Chapter Ten - Cats, Part One

"Awwwwwww!"

We had followed the noise to a dumpster behind the grocery store, before coming across a scene.

A cat who was dragging a tin back to a cardboard box hissed at us, dropped the food and jumped into the box defensively.

"Poor cat," I muttered, walking forward slowly. "Hey, sweetie."

Tony followed me behind, cautiously, and we approached the box.

The cat hissed at us.

I stopped as I neared the box and requipped some fish.

"Why do you have fish with you?" Tony asked.

"Exceeds, remember?" I told him. "Here, give it to her." I held it out to him with magic so he wouldn't have to take it from me.

"How do you know it's a her?" Tony asked, eyebrow raised, while monitoring the magic with his phone.

"The box has kittens in it," I answered, jerking my head over to it. "I'm making a probably-accurate assumption."

Slowly, Tony put away his phone, took my fish, and handed it over to the mother cat, who swiped it suspiciously and began to sniff it appreciatively. She bit it into pieces and began handing it out to her kittens, and Tony and I moved closer to the box for a better look.

The mother gave us a wary but slightly hopeful look, and I gave Tony some more fish.

This time, the cat took it with respect and handed it out to her children.

"Tony, you stay here," I said, giving him some more fish. "And watch over them. I'm going to get food and cat toys, and then we can go back to the house."

"We're just going to keep them?" Tony asked, blinking.

"Yes," I told him. "I was going to make you get a cat anyway."

"What?" Tony asked. "Why?"

"Tony, you have serious PTSD. You've been spiraling downwards since Afghanistan, and it'll only get worse if you don't do something about it."

"I don't want to do therapy," Tony growled. "I'm not seeing a shrink."

"You don't have to do that," I said. "Should you see a therapist? Absolutely, I believe you should give it a try. But it doesn't always work for everyone."

"What does that have to do with this?" Tony asked frustratedly, gesturing to the cats in the box.

"Animal therapy," I explained. "Fluffy things you can cuddle."

He stared at me. "A pet? You think the answer…is a pet."

"A pet," I repeated.

"I don't want a pet," Tony said. "I can barely take care of myself, JARVIS can back me up!"

"I know," I rolled my eyes. "But it doesn't matter. You'll be fine."

He stared at me. "You really think that it'll help?" he asked skeptically, looking back down at the cats.

I nodded. "Absolutely."

He seemed to be thinking.

"Are you okay with strays?" I asked. "I know you're usually fine with it."

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"Tony, you like taking in strays," I told him. "Maybe not right now, but I've seen it. You basically adopt Bruce Banner as a Science Bro. It's adorable."

He ignored my words, probably because he looked like he was about to blush.

"Will you help me take care of them?" Tony asked, looking back to the cats.

I shrugged. "I'm already helping you with everything else. You think I'm going to turn down fluffy animals?"

I had had a talk with Tony earlier about money, before I finished explaining my plan, when he basically invited me to move in:

Also…evidence about taking in strays. ^See above

"Okay," I said to him. "So here's the deal. One, thank you. The fact that you're inviting me here, even though I am constantly watched by JARVIS, means a lot to me. And you're also going to be giving me a credit card. So we need to talk about this."

"About what?" Tony asked, curiously, though I could tell he was nervous. Probably because this is where most of his relationships go South.

"Tony, you're unbelievable generous, so much so that some people will probably think that you're buying friends."

His mouth opened in protest, and I held up my hand. "I know that's not what you're doing, sweetie. You like taking care of people, and you're bad at communicating your feelings so this is how you do it. I get that. But it's what some idiots – the ones who automatically assume the worst of you – will think."

He nodded.

"Then there's also another thing about gifts," I said. "People will either feel like they're in debt to you, or they're going to start to feel that you owe them things like this; like it's just something that you do, so much so they won't even thank you. Do you see a bit of what I'm talking about?"

He nodded. "But…"

"I can help with that," I told him, nodding. "For instance, I slightly feel the urge to turn down moving in here. But one, it would hurt your feelings. It would be easier for both of us if I was here, and I'd also like to live here…"

I trailed off. "You know, in my first life, I had a bit of a similar idea. When I started a middle school, I dreamed that maybe I could be rich and famous, and that I could have all my friends live together with me in a big house when we were adults…but that didn't exactly happen. I didn't get rich, and I didn't make real friends. And I didn't stay in school much longer, either…"

I turned to look at him. "If you don't want some people to feel in debt or anything, then let other people help you with things."

"How?" he asked.

"I was thinking I could help you get work done. Maybe not in the ways you're thinking, but the other fairies and I…we've seen a lot of 'stories' from alternate dimensions. Even if we don't come up with an idea on our own, we might still think of things. I can help with organizing. I can be your new PA."

"Why do I need a new PA?" Tony asked, confused, though he's in my face a split second later. "Did something happen to Pepper? Is she okay?"

I put my hands on his shoulders and pushed him back onto the couch. "She's fine. But you're going to make her your CEO."

"Oh, good." Tony relaxed. "So I do go through with it?"

I nodded. "As far as I know, you are very happy with the results."

Tony beamed. "Okay. I can get behind that."

"Pepper's your new CEO, I'm your new PA, then," I continued. "Are you going to give Rhodey an armor?"

"I was thinking about it," Tony said. "But I'm a bit afraid of giving it to the government."

"I think I can help with that," I said. "There's a few other things that you could do."

"All ears," he said.

"I think you should announce the palladium poisoning," I said.

"Why would I do that?" he asked, surprised.

"Well, people will let you get away with a lot more. You can say that you're searching for a cure, but we can make it seem like one is extremely unlikely. You can give yourself time to do a lot of things undercover. The government will easily agree to your terms. Things like that…"

He stared at me. "I'm keeping you."

I shrugged. "That's fine. I pretty much already adopted you."

"Whether you take your mental age or your physical age, I'm still eight to eighteen years older than you," he pointed out.

"I don't care," I told him. "I'm mothering you. Get over it."

Tony smiled, and he seemed to have brightened up behind his mask.

"You should also probably activate another one of your AIs," I said. "Maybe Friday, if you've made her code yet? I was thinking she could help me with social media."

"Social media?" he asked.

I nodded. "Facebook has become a thing, right?"

He shrugged. "Yeah, but I don't really use it."

"In the future," I began. "Social media is a bunch of different websites like Facebook and Twitter were people can connect and express their opinions. We're going to use it as a platform for good press, for the Avengers."

"I don't want to join Fury's secret boy band," Tony lied.

"You're not joining Fury's secret boy band," I said. "You're making your own boy band, and you're not keeping it a secret, you're 'I am Iron Man'-ing up to the public. A lot of transparency. We need good PR or else normal citizens can get scared of people with powers."

Understanding dawned on Tony's face. "It becomes prejudiced, doesn't it? Like racism or homophobia."

I nodded. "We can avoid that, but we need good PR from the beginning. Also (take this from someone who ends up breaking a lot of things while fighting) we should start up a charity event to help clean up aftermaths. We can make Avenger merchandise, capitalize on it, and use the money for the charity."

He stared at me. "Yeah, you're definitely hired. You've obviously put a lot of thought into this."

That's when he got really excited and started talking about keeping me, before I began to explain my plan, and the other things I'd be running around doing.

It made JARVIS wary, but Tony was obviously having fun, which is good. He spends most of the movies in a depressive state, after all. Though that's also probably because of the alcohol.

"Thank you, then, Elle," Tony said, looking back at the cats and holding out his hand. The mother nudged her face on it.

"I'll get food and cat stuff," I said to him, and he handed me the credit card. "You watch over the cats. Bond with them."

"I am," he said huffily, though his face turned fond as he looked down at the cat and smiled, petting its head. The cat began to purr and even moved out of the way so Tony could peer at the kittens. Tony scratched her chin and gave them some more food.

I laughed and left, heading to the store. I got some food I know Tony didn't have (I checked the fridge and pantry before I left) as well as a big cat bed and a basic litter box and food and some toys. I know that Tony would probably make a self-cleaning litter box before he went to sleep tonight (because it's Tony) but we'd see what happened first.

I checked it out, and left the store, requipping the bags as I went. By the time I returned to Tony, I had everything tucked away.

"I'm finished," I told him.

Tony nodded, still petting the mother cat.

I rolled my eyes and squatted down next to him, putting a hand on his arm and a hand on the box. "Hold on," I warned.

I teleported and we were in Tony's living room.

There was some slight screaming from the cats, who hushed down as Tony gave her more fish and I requipped out the bed and also some treats for them.

Another thing I had in storage was some catnip from my backyard garden, which I took out and rubbed into the comfy bed for them, before pushing it over and shaking the bag of treats.

The Momma Cat paused, and I saw little faces peeking up from inside the box. I shook the bag again and put a few treats onto the pillow, and then they were off, running for the pillow for some treats. The cat bed was big, big enough for all of them (it might've actually been a dog bed, but it still worked) and they all fit.

"Aww," Tony said. I turned to look at him as he picked up a really small kitten from the box, who had trouble climbing over the sides. "Here you go, kiddo."

He popped the other kitten down with the others, and the Momma cat purred gratefully, nudging against Tony's hand before curling around the others.

Tony watched them with a soft look on his face, reaching out his hand and petting a few of them, who purred.

It was already working.

"Now what?" Tony asked softly, petting a few of them.

"Now, we cat-proof the house," I told him. "Do you care if they go into your lab, or should we just label it entirely off-limits?"

Tony hesitated.

"You can always change your mind," I pointed out. "How about we leave it off-limits for now?"

We went around the house, looking at anything that might need to be changed, and he watched me set up the litter box in a bathroom and carry the cats over one by one so they knew where it was.

"Why's it so big?" Tony asked.

"Because there's a lot of cats," I answered. "And you're actually supposed to get one more litter box than cats you have. But you have a bunch of kittens. And I figured you'd probably end up creating some sort of self-cleaning box within a few days. So if it's constantly cleaned, they don't need more than one, just one big enough so more than one can go at once, if needed."

"Hmm," Tony said, as we lead the cats back to their cushion. The mother gave us a glare and tucked the cats in around the bed and started cleaning them. "So..."

"So now we name them," I said.

No joke about having a giant house I'm making my friends move into. I've wanted that since I was a kid. Still a plan.