Chapter 10—Breaking Through

That night, the patrol was tense with silence. Wood refused to leave, and the testosterone was thick enough to cut through. Spike, for his part, ignored Wood completely. He focused all of his attention on the girls, watching them critically and giving them hints and pointers.


Buffy was surprised they were running across any vampires or demons at all. She had never patrolled with this many people before. Spike, Wood, the potentials, Dawn, even Xander and Giles joined them. She got the impression that Xander and Giles were there so they could watch Spike.

Only a few vampires dared their huge party, and Buffy sighed in frustration. She needed to get these girls some field time, but there was nothing to fight.

"Spike?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you know of any nests or anything? We're scaring away all the baddies."

Spike paused to think. "Sorry Slayer, I'm drawing a blank. It's been a long time."

"Nothing? You've got to have something."

"Well, there is a Ssojkcuf nest in the woods, but I don't know if you want to take the girls there."

"Why?"

"They're really vicious, and large."

Buffy took stock of their numbers and weapons. Everybody was armed with at least two weapons—long range and short range—and everybody could take care of themselves in a battle, Buffy was confident of that. "Let's do it."

"Are you sure, Slayer?"

"Yeah, strength in numbers and all that."

Spike shrugged, "Right. Let's go."

The large crowd trailed after Buffy like ducklings after their mother. Nobody voiced an objection when she allowed Spike to lead them deep into the woods, all of them were eager for a fight. Especially Wood. He had a plan that had only been a vague idea before the events of the afternoon, but was now concrete.

"Here we are," Spike announced. He held up his hand to silence everybody, and they all strained to hear the demons moving around their cave.

"Sounds like maybe three," Buffy said. "The rest must be out."

Spike nodded, "If we can take these three out before the rest gets back, we'll be ok. But if we don't…"

"Then what?" Kennedy demanded.

"I hope y'all can run really fast," he answered, only half joking. "Wait for our signal."

Buffy and Spike moved into the cave together, acting as a well-practiced  team. After getting an idea of the layout of the cave, Buffy waved the rest of them in. They crowded into the mouth of the cave, and then waited for the fight to begin.

Buffy counted to three, then they attacked. They had the upper-hand at first because the demons weren't expecting them, but soon they lost that advantage. The demons were much stronger than any of them expected, and much larger than Spike remembered.


Buffy and Spike were doing fine against the beasts, holding their own and getting more than one powerful hit in. But the rest were overwhelmed. Even Giles had a tough time avoiding the large, bone spiked fists. Wood saw his window of opportunity shrink, and then close completely. He was too busy keeping his own head on to go after Spike's.

Spike killed his demon first, just in time to see the third galloping towards Wood and Kennedy. They stood side by side, both of them helpless with shock. It seemed like they couldn't move at all, couldn't raise their weapons to defend themselves. With a roar, Spike launched himself at the demon, the duster flying behind him, his face showing the visage of the vampire.

Wood and Kennedy ducked at the same that Spike landed on the Ssojkcuf's back and grabbed it by its curled horns. He pulled its head back until he heard the satisfying sound of the neck snapping. Spike jumped off its back as it crumpled to the ground.

"Next time a large demon is charging you, either run or fight. If you duck like that, you'll die. And I won't always be here to protect your ass," Spike said, before turning around to check on Buffy.

"We need to take him down," Wood said darkly.

Kennedy surprised him by asking why.

"What do you mean, why? Look at your neck?"

Kennedy shrugged, "I attacked him. It's not like he wasn't going to fight back."

Wood stared at her, shocked and confused. He thought of all the people living in the Summers' house, Kennedy would be his most likely ally. "What? All of a sudden the fact that he's a monster doesn't bother you anymore?"

Kennedy looked at him. "He can take me without trying, Wood. He can kill me in his sleep. I'm not fighting anymore."

"That's exactly why you should help me," Wood urged. "Because he'll kill you in your sleep."

Kennedy rolled her eyes and walked away, leaving the Principal alone with his thoughts and rage.

"Everybody out of the cave!" Buffy shouted when she was sure all three demons were really dead.

They all trooped out, and Buffy herded them out of the forest. When they had gone a safe distance, she gathered them around her and asked what the fight was like, and what had gone wrong.

"It was stronger than us," Rona protested.

"And bigger," added Vi.

"And rather fast," Giles finished, wiping his glasses.

"Yeah," Buffy said, "You'll find most demons are all of these things. But y'all knew that, so what happened?"

"We froze," Kennedy offered.

"Spike got in the way," Wood said coldly.

Spike rolled his eyes. "If by getting in the way you mean I saved your pathetic ass, then yeah, I guess I did."

Everybody's eyes widened slightly, surprised to hear Spike respond like that. Everybody but Buffy and Wood, that is.

"I would have been fine."

"Yeah, and while you were ducking and cowering, Kennedy was left to fight the demon herself. If you're going to be a worthless waste of space, why do you even come with us?"

"Spike, that's enough," Buffy said quietly. She knew his words were calculated to get a response from Wood, and Spike wasn't disappointed. Wood lunged for him, and this time, his fist connected with Spike's face. Wood took a step back, waiting for Spike's reaction, expecting anger.

Instead, Spike smiled. "That wasn't very nice, ducks."

Buffy was tempted to ask him, again, to stop, but she held her tongue. She understood that Spike would have to make his own decisions, especially now that his soul was gone. She claimed that she trusted him, and now it was time to show it.

The two men squared off, and they all realized that Wood had been spoiling for a fight for a long time. None of them stepped forward to stop it, not even Giles.

"Buffy," Xander said quietly, "don't you think we should…"

She shook her head. "He's got to do this."

"But he'll kill him."

"No, I don't think he will."

Xander shut his mouth, but clutched the stake in his hand.

Spike watched Wood through half-closed his eyes. His posture was casual, and he didn't look like he was about to fight. Wood, on the other hand, was tense. His hands were clutched in fists, his face twisted in fury. He had an air of arrogance around him that made Buffy wince. She knew that Spike would hurt his pride more than his body.

Wood threw the first punch, and Spike easily dodged it, but he didn't hit back. He danced around Wood, always just out of reach as he continued to swing. Spike's only moves were to block. At first, this worried Buffy. Maybe just because he was snarky again didn't mean he was ready to fight. But she quickly realized that was his strategy.

Spike even allowed Wood to land a few punches, but Buffy knew they were like fearther light caresses next to what Spike was used to. Buffy hit him harder herself when they were just sparring. Spike waited patiently until Wood wore himself out, and then did something that nobody saw coming.

He walked away.

"I'm going to get some cigs and a drink," he called over his shoulder. "Don't wait up."

Wood stared at the retreated vampire; anger and shame clear on his face. Nobody said anything, just turned and headed for home.

"Giles," Buffy called, "make sure everybody gets home ok."

"Where are you going?"

"To get some cigs and a drink," she muttered and then hurried after Spike. She caught up to him quicker than she thought she would. He was just leaning against a tree, as though he was waiting for her.

"Thought you were going after some cigarettes."

Spike shrugged, "Eh, just wanted to leave an impression."

"What was that all about?"

"I'm not going to give that ponce the satisfaction of fighting back. He just wants me to hit him so that he can be all noble and true when he dusts me."

"Well, I'm glad you didn't, you know, hit him."

"He's not going to give up on this," Spike said. "We're going to have to fight eventually, and I don't know if I…"

"Hey," she interrupted him, cupping his face gently, "I trust you to do the right thing."

"What if I don't know what that is?" Spike asked.

"You do," she assured him.

"Even without my soul?"

"Even without your soul," she confirmed.

Spike turned his head until his mouth was touching her hand and kissed it gently. "Do you mind if I do that?"

"No," she whispered.

He grasped her hand and placed several small kisses on the palm and the wrist. "Or that?"

She shook her head.

"Mmm, I love the way you taste," he muttered, "the way you smell."

The feel of his lips, the sound of his voice, hypnotized her. It occurred to her that she should pull away, that maybe she shouldn't encourage him, but she really didn't want to stop him.

Spike pulled her against his body, and she looked up at him, unconsciously licking her lips. When he kissed her, it was gentle, barely touching her lips at all. He tickled and tantalized her mouth, and she parted her lips, inviting him to kiss her deeper. But he didn't. Instead he raised his head and looked at her questioningly.

"Is this ok?"

She nodded eagerly.

"Are you sure? I just want to kiss you…"

She nodded again, and pulled his head down to hers. She just wanted to be kissed. Spike remained gentle and imploring. His mouth wasn't demanding, and it wasn't questioning, but he invited her to control the pace and the mood. Buffy was happy to just melt against him and enjoy the sweet kisses.

Desire uncurled in their bellies, and it occurred to both of them that there could be much, much more. Spike grew hard at the thought, but they both did their best to ignore the every real evidence of his need for her. Just being close to each other was enough, and neither of them pushed for more.

Spike knew he could spent eternity like this, just drinking her in. He had absolutely no desire to stop, and neither did she. But finally, after what must have been hours, she broke away.

"It's getting late," she whispered then smiled, "or early."

"You ready to call it a night?" Spike asked.

"I'm ready to go home with you. My legs are all rubbery and I'm a little light headed."

"So much for Slayer stamina."

She hit his arm lightly, "Hey, I've had a long day."

"Does that mean you just want to go to sleep?"

Buffy's smile was slow and sultry and hit him in the gut. "No, but I wanna go to bed."

Spike smiled and motioned for her to walk ahead of him. He didn't want her to see just how nervous the prospect of "going to bed" made him. He wanted her, that he couldn't deny and wouldn't deny. But just because he wanted her didn't mean he deserved her. Especially after…

Spike sighed, this particular demon would never leave him. With or without a soul the memory of that night would haunt him for the rest of his days. She may be singing a new tune, with words of trusts and apologies, but that didn't wipe away the pain of the past. Nothing could.

Buffy excused herself to the shower, "to get rid of the demon goo" as soon as they reached the house, leaving Spike to stand hesitantly in the bedroom, uncertain of where he belonged. It was clear that Buffy wanted him, but that was never really the question. She had always wanted him on some level.

The question was, did she love him? He didn't want to start sleeping with her again without the love, because, well, that way lay destruction and madness. He sighed. No, having sex was not a good idea. When Buffy entered the room again, Spike was stretched out on the floor with a blanket and a pillow.

"What are you doing?" Buffy asked.

"Getting some sleep," Spike answered.

"No, I mean, I thought we were…"

"What?" Spike asked.

"You know. I thought, I thought you wanted to…"


Spike lifted an eyebrow, waiting patiently for her to spit it out.

"I thought you wanted to make love," she finally said.

"Make love?" Spike asked.

"Well, yeah, after the kissing and everything…." Buffy looked so uncertain and confused that Spike just wanted to gather her up in his arms.

"Buffy," he said gently, "I can't. Not again, not like this."

"Oh."

"I never stopped loving you, and I'll always want you, Buffy, but I can't do this again. Not when you don't feel the same about me as I feel about you."

"I understand," she said quietly, and Spike could see that she really did. She perched on the edge of the bed, and looked at him, as though she wanted to say something. He gazed at her, waiting for her to decide whatever it was on her mind.

She took a deep breath, "I understand, and I do feel the same about you as you feel about me."