rock back a bit on your right foot. Like this, watch me." I did it a few times as she watched me.
"Okay," she said with strong determination, as if there was no way she was going to get this wrong. She took the position and after a few mistakes, she finally eased into the basic swing step.
"Now I'm going to start rotating," I told her. "You just keep doing the same steps and follow my lead, okay?" She nodded and I began to rotate. It took her a while and she stepped on my feet a couple of times after which she apologized profusely and I had to remind her that I couldn't feel it anyway. Soon enough I was spinning her out and around and she looked like she was having the time of her life.
"Thank you for bringing me out here," she told me when "Chattanooga Choo Choo" came to an end. Her smile threatened to spill off her face, it was so wide. "This is absolutely amazing. And now I know how to swing dance!"
I kissed her on the forehead. "Anything for you, Bella. Anything for you."
A/N - So I promised I'd have this up by Sunday...and so I do.
Alright, so here's the deal: the title of the chapter is actually a song. Anyone who can tell me who performed and recorded it gets to ask one question (whatever they want) and I will answer it. There's only one question I'm not answering though, and it's whether or not Bella will "survive" (I use that term loosely). I'm looking for a very specific name, mind you, so be sure you get it right otherwise I won't answer your question.
So go ahead and get reviewing! Oh, and be sure to check my writer's blog (listed as my website on my profile) for an explanation of this chapter.