"By golly, Jim, I'm beginning to think I can cure a rainy day!"

Dr. McCoy, Star Trek: The Original series, "The Devil in the Dark"

Horse Sense and Heart Sense

By GunShy

Chapter 10: Miracles and Stubborn Foolishness

"Now, Kitty, Don't be thinking things like that. You know better than most that Matt's a survivor. And another thing, neither one of them would regret dying to save you. You know that. It might be a hard thing for you to accept, but that's the fact of it."

Kitty sighed and took a small sip of her coffee. "I do know, and I don't like it. Matt was so focused on saving me, he forgot I needed him to look out for himself, too. Doc, do you know why Matt's leaving?" Kitty paused and took a deep breath. "Like I said, he's been around more than ever, attentive even, but as I started feeling better, I felt like he was keeping a space between us. I didn't think too much about it at first. I knew he was working through some things. But, then… when I heard he was leaving Dodge, well, I couldn't help but think…"

Buck watched the tears building in Kitty's eyes. Finally, she continued. "Doc, you know I love him, and I need him. He's a big part of my life. And he told me he needed me. How can he just… leave?"

"I can't answer that question, but Matt's gonna be stuck here a good long time recovering. I figure you can pester him till he tells you. I'll tell you something though, Kitty. His body might have been riding out of Dodge, but he was leaving his heart right here with you."

Kitty sighed. "Thanks, Doc, for that. Look, you're exhausted. Why don't you go lay down on the cot? I'll go up and check on Festus and Sam, and then I'll sit with Matt. I'll call you if there's any change at all. You'll be able to be here in less than a minute."

"Thanks, Kitty. Matt's breathing keeps improving and I was real worried about that. It was a mighty long day though, and if anything does happen, it would be good if I had some rest before I deal with it."

With Doc resting on the cot in the storeroom, Buck watched as Kitty kept her lonely vigil over the man she loved. She rearranged his curls, brushing them back and then giving him a gentle kiss. She then tousled them again, leaving them scattered across his forehead. She smiled. "Your hair's getting a little long. I guess you've been too busy to get a haircut." She sighed and sank down on the chair next to him. "You sure can be a mystery, Matt. I love you, and I need you, and I just can't understand why you're leaving me. When I try to come up with reasons… well, I just don't much like the reasons I come up with. But I tell you, Cowboy, if you're set on leaving, you got to promise me, it'll be riding out of town on Buck. You can't leave me like this, crying at your side and not even knowing why you wanted to go." Then she just sat there, watching Matt breathe, the steady rhythm giving hope and comfort. eventually she reached out and grasped his huge hand in her much smaller ones. Buck couldn't help but think, and not for the first time, that Matt was a fool to think of leaving this woman.

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Kitty was asleep in the chair next to Matt's right side, her head resting near his arm, one hand holding on to his arm, and the other holding his hand, her fingers entwined with his. Buck thought Matt was an incredibly fortunate man to be so loved by this woman.

It was dark now, and while there were still people out on the streets, since Festus had asked them to clear the boardwalk all those hours ago, they had been careful to keep their distance from the Long Branch. Maybe by morning they would know something for sure. Buck didn't think anyone would be taking him down to the stable until then. Buck drifted into a light sleep. The hours of the night were slowly passing.

It was the small hours of morning when Kitty called out to Doc, rousing Buck from his light sleep. He watched the rumpled doctor emerge from the storeroom and hurry over to his patient.

"Doc, he's regaining consciousness. I'm worried about him moving. These tables aren't that stable."

"I know Kitty, but I just didn't dare move him right after the surgery. Just keep talking to him. Try to keep him calm. I know he's going to be in a lot of pain if he comes around. I have a light dose of laudanum ready, but I don't want to give it to him if I don't absolutely have to. I'm still worried about his breathing.

Buck could see that Kitty was whispering to his injured human, but he couldn't hear what she was saying. Whatever it was, Matt was calming. Then he stilled. Buck wasn't sure if he was sleeping or had lapsed back to unconsciousness until Doc answered that question for him.

"He's unconscious again, Kitty, but that's probably for the best. He needs time to heal. I just don't want him moving around. He can't afford to pull out any of those stitches I put inside of him."

Matt remained quiet for most of the remainder of the night, awakening only a few times. Just once had he spoken and that was a single word, 'Kitty,' before he again slipped into his unconscious slumber.

The sun was peeping over the horizon before Matt seemed to fully rouse from his unconscious state and take note of his surroundings. Kitty anxiously hurried to his side, Doc quickly joining her to place his thumb and two fingers on Matt's wrist to check his pulse. Matt peered groggily around the Long Branch in confusion. "What the hell…" he asked, grimacing as he coughed painfully, before taking a shallow breath and hoarsely inquiring, "What am I doing…laid out on these… gaming tables?"

Kitty gently rubbed Matt's bare arm as her tearful eyes met Doc's, relief evident in her exhausted features now that her man was awake and talking. She countered with a tender smile, laying a cool hand against his stubbly cheek, "Well, cowboy, I did warn ya, if you ever came back in here you'd be shot, now, didn't I?"

The corners of Matt's mouth turned up in the smallest of smiles, and he lay his hand on top of hers, managing a whisper of a laugh. "You did, Kitty. You did." Matt carefully scrutinized her. "You're all right?"

"Yeah, Matt, I'm just fine…now."

Buck watched as Doc hovered over Matt, listening to his heart and taking his pulse, all those doctor things he liked to do when Matt was hurt. Finally Doc looked up from his examination and smiled. "I think, Matt, if you precisely follow all the instructions from your very exceptional personal physician, you might live. Of course, if you start moving around, and fall off this…operating table…well that could change everything."

"Well now, Doc, I'll just try not to do that, but you know, this isn't exactly the most comfortable bed I've ever slept in."

Kitty laughed, her relief at having Matt back just busting free. Buck had missed that hearty, cheerful sound and bet Doc and Matt had as well. "I have to agree with you there, Cowboy. These tables weren't designed for sleeping."

Buck could see and feel that Matt was hurting pretty badly. He could see it in the tightness of his eyes and the set of his mouth. Buck guessed Kitty saw the same thing because she said, "Doc, can you give him some laudanum, for the pain, now?"

"Sure thing, Kitty. I'm measuring it out right now. Matt, you take this and rest, and we'll get you moved to a more comfortable bed."

Matt swallowed the offered dose of laudanum and was soon still again. His lack of argument an indicator of the level of pain he was feeling. Kitty smiled affectionately at the little boy face of disgust he had made at the taste. Buck figured he was sleeping and that was a step towards recovery.

Doc looked over at Kitty, and shook his head, a happy smile of disbelief lighting his features. "You know Kitty, that man must have the constitution of an ox. Him awake and talking, it's practically a miracle. Yesterday morning, when I saw all that blood… It was overwhelming, scared me. And, it just got worse, not being able to find that bleeder, and the bullet so close to his lung." Doc shook his head and clicked his tongue. "I was afraid he was gonna die, and a part of me just wished I wasn't there at all. I didn't want to be the one… Well, I just couldn't face losing him. My goodness, Kitty, I must be a mighty fine surgeon, and heaven must have been smiling on us, too."

Kitty gave him a beaming smile and hug. "Doc, you know you're the best. I knew if anyone could save him, you would."

"By Golly, Kitty, a day like today makes me feel like I could almost cure a rainy day."

Buck felt his heart bursting with happiness from just watching them.

The two of them were just standing there grinning at one another when Festus came jangling down the stairs looking a lot better than he had the previous afternoon.

"Did I hear ole Matthew talking?"

"You sure did," responded Kitty. "But Doc gave him some laudanum and he's sleeping again. Doc thinks he's gonna be all right though."

"Well, that's puradee good news, Miss Kitty." It was at that point that Festus glanced out the saloon doors and saw Buck still standing there. "I'm ah seein poor ole Buck standin out there still a wearin his saddle and all Matthew's gear. I'm gonna take him on over ta the stable and see to it he gets took good care of. I shoulda seen to him last night, for Matthew, but my thinkin was kinda cloudy. I'll be back to help quicker'n you can say uh rat run over the roof uh the house with a piece uh raw liver…"

"Well, you just do that, Festus," interrupted a cranky sounding Doc, "But on your way back, how about you get Newly, and round up maybe four or five more fellas to help move Matt off these tables?"

"Sure thing, you old quackity quack. Good thing Matthew's tough, or I don't know how he'd live through your doctorin." Then Festus pushed through the saloon doors with a grin on his face, leaving Doc to splutter in his wake. "C'mon, Buck, it looks like it's gonna be a fiddlesome day. Matthew's doin some better."

Buck took one more long look inside the saloon as Festus picked up his dangling reins and pulled him down towards the stable. It would be good to get this saddle and gear off, and get something to eat and drink. But he already missed Matt, and he had a feeling it was going to be a long time before he saw him again.

And it was—three weeks and two days to be exact, and two more weeks after that before Matt was fit to ride. But while Buck was lonely, he didn't mind the wait too much as he was just powerful glad to know he would be seeing Matt again. He had come exceedingly close to losing him, and not only would Matt have been gone, but Buck would have known that it was his fault. He was going to be extra careful about doing exactly what Matt wanted from now on. Decision-making was more responsibility than this horse wanted.

Kitty seemed to know Buck was lonely while his rider was laid up. He and Kitty had a connection. She would come down to the stable at night to talk to him. She usually bought him a treat and would talk to him about Matt's progress and sometimes share her own happinesses and heartaches. Matt was Buck's human, but sometime he thought Kitty understood him better. She seemed to know that he worried, and that, even if he was just a horse, he had feelings.

One important visit occurred about two weeks after Matt had been shot. She brought Buck an apple, which was a rare treat indeed, and let him know that Matt was finally up out of bed, and Doc was letting him walk around the Long Branch a little bit. Doc still wanted him to take it easy, but he was definitely getting stronger. She had smiled as she told him, "Buck, you know he's a hard man to keep down." But, despite the smile, Buck could tell she was sad. She patted his neck and scratched behind his ears. He loved being scratched behind his ears, especially by Kitty. She knew the exact perfect spot to scratch.

Finally, she told him that while she was glad Matt was getting better, the more strength he regained, the more she feared he was going to leave her. All that time he had been recuperating at the Long Branch, she hadn't been able to get him to tell her why he was leaving. As she told Buck, and as he well knew, Matt had an unparalleled ability to ignore direct questions. Buck had seen tears in her eyes as she told him that Matt was well enough now to move upstairs to a real bed, but he had insisted on continuing to sleep on the uncomfortable and too small cot in the storeroom. He had mumbled something about not feeling up to climbing the stairs.

Even though Kitty hadn't specified, Buck knew exactly whose real bed she had in mind. He might only be a horse, but he hadn't just been born yesterday, and he sure hadn't been born in the dark. There were definitely some decisions that Matt made that even a smart horse like him couldn't fathom.

Kitty had leaned against his shoulder and gently rubbed his nose as she shared her hidden pain. Buck's heart broke that he couldn't fix this for her. He wished he could tell that stubborn human of his just how wrong-headed his thinking was.

It looked like nothing had change. Matt getting shot had been more than a significant event, but it hadn't changed a thing. It only seemed to have delayed Matt's plans to leave. Kitty was sad, and Buck was sad. Buck didn't want to leave with Matt anymore than Kitty wanted Matt to leave without her. Buck tried not to be judgmental about his human's choices, especially now that he'd his own taste of decision-making. But Buck just couldn't help but think that Matt's continued insistence on leaving was just stubborn foolishness.

It was only a little over a week later that Matt had come to see him. He was pale, and Buck could see that the walk to the stable had tired him some, but mostly he looked good and Buck could tell he was going to be just fine. Buck could also tell that Matt was sad. Seemed like everyone was sad and it was Matt's fault. Unlike Kitty, Matt rarely talked to him, but he enjoyed Matt's silent companionship. Even without words, Buck knew Matt was wrestling with the reality of leaving when he was healed. Buck had hoped that Matt would change his mind while he recuperated, but that hadn't happened. At least not based on what Kitty had told him. Matt was stubborn. Even Ruth couldn't out stubborn Matt. And that was saying something.

After that first visit, Matt came to see him everyday. Each day, Buck could see that he was stronger. Another week passed and Buck was aware that Matt was back doing his rounds. Matt was visiting twice a day, after his morning rounds and before his evening rounds. His gun was back on his hip. Then, after the second week of visits, Matt had shown up in the predawn and had ridden him out to Pawnee Creek again, and watched the sun rise over the prairie. Matt's comforting presence was with him, but Buck could sense great sadness in him. Buck knew Matt was thinking the time had come to leave.

To be continued-