Chapter 10

Nathan POV

I rang the doorbell and tensed as I saw a shadow approaching the door.

The door opened and I felt disappointment as I saw Owen on the other side.

"Hey Munchkin," Owen said, as Emma ran into his arms.

"She's avoiding me isn't she?"

"What? No," Owen said, but his expression said otherwise.

I wasn't just being paranoid. Rachel had been here when I'd picked Emma up, and last time it had been Luke both times. In the last two weeks I had only seen Brooke a handful of times and they'd been a rush exchange of Emma with barely two words being exchanged.

Clearly the almost kiss and our conversation afterward had gotten into her head. It had gotten into my head too, but it only made me want to see her more.

Being around here again had let me have the experience of being near her again, but with the painful reminder I was close but not close enough. I had no doubt about the fact I loved her. I knew that before I got here. Whilst I was here though, I fell in love with the Brooke she'd become in our time apart and I'd thrown rationality out the window when I said I wanted her.

Owen kissed Emma on the forehead then put her down. She went into the house, and I could hear Brooke's voice speaking to her.

"It's ok, you don't have to lie," I said.

"I don't know what happened with you guys but she doesn't seem to want to talk to you," he said, "Maybe you should just give her some space? Brooke tends to pull away when she doesn't want to deal with stuff."

Owen told me like he knew Brooke well and I barely knew her. I resisted the urge to remind him I'd been her boyfriend for years and then her fiancé, I didn't need a talk about what Brooke 'tended' to do.

"Yeah, ok," I forced myself to say.

"See ya," he said.

I walked back to the car and began driving home. This was a messed up situation. I didn't know if Brooke was avoiding me because she was mad at me? Didn't want to be near me? She did say she would have kissed me back, so that must mean she has some feelings for me right? She said they were feelings from before and weren't real now, but whether they begun growing then or now, does it make them any less valid?

My cell phone vibrated in the holder and I answered it when I saw Kate's name on the screen.

"Kate?" I said, as I switched it to speaker phone.

"You're avoiding my emails and texts so I had to call," she said.

"I know, I've been thinking," I told her.

"About what? Training starts in literally two days, you need to book a flight home, I don't understand what the delay is," she said.

Book a flight 'home'. Home to LA. Right now, being back in New York felt more like home than LA did.

"I just have my daughter to think about and things to work out," I said.

"Nathan this isn't the stone age. There are single parents all over America," she said, "you'll see her all the time."

"I know," I said.

"And what do you really have to work out? You know you're coming back regardless so what's the deal?" she said then paused, "hold on, you aren't considering not coming back are you?"

"No, I'm coming back," I said, even though I'd be lying if I said those thoughts hadn't crossed my mind. I'd been playing basketball for five years. I loved it, but maybe taking a break wouldn't be all that bad if I got to spend time with Emma and figure out where my head is.

"Nathan, don't do this. I know how your mind works. You can't leave the team," she said.

"It wouldn't be forever," I said, and she groaned. I liked Kate much better than my last manager I had from when I started. She pushed me into a lot less, and even though she told me where she stood on things, she let me make my own decisions.

"You know once you take a break it's hard to get back in the league. Once your momentum is gone nobody is going to be rushing to sign you," she said honestly.

"I know," I said.

"Look, you know you have to come back. Right now you want to be with your daughter and I get that, I have a kid too. But you are going to see her, it's not hard to work and be a parent," she said, "look, come back for pre-season training. It's mandatory, you know that. Then we can figure out how we can make it work with Emma and her mother."

"Ok, book it," I said.

"I'll send you the confirmation," she said.

"Thanks Kate."

I hung up the phone and drove into the driveway of the apartment I was staying in. as the car locked, my phone rang again, and I hit accept before I realised it was someone I had been avoiding.

"Sweetie," Marisol said, "I've been trying to get in touch with you for days."

"I know," I said.

"We need to sort this out," she said, "I need to come there."

"No, don't come here!" I said quickly, "I'm coming back to LA in a day."

The last thing I needed was for her to end up in the already messy equation that was Nathan and Brooke.

"You are? That's great," she said.

"Mari, you know this whole thing with us—"

"Nathan don't do this," she said, "everything was going fine with us before this whole long lost kid thing happened."

I was never in love with Marisol. We'd been pushed together for publicity and it wasn't like I hated every minute of it. Sometimes it was nice to have someone there, even if it wasn't the right person. As much as I hated myself for it, I had used her more than a few times to relieve stress, but she wasn't complaining either. She needed company too, which is why we ended up spending out free time together when we weren't at a public event. This led to a dysfunctional relationship which then led to me telling her about Emma in a moment of weakness.

It wasn't fair for me to tell her now that it was all a lie, because that would be a complete lie, and I did actually consider her a friend when she wasn't going all diva on me.

"Mariso—"

"You need to come here, and we need to talk this through in person. I know you were mad at me before you left, and I get that. I shouldn't have told anyone what you told me. But I'm so sorry Nathan, I just want everything to work out. And look, it ended up working out, you got to know your daughter."

I couldn't dispute that.

"Mari…"

"Nathan, I'm going to hang up, then when you're home I'm coming over and we're going to talk."

"Ok fine," I said running my hands through my hair.

I put the phone in my pocket and let myself into the house. I needed to clear my head and I only knew of one way how.

Xxxxxxx

Brooke POV

"Stop pacing," Rachel said with her mouth full.

"I know your pregnant but that doesn't justify that," I said pointing to her plate, which was piled high.

"Oh please, I'm milking this whole baby thing for all it's worth," she said, putting a forkful of pasta in her mouth.

I smiled and put a piece of garlic bread on her plate, remembering going through spurts of insatiable hunger myself.

"What's your excuse?" I said looking to Chase whose plate was in competition with his wife's.

"It's my baby too?" he said grinning, and I rolled my eyes.

As much as I loved seeing them together enjoying this baby, I had to admit that it hurt a little to see a pregnancy where they were both enjoying every second of it and were there for each other. My pregnancy was filled with worry over where we were going to live, money and making sure I could deal with this on my own. I was literally living day by day. I didn't resent Rachel or Chase at all, but it did make me a little sad.

"Sweetie, seriously stop pacing!" Rachel said. I stopped and sat down.

"I'm not," I said.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

"Nothing," I said.

"Really? You're going to go with 'nothing'?"

"I just…" I didn't know how to finish because I didn't know how to articulate what I felt.

I felt like something was missing and I felt unsettled all the time.

I didn't trust myself around Nathan, and I didn't know how or want to deal with my feelings versus logic debate so my mature method of control had been avoidance. I knew that wasn't the right way to go about it and I couldn't hide forever but being around him made me want things I knew I shouldn't. I had to be a responsible adult right now and to do that I needed to keep my head clear.

"Ok, that's it," she said suddenly, "Get out."

"What?" I said.

"Get out," she said putting down her fork, clearly meaning business.

"It's my house," I said.

"I'm well aware of that. You need to go get some space, get some distance from whatever it is you've got bubbling away in that head of yours. Go take a walk, go shopping, I don't care."

"Err…I have a child upstairs," I pointed out. Emma had come back tired out from being with Nathan all day so I'd sent her for a nap.

"And I have one in here," she said pointing to her stomach, "what's your point?"

"Rach—"

"She's fine, we're here, so go, don't piss off a pregnant woman," she said.

"We're going to get the 'don't' piss off a pregnant woman' excuse for another six months aren't we?" I asked Chase.

"I think we were already dealing with the 'don't piss of Rachel in general' excuse for years, so it shouldn't be that different," he said, and Rachel hit him on the arm.

"See," he said, pointing to his arm, and proving his point.

Rachel raised her eyebrows at me.

"I'm going, I'm going," I said, grabbing the essentials before leaving the house.

Xxxxxx

Nathan POV

I parked the car on the side pathway I normally went to when I came here. The park was always busy, but there were parts of it that weren't on the trail, that most people didn't even venture out to unless they knew where they were going.

I'd found this spot years ago, it had a concreted area, with an old basketball hoop, as well as grass and a little pond. I used to come to practice and just to get some space.

I took the ball I had just bought out the backseat and starting walking down the narrow trail. I managed to get through the five minute walk without actually thinking about where I had to go. I guess things like that still stayed in your mind even if you were away for years.

The area looked exactly the same. It was run down, and barely standing but I loved it. Seeing this area made me grip the ball tighter as I was hit with all the memories of being here, working to get to where I was now. I wish I could go back to the younger version of myself and tell him it would be ok. I would make it.

I bounced the ball twice then threw it straight into the hoop.

I watched the ball bounce through, and roll off to the side. I watched it until it went still then picked it up. I dribbled the ball a bit before throwing it in again.

There was something about playing here, which gave me a rush, or push of adrenaline. I don't know if it was the force of desperation that I used to have here that hit me again or me needing this place again to guide me into making the right choices. Either way though, I trained harder than I have in a very long time. I could feel my muscles burning under the strain, but I didn't stop.

The light in the sky dimmed until it had its evening glow, and I slowed, looking up, realising how long I had actually spent here.

"I was wondering how long you could go for," I heard behind me, and I turned around.

Brooke stood, leaning against the tree on the grassy area, and pulled her cardigan closer around her.

The wind blew her hair around her shoulders, and she gently put her head against the tree.

I had to blink to make sure I wasn't making up her presence. She was the only other person who knew where this place was, so it wasn't impossible for her to be here now but I didn't see why she would be.

The ball fell out of my hands, but neither one of our eyes followed it as it rolled away.

"Hey," I said.

"Hi," she said softly, but because of the silence of our surroundings it was silent.

"What are you doing here?" I asked.

"I don't know, went for a walk to clear my head and found myself here," she said.

"Funny, I was trying to do the same thing," I responded.

"Did it work?" she asked.

"I don't know yet," I said, "what about you?"

"I don't know either," she said.

We stood in silence for a few seconds, then I took a single step toward her.

"Do you come here a lot?" I ask her.

"No, not really. I think I might have come back once—" she said then stopped.

"Go on," I urged her.

"No it's ok," she said, shifting, and clearly not wanting to tell me about it, telling me it wasn't a particularly nice memory probably because of me.

"It's fine, I want to know, tell me," I said.

She hesitated for a moment then nodded.

"It was about a month after I left you in LA. I knew how it ended but I think in the back of my mind I always thought you'd come back and it would be ok," she said playing with the edge of her cardigan, "I think it was around then that I came back here. It was the first time I'd ever been here alone and I think it was when it hit me that I really was alone in this. I never came back after that," she said then sighed, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to put all of that on you, I know you're back now."

Her words crushed me as I visualised it.

"No, don't be sorry, I needed to hear that. Brooke I am here now, but that doesn't take back what happened. You have no idea how much I regret what happened and how much I wish I could do everything differently."

"You can't though," she said with watery eyes, "In real life you don't get a replay."

"I know. That's why I'm trying to make up for it now," I said.

"I know," she said.

"I know you've been avoiding me," I said, and she didn't try to deny it.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know how to deal with it," she said.

"Deal with what?"

"Us, what happened, would could have happened—" she started rambling.

"You said you wanted to forget it happened," I said.

"I do, I did—"

"Then why don't you want to be around me?"

"Because I don't want to forget," she said with tears streaming down her face, and moved closer to her and put my hands on her arms.

"Then don't forget," I said.

"Nathan I love you, I still do but I've been through too much to pretend it didn't happen, and then I see Emma and I don't want to hurt her and then everyone else suffered through it with me and helped me through everything and if I just forget what happened then—"

"Brooke. Stop," I said, moving my hands down to her wrists, "Don't think about what everyone else will think or what you should do or what the logical thing is. Just be in the moment. What do you want?"

A strand of her hair was stuck to her face with her tears, and her cardigan was slipping from one of her shoulders. Her face was wet with tears and her mascara was smudged. In that moment though I don't think she had ever been so beautiful. It felt like this was us in our rawest form and I could feel it radiating out of us.

"I should go," she said.

"Don't go because you should," I said, "go because you want to."

Brooke didn't move.

"What do you want Brooke?" I asked again, prompting her.

"I don't know," she said with her eyes closed.

"Yes you do Brooke. Don't be that responsible adult right now. What do you want in here," I said moving my hand to her chest and placing it on her heart.

I could feel her heart beating extremely loudly and she shivered slightly.

The tears suddenly stopped and she reached up and stroked my cheek.

"What I've always wanted."

From then on it was like a slow motion portion of a film. She moved slowly toward me, taking the first step. I felt one hand on the back of my neck and the other on my chest, and I was sure my heart was beating just as hard as mine.

For the first time in four years I felt Brooke Davis's lips on mine. For a second, neither of us moved, realising the big step we'd taken, but then on instinct, both of us began moving gently at first. Her lips were soft and warm and felt perfect, like they were made to fit in between my own.

I put my arms around her waist and pulled her closer, so her chest was touching mine. I took control then and opened her mouth gently with my lips and she instantly opened them.

I tried to keep kissing her and not be overwhelmed by the fact I was kissing Brooke right now. Suddenly all those years we'd been apart felt wasted and I hated myself for not being here, where I was meant to be.

Brooke pulled away, but I gripped her tighter.

"Just be here, Nathan," she said shrugging.

"I am here."

"You know what I mean. Just don't leave. I don't think Emma could take it," she said, "I don't think I could take it either."

"Baby, I'm not going anywhere," I said, "I promise."

"Then make me yours," she said.

"What?" I said in surprise, sure I must have heard wrong.

"Make me yours," she repeated, and bit her lip.

If there was a moment I thought I would die from the intensity of moment, it was now.

Brooke looked up at me, and I melted inside. There was nothing that could have stopped me in that moment.

I kissed her again, but this time more forcefully and she kissed me back just as enthusiastically. All I could hear in the background was wind and silence, making it feel like we were in our own little world.

I gently pushed her cardigan off her shoulders and she let it fall to the floor, leaving her in her tank top and jeans. She slipped her hands under my t-shirt, and managed to push it up and off whilst only breaking our kiss for a second.

Her hands explored my chest like she wanted to commit every line to memory, at the same time as getting reacquainted with my body.

I lifted her carefully and knelt down to the grass, putting her down slowly. The second we both hit the floor, we realised what we were about to do. Our kiss broke, and we locked gazes for a few seconds whilst we tried to gather our thoughts.

Without speaking Brooke looked at me if silently asking if this was ok and if I wanted it too.

I nodded softly and asked her the same question with my eyes. She smiled softly and nodded.

And that was when we took the step to live in the moment.

Xxxxxxx

Brooke POV

I stretched, content with a smile on my face, having awoken from the best sleep I'd had in a long time. The heat on my back felt amazing and—

Heat on my back?

I opened my eyes and the first thing I saw was a blur of green. My eyes soon refocused and I saw blades of grass. Other than waking up in a park, the second thing I quickly found out of the ordinary was that I was sleeping in the park with only my underwear on. The hand I saw over my waist made the events of last night come back to me and hit me hard.

Part of me had woken up thinking I had dreamt it all. I twisted around slowly and saw Nathan fast asleep beside me with his nose scrunched up, and I couldn't resist smiling. His t-shirt was over me to keep me warm and I moved it over him, not that it would make much difference.

I shifted away trying not to wake him and put on my bra and tank top.

I reached for my cell phone in the pocket of my jeans and cursed my stupidity when I saw 43 missed called and 20 text messages.

Oh crap. Somewhere in getting lost in Nathan I had forgotten I had left a whole bunch of worried people and my daughter thinking I'd just disappeared.

They started out calm like 'Hey, when are you thinking of heading back?—Rach'. But they soon turned into messages like 'Why aren't you picking up your phone? Are you ok? Brooke, I'm this close to calling the police!'

I quickly typed out a message to Rachel. 'So sorry! I'm fine, don't worry! I'll be home soon and I'll explain! B xx'

What the hell was I supposed to explain to her? If I told her what had just happened she'd freak out. Even though I was thinking about all of this, it was hard to care when I could see Nathan lying there innocently.

I turned my cell off, and moved in closer to Nathan, giving myself a few more minutes just to be in bliss before I had to work this all out.

In his sleep, Nathan put his arm under my head and tucked me into his side, and I closed my eyes and sighed. This was how it was meant to be. Of course I'd woken up and had a split second of panic, but now I was visualising how this could work out how it was meant to be and I felt better.

Just as I felt like I was drifting off again, I felt a vibration under me, and quickly rushed to grab Nathan's cell before it woke him up.

The ring tone started playing and the only way to shut it off was to answer it.

"Hello?' I whisper-yelled as I slowly rolled to the side.

"Baby?" a female voice answered.

Xxxxxxx

Flashback

Brooke POV

"All set?" Rachel asked, passing me my jacket.

"As I'll ever be," I responded.

"You don't have to do this alone," Chase said.

"Yes I kind of do," I said, "thank you all though."

"You know we're always here for you," Peyton said.

The final boarding call came over the intercom and I quickly hugged them all goodbye.

I walked to the boarding area, feeling more nervous the closer I got to the plane. It had been a week and I still couldn't believe I was pregnant. Once again, my hand absentmindedly went to my stomach. I couldn't believe I had a baby inside me. A baby that was half me and half Nathan.

I used to fantasise about this moment in our future all the time; the moment where we'd be a real family. I know things had been rough between me and Nathan lately, but I had a feeling this was the push he needed to bring him back to who he used to be.

I know he always wanted a kid. We used to lie in bed arguing over names of children we didn't even have yet. He was always sure though that we'd have enough kids to fill out all our name choices.

I had debated calling him this week but I figured this was something I should do face to face.

The flight went much quicker than I thought it would, and before I knew it we'd landed in California.

Like it always did, the different heat hit me as soon as I walked out the airport. I took a cab to Nathan's new place that he had just moved into, and felt butterflies, as I got closer.

I tried to think of ways I could surprise him with this. I should probably talk things through with him first. The last time we'd spoken he did clearly not want to be on a break but I need to get us back on track first.

The cab pulled up in front of an upper end apartment complex, and I got out after paying the guy.

The doorman eyed me curiously and asked who I was here to see.

"Nathan Scott," I said.

"Is he expecting you?" he asked.

"No but—"

"Then I'm sorry miss," he said, "you understand the amount of people we get pretending they know the residents."

"But I actually do know him," I said, slightly frustrated that I was such a little part of Nathan's new life nobody even knew who I was.

"That's what they all say," he said.

"You can call him and ask him," I said.

He looked conflicted then, used then guided me into the lobby.

He explained the situation to the man behind the desk and the man whose name tag read 'Dean' called up.

I tapped my fingers on the counter, waiting.

"Good afternoon Mr Scott," he said, and I could hear the muffled noise of speaking on the other end.

"We have a Miss Brooke Davis down here for you. We can get rid of her if you pref—"

"Oh really?' Dean said looking surprised, and raised his eyebrows at the doorman.

"Ok, I'll send her up."

"Eighth floor," he said, putting the phone down.

"Thank you," I said, and I couldn't help but give a smug look to the doorman.

I went up to the eighth floor, and Nathan was waiting on the other side of the doors when they opened.

"Brooke?" he grinned, "I can't believe you came!"

"I know," I said, hugging him.

I knew we needed space, but maybe that space had been achieved now. Being with him felt like home.

"This is so great," he said, leading me into his apartment.

"I know it's pretty empty, I'm still moving in," he said, gesturing to the boxes on the floor.

"Did you want any of your stuff from home?" I asked, stepping over a box.

"Oh no, I don't really need it," he said. And I frowned. He literally came to LA with one suitcase, now he was moving in somewhere else and didn't want any of his stuff at all?

Nathan took me into the kitchen and passed me a bottle of water. I dropped my bag on the floor and took a long sip.

"How were finals?" he asked.

"They were ok. I had the last one this morning," I said.

"That's great," he said, "I know you'll do great."

"Thanks," I said.

"I'm really glad you came Brooke," he said.

"Me too," I said.

"Are we ok?" he asked, "I was worried there for a while."

"I think we'll be ok," I said.

He came over and swept me up in a hug, and kissed me.

"I actually came here to give you some news," I told him.

"Oh yeah?" he asked.

"Yeah well, I kind of have something to tell you," I said.

"Good or bad?" he asked.

"Good," I said reassuring him, and he looked relieved.

"Ok, so what's up?"

"I know it's a little earlier than we planned, but I know we both wanted it," I said and he looked intrigued, "and maybe this is what we need you know? I can leave my internship and see what I can find here instead and—"

"Brooke, what is it?" he interrupted.

"I'm pregnant," I said.

Nathan froze for a second, then pulled away, taking a step back. I saw multiple emotions cross his face—shock, surprise, annoyance—but none of them happiness.

"Ok. Well that's a big problem."

If only I knew then it was only the start of our problems.

A/N: ok so you have two major things going on in the present and past! Tell me as always what you think! This time reviews went down by so much, I'm hoping there are still people reading! Hopefully the two cliff hangers will force you all to talk to me!