Warning for an extremely small amount of mild violence and self injury. Don't read if it will trigger. Stay safe xxoo

Warning also (in case it wasn't obvious up to this point) that the story is descending into quite a dark place. . .

Chapter 10

JJ, too, is far from pleased about the cognitive interview. She looks from Hotch to Reid with dissatisfaction all over her face. "I just don't see what this is meant to achieve..." She protests. But her words are in vain.

"We believe he may have given away a clue about his next location." Hotch explains.

"I would have told you if that were the case." JJ insists.

"You know how this works, JJ, Sometimes we see or hear something that we don't realise is vital to..." Hotch begins

"I know, I know." She interrupts Hotch. He shoots her a disproving gaze for her disrespect. Reid squirms in his chair uncomfortably.

"JJ, you aren't on trial. Your decisions aren't in question." Hotch reminds her.

"Sure feels like that to me." She answers.

"We can talk about that at a later time, right now I want to get to the bottom of this case, and catch this guy so we can all sleep a little easier."

"I don't know why you are all so unable to let this one case go." JJ mumbles.

"I don't know why you are so upset by the fact that the team want to catch this guy." Hotch responds.

"You never should have sent Emily." JJ blurts out the thing on her mind.

If it weren't for the absolute fear in her eyes, Hotch might be annoyed by his agent openly criticising his decision. But he had already accepted responsibility for sending Emily into danger. He is more curious about why JJ is reacting so strongly.

"Why do you feel so strongly about it?" He comes out and asks her.

"After what happened with Doyle, how can you send her undercover so soon?" JJ just can't understand it.

"It's been months, and Agent Prentiss has proven herself time and time again. Her conduct has been exemplary."

"Uhuh." JJ mumbles.

"Do you have an issue with Agent Prentiss' conduct?"

"Who me?" JJ asks sarcastically. "What issue could I have with the perfect 'Agent Prentiss'?. Like you said, her conduct is flawless. She came back, and slipped right back into the team, like nothing ever happened. But then again, she's always been perfect. Always been able to stare anything in the face, and never even flinch. She's always been fearless like that. She's always over compensated, putting on this great show for the team of how together she is. And you call yourself profilers, you just can't see it. You think she is unbreakable? You think she is immortal? She isn't! And you shouldn't have sent her there." JJ declares passionately.

"I understand it was difficult for the team. But I'd expect you to have the least problem with this, Agent Jareau." Hotch tells her. "After all you didn't grieve for seven months believing she was dead. I'm not sure what it is that's so difficult for you to accept about Agent Prentiss being back?"

"I'm thrilled she is back, it's all I prayed for!" JJ insists. "I just don't see the point in getting her to come back here just so you can send her out to be your sacrificial lamb. Was catching this one guy so important to you that it was worth her life?" JJ demands.

"You are way out of line." Hotch reprimands her so loudly that both she and Reid jump in their seats. "But, we haven't time to talk about this right now. I am going to pretend you didn't just accuse me of willingly putting one of my team in danger, and I am going to continue this cognitive interview. And we WILL be discussing this later, Agent Jareau."

Hotch has had enough of Emily, of JJ, of whatever is going in between them that's interfering in their work, that has them at each others throats, and at his. They had both made extraordinary accusations against him today, both were clearly angry, upset, had unresolved issues that needed to be sorted out. It was unacceptable conduct in the work place. However, now was not the time.

"Close your eyes." Hotch orders in a tone that JJ doesn't dare argue with. " What do you see?"

"Nothing." JJ mumbles. "It's dark. Emily and I are in the basement."

"How did you get there?" Hotch asks.

"He had the gun to Emily's head. He told me to walk down the stairs or he was going to shoot her in the head, right in front of me." JJ's voice trembles as the picture comes back to haunt her. "And once I was there I heard Emily come crashing down after me as he pushed her into the basement."

"What next?"

"I heard him locking the door." JJ tells.

"Did he say anything to you?" Reid interrupts.

"Not to me." JJ answers.

"Did he say something to Emily?"

"He said 'Better luck next time, Emily'." JJ repeats.

"He called her Emily?" Hotch it instantly alerted to this fact.

JJ's eyes snap open. She hadn't realised before. "Yes. Yes he called her Emily."

"You're certain?"

"Yes!" She answers, irritated. "How would he know her name? Her code name was Rachel!" JJ declares impatiently.

"Are you sure you didn't mention the name to him at one point, that you didn't call Emily by her name?" Reid asks, with no malice what so ever in his tone.

"I'm not an idiot, You think I'd go marching in there and call her Emily?"

"Ok back further, what did you say, when you met him?"

"I said just what we planned if we had to go in. That I was a friend of Rachel'ss. And I called her Rachel!" JJ adds bitterly.

"And?"

"He let me in. Told me Rachel wasn't home. Offered me coffee. I sat in the living room."

"Did anything indicate that he was suspicious of you? Of Emily?"

"No!"

"Then what next?"

"Then I saw Emily..." her voice trails off as she inhales sharply.

"JJ ..." Hotch prompts her. "It's ok , you and Emily are both safe now, just take a breath and continue. Tell me what you see.

JJ didn't see what really happened. What happened was Emily came smiling down the staircase, perfectly flawless in her role as Rachel, and greeted her 'old friend' warmly.

JJ still says nothing.

"Then Emily came in?" Hotch prompts her.

"Yes." JJ whispers.

"So he lied about her not being there?" Reid pushes

"I suppose so." JJ responds, but her mind is clearly caught on something else.

"Is that when he realised something wasn't right?" Hotch asked. He knows the answer. He's read the reports. But he is trying to get inside JJ's head.

"No. He went to get coffee. And Emily told me to leave." JJ informs them.

"But you didn't." Hotch prompts. "Why?"

"I knew it, something in the eyes." JJ whispers.

"In his eyes?" Hotch asked.

"No." JJ clarifies. "Emily's eyes."

She had looked into Emily's eyes, or tried to, in that moment, in the serial killers lounge room. And she had seen something painful and broken. Just a glimmer, then it was gone. Something reckless and crazy. Something desperate and haunted. JJ knows it sounds crazy to blow the case to hell because of something she thought she saw in Emily's eyes. But it was so powerful. She'd only seen it one time before.

And even though she is sitting in Hotch's office while he and Reid guide her through one crime scene, in her mind she is in another place all together. Another crime scene. ..

About two weeks after Emily returned to work. It had been a successful case. The unsub was on his way to prison, the CSI's had just finished up gathering evidence. Garcia, Hotch and Rossi had never even made it to the crime scene, it had been only She, Emily, Morgan and Reid. And Morgan and Reid had long ago left, heading out for drinks to celebrate after catching up with the rest of the team.

JJ lingered, hoping for a moment with Emily. Emily had been acting odd since they spent the night together. Up until that point, JJ felt she should give Emily some space. But she suddenly had a feeling like she needed to be close to Em, just for that night. It often happened after a big case, after all their lives had been in danger. She knows Emily hadn't left the crime scene. The same way she knows where Emily is 99% of the time, she can't keep her eyes off her. She sent a text- the crime scene was big, there were still people lingering around, maybe Emily wasn't avoiding her, maybe she was just lost in the mayhem?

Emily wrote back, said she had left with Reid and Morgan. Which JJ knew to be an outright lie, because she had seen Reid and Morgan leave. JJ was filled with instant resentment. If Emily doesn't want to see her, there is no need to lie about it. So she had waited, until it was almost dark. Emily couldn't have left on foot, she must be there somewhere. Unless she went home with someone else...JJ remembers the sick feeling that filled her stomach as that thought crossed her mind- Emily going home with someone else.

But it was nothing compared to the sick feeling that hit her when she rounded the last corner of the crime scene, and spied Emily, huddled over in the dim fading daylight, blood dripping from her hand.

JJ had rushed towards her, "Emily, you're bleeding!" She had said, slight panic taking over.

It's those words she mumbles to Hotch and Reid unintentionally in the cognitive interview "She's bleeding, I can't get the blood to stop." JJ says in a shaky voice,

"JJ it's ok, everyone is safe, tell me what happened, Emily is bleeding?" Hotch asks.

"That makes no sense, Emily wasn't injured that we know of." Reid mumbled to Hotch.

It's then that JJ snaps back to reality . She realises where she is, what she is saying. "I'm sorry, I misspoke. I'm tired. I can't do this." She announces.

The scene is flashing before her eyes, how she kneeled there, trying to stem the bleeding from the gash in Emily's left forearm. The way Emily's head had snapped up when she heard JJ coming, the way she dropped the piece of broken glass that she had been grasping in the fingers of her right hand the minute she saw JJ. The fear and shame in Emily's eyes.

There was broken glass all around her, from the shootings. All clear and sparkling in the moonlight, except that one piece, sharp and long and stained in blood that had fallen from Emily's shaking hand to the ground moments ago.

Emily is quiet, still.

"Emily, talk to me?" JJ pleaded. "Are you ok? What happened?"

Just like that, something snapped in Emily's mind, just like that her expression came to life. She pulled her arm away from JJ, cradling it close "I must have got hurt, during the shooting. Its nothing, don't worry Jayj." She assured the blonde woman.

JJ had been there, at the shooting, Emily hadn't been hurt. She had seen the way Emily looked up in shame, the way she dropped the glass. And she realises that it's the second time Emily lied to her that day. She wants to be angry at that fact, but somehow she can't be when she remembers the broken expression on Emily's face just moments ago, when Emily is sitting there bleeding right in front of her.

"Emily, what have you done to yourself?" JJ asked her, reaching forward lift Emily's chin slightly so she could look deeply into those brown eyes.

That's when Emily could hold back the tears no longer. A rare rare sight to see. And as JJ looked into those shattered eyes, she saw nothing that she recognised starring back at her. She saw only brokenness, only pain. She pulled Emily into a tight embrace, lost for words. It was the was she and Emily had always found the simplest way to communicate- with physical touch.

"Please, don't tell anyone." Emily begged through tears. "Please promise me JJ."

"It's ok, you'll be ok, I promise" JJ answered her without really thinking it through. She remembers thinking she would have said anything in that moment to take away the pain in Emily's eyes.

"JJ!" Hotch pulls her from her thoughts back into the present.

"I'm sorry." JJ protests. "I don't know. I thought I saw something in Emily's eyes that probably wasn't there. I let him get away, and it's on me."

"No one is saying that." Hotch insisted. "We are trying to find out where he has gone now. Not place the blame on any single person for blowing this case."

"Well, I don't know where he has gone! How should I know?" JJ yells. Tears are forming in her eyes, she hates herself for it, knows they won't understand why she is crying. That she is making herself and Emily both look like they have something to hide. That she is acting as crazy as Emily is acting, and maybe more so.

"JJ, did he ever mention any places to you that he might go next?" Hotch perseveres.

"No, we didn't exactly have a nice long chat about future plans."

"So he never mentioned Seattle to you?" Reid asks.

"Seattle?" JJ asks. "How did he know about Seattle?" …...