Would you care to pet my cat?
Eowyn and Faramir both jumped at the sound of the sword blade moving thru the air at great speed. Turning, they saw Aragorn standing on the balcony above them, apparently talking to someone neither could see. From what Eowyn could hear, he was explaining the basic steps of swordplay.
She turned back to Faramir with a puzzled look in her eyes. But before she could ask anything he answered her questioned. "It's the cat. He's talking to the cat. He does it every morning. Every afternoon and night, too. But in the mornings he gives the cat instructions on how to fight. Don't ask. You really don't want to know and I don't know if I can even begin to explain."
Eowyn had only caught a brief glimpse of the cat in question the night before. It was a large, slightly chubby orange thing with huge golden eyes. It had hissed at them all before Eomer managed to convince Aragorn that the cat would be more comfortable in its own room instead of at a noisey table with a bunch of strangers. Hama had been volunteered to keep the cat company and nothing more was seen of either of them for the rest of the meal.
"He talks to his cat? He teaches his cat swordplay ? Manwe's balls, Faramir! Has he completely lost his mind?"
"Shhhhhh…Eowyn! Keep your voice down. They'll hear you! I don't know if he's lost his mind, but he has been acting very strange. He's taken the whole thing with Arwen very badly. You and Eomer had already left when it happened but let me tell you, it was ugly. He went for days without eating or sleeping and took long walks out onto the Pelennor. We'd all began to fear for his life. Even the hobbits couldn't cheer him. Then one day he showed up with Carad – that's what he named the cat – and it seemed he had a new reason to live. He hasn't let the cat out of his sight since. To be honest, I think he's only half-heartedly interested in getting Arwen back. I don't even know why he's chased her here."
'Is this some kind of joke? Are Elfhelm and Hama about to jump out from behind a tree and say "Gotcha"?
"Faramir, if all you say is true then I fear for Aragorn. Surely someone – the Lord Elrond, maybe- needs to do something. Is he even fit to rule?"
"Those are all questions we've asked ourselves. Lord Elrond became so angry at his outlandish behavior that he and his sons returned to Rivendell not long after the Lady Arwen left. It is almost impossible to make an elf – especially an elven lord like Elrond- angry. But five minutes alone with Aragorn and that cat, and Elrond was ordering his bags packed and getting his horses ready. The Prince Imrahil and I have been running the kingdom as best we can. But I fear what could happen."
' I won't even tell her about the midnight bubble baths with the cat, or the baking cookies with the cat, or the minstrels ordered to entertain the cat because Aragorn had thought he looked bored. Or the royal proclamation that gave the title of His Royal Furriness, the Prince Carad, to the cat. No, there are some things too terrible to burden the maiden with.'
Before Eowyn had the chance to ask anything else, Aragorn suddenly popped his head over the balcony and glared at them. "There you are, FARAMIR! Carad MISSED you at breakfast. You KNOW you're the only one who can jolly him into a GOOD mood in the mornings. Now he's CRANKY and out of sorts and I'm not EVEN sure he's paid ONE BIT of attention to his sword lessons." Noticing Eowyn's presence for the first time, he turned his outrage on her. "EOWYN – I COMMAND you to stay AWAY from ARWEN. No good can come from the TWO of you CONSPIRING together. You have TWO choices- you can either STAY here with your brother in ROHAN and mind your own business, OR you can marry FARAMIR and get busy with producing some HEIRS. Take your pick. You may THANK me for my GENREOSITY later. Right now I need to get Carad inside and out of this harsh MORNING sun. His complexion is very DELICATE, you know, isn't it my little BUNNY BABY?"
Aragorn wandered off murmuring endearments to his cat, leaving Eowyn and Faramir standing there with their mouths hanging open. "Faramir, did he just speak to me the way I think he did? Did he just order me to either mind my own business or get to making babies with you?"
"I think he did. Oh, Eowyn. This just keeps getting worse by the minute. Maybe you should go and speak with the Lady Arwen. At least warn her what to expect when she sees him. I have some chores to do for him that I can't put off any longer."
"What chores ? What is he making you do?"
Faramir looked down at his boots.
'Please don't make me say it, Eowyn. It's too humiliating! But I know you – you won't let it drop unless I tell you what you want to know.'
"Mice. He makes me hunt fresh mice for Carad's luncheon. Live mice, Eowyn. He wants me to catch live mice!"
Before Eowyn could think of anything to say to that, Hama came running up with a cage and a chunk of cheese. "Excuse me, my lord, my lady. But it will be time for Prince Carad's noon meal before long. We'd better head down to the stables, my lord."
Faramir looked as if he wished a Nazgul would drop from the sky that instant and carry him away. With a heavy sigh, he turned as if to follow Hama. "Forgive me, Eowyn. I must go. Remember what I said about warning the Lady Arwen."
Meeting his eyes and giving his arm a final squeeze, Eowyn watched him head off to the stables with Hama.
'How can any of this be true? No devilry of Wormtongue's ever compared to this. Faramir's right, I must warn Arwen. And I have to hear what Eomer has to say about all of this.'
Despite her best intentions, Eowyn didn't manage to reach Arwen before Aragorn ( and his sidekick, the cat) managed to corner her for that long-awaited conversation. Much like his earlier talk with Lord Elrond, none know just what was said because Arwen, Aragorn and the cat have all refused to speak of it. Eowyn knew she could have demanded the truth from Arwen, but decided she'd rather not know. And at the first hint of shouting, Eomer and Elfhelm had made for the sparring rings….leaving no one behind to overhear.
The next few days passed in a blur of confusion and ill tempers. Aragorn stomped around with Carad, refusing to speak to Faramir except to yell at him and command him to hunt bigger mice. Arwen refused to leave Eowyn's rooms until Aragorn went back to Gondor. And Eomer refused to speak with Hama after he'd found Carad curled up on his throne.
Given all that, no one in Meduseld was sorry to see the king of Gondor ride away. He left surrounded by his royal guard, clutching his cat to his breast and throwing death glares at anyone who dared look their way.
With the Gondor entourage gone - with the exception of Faramir who was, for some unknown reason, left behind- life was much more peaceful in the court of Eomer King. He was happy to have his sister back. His sister was happy to be back, especially with the beautiful Arwen by her side. Arwen was in bliss to spend every waking ( and sleeping) moment with Eowyn. And Hama was happy to be out of Eomer's bad graces and back at his post as Door Warden. The only person who wasn't happy was Faramir.