Chapter 10: . . . Will Set You Free

I thought back through my life, dwelling on every memory I had of Father.

How I was devastated when he disappeared. All those years of torturous waiting, of loving someone I thought would never return. His return, and how happy I was . . . how happy he was to see me. My promise to myself that I would be his greatest ally.

Even after what he said this night, I still loved him.

I am pathetic.

I am worse than a Muggle.

My Father killed my mother. That I don't care about. Why should I? I never knew her. She couldn't have loved me, either, the result of torture and rape.

I was glad she was pureblood.

But Father . . . he was going to kill me.

Should it really matter? I know he loves me now. He loved me when I was a child.

My first memory is of his love.

I was three, and I was riding my toy broomstick when I fell off into a rosebush. I cried and cried. Father rushed out of the house as I screamed. He picked me up gently, took me up to my room. He picked out the thorns one by one, and sang me a lullaby (he did have a terrible voice but that wasn't what mattered) as he healed my cuts and bruises. Then he pulled me into his lap and rocked me until I fell asleep. The next morning, he took me outside and told me that he would destroy all who hurt me. He set the rosebush on fire.

I know he loves me, so why do I hurt so?

His love has sustained me throughout my whole life. I have not forgotten what he did to Draco, or how he slapped me, or any of that . . . but I have forgiven him. I understand him, you see.

Draco is a Death Eater. Any Death Eater would have been punished the same way if he hadn't obeyed orders. I was only upset about that because I loved him. I know Father loves Aunt Bella, in a way, yet he punishes her as well.

And I should never have said those things about his father. Anyone would have been slapped for that.

No father thinks any man is good enough for his daughter.

I have forgiven him that. But how can I forgive him for this?

I am lost. The pain inside my heart is too great to bear.

I pick up my cloak; go out into the garden, and Disapparate.

I found myself in a dark forest. Everything was pitch black. I pulled out my wand. "Lumos!" It was an eerie place with lots of moss and thick cobwebs everywhere, everything covered in snow. I was too forlorn to feel afraid, though, which was a very, very good thing. I had never been in a more frightening looking place.

Picking my way around stumps and rotting tree logs, I made slow progress through the forest. I vaguely felt thorns and briars tearing at my clothes and flesh. I was smacked in the face by a thin branch, and felt the blood running down my cheek with a sort of sadistic pleasure.

Pleasure in my pain. Wounds that I felt in my heart that were manifesting on my body.

I didn't care about anything anymore.

I came to a lake, as a thread of light appeared in the sky.

It was beautiful. Peaceful.

I sat at its edge, staring out over the shimmering dark water. The sky was turning pink, casting a peach color over the reflection of the lake. Birds were singing. Strands of smoke could be seen in the distance, likely from someone's cottage.

I knew what I was going to do. It was all I had left.

I stood up, walked to the edge of the deep water, crunching the frozen edges with my boots. I took off my cloak and my robes.

I clutched Slytherin's necklace . . . Father's soul . . . and I jumped in.

The water was freezing. I felt my skin grow numb quickly, and then I felt nothing. I held on to the necklace, willing it to send my love somehow to Father . . . as well as the reasons I was doing this.

It spoke to me. It told me that no matter what had happened in the past, my Father loved me. There would be no end to his misery when he found out I was dead . . . and he was the cause.

I changed my mind. I tried to swim, but I was already too frozen to move.

"Father . . ." I whispered, my mouth filling with ice water.

I saw something above me. A dark shadow. I was so happy. I knew it was Father, coming for me.

At the same time, I knew it was too late.

I saw Draco's face before I died.