A/N: pokemonsuperallstarfan, I haven't decided yet on Tharja or Libra, though by far they should be interesting. Also, CordeliaxChrom is my favorite pairing too, even if it isn't canon.

"I don't like sand," Robin said as they trudged through the desert. "It's coarse, and rough, and irritating- and it gets everywhere."

"I do believe you've said that line at least three times already," Fredrick said.

"Well what do you expect me to do, Fredrick?" Robin asked. "We've been trudging through the desert for hours!"

"It's only been fifteen minutes," Chrom pointed out.

"Man, I could use anything cold right now," Robin said. "Do you think that there's another vending machine out here?"

"No," Chrom said. "Why would there be a vending machine in the middle of the desert?"

"Why was there one in the middle of the forest?" Robin countered. "And hey- do my eyes deceive me?"

Right out there in the distance was a white truck painted with an ice cream cone on the side and playing the 'ice cream truck theme song' as Robin called it.

"There are so many things wrong with this," Lissa said. "For one- there's an ice cream truck in the middle of a medieval fantasy world. Secondly, how'd it even get there? Its tires can't even work on the sand!"

"I don't question gifts from the ice cream gods themselves," Robin said and then bounded up towards the truck.

"Are we sure this isn't some sort of shared hallucination we're all having?" Chrom asked.

Robin, however, did not stop and reached the truck pretty quickly.

"Oh, hello there," a short old man wearing weird clothes and with grey hair popped out of the driver's seat.

"Are you an elf?" Robin asked. The guy was pretty short after all.

"Am I what?" Chalard asked.

"Like, some sort of magic elf that drives this ice cream truck so that you can save lost souls in the desert who need something cold?" Robin asked.

"Uh, yeah, sure, why not," Chalard said. "There's totally free ice cream in here, just get in the van kiddo."

"Okay," Robin said and turned towards the rear of the van when two Grimleal jumped out with a bunch of rope and began tying him up.

"Ha ha!" Chalard said. "Prepare to be offered up to our lord and savior, Grima, god of annihilation!"

"Attention duelists! My hair is being abducted!" Robin said. "Sorry- I've always wanted to say that!"

"Robin's being kidnapped!" Chrom shouted.

"Why is it called kidnapping if it's happening to an adult?" Robin asked, struggling all the time.

"Twitch and your friend's head comes off!" Chalard said as the Shepherds were about to rush to help Robin, but stopped in their tracks. "I thought so- time to drive off boys!"

And with that the van scurried off into the desert. Robin gave all of them one last look before he was dragged away and said with a serious expression, "Don't negotiate- sorry, I've always wanted to say that as well, please save me! I think I've almost wet myself here!"

There was utterly dead silence.

"WTF!" Maribelle suddenly screamed as she realized what had happened to Robin and everyone stared at her in shock. "This wasn't in the script at all!"

"I-I'm sorry, did you just say… WTF?" Lissa asked. "Man, how many weird things are gonna happen today?"

"Ugh, what are we supposed to do?" Chrom muttered. "Robin was the only one who knew of a plan to go ahead and get Emmeryn back. And he didn't tell anyone the whole plan because of the 'no one should know the whole plan except for me' logic he pulls out from somewhere."

"Milord, I heard them say they were to offer Robin up to Grima," Fredrick said. "Given that, I believe they are Grimleal- followers of the Fell Dragon Grima. If such is true, than some of my sources say that their hideout is towards the south. If we can reach their in time, we should be able to try and get Robin back."

Chrom looked shaken at the recent turn of events, and nodded. "All right then, we'll just have to try to get this done without Robin's tactical abilities. How hard can it be, right?"

As it turned out, it was very hard.

None of them had valid strategies to command their forces that would work.

One of them which was called 'Guard' was simply to have Chrom go forward and have everyone follow him, shielding him, but this placed them in awkward positions and given that they couldn't all move at the same speed given the desert sands, this didn't work with the fliers and mages overextending themselves, and Virion never being in position next to a Pegasus Knight.

Their next overall strategy was 'Blitz' which was having them move forward and attack their enemies, but this was problematic as their weaker units like Sumia kept moving far too forward thanks to the sand bogging the others down and nearly dying.

The last strategy they had was 'Stay' which was just them pretty much standing around and not getting anything done.

"Okay, I give up," Chrom muttered. "We are absolutely useless without Robin."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa," Lissa said. "How come mages can go over the sand fine but I can't or Archers can't? I mean, I don't have anything bogging me down either! And plus, it is a known fact that people on horses are faster even in the desert compared to people on foot!"

Chrom shrugged. "And doesn't Robin usually say stuff like that?"

"Yeah, but he's not here so I thought I'd step up," Lissa said.

Then they heard a scream

"Leave me alone!" a young girl shouted as there was a large man running after her.

"Wait, I say! Why you no comprehending, wee one?" Gregor asked.

"Hey you! Fiend! Stay away from that young maiden!" Chrom shouted.

"Who are you calling fiend?" Gregor asked.

"Who are you calling young maiden?" Nowi asked.

"Hey, stay away you creep!" Lissa said.

"No- you misunderstand, Gregor only want to protect young girl from bad men chasing after us," Gregor said. "See? Gregor have innocent baby like face."

"I don't see it," Chrom said.

The Grimleal then appeared around Nowi and Gregor, in response to which Nowi transformed and blasted a good number of them away.

"Whoa!" Chrom said. "I don't believe it- she's a Manakete!"

"Huh?" Lissa said.

"Well, you know how in almost every single Japanese anime/game there's always this one girl who looks like an underage girl but technically isn't so it's considered legally okay to well- okay I won't finish that sentence," Chrom explained to Lissa. "But that's basically her. My guess is she's technically thousands of years old."

Gregor and Nowi, after cutting their way through the enemies, joined up with the Shepherds.

"Why do you look so glum?" Nowi asked Chrom.

"Oh, Robin- one of our allies, was taken by the Grimleal," Chrom said.

"Oh don't worry then," Nowi said. "We'll help you get your husband back."

"W-what?" Chrom said. "No, Robin isn't my husband-"

"Oh, fiancé then," Nowi said.

"No, not that either," Chrom said.

"Oh, boyfriend then," Nowi said.

"I'm not gay!" Chrom said.

"You sure about that?" Nowi asked. "Because I have honed my gaydar over thousands of years of experience and not once in all my years have I ever felt it go off as strongly as it is right now around you- and you look really depressed that this guy's gone so I thought he was definitely someone very close to you."

"Yeah," Chrom said, choking back tears. "I can't believe he's gone- who knows what's happening to him right now? I mean,what kind of tortures is he going through? Is Robin even dead or alive? I mean, it just sickens me of thinking about what they're going to do to him- and he must be so scared and terrified. I can tell he's brave but still… "

Maribelle wiped a tear from her eye. "It's so bad imagining what's happening to him. It's hard on all of us- and we're not even able to function without him."

"Yeah," Nowi said. "Those Grimleal look like a pretty mean bunch- I bet they're pulling out his fingernails, then they'll water board him, and then gouge out his eyeballs and make him eat them, and then they're gonna make him watch the Green Lantern movie-"

Meanwhile, With Robin

Robin was lying down comfortably on a large mat with an umbrella giving him some shade.

See, the thing is, the Grimleal had sort of realized that Robin was basically their version of Jesus given that he was the vessel to Grima, and so they were practically worshipping him now.

Robin was sipping some coconut water out of a coconut with a straw, and it even had a small umbrella put into it.

It occurred to him then that given the lax security they had while watching over him, he should probably go ahead and try to run away right now. As a matter of fact, he had had over a dozen opportunities to run away up till now. Why was he staying here again?

"Would you like some ice cream?" someone asked him.

Oh, yeah, that was the reason.

"Sure," Robin said and then grabbed a bowl as they began giving him a pedicure.

Well, Robin thought, he could always run away a few hours later. Plus, he was sure that the Shepherds didn't miss him too much- Fredrick was always going on about how he was disposable.

Yeah, Robin thought as he asked for another bowl of ice cream- they were all probably doing fine without him.

It probably wouldn't matter if he decided to chillax here for a while more.

"Oh- and girls, would you mind giving me a massage after you're done with my pedicure? By back has been killing me these last few days," Robin said.

"Of course!" they replied.

And Now Back to the Shepherds

"Oi, wee lass, I do not think you are helping," Gregor interrupted Nowi.

Chrom now looked very pale and sort of just zoned out and walked out into the desert.

"Oh no, I think I may have said the wrong thing," Nowi said.

"You think?" Gregor asked.

"Hey, enough with the sass, mister!" Nowi said.

"This is terrible," Cordelia said. "Someone should go and cheer Captain Chrom up…" And then she remembered what Robin had told her- was this her chance? Well, she didn't know if it would lead anywhere, but she did know that her Captain needed her at this very moment, and that was enough to spur her into action. "Bu-but what am I going to say?"

"Try punching him," Sumia suggested. "That might cheer him up and make him fall in love with you."

"Sumia, you have the craziest ideas sometimes," Cordelia said as she flew after Chrom.

Let's view the support conversation for this chapter!

Chrom x Cordelia

Cordelia: Captain Chrom, are you all right?

Chrom: All right, all right?! First of all my elder sister was kidnapped- and now my best friend's been taken too.

Cordelia: I see…

Chrom: The thing is that in both cases I'm kind of helpless- I can't even do anything…

Cordelia: Uh…

Chrom: And I just feel so worthless- I let my best friend and my sister down!

Cordelia: Well…

Chrom (suddenly turning serious): But this is no time for me to be moping around. You know what Cordelia, you're right, I need to take charge here and lead us to victory. For both of them- I can't be wallowing around right now.

Cordelia (softly): But… I didn't say anything like that… I haven't even said anything meaningful...

Chrom: So let's go then! It's been great having this talk with you! Let's move out and get Robin back!

Chrom and Cordelia reached support level C!

"I don't get it thought, just how did he get kidnapped? They were after me 'cuz they wanted to sacrifice a Manakete to their weird god," Nowi wondered as she blasted away another Grimleal minion. "I mean, they were trying to get me into this van by telling me there was ice cream in it… but only a complete and total moron would fall for that trap…"

No one bothered to answer her question, but Maribelle did say, "Hey! Robin was the smartest of all of us!"

"Well, I think that says more about you guys than it does about him," Nowi said.

Regardless of this banter and their inability to lead themselves, they somehow managed to make it to Chalard without losing anyone.

"I said on the phone that when I'd find you, I'd kill you," Chrom said.

"When did that happen?" Chalard asked.

"Well, it didn't actually happen but in my head I imagined myself saying on the phone, 'I will find you and I will kill you,' after you took Robin and that's sort of my headcanon now," Chrom said as he eliminated Chalard.

"Now let's go and find Robin," Chrom said. "You there! Grimleal minion! Where is Robin?"

"Do you mean Prince Robin?" the minion asked.

"Why is he called 'prince' now?" Fredrick asked.

"Maybe they're sure that he's married to Prince Chrom," Nowi said.

"No, it's because he's the form of our god-" the minion said before he was punched by Chrom.

"For the last time! I'm not gay!" Chrom said. No one in the Shepherds believed him.

"Hey guys! You're here! I was wondering when you'd show up," Robin said as he walked up to the Shepherds. He was wearing Bermuda shorts and sunglasses and had a glass of lemonade in his hand. "Hmm," Robin wondered to himself. "Maybe this is why Princess Peach never gets out of Bowser's Castle by herself- it's way to comfy there."

However, there was a long and tearful reunion with his friends. Maribelle even accidentally called him 'Papa' for some reason, and Fredrick even said that he wasn't completely worthless, which was basically Fredrick's way of saying that he really cherished Robin as a close friend.

A/N: Thanks for reading guys!

Robin: Hey Author, I thought you said you like Chrom x Cordelia.

Me: Yeah, I do.

Robin: But you keep making allusions to the fact that Chrom's gay- you can't do both at the same time!

Me: Hmm… wait, what if I write down Cordelia as a trap- that would explain her flat chest as well!

Robin: Cordelia is not a trap you degenerate! And plus, liking traps isn't gay!

Me: *I slap Robin into submission.*

So again, thanks for reading guys, and I hoped you liked it! Looking back, I think this is by far the funniest chapter I got to write- I hope you guys felt the same, or if you felt differently, that's okay too.

Don't forget to leave a review!