I stared at the wreckage of the Exodus ship, trying to find my father's remains among the debris and the flames. Charred skeletons littered the area and I knelt near each one of them, searching for a sign of Marcus Kane. I didn't know what would be worse: discovering my father's corpse and knowing for sure he had died in pain or never finding any answer and live in doubt for the rest of my life.

I got down on my knees near another body. I tried to lift the arm so I could get a look at the hand, and the flesh tore beneath my fingers. When I had first seen the carnage, I had been disgusted. But after hours of searching, I was numb. I picked up the hand as if it was nothing, sighing when I saw no ring. My father always wore his gold wedding band. This was my only clue, the one thing that would allow me to recognize him.

'Stay sharp!' Bellamy said loudly behind me. He was tense, holding his gun tightly. 'Grounder retaliation for the bridge is coming. Just a matter of when.'

'You blame them?' Finn scoffed.

'No, I blame you.'

'Maybe, if you didn't bring guns-'

'If we didn't bring guns,' Raven interrupted him harshly, 'we all would have been killed.'

Maybe. Maybe not. I couldn't care less. The confrontation on the bridge was the farthest thing away from my mind. I approached another skeleton. This one had no limbs left and I moved on.

'Why they're coming doesn't matter anymore,' Bellamy was saying to the others. 'It's our job to be ready when they do. We're on our own, now.'

Since communication with the Ark had been cut during the pageant, we had been trying to reach them. But our calls went unanswered. And after the crash, I couldn't help but think these were connected. Maybe they were all dead. My grandmother might be dead too. I was alone, with nothing left but memories of the people I loved.

'Clarke, stop!' Raven suddenly yelled.

She ran to Clarke, who was standing next to a heavy piece of machinery. I was too far to hear, but I saw Raven kneel and dip a rock in a reddish liquid.

'Fire in the hole!' she shouted.

She then threw the rock into the flames. The resulting explosion was so powerful I felt the ground beneath me shake. I felt sick. Was this how my father had died? Burnt alive in flames like these?

'We need to clear the area!' she told us.

'Okay, then,' Bellamy said. 'We move in formation. No straggling. Weapons hot. We've got to get back before dark.'

The others started to move but I ignored them. I knelt near another body. This one was small. A child, maybe. But clearly not my father. I stood back up, moving on.

'Y/N,' Bellamy called. 'We're moving.'

'I'm not done,' I told him.

The next body had dog tags around what remained of his neck. I brushed the soot off the metal, but all I could make out was the ID number. Useless.

'It's too dangerous,' Bellamy insisted. 'We have to go.'

He pulled me up gently. I looked at the wreckage, the sheer number of bodies lying around.

'I can't leave him like this,' I said. 'I need to bury him.'

'Y/N, please.'

I looked at Bellamy, at the pity and sadness in his eyes, and I yielded. I could always come back later, without the others. If the area was dangerous, then I couldn't risk their lives. I let Bellamy lead me back to the group, his hand steady on my back and together, we walked back to camp. He stayed silent the whole way, and I appreciated it. What was there to say?

The moon was high in the sky by the time we reached the gate, but the camp was in effervescence. Connor ran to us, his eyes wide.

'Bellamy! He- he came out of nowhere! I told the others not to bring him inside, but they didn't listen and-'

'Hey, calm down. What happened?'

'It's Murphy. He's back.'

Connor told us they had found him in the woods, injured and terrified. They had brought him into the dropship and Bellamy hurried inside, fury on his face. I followed with Clarke and Finn but I drew short once I saw Murphy. He looked terrible. One of his eyes was swollen shut and the rest of his face was covered in cuts. He had blood everywhere on his skin, his clothes were torn and even breathing seemed difficult.

'Everyone but Connor and Derek, out,' Bellamy ordered. 'Now!'

Finn and Clarke stayed put, and I wasn't going anywhere either. Bellamy looked at me but didn't say anything.

'He claims he was with the Grounders,' Derek informed us.

'We caught him trying to sneak back into camp,' Connor added.

'I wasn't sneaking,' Murphy said, his voice barely audible. 'I was running from the Grounders.'

'Anyone see Grounders?' Bellamy asked.

Connor and Derek shook their heads. Bellamy's face hardened and he pointed his rifle at Murphy.

'Well, in that case-'

'What's wrong with you?' Finn said, pushing Bellamy's gun down.

'We were clear what would happen if he came back!'

'No,' Finn protested, 'if he was with the Grounders, then he knows things that can help us.'

'Like what?' I sneered. 'How best to kill twelve-year-old girls?'

What had happened to Charlotte was unforgivable. I had never hated anyone before, but Murphy? There were no words for how much hatred I felt when I looked at him.

'We hanged him,' Bellamy added, 'we banished him and now, we're gonna kill him. Get the hell out of my way.'

'No, Finn's right,' Clarke said.

I turned to her, shocked.

'What?'

'Like hell he is, Clarke!' Bellamy yelled. 'Think about Charlotte!'

'I am thinking about her,' she said.

'Really?' I replied. 'Because it looks to me like you're ignoring what that monster did to her.'

'Y/N, what happened to Charlotte was as much our fault as his. He's not lying, his fingernails were torn off. They tortured him.'

'You and the Grounders should compare notes,' Finn told Bellamy.

'The Grounders know we're at war,' Bellamy replied before he turned to Murphy. 'What did you tell them about us?'

We waited in tense silence as Murphy looked at us, his hands shaking.

'Everything.'

I cursed. This was a disaster. If the Grounders knew as much about us as I suspected they did, they had enough information to wipe us out.

'Once he's better,' Clarke told us, 'we find out what he knows, and then he's out of here.'

'What if he refuses to leave?' Bellamy asked. 'What do we do with him then?'

'Then we kill him.'

Bellamy left Murphy under watch, and we left the dropship. In a way, I was almost grateful for his return. It kept me from thinking about my father and I could focus on my anger instead of my grief.

'We need to double the guard, tonight,' Bellamy told me, still seething. 'If that son of a bitch wasn't lying, then the Grounders could be close. You have the best eyes in camp, you're okay with taking a double shift?'

I nodded. I knew I wasn't going to get any sleep no matter what I did. I climbed to my favourite spot on the wall, rifle in hand. I was still better with a bow, but I was improving quickly. For hours, I watched the woods intently, not allowing myself to think of anything else but the Grounders. Around four in the morning, Andy came to relieve me and I walked to my tent. I was so tired, I fell asleep before my head touched the pillow.

I woke up the next day and immediately went to the woods to check on the traps. There wasn't much, and I sighed, knowing we would have to ration the food even more if we wanted to live through winter. But when I came back to camp, I quickly realized food was the least of our problems.

I was barely through the gate when Bellamy ran to me, cupping my face between his hands and turning it from side to side. I frowned, confused.

'Um, Bellamy? What are you doing?'

'How are you feeling? You okay?'

'Yeah? I don't understand, what's going on?'

Bellamy sighed, letting go of me.

'Murphy didn't escape, the Grounders let him go. They infected him with a virus, and it's spreading through camp. Clarke said it's a kind of haemorrhagic fever, whatever the hell that means. Derek just died.'

I looked around, and saw people on edge, looking at each other warily. Most held pieces of fabric in front of their mouths. It didn't take a genius to realize how serious the situation was.

'How many are sick?' I asked Bellamy.

'A dozen, for now. Clarke, too.'

'Octavia?'

'She's okay. Clarke's keeping her on the second level.'

I could tell he wasn't pleased about it. But at least, she wasn't sick.

'I need to talk to Clarke,' I said.

I walked toward the dropship, but Bellamy stopped me.

'You're not going in there. You'll get sick for sure.'

I was about to insist when someone started crying. We exchanged a look and headed for the dropship, where Andy and Miller had just put a body on the ground. Jessica was sobbing, looking at the dead girl with despair in her eyes.

'All right,' Bellamy said to the crowd. 'Show's over. Get back to your posts.'

Clarke was standing in front of the dropship, dried blood under her eyes. She looked pale and weak, but she was still standing. I supposed that was something, at least.

'You got enough food in there?' Bellamy asked her. 'Water?'

Clarke nodded.

'Yeah. Some medicine might be nice.'

'About that,' I said, 'I might be able to find you some plants that could help. It's a fever, right?'

'Kind of, yeah.'

'Then sage, feverfew and yarrow should help. I know where to find some.'

Clarke nodded gratefully. She walked back to the dropship, but froze when Bellamy called Octavia's name loudly, asking her if she was okay. Clarke turned around once more, looking at him with a strange expression on her face. Bellamy's face fell.

He went to enter the dropship but Clarke stopped him.

'Bellamy, wait. She's not here. I sent her to see Lincoln. Look, if there's a cure, he has it. I didn't tell you because I knew you wouldn't let her go.'

'If anything happens to her,' he replied darkly, 'you and me are gonna have problems.'

He stalked off, ignoring her calls. On one hand, I understood why Clarke had asked Octavia to see Lincoln. But on the other hand, she was Bellamy's sister. And there was no telling what he would do if she was injured.

'Out of my way!' Bellamy ordered.

The boy turned around and I gasped as I saw the blood leaking from his eyes. I knew the disease was serious, but this? This was horrifying. How had the Grounders even weaponized it?

'Dude, your eyes!'

'Nobody touch him,' Aaron ordered, backing away.

'Get to the dropship,' Bellamy told the boy. 'Now.'

Suddenly, a girl collapsed and coughed blood in someone else's face. People started shouting, pointing their weapons at anyone who came to close to them. It was madness. I ended up next to Raven, the both of us trying to get away from the crowd. Bellamy was shouting at everyone to calm down, but I could barely hear him over the noise.

Suddenly, the sound of gun firing echoed through the camp, quieting everyone down. We all turned to see Clarke, her rifle pointed at the sky.

'This is exactly what the Grounders want,' she said, walking towards the crowd. 'Don't you see that? They don't have to kill us if we kill each other first-'

Aaron pointed his gun at her chest, his eyes wide.

'They won't have to kill us if we all catch the virus. Get back in the damn dropship!'

Before he could react, Bellamy had taken the gun from him and hit him in the throat. He stumbled, wheezing as he desperately tried to breathe through the pain.

'I hate to state the obvious,' Bellamy told Clarke, 'but your quarantine isn't working.'

Clarke didn't answer. Her eyes closed and she stumbled, beginning to fall. Finn saw her and hurried over, ready to catch her before she hit the ground.

'Finn, don't touch her!' Raven yelled.

But it was too late. He lifted her in his arms, looking at her worriedly. Besides me, Raven's face fell.

'Let me go,' Clarke said weakly. 'I'm okay.'

'No, you're not.'

'Octavia will come back with a cure.'

'There is no cure!'

We all turned as Octavia broke through the crowd. Bellamy breathed out, the relief obvious on his face.

'But the Grounders don't use the sickness to kill,' she continued.

'Really?' Bellamy scoffed pointing at the dead bodies in front of the dropship. 'Tell that to them! I warned you about seeing that Grounder again.'

'Yeah, well, I have a warning for you too. The Grounders are coming and they're attacking at first light.'

The plants I needed to help with the fever weren't hard to find, but they were far from camp. By the time I collected enough, it was already getting dark and when I finally arrived back at camp, it was the middle of the night. I immediately ran to the dropship. Octavia saw me first and ran to me, eyes wide.

'You got them?'

'Yeah,' I said, giving her the bag full of plants. 'Put two leaves in boiling water and make them drink a full glass each. It's not a cure, but it should help.'

'Got it. Can you keep an eye on Bellamy in the mean time?'

My heart skipped a beat. Bellamy was sick? I looked around and immediately spotted him, lying unconscious on one of the mattresses. He had dried blood on his face, his skin was so pale it was almost translucid and he was shaking. I collapsed to my knees next to him and put my hand on his forehead, wincing at how hot it felt. His eyes fluttered open and he smiled tiredly.

'Hey Sunshine,' he rasped.

Octavia handed me a wet rag and a bowl of water, and I used it to dab at his forehead.

'You shouldn't be in here,' Bellamy said weakly.

'Get used to it. I'm not going anywhere.'

I stroked his hair, sighing deeply. He looked so weak, so different from the Bellamy I was used to. I blinked back the tears that had gathered in my eyes.

'Don't die, okay?' I said, my voice breaking. 'I can't- I can't lose anyone else.'

He grabbed my hand and held it tightly against his chest. He then gave me one last weak smile and closed his eyes, losing consciousness in a matter of seconds. It was too much. First, my father's death, then losing contact with the Ark and now this? Without the people I loved, I couldn't survive. And whether I liked it or not, Bellamy had become one of those people. Until now, I hadn't realized how much I cared about him. But as he lay there, unconscious, I was faced with the possibility of a world where he was dead. And I couldn't bear it.

'You're gonna be okay,' I whispered. 'I promise.'

Someone kneeled next to me. I raised my head, scowling when I saw Murphy. He looked like he was doing better, and the unfairness of the situation made my blood boil.

'Of course, you're still alive,' I scoffed.

'Don't look too happy, Kane. Here, Octavia told me to give you this.'

He handed me a cup, leaves floating in the water. I smelled it and recognized the plants I had brought back. Ignoring Murphy, I lifted Bellamy until he was leaning against me in a half-sitting position. I coaxed him into drinking the entirety of the cup, and laid him back down, his head on my knees.

'So when did that happen?' Murphy asked.

'What are you talking about?'

'You and Bellamy. You weren't exactly friends when I left.'

'When we kicked you out, you mean,' I corrected him coldly. 'Look, I'm grateful for your help. But if you think I'm going to just forget what you did, you're mistaken. Now get the hell away from me.'

I saw something dark flash in his eyes for a second, but he left without protesting and I ignored it. I focused back on Bellamy. He looked peaceful as he slept, a far cry from his usually tensed expression. Using a wet cloth, I cleaned the blood from his face until there was no trace from the sickness but the unnatural paleness of his skin.

I sat there for hours. I knew I should have helped Octavia with the others, but I couldn't bring myself to leave Bellamy alone. Not when he was so vulnerable. Thankfully, the more time passed, the more he recovered. He stopped coughing blood, his breathing got easier and his fever finally broke. Clarke woke up and Octavia, relieved, finally agreed to go and get some sleep.

Bellamy regained consciousness near dawn. His eyes opened blearily, settling on my face.

'Hi there, sleeping beauty,' I smiled. 'How are you feeling?'

'Better,' he croaked. 'I'm thirsty.'

I was about to get up but Murphy beat me to it, handing Bellamy a cup of water.

'Get the hell away from me,' Bellamy scowled, pushing him away.

'You're sick, okay? I'm just trying to help.'

Bellamy looked at him warily. Blood ran down his nose, and Murphy handed him a cloth but he ignored it, rubbing the blood away with his sleeve.

'When I get better,' Bellamy said darkly, 'if you're still here-'

'Hey,' Clarke interrupted, 'I got this one.'

She sat down next to us as Murphy left, and gave Bellamy water.

'You feeling better?' Bellamy asked her.

'Yeah.'

'That's good. Have you seen Octavia?'

'She was up all night, helping people. Murphy gave her a break.'

'Don't tell me you trust him now.'

'Trust?' she scoffed. 'No. I do believe in second chances, though.'

I didn't. Not when it came to Murphy. But now was not the time or the place to argue.

'It's almost dawn,' Bellamy noticed. 'Better get everyone inside. If we lock the doors, maybe the Grounders will think we're not home.'

'Not everyone's sick,' Clarke protested.

'Sick is better than dead.'

'And if they're not sick by now,' I added, 'they're probably immune anyway.'

'You don't think Finn and Jasper are gonna pull it off,' she realized.

'Do you?' Bellamy asked.

She considered it and sighed.

'I'll get everyone inside.'

We followed her outside. It took some convincing to get the others to enter the dropship, but the threat of the Grounders was enough for them to overcome their fear of the sickness. I had my bow in hand and next to me, Bellamy was gripping his gun tightly.

But suddenly, we heard an explosion. We all looked towards the source of the sound and saw a huge cloud of smoke rise above the trees.

'They did it,' Bellamy breathed out.

Raven's plan had worked. The bridge between our camp and the Grounders' village was destroyed, and it would give us enough time to recuperate from the disease. We weren't safe by any means, but the danger wasn't imminent. I breathed a sigh of relief.

'I am become death,' Clarke said softly, 'destroyer of worlds.'

She saw Bellamy and I look at her.

'It's Oppenheimer,' she clarified. 'The man who built the first-'

'I know who Oppenheimer is,' Bellamy interrupted her.

'We did what we had to do, Clarke,' I told her. 'We can't afford mercy if we want to survive.'

She didn't look convinced, but she didn't argue either. Eventually, the crowd dispersed and the only one left were Bellamy and me. I turned to him, relieved when I saw he looked less pale than before.

'I'm glad you're okay,' I told him. 'You scared me for a second.'

'Just a second? Sunshine, I'm hurt.'

I punched his shoulder lightly and he laughed, looking at me with a soft smile. But as our eyes met, I realized how close I had been to losing him. And how strange was it that the idea scared me that much? Bellamy Blake, whom I had first seen as an enemy. What was he now? My ally? My friend? I couldn't think of the right word to describe what I felt for him. But I knew, without a doubt, that I needed him. With my father dead and my grandmother lost in space, he was all I had left in the world. How strange was it to care so deeply for someone you'd just met?

'Y/N?'

Bellamy was looking at me with concern. I grabbed his hand, holding it tightly between my own.

'Y/N, what-'

'Promise me,' I interrupted him. 'Promise me you won't die.'

He put a heavy hand on my shoulder, leaning down until his eyes were level with mine.

'Don't worry, Sunshine. I don't intend to die anytime soon.'

It wasn't what I'd asked, but I knew I wouldn't get a better answer. And he wouldn't be able to give me one without lying. This was Earth. There was no certainty. No way to know if we would live to see another day. Kill or be killed was our new adage.

But as I looked at Bellamy and felt the warmth of his hand on my skin, I found myself praying there would be more to our lives than a constant struggle. That a time would come where we would wake up in peace, not wondering if we would survive the day.

I had no answer. But if there was enough the slightest possibility for that life? I would die for it.