Greetings, FanFiction fans! I hope you're ready for a totally awesome new chapter of Disney Villain Island!
Today's challenge was thought up by Jackpot 2...thanks! Enjoy, y'all!
Last time, on Disney Villain Island...drama arose when Maleficent learned that Hades knew about her crush on Ratigan...dramalicious! The baddies were locked in rooms with another character from their movies for an hour. Torture! Facilier got an earful from the ever-chatty Charlotte La Bouff, Maleficent had to deal with her pinkophobia to face Princess Aurora, and Ratigan unleashed his inner brony playing with Olivia Flaversham, winning the rodent professor invincibility for the bazillionth time. Ultimately, it was the wizard Jafar who got the boot for getting a little too physical with Princess Jasmine...not that I blame you, pal. What will go down this time? Find out now, on DISNEY...VILLAIN...ISLAND!
The villains were all sleeping soundly in their cabins. Suddenly, they heard a loud siren.
"AAAUGH!" Facilier screamed. "Oh crap, it's the police! Hide!" He and his cabinmates got out of their beds and crawled underneath them.
"Relax, scaredy villains, it's just me," Chris announced on the loudspeaker. "I just got this old police siren, and I wanted to test it out! Got you all up, though, didn't it?"
CONFESSIONAL CAM
Hades: When this whole thing is over...Chris McLean is a DEAD man!
Once they were up and ready, the villains went to the mess hall for breakfast. As usual, Ursula was the only one who could actually touch the food without wanting to throw up. Chris went up to the front of the hall. "I hope you guys are ready for your next challenge!" He was met with the usual annoyed groans. "Great! Meet me at the Dock of Shame in twenty!"
CONFESSIONAL CAM
Maleficent: So far I think Operation: Rat on Ice is working perfectly. I've been acting so coldly towards Ratigan, I doubt even HIS super genius mind can figure out my true feelings. (sighs) That super genius intellect. (slaps herself)
The villains all gathered at the Dock of Shame like Chris asked them to. "So...what's this all about? You kickin' all of us off at once?" Hades asked the host.
"Now why would I prematurely end the show like that? Do you know how hard the ratings would drop?" Chris asked. "No, you're all here because today's challenge takes place on the main land."
Just then, a large pirate ship sailed up. "Ahoy, ye scurvy swabs!" a familiar voice called to the villains. They all looked up to see Captain Hook standing on deck. "The Jolly Roger is ship-shape and ready to sail!"
"Thanks, Captain!" Chris called back. "The Captain has so graciously offered to give us all a lift to the main land for the challenge. Now get onboard! Nothing but smooth sailing ahead!"
"You call THIS "smooth sailing?"" Ratigan whined as he slumped in his seat, his face green. "I don't think I've ever been more sick in my life! Oh God, curse my stupid non-vomiting biology!"
"Oh c'mon, Ratti, this ain't bad at all!" Hades told his rodent friend. "In fact, it's kinda fun to go sailin'! Just sit back and enjoy the ride."
Ratigan groaned as he glared at the god. "Tell that to my stomach."
Maleficent sighed. Even sick as a dog, he's still the most unbelievably attractive villain in the entire world...grr, focus, Maleficent! Do NOT get distracted by his charms!
The boat finally stopped once they reached the main land. "Oh thank God, land!" Ratigan sighed.
Chris smiled as he stood in front of the villains. "Today's challenge is one that will test your hearts. It's a day of volunteer work! I've signed you guys up to do various charitable acts, and the one who lasts the longest without complaining wins invincibility! OK, get to it! You're needed at a house building site in downtown Muskoka Lakes ASAP!"
CONFESSIONAL CAM
Gothel: Volunteer work? We're villains! We don't do volunteer work!
The villains made their way to the building site, where they were greeted by a hugely overweight blond boy, a large-framed African-Canadian girl with a ponytail, and a skinny redheaded girl all in green. All three teenagers were wearing hardhats and carrying construction equipment.
"Hey, you must be the contestants Chris sent to us," the large girl figured. "Nice to meet y'all. I'm LeShawna, and this is Owen and Izzy."
"Hi!" the others greeted the villains.
"Oh my gosh, are you guys just LOVING Camp Wawanakwa?" Izzy asked. "Isn't it just the COOLEST? I had the best time there! Except for getting chased down by the RCMP, and getting voted off for accidentally shooting another contestant in the butt with a dart, but still, totally great!"
"I SO agree!" Owen spoke up. "Camp Wawanakwa ROCKS! Woo-hoo!"
CONFESSIONAL CAM
Hades: Spendin' time with those two yutzes? Oy, this day is gonna hurt, ain't it?
"OK, Green Girl and Rat Boy, y'all can help Izzy bring up the walls," LeShawna told the villains. "Octopus Lady, you help put in the plumbin' with Owen. The rest of y'all, help me with the rest."
So the villains began to get to work as Chris sat back and watched. "Oh, this is going to be fun." He turned to the camera. "Oh, don't worry, the lawsuits for the former contestants state I can't be within fifty feet of the kids...so I'm fifty-ONE feet away! Loopholes are a beautiful thing."
The villains worked with their supervisors. At one point, Ratigan was holding a board up. "Say, Maleficent, could you hand me that hammer over there?" he asked. Maleficent acted like she didn't hear him. "Maleficent?" No response. "MALEFICENT!"
The fairy turned to face the professor. "Oh, I'm sorry, were you talking to ME?"
Ratigan rolled his eyes. "No, I was talking to the OTHER Maleficent, standing behind you...YES I WAS TALKING TO YOU! NOW COULD YOU PLEASE HAND ME THE DAMNED HAMMER?" Maleficent shrugged and handed him the hammer. "Thank you." The rat shook his head and muttered "Bitch..." under his breath.
CONFESSIONAL CAM
Izzy: Oh my gosh, that green lady is SO in love with that rat dude! You can totally tell! It's just like when I was learning jungle survival skills in the Amazon, and the one chick instructor had a mongo crush on the guy instructor, but she acted like a total bitch to him so he wouldn't notice her feelings, but it didn't matter because he got swallowed alive by an anaconda and she was eaten by a giant Venus flytrap plant. It was SO gross...hey, anyone else wanna order pizza?
After a while, the house was finally up, and not one of the villains had complained at all. "Nicely done, villains, nicely done," Chris told them.
"So that's it, right?" Hades asked. "The house is up, so we can go back, right?"
"Oh, no, no, this was just the beginning," Chris replied. "You guys have a whole DAY of volunteer work to do!"
"Are you freaking KIDDING me?" Gothel yelled. "I just broke all of my nails and got my hair messed up, and we're not DONE? God, this SUCKS!"
Chris smirked. "And with that, Gothel is out of the game."
CONFESSIONAL CAM
Gothel: I don't even care! In fact, I'm GLAD! I (bleep)ING HATE VOLUNTEER WORK!
Next up, Chris took the villains to a soup kitchen. "Your job here is to serve food to the homeless people of Muskoka Lakes," the host explained. "Don't forget to wear gloves and hair nets." He looked at Ratigan. "Or in your case, BODY nets."
The villains got started serving food to the homeless people. "OK, this food actually looks better than the junk Chef makes for us," Hades commented as he and Ratigan stood next to each other. "What say we dip in a little?"
"That is an absolutely despicable idea," Ratigan replied. He grinned. "I LOVE it!" The two began to nibble on the food, until Chris caught them. "AHA! Tsk tsk, taking soup kitchen food from starving people," he playfully scolded them.
"Yeah, well WE'RE starving, too!" Ratigan shot back. "No one will touch that disgusting swill you feed us with a ten-foot pole!"
"Yeah, and you KNOW that stuff is bad when the RAT won't eat it!" Hades added.
"Do you WANT me to bite your hand off?" Ratigan asked.
"Oh shut up, you're a rat and you know you are!" Hades told him.
"Boys, boys, calm yourselves," Chris told them. "Seeing as you stole food AND you just complained, you're both out. Go join Gothel on the boat." The two villains glared at Chris, but walked off. "And then there were three. Excellent job, you guys!"
"Great, NOW are we done?" Facilier asked.
"Not quite. There's ONE more job I want you to do."
Chris took the remaining three to the animal shelter. "You guys are going to help animals."
CONFESSIONAL CAM
Ursula: This will be a breeze. I LOVE animals! In fact, I'm PART animal!
At first, the villains did OK helping the animals. However, things began to take a turn for the worst when an un-housebroken puppy piddled on Maleficent's robe.
"You stupid mutt!" Maleficent yelled. "This robe is brand new! Gah, I HATE THIS!"
"And Maleficent is outta here," Chris spoke up. "To the boat with you!"
CONFESSIONAL CAM
Maleficent: (trying to scrub her robe) Stupid puppy...Cruella had the right idea, trying to make those little monsters into a coat!
Soon after Maleficent's incident, a kitten bit Ursula's tentacle because it thought she smelled like a fish treat. "OW! You dumb cat! I have half a mind to bite YOU! STUPID VOLUNTEER WORK!"
"And we have our last remaining villain!" Chris announced. "Congratulations, Facilier! You win invincibility and today's prize...a new set of power tools!"
Later that afternoon, Chris met up with the other villains on the boat. "Normally, we'd be having this ceremony back at the Losers' Circle...but this time, we're having it to see who DOESN'T take the boat! One of you is staying here on the main land. Also, we're out of black licorice, so I have instead four marshmallows. Whoever doesn't get a marshmallow, you're staying behind." He picked up three marshmallows. "Ursula, Ratigan, Maleficent, you three are all safe." He tossed the marshmallows to the three villains. "Hades, you were the one who started the food-stealing campaign. Gothel, you were the first to start bitching...and over your hair and nails, too. OK, here goes. The final marshmallow goes to...Hades. Gothel, you'll be staying behind, so see ya!"
Gothel growled. "You know what, good riddance! I don't need this stupid show!" She started to walk off the boat, but was stopped by Mr. Smee.
"Ah ah ah, Miss Gothel," Smee told her. "There's only ONE way off of the Jolly Roger for a lovely landlubber like yourself." He pointed to the plank.
"Oh, I am NOT walking that plank!" Gothel refused.
"Too bad, seabitch, you lose, you walk," Hook told her. He pushed her to the plank, then once she was on, pushed her off.
"YOU ARE GOING TO PAY FOR THIS!" Gothel screamed as the boat sailed away. She got up and waded back to shore. "DAMMIT, I HATE BEING WET!"
"And so we're down to the final five," Chris told the camera. "What craziness can you expect? Tune in next time, on DISNEY...VILLAIN...ISLAND!"
And so we bid farewell to Mother Gothel...much like many of the villainesses, she's a case that I love her as a villain, but hate her as an awful bitch. Seems to be a common theme for these ladies!
I hope y'all enjoyed the little cameos of Owen, LeShawna and Izzy...I love those guys, they're my favorite characters from the show, mostly because Owen is a ton of fun (I know a lot of people think he's annoying, and yeah he kinda is, but still I love him so much!), LeShawna doesn't take crap from anybody, and Izzy is just plain insane (although she was pretty observant here, knowing that Mal's cold attitude to Ratti meant that she loves him!) If you want to see any more TDI cameos, just let me know!
Thanks for tuning in, folks!
All my best, DiscordantPrincess.