Love is Blind – Chapter 10
By MyNameIsCAL
The car was packed, literally. Iggy and I were squeezed into the back with the cooler and suitcase that didn't fit into the trunk. On the way out of town, we passed the Mexican restaurant.
"We haven't eaten there in a while," Ella said. She was now on speaking terms to us as a collective group, but never to Iggy or me directly. Well, at least to me. Sometimes she would talk to Iggy, as long as he talked to her first.
"We should go there on the way back," Max suggested.
Iggy and I didn't say anything. After that night we ate there, everything had changed. It was hard not to think about it, kissing Iggy. I wished I could, right now.
Our first official stop would be in San Francisco. But it would be a couple of days before we got there. Our final destination would Hollywood and LA before heading home. Max and Ella had everything planned out. Of course there was time to make unplanned stops. Mom pretty much told us as long as we got back before August, everything would be ok. August was always the month we spent together as a family. Now that we were going off to college, the four of us wouldn't get to see the flock or Mom that often.
Max, Iggy, and Ella went one with their conversation. I realized I wasn't talking, only thinking to myself, listening to the lyrics of the songs Max was playing off her ipod. And then this song came on. It was a song I remembered every lyric too. Max caught my eye in the rearview mirror and gave me a pained smile.
Wandering the streets in a world underneath it all
Nothing seems to be, Nothing tastes as sweet as what I can't have
Like you and the way that you're
Twisting your hair 'round your finger
Tonight I'm not afraid to tell you
What I feel about you
It was, I don't know, a long time ago I guess. Max and I, it was an on off relationship during those years of fighting Itex. When we sat down and confessed our feelings to each other, it was this song that had been playing. Once upon a time I knew how to play this on the guitar, just for Max, and we'd sit on the roof when no one was around to sing it. I couldn't even remember the last time I played my guitar. And it was this song that Max and I would hear every now and then and smile, but now, it just seemed like part of the past. It was bittersweet hearing it again.
Oh, I'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have
Cannonball into the water
I'm gonna muster up every ounce of confidence I have
For you I will, for you I will
I could still picture that moment, sitting on the roof for the first time with Max. We had the radio on, just because no one else was home. I still remembered the conversation:
"So, uh, Fang," Max hesitated. "What are we going to do about us?"
My eyes met hers. "I think we need to stop…Dodging this and, well I guess, we should make it official. You know, tell the flock."
She smiled. "You really think so?"
Forgive me if I st-stutter
From all of the clutter in my head
Cause I could fall asleep in those eyes, like a waterbed
Do I seem familiar?
I crossed you in hallways a thousand times
No more camouflage I want to be exposed and not be afraid to fall
"Yes, really," I grinned, something I rarely did back then. "I'm tired of hiding this from the flock."
We lay back on the roof, staring off at the sunset.
Oh, I'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have
And cannonball into the water
I'm gonna muster up every ounce of confidence I have
For you I will, for you I will
Max slipped her hand into mine, as we watched the sun go down, her head against my shoulder, as we looked up at the stars. Back then, I really thought Max was going to be the one. There were nights where we talked about walking down the aisle and naming our kids. One day we decided we were going to live in a big house in the mountains, another day by the beach. Our fantasies were always changing. And then after a while, we had just stopped talking about that kind of stuff.
You always want what you can't have
But I've got to try
I'm muster every ounce of confidence I have
For you I will, for you I will
For You
I would have done anything for Max. I would have given up my life for her, but I think I already proved that as we fought with Itex. Before that night, we had been so afraid to admit our feelings, so afraid to tell each other that we really did care.
If I could the lights in the mall and create a mood
I would
Shout out your name so it echoes in every room
I would
That's what I'd do
That's what I'd do
That's what I'd do
To get through to you, yeah
And it worked out all through high school. We tried all those cliché couple things. I bought Max flowers and chocolate on Valentine's Day, when all she ever really wanted was just to talk for hours on the roof. Things were comfortable between us before. I didn't know what happened our senior year, or what got lost between us.
For you I will
The song ended and Max shut off the music. She caught my eye one last time, looking sad. I changed my gaze to the desert passing by the window. I probably would still take a bullet for Max, sacrifice myself for her. I mean, I'd sacrifice myself for Iggy too and the rest of the flock, or Mom and Ella. But hell, if she really wanted, I'd still go on that roof and sit with her if she ever needed to talk. If she needed a hand to hold, or a shoulder to cry on, I'd be there as her best friend.
I wondered if she felt heartbroken or hurt and she just didn't admit it.
"Hey, are you okay, Fang?" Iggy nudged me.
I sat up straight, sucking in a breath. "Yeah, I'm fine."
"You sure?"
I nodded and Iggy took my hand. He asked me to describe the desert to him and so I did, just to forget about Max for a while, even though she was sitting right in front of me.
That song is "Confidence (For You I Will)" by Teddy Geiger, who I believe is one of the most talented musical artists out there. He should be Fang, or at least I think so sometimes. Anyway, thanks for reading!